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Kindred soul? - I'm not like other people
8 years ago
I find some commonality with people here. Furs are in part like me. I'm also Therian, which seems a very fringe part of the fandom. For many interest in an animal is an amusing pastime. They don't think too deeply into it, nor do they keep to one species. Some have multiple characters, so it's more a role play character, or various characters they insert into commissions and narratives. It's not the same as how I approach things, so it makes me different. To have a spiritual connection to an animal, contrived or aspirational as it might sound, is just as valid as other spiritual and/or religious ideologies.
I remember the old fandom, with the Transformation Story Archive and Jonathan Sleeper, the "Winds of Change" stories and "Blind Pig Universe." I remember the Sabrinaverse, ZigZag and all the spinoff stories that great authors came out with. I remember speaking with this circle and being a part, feeling a part. Heck, I even remember TrekWars, a Star Wars/Star Trek crossover fic/RP group/forum with a furry twist. Life kind of got away from me, not in any singular or good way, and time passed. I became less and less involved. The old ones slipped away. I'm not sure what became of them. I suppose I could do some Google research. ...
So here I find myself, not all that involved or versed in the modern fandom. I see a lot more fursuiting than in days of yore. It's likely due to it being more accessible with higher quality options. I've never really been one into fursuiting, but I can see the appeal. Maybe it'd be for me if I got involved?
Aside from the Twitter craze and subsequent Telegram, which I still am not adapting to - due to being an AIM hold out, I don't know how to get more involved. I'm currently so overwhelmed by daily life and working a job that slowly weathers away my morale and confidence, let alone sanity, that I am not really able to pursue much outside of it. Perhaps I need to reorient? The few connections I've made via FA and Twitter seem at best acquaintances. I hardly seek to be popular. I care more about forging lasting relationships. I could use some local friends as well. Trying to find like-minded people locally is quite a challenge and always has been.
Well, to further outline what sets me apart from most people I meet, how about a list?
- I had a Christian upbringing, but upon viewing the world through new eyes via the internet, I've slowly found my resolve and beliefs whittled away. It's difficult to hold onto these old foundational beliefs when faced with so much hypocrisy, science, and opposing ideologies. Most recently, I've been faced with my mother's mortality - her very likely end in the coming year or two. I lost my childhood cat a few years ago, fall of 2013, then my sister in January of 2014. My father's health is ailing, and he often talks of death. Now, this. I'm not sure how much more I can take. It's weighing on me quite immensely, and I've felt my beliefs wane further. This scares me. I lie in bed unable to sleep, thoughts of death and oblivion, futility of everything, and wasting the gift of life that I have, all storming within my head. The chaos is defeaning, and thus I'm more tired than I've ever been. Insomnia has always been my bedfellow, only these days the toll it takes is unsustainable. It's affecting my work and daily life.
- Perhaps the above is getting too personal though? Let's move on to the subject of interests and mentality? I feel like a kid in many respects. Due to an interruption in my family life and upbringing at a formative age, I feel stunted. Much of what I've learned about adulthood and surviving in the world didn't come from family. This crash course, tossed into the world sort of deal has left me very shaken. Taking hit after hit has indeed left me less confident in some respects. Yet I kind of like who I am. I have an interest in anime all these years later, watching Toonami each Saturday night. I love general cartoons as well, finding many worthwhile.
- Mentality Part 2: I'm not into a lot of adult things. I'd rather stay home with a friend and just watch TV or movies, hang out, talk even, than go out on the town. I'm not into the bar scene. I don't even really drink. It doesn't appeal to me. There are some things that factor into that, but it's best not delved into at the moment. We were already getting too deep before. Suffice it to say, I never developed the want or interest in the club or bar thing. It probably comes as no surprise that I have no interest in weed. Colorado may be a haven for such, but I don't seek it out. Not even feline curiosity is enough to make me care. Then it seems strange to me to live in a state like Colorado and need weed. I could see it if you lived in a horrible place, many of which there are.
