My sister Rhonda arranged for the flight to and from Fort Lauderdale Airport for Glenn and I. As for accommodations, we'd spent the entire week staying at her Wantagh (Long Island) home - which she shares with her three Papillon dogs, her daughter Erica, and Paul (in a rented room) with his children. Ergo, it's "first come, first served" at the bathroom!

And as for sleeping arrangements, my bro and I both slept in the living room, taking turns on alternate days: I'd slept on the couch, while Glenn slept on an inflatable air mattress. Two days later, the roles would be reversed, and so on.

Meals were simplified: Rhonda would prepare breakfasts for all of us (consisting of coffee, a choice of rolls and/or bagels [with butter or jam], and scrambled eggs). It was later in the day when Sis would treat us out for lunch or dinner.

Upon our arrival on Wednesday, June 21st, Rhonda treated us out to White Castle (slider) burgers in Rockville Centre; on Thursday, our repast consisted of Kosher cuisine (mainly, pastrami and corned beef sandwiches) from a deli in Baldwin; and on the Saturday evening before the wedding, members on both sides of the bride and groom's families were invited to dine at a hibachi/sushi restaurant in East Rockaway.

I was wearing my black "Weird Al" Yankovic T-shirt and camouflage shorts at the time, when my sister approached me and morphed into our late mother...

"I want to make a good impression with the groom's family," she said, "so don't do anything to embarrass me."

(This was a throwback to the day I went to my very first wedding ceremony - back in the 1960's - when Mom also didn't want me to embarrass her. She didn't want me to bring my camera to take pictures in the church; So, I didn't... while all of the other relatives did! I never felt so left out in my whole young life!)

"I won't do or say anything, Sis. What are you worried about?"

"You're going to lapse into one of you bad habits, like scratching your head involuntarily."

"Then, I'll just wear my cap to cover my hair, so I can't possibly scratch it."

"You can't wear your cap. We are eating indoors!"

Why is it that wherever I go, my life suddenly turns into a Neil Simon comedy?!

Complying with my sister's wishes, I went to the hibachi eatery sans cap, and tried to refrain from scratching my head...

Of course, the car ride from Wantagh to East Rockaway was also tantamount to a Neil Simon scenario, too.

With my sister behind the wheel, Rhonda took short cuts through various suburban neighborhood - expecting to get to the restaurant in record time.

But as soon as we were about to turn a corner - two blocks from our intended destination, there was a police barracade put up and several fire engines down the street. And every time we went to the next block there were more barracades placed to keep motorists out.

Long story short, we found out that a local parade was about to take place. And the only way we could get to the hibachi/sushi restaurant was to go back the way we came (now in heavy traffic), to Sunrise Highway, and drive further west to a turn-off west of the parade route...

Then, once we got to the eatery, we saw that front parking area was packed; So we had to go to the rear area, where there was more adequate space. But we couldn't get around the south side of the building, because another SUV was parked in the Fire Lane, blocking our way. It took another five minutes to find an alternate route to the rear parking area.

(I would later take down the make and model of the vehicle, and its license plate number, and reported it to one of the waiters. Of course, knowing my luck, that SUV probably belonged to the eatery's manager.)

Eventually getting inside, we entered a downstairs dining area - where the rest of our party was patiently waiting for us.

Sure enough, true to the ongoing Neil Simon theme, my brother Glenn sat next to me, wearing his cap with his Oakley® sunglasses resting on its visor. And the groom-to-be Hector wearing a cab driver's cap on his noggin. And neither one of them took theirs off!

To further add emotional 'salt in my wound', the hibachi meal consisted mostly of shellfish (crabs, clams, shrimp, etc.), which I'd long since given up, ever since a similar dining experience resulted in my having an angina attack. And the sauces for that meal were saturated with MSG (monosodium glutamate) - which I am allergic to. So, the chefs in the kitchen had to prepare a separate, non-lethal dinner for me.

The final insult came after dessert (which, thankfully, was not life-threatening). Returning to the parking lot, I was about to converse with my ex-brother-in-law (and the biological father of the bride) Paco - who I'd not seen since 1994 (long before he'd split up with Rhonda). Naturally, because of the impending wedding, I was going to speak to him on good terms...

But before I could say a single word to him, Sis intervened.

"Get in the car, Jed!"

"Why?"

"You're embarrassing me!"

"How can I embarrass you? I was on my best behavior all during dinner."

"You've got white flaky stuff all over your black T-shirt!"

Thoroughly frustrated by the day's activities, I must've involuntarily scratched my head during my meal.

"Well, this wouldn't have happened, if you'd let me wear my cap, like the others had done!"

"Just get in the car!"

Can you believe this?! My sister is about to turn 65 in September, I'd just turned 63 back in March, and yet she still treats me like a five-year-old (just like our late mother)!

I was so upset, I'd felt like venting out my suppressed anger on that SUV - that was still illegally parked in the Fire Lane - by taking out the keys to my Margate, Florida condo, and scrawling out a profanity on its hood...

But I refrained from doing it, as I didn't wish to ruin the weekend for my niece and her husband-to-be. And besides that, there would plenty of time for more disasters (a la Neil Simon) to occur at the impending wedding - less than 24 hours from now...

(To be continued...)


I'd refrained from doing it, as I didn't wish to ruin the weekend for my niece and her future husband. And besides, there was going to be plenty of time for more disasters to occur (a la Neil Simon) on the wedding day, less thanthan than 24 hourstime for more disasters to occur on the wedding