- That last about more "adult" interests really isolates me. The fandom has a lot of individuals with more child-like interests to be sure, but they all grow and adopt more adult interests. The partying and drinking, just the public exhibitionism, the nature I see among the community, tends to make me uneasy. These aren't things I understand. If I went to a con, I'd probably feel out of place. At least that's the current state of things. I'm very private. I keep my personal and work lives separate. Then I have my family life as well. Compartmentalization is key.
- I never lost my honor code. This is very significant and vital to me. I don't understand lying and have trouble overcoming it once someone I trust crosses that line. I often give trust initially, others needing to earn it less than simply keep it by being honorable. Yet if they break that trust, I don't know how to let them back through my barriers. I've had this trouble with relationships. I will not lie or cheat. If my mate does, it defeats me. I feel myself break. Then for them to regain trust is an uphill battle. So it's pivotal that trust freely given not be broken. That's all I ask. I am overly committed, there's no doubt about it. I adore my friends and will wear my claws to nubs in order to help them in any way I can. I'm inherently a people pleaser. That's not always the best thing. Not that I seek to be there for those I care about for that reason. I just care. It's no more than that. Once I care about you, I care. That's why it's always been so hard for me to let go of friends. I don't understand moving on or drifting away. I try to maintain these connections, but many have been lost over the years. Each one I mourn.
- With love comes monogamy. I see no reason to seek another when I'm with someone. I realize this is up to the individual, and people vastly differ in this regard. I can't cheat though. It goes against my soul. I feel love, and I don't feel anything but immense contentment in a relationship. I can't imagine wanting to break that bond for anything. Paw in paw with monogamy may go sexuality? With modern definitions a-many, I'd venture to say I'm demisexual. This probably fits well with my sense of commitment and aforementioned honor. Once you're my mate, you are my foundation, my daily priority in every way. I go to sleep with you in my thoughts, and you're the first thing I think of upon waking. With as few romantic relationships as I've experienced, it remains as true a part of me as ever. I don't want it to be broken, but sometimes heartache has threatened to break my spirit entirely. Does it impact everyone so terribly? What's it feel like to be loved completely? Sometimes I pose this question, to myself, or maybe to no one in particular. Should I even seek an answer? Sometimes I think I've known such love. Others I'm filled with doubt. How complicated a subject. Best leave it and move on.
- Let's circle back to interests while they come to me. I am less inclined to be into the modern popular TV series or music artists, often a bit behind the times. It's harder to keep up as time goes by, and some things simply don't appeal to me. As I've experienced more tragedy and heartache in life, the last thing I want to face in my down time is something that reminds me of ... life. I seek out the daydreaming. I like cartoons for that reason. I like things like "Gold Rush" and "Ice Road Truckers." There's a surreal nature to these series. I prefer lighthearted to serious drama. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy drama. It just has a penchant for getting to me. My older sister introduced me to "Bones," and that show deeply affects me. The episode where Mr. Nigel-Murray dies nearly was my undoing. I feel the connection to my sister, and I'm reminded of her passing. So for me it's very much a challenge to face drama. Fantasy is easier, though only so long as it's not constantly dramatic and filled with tragedy and death. I've held off on seeing "Game of Thrones" much for this reason. Sometimes you've just dealt with enough so that you don't want to deal with more. There are days where Andy Griffith comes in handy. Although, I might be further showing my strangeness in admitting this. Old shows were so much less trying on the heart. I can't help escaping sometimes.
- I do love the mountains and seek to live amidst them. Currently, I'm in the flatlands, high-desert plains again. My attempt to make a go of it in the mountains fell flat. This was much due to my trying to work it on my own. This is definitely an undertaking one requires a companion for. Surviving on one income is next to impossible. I find it a challenge even now, and I'm no longer in a sought-after area. I get to them when I can though, and hiking is one of my all-time favorite hobbies. I also am into photography, both landscape and wildlife. Driving mountain roads is equally fun, exploring. I've had many adventures where I end up off the beaten path, experiences I don't at that moment always appreciate. ^.- I suppose my adventures would be a little less harrowing if they weren't so often solitary? It is a bit unsettling to go down some trails in a 4x4 when you haven't anyone with you. My practical side limits my want to explore for this very reason.
- Pets are important. As is kindness. I want to live someplace where I can have pets again. For years now I've had rentals that don't allow them. I find it integral to a person's character how they relate to and treat animals. Understanding, empathy, compassion, and love are necessary. Some of the strongest bonds I've ever known were with cats that I showed these to. I had to leave one behind when moving years ago, and it hurts to this day. That connection is quite something. If you get a cat to trust you implicitly, there's magic there. Never tease. Never play rough. Never chastise or raise your voice. Always react with kindness. It's not always easy. None of us are perfect. Yet I have seen the results. It's different with dogs, of course. With cats there's more a mutual understanding and trust. You aren't truly their superior, but they find you their companion. Once there, you can pretty much read one another. It's pretty darn awesome.
- Star Trek, Star Wars, Babylon 5, these are a few of my favorite things. The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, The Chronicles of Narnia, these too I am a fan of. I grew up watching TNG when it was new. I saw Voyager when it was new. I remember discovering Babylon 5 mid-way through the series, and it drew me in with its amazing story and depth of characters. Now, facing death and wondering about mortality, I more than ever think about Kosh and what he faced. "I've been alive for a long time. You kind of get used to it." Kosh, we never truly knew your face, yet we all loved and respected you.
- I mentioned cartoons, right? My favorite animated movies in order of adoration; "The Lion King," "Balto," "Zootopia," "Bolt," "Princess Mononoke," and ... it's too late an hour for me to be making lists! This I'll have to think about and get back to later.
- Books. Because books are important. My favorite is probably "The Blood Jaguar" by Michael H. Payne. I also love the Firekeeper series by Jane Lindskold, and strangely enough a children's series called "Warriors" by Erin Hunter. One other at the top of the list is "Cry of the Icemark" by Stuart Hill. Along a similar strain as "The Blood Jaguar" and the "Warriors" series is "Tailchaser's Song" by Tad Williams. This is another list I'll have to keep updating as the gears of my memory turn.
There's not much more I can think to tell. I don't know whether anyone will read this, let alone see where I'm coming from when I say I feel alone among many. Is there a kindred spirit out there?
... I'll probably have to come back and edit this later. It's very rough, and the hour is late.
I remember the old fandom, with the Transformation Story Archive and Jonathan Sleeper, the "Winds of Change" stories and "Blind Pig Universe." I remember the Sabrinaverse, ZigZag and all the spinoff stories that great authors came out with. I remember speaking with this circle and being a part, feeling a part. Heck, I even remember TrekWars, a Star Wars/Star Trek crossover fic/RP group/forum with a furry twist. Life kind of got away from me, not in any singular or good way, and time passed. I became less and less involved. The old ones slipped away. I'm not sure what became of them. I suppose I could do some Google research. ...
So here I find myself, not all that involved or versed in the modern fandom. I see a lot more fursuiting than in days of yore. It's likely due to it being more accessible with higher quality options. I've never really been one into fursuiting, but I can see the appeal. Maybe it'd be for me if I got involved?
Aside from the Twitter craze and subsequent Telegram, which I still am not adapting to - due to being an AIM hold out, I don't know how to get more involved. I'm currently so overwhelmed by daily life and working a job that slowly weathers away my morale and confidence, let alone sanity, that I am not really able to pursue much outside of it. Perhaps I need to reorient? The few connections I've made via FA and Twitter seem at best acquaintances. I hardly seek to be popular. I care more about forging lasting relationships. I could use some local friends as well. Trying to find like-minded people locally is quite a challenge and always has been.
Well, to further outline what sets me apart from most people I meet, how about a list?
- I had a Christian upbringing, but upon viewing the world through new eyes via the internet, I've slowly found my resolve and beliefs whittled away. It's difficult to hold onto these old foundational beliefs when faced with so much hypocrisy, science, and opposing ideologies. Most recently, I've been faced with my mother's mortality - her very likely end in the coming year or two. I lost my childhood cat a few years ago, fall of 2013, then my sister in January of 2014. My father's health is ailing, and he often talks of death. Now, this. I'm not sure how much more I can take. It's weighing on me quite immensely, and I've felt my beliefs wane further. This scares me. I lie in bed unable to sleep, thoughts of death and oblivion, futility of everything, and wasting the gift of life that I have, all storming within my head. The chaos is defeaning, and thus I'm more tired than I've ever been. Insomnia has always been my bedfellow, only these days the toll it takes is unsustainable. It's affecting my work and daily life.
- Perhaps the above is getting too personal though? Let's move on to the subject of interests and mentality? I feel like a kid in many respects. Due to an interruption in my family life and upbringing at a formative age, I feel stunted. Much of what I've learned about adulthood and surviving in the world didn't come from family. This crash course, tossed into the world sort of deal has left me very shaken. Taking hit after hit has indeed left me less confident in some respects. Yet I kind of like who I am. I have an interest in anime all these years later, watching Toonami each Saturday night. I love general cartoons as well, finding many worthwhile.
- Mentality Part 2: I'm not into a lot of adult things. I'd rather stay home with a friend and just watch TV or movies, hang out, talk even, than go out on the town. I'm not into the bar scene. I don't even really drink. It doesn't appeal to me. There are some things that factor into that, but it's best not delved into at the moment. We were already getting too deep before. Suffice it to say, I never developed the want or interest in the club or bar thing. It probably comes as no surprise that I have no interest in weed. Colorado may be a haven for such, but I don't seek it out. Not even feline curiosity is enough to make me care. Then it seems strange to me to live in a state like Colorado and need weed. I could see it if you lived in a horrible place, many of which there are.
- That last about more "adult" interests really isolates me. The fandom has a lot of individuals with more child-like interests to be sure, but they all grow and adopt more adult interests. The partying and drinking, just the public exhibitionism, the nature I see among the community, tends to make me uneasy. These aren't things I understand. If I went to a con, I'd probably feel out of place. At least that's the current state of things. I'm very private. I keep my personal and work lives separate. Then I have my family life as well. Compartmentalization is key.
- I never lost my honor code. This is very significant and vital to me. I don't understand lying and have trouble overcoming it once someone I trust crosses that line. I often give trust initially, others needing to earn it less than simply keep it by being honorable. Yet if they break that trust, I don't know how to let them back through my barriers. I've had this trouble with relationships. I will not lie or cheat. If my mate does, it defeats me. I feel myself break. Then for them to regain trust is an uphill battle. So it's pivotal that trust freely given not be broken. That's all I ask. I am overly committed, there's no doubt about it. I adore my friends and will wear my claws to nubs in order to help them in any way I can. I'm inherently a people pleaser. That's not always the best thing. Not that I seek to be there for those I care about for that reason. I just care. It's no more than that. Once I care about you, I care. That's why it's always been so hard for me to let go of friends. I don't understand moving on or drifting away. I try to maintain these connections, but many have been lost over the years. Each one I mourn.
- With love comes monogamy. I see no reason to seek another when I'm with someone. I realize this is up to the individual, and people vastly differ in this regard. I can't cheat though. It goes against my soul. I feel love, and I don't feel anything but immense contentment in a relationship. I can't imagine wanting to break that bond for anything. Paw in paw with monogamy may go sexuality? With modern definitions a-many, I'd venture to say I'm demisexual. This probably fits well with my sense of commitment and aforementioned honor. Once you're my mate, you are my foundation, my daily priority in every way. I go to sleep with you in my thoughts, and you're the first thing I think of upon waking. With as few romantic relationships as I've experienced, it remains as true a part of me as ever. I don't want it to be broken, but sometimes heartache has threatened to break my spirit entirely. Does it impact everyone so terribly? What's it feel like to be loved completely? Sometimes I pose this question, to myself, or maybe to no one in particular. Should I even seek an answer? Sometimes I think I've known such love. Others I'm filled with doubt. How complicated a subject. Best leave it and move on.
- Let's circle back to interests while they come to me. I am less inclined to be into the modern popular TV series or music artists, often a bit behind the times. It's harder to keep up as time goes by, and some things simply don't appeal to me. As I've experienced more tragedy and heartache in life, the last thing I want to face in my down time is something that reminds me of ... life. I seek out the daydreaming. I like cartoons for that reason. I like things like "Gold Rush" and "Ice Road Truckers." There's a surreal nature to these series. I prefer lighthearted to serious drama. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy drama. It just has a penchant for getting to me. My older sister introduced me to "Bones," and that show deeply affects me. The episode where Mr. Nigel-Murray dies nearly was my undoing. I feel the connection to my sister, and I'm reminded of her passing. So for me it's very much a challenge to face drama. Fantasy is easier, though only so long as it's not constantly dramatic and filled with tragedy and death. I've held off on seeing "Game of Thrones" much for this reason. Sometimes you've just dealt with enough so that you don't want to deal with more. There are days where Andy Griffith comes in handy. Although, I might be further showing my strangeness in admitting this. Old shows were so much less trying on the heart. I can't help escaping sometimes.
- I do love the mountains and seek to live amidst them. Currently, I'm in the flatlands, high-desert plains again. My attempt to make a go of it in the mountains fell flat. This was much due to my trying to work it on my own. This is definitely an undertaking one requires a companion for. Surviving on one income is next to impossible. I find it a challenge even now, and I'm no longer in a sought-after area. I get to them when I can though, and hiking is one of my all-time favorite hobbies. I also am into photography, both landscape and wildlife. Driving mountain roads is equally fun, exploring. I've had many adventures where I end up off the beaten path, experiences I don't at that moment always appreciate. ^.- I suppose my adventures would be a little less harrowing if they weren't so often solitary? It is a bit unsettling to go down some trails in a 4x4 when you haven't anyone with you. My practical side limits my want to explore for this very reason.
- Pets are important. As is kindness. I want to live someplace where I can have pets again. For years now I've had rentals that don't allow them. I find it integral to a person's character how they relate to and treat animals. Understanding, empathy, compassion, and love are necessary. Some of the strongest bonds I've ever known were with cats that I showed these to. I had to leave one behind when moving years ago, and it hurts to this day. That connection is quite something. If you get a cat to trust you implicitly, there's magic there. Never tease. Never play rough. Never chastise or raise your voice. Always react with kindness. It's not always easy. None of us are perfect. Yet I have seen the results. It's different with dogs, of course. With cats there's more a mutual understanding and trust. You aren't truly their superior, but they find you their companion. Once there, you can pretty much read one another. It's pretty darn awesome.
- Star Trek, Star Wars, Babylon 5, these are a few of my favorite things. The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, The Chronicles of Narnia, these too I am a fan of. I grew up watching TNG when it was new. I saw Voyager when it was new. I remember discovering Babylon 5 mid-way through the series, and it drew me in with its amazing story and depth of characters. Now, facing death and wondering about mortality, I more than ever think about Kosh and what he faced. "I've been alive for a long time. You kind of get used to it." Kosh, we never truly knew your face, yet we all loved and respected you.
- I mentioned cartoons, right? My favorite animated movies in order of adoration; "The Lion King," "Balto," "Zootopia," "Bolt," "Princess Mononoke," and ... it's too late an hour for me to be making lists! This I'll have to think about and get back to later.
- Books. Because books are important. My favorite is probably "The Blood Jaguar" by Michael H. Payne. I also love the Firekeeper series by Jane Lindskold, and strangely enough a children's series called "Warriors" by Erin Hunter. One other at the top of the list is "Cry of the Icemark" by Stuart Hill. Along a similar strain as "The Blood Jaguar" and the "Warriors" series is "Tailchaser's Song" by Tad Williams. This is another list I'll have to keep updating as the gears of my memory turn.
There's not much more I can think to tell. I don't know whether anyone will read this, let alone see where I'm coming from when I say I feel alone among many. Is there a kindred spirit out there?
... I'll probably have to come back and edit this later. It's very rough, and the hour is late.
definitely familiar... Maybe it's a Snow Leopard viewpoint? :)Snow Leopards don't attack people, like to live in some of most remote places and aren't closely related to others. And that look in the eyes! Not so aggressive, but calm, curious... and reflective. It's pretty haunting, though in a good way.
To me, it goes along with my need to be exploring sparsely populated areas (especially if hills), enjoying the dark and the winter. And now, finally being able to sleep more than a scant few hours a day.
I don't enjoy bars, living in cities or latest fads, but I often like be by myself, and think about past, present and future. And always look across the horizon, for something currently unseen.
So, I relate to Snow Leopards a lot, in some sort of spiritual way that seems to make things whole and complements my religion as well. I never seek to hurt people, I am just not quite of their type.
It's been said that if you were to be dropped into a cage with any wild cat, you'd want it to be a snow leopard. That's not to say they aren't dangerous and wild, just that they're less likely to be ferocious. They want nothing to do with people. Then few cats do. People pour into their habitat and wonder why they're becoming aggressive, be it tigers or jaguars, lions, etc. Of course, they often remove their habitat as they sprawl into it, pressuring the cats to the breaking point. Fortunately, the pressure on snow leopards isn't from overpopulation of people, so far, as much as lack of understanding and terrible governments that until recently did little to deter poaching.
I love solitude, yet I long for companionship at times. I like to be able to get away from it all and often find myself camping and hiking alone. I don't mind having someone along, it's just a rare thing. I'd much rather live in a small mountain town than a city though. Yet the mountain towns that are too commercialized and lack depth are almost as bad as cities.
Bars seem superficial, basing relationships with either friends or romantic interests on inebriated interactions. If you can't enjoy time with someone without drinking, perhaps you should reconsider the company you keep. I have to agree on fads. It's taken me ages to adapt to using Twitter. I still have an LJ. I don't like change for the sake of change. Facebook and Twitter are faster paced, less intimate, real mediums for interaction - with too many people to ever keep up with or truly care about. They're more about narcissism and ego. Sadly, that's what I'm seeing the furry fandom evolve into. I miss how it was even ten years ago.
Are you pagan then, in how you perceive spirituality and animal connections? I know that being a Therian is a limited niche in the fandom, and there aren't a lot of gatherings or real means of community between the few who exist.
I seek to survive and do no more harm than is necessary in that pursuit. I know we're omnivores, and it's very difficult to find a suitable, sustainable diet that's purely vegan. Humans can do it. Sometimes my empathy toward animals makes it difficult to deal with the cognitive dissonance necessary to eat meat, but I'm not sure it's feasible to survive as a vegan when you also have a budget. Besides, eating meat is not evil. It's overindulgence that is. I rarely let food go to waste. It makes me feel awful. It's why I buy so little produce, as it spoils too quickly, and I'll freeze meat products until they're needed. To waste the life another gave so that I might live seems abhorrent and unforgivable.
I tend to wax philosophical at times. I should retire to sleep and leave this as its length has already grown.
Strange, I had not thought or imagined of that exact scenario. Perhaps we'd both want to slink away!
People have done a lot of harm to animals and sadly, big cats in particular. Hard to believe how many are extinct, or closer too it. Or like the Amur Leopard or Asiatic Cheetah, very close. Thankfully, the Amur is trending up in small numbers now.
I am usually the only one that won't go out with people after work to a bar and I see no value in getting drunk. If I desire that hungover feeling, maybe I can get insomnia back if I really want. I also don't mind someone around at times and am friendly to most. But I don't need drinking buddies or pats on the back from people, though my cat likes to stand up and do that while I type.
I had only gotten a smartphone in the last few years and hardly post a thing on Facebook and none on Twitter.
I am also not fond of what is sometimes called "change". Often it is nothing but a re-branded failed idea from the past. History is important to know, more than taking selfies.
I have read some Therian related articles and there are some similarities, but I am still wondering further on what it is all about versus what it is not. Though it is kind of funny that I get confused when asked if my fursona is a Snow Leopard. It's like Spock, not understanding the question
I am a type of Christian, on a personal level. Some years ago, I had researched online and considered a number of beliefs and religions and based on the evidence I had, chose this. Before that, I was an atheist for years.
I still am a bit different... and prefer the ancient Ivrit names such as Yeshua. And, I don't participate in "Christian" commercial or social club aspects. Some people seem to forget that all things (not expressly written about, which are few) are permitted, just not always helpful.
So there is no conflict with having a connection to Snow Leopards. We all have the same source anyway. And he remembers each sparrow, so he cares about animals, too.
I now can see that Snow Leopards also cut through the darkness, the cold and the lonely on their uphill trek. And they try not to cause harm to people along the way. I always envision an endless, eternal blue sky at the top of the mountain.
So, both spiritual aspects are very intertwined and grow together. I don't feel as though it is the result of a reincarnation or a spirit guide. It is more a connection to the living, and to the far off, both in day and in night. I am not quite sure how some type of entanglement with the feline occurred, but I don't need to. Maybe it was a gift?
That is an interesting thought about surviving without causing undue harm and I had to re-read it a few times. It is a view that many lack. Whether it be cheating and lying in the workplace, or trying to aggressively get ahead of other people on the road, many people really don't care what destruction they may cause or what they use up.
In our world, there is also a lot of rushing to judgement, based on what or who is defined as good or bad, by some currently prevailing thought. Sometimes down is labeled as up, so caution is required.
As for views on food, I eat meat at least a few times a week, though often chicken. I can understand your perspective, though, and don't like the idea of factory farming at all.
I actually see it as a problem that today's people usually don't get very philosophical or have many deep thoughts of their own. Fortunately, there are still some... and cut through the darkness.
The numbers are more often than not hard to track. Snow leopards in particular. Yet they just lowered their threat level on the Endangered Species list, to the frustration of conservationists.
My coworkers never ask to spend time with me outside of work. Some drink. Others live with their mothers, even at 30+ years of age. I have no interest in drinking. It seems pointless to me. Ah, I have insomnia, so I know what you mean. I feel awful for it a lot of the time, and depend on caffeine to get through most days. It's a frustrating lifestyle. I don't need pats on the back, but as per your kitty's example, I do like camaraderie and companionship at times. Friendships matters.
I try to keep Facebook limited, but a friend got me to adopt Twitter, and that's a time hole and mental stress factor. I'm a bit OCD, and that's complicated to get into. But information can cause frustration at times. I need to limit my overexposure to constant mental input.
Change is too rapid, especially with the internet. Things change for the sake of change. The internet becomes more and more power hungry, requiring computing power to handle it. A new computer, a new phone, etc. You are constantly relearning how things work. You are told to keep adopting new means of social interaction. I just get tired. I'm set in my ways. Can't it all just slow down a little?
Therianthropy for me is more of just a feeling. I've read some, but other than there being threads of Therian mythology in most cultures around the world, I don't pretend to know how it works or what is real. I figure I may have a snow leopard spirit inside of me, or just a very strong connection to them. It might all just be in my imagination. Who's to tell? But that could be said of any spiritual belief, couldn't it?
I started out as a Christian myself, and while become agnostic more than Christian, and feeling almost atheistic for a time, I'm feeling my roots of Christianity taking hold again. I can't say I'm truly devout or whether I take the Bible as literal. I do believe there is sense in a creator, but what the truth is ... remains a mystery. I guess we're all looking for those answers in life.
Ah, I keep to the name "Yeheshuah," due to the early days of Christianity being fairly controversial, and the elite in the Hebrew people tended to try to lessen the significance of the name of Jesus. This is according to different things I've read. To remove the syllable and make the name "Yeshuah" was to undermine the elevated notation of respect in the Hebrew language, however it worked. Due to researching and reading on the subject so long ago, I can't even point toward the references I got this from.
I think that the Bible was written by men, and then compiled centuries later by different men, translated as different powers wished it to be, and passed down through even more centuries. How true to the source it remains is difficult to decipher. Morality seems to even evolve throughout the book. That's a theological subject worthy of more time than is really possible in an FA message though. I am already expanding this conversation too much. I just meant to say, how exactly animals and spirituality involving them might be interpreted by the Bible itself, I'm not letting myself worry. There is a lot of paganistic stuff in the Bible. There has to be a place for animals in heaven. Why else create them? Maybe I am a bit crazy though, to even think I'm feline inside?
The description of snow leopards you just gave reminds me of so many snow leopard paintings I've seen. It's how we humans seem to depict them. So perhaps there's truth in there.
Your own ideas and perceptions make sense, and might even help me to make more sense of myself, or understanding.
We as humans can exist and even thrive in this world without impacting it as negatively as we do, let alone one another. That's what I think I was meaning to get across.
Our world has created that judgemental nature. Are we so quick to judge, is it part of a culture, or just human? The irony is that the more rigid we make morality and the more harshly we judge, the fewer who can live up to the ideals. To simply "be kind" would better serve our world. So much else is as you said ... subject to change with time.
I like meat a lot. It costs more though. I feel empathy toward animals and a sense of sadness that we must kill to survive, but it's also very difficult to survive and be healthy without. At least I've found that to be the case when one is lacking the finances to do so. The healthier the food, the more it costs. Factor farms are abysmal, and the human capacity for detachment and denial in order to continue such amazes me.
I talk too much, I'd still say. You speak of cutting through the darkness again. It seems an element of your philosophy. I like the thought.
I don't think lowering the endangered threat level sounds like a good idea, though. It will likely be used as an excuse...
Insomnia really affects a lot of things. And when only getting 2 to 4 hours of sleep a night, it was bad indeed. The human mind can be such a mess that I sometimes wondered how I would ever get past this, though I think I finally had some help. I hope that you have (or will), too. I might even sign up for Twitter now. But I am also somewhat OCD, so I need to be careful as well!
Your view of Therianthropy makes sense to me and I appreciate you posting it. Some of the other descriptions that I have read online tend to look like people were over thinking it, or possibly performing some sort of self hypnosis. Though like you, I am not too concerned as to the why.
It does seem that many are looking for God. In some cases I have seen, it took 80-90 years for people to find what and who they were searching for. That is said to be rare, but who cares about the odds!
Ah, that's very interesting that you have heard of the history with the name of Yeshua. I had posted it with little background, I guess as if I thought you may already know something of it. Indeed!
What they did was remove the final letter (Ayin) of his name which is the "ah" sound. The remainder of the name they made into an uncomplimentary acronym. So Jewish people literally read out loud a version of his name (Yeshua'h, salvation) in their weekly services and it didn't normally stand out... That is more than starting to change, though. Romans 11 speaks of this and to me, it is actually pretty easy to understand. But it is rarely read in churches from what I have noticed.
And yes, the Bible can be a challenge, though context helps. However, I'd have a much harder time believing its merits if it were not for the Dead Sea Scrolls, which pushed back the date of the oldest complete known copies by about 1000 years. They are very close in wording to later manuscripts, but I recall a difference in Isaiah 53, where the Dead Sea Scrolls mention that 'he will see the light of life', where the later versions omit that, likely for theological reasons. Though not part of these scrolls, I think the oldest fragment of the Bible is a few verses of the book of Numbers, etched in silver, about 2,600 years old. All types of archeology are fascinating...
It's always interesting to compare what are often called pagan beliefs with those in the Bible and which came first, and how they differ or not. Though some ancient beliefs are actually not literally found in the Bible, (such as the world being flat, or on pillars) and it says the opposite. Speaking of animals, I wonder how many people know that the angels directly near God are said to also have the face of a Lion and an Eagle. Maybe people would think twice...
As for the mountains and sky, you can guess that I like the color blue. And it seems that felines always enjoy a good vantage point and ability to watch. Strange, that is likely another reason why I don't like bars... not many windows.
If what I had written makes sense to another Snow Leopard, I am glad. It's a big world out there, with many kinds of people. But a lot have "trendy" views, and modern media and schools seem to not allow for all respectful differences. I feel it serves the purpose of others for it to be this way. We must get through it.
And I hope you cut through any darkness as well, and thank you.
I have never posted anything personal on FA before and actually, not anywhere online - ever. Though after finding and reading your journals, so much was both haunting and eerily familar. Maybe it all makes sense, to a ghost of the mountain?
If you would rather not post further on FA, I think I can send you a note with other means as well.
And do keep climbing, too.
For most of what you say here.. It could just as well have been me writing it, If I have had found the words..