FA+
Shop
Fanfic Review - Equestrian Human Spirit Chapter 2 - Part 3
8 years ago
One thing to remember, out of all the things in life
Continuing from http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8356639/
So we switch back to Daniel's POV again... Okay, I have to say this now, these POV switches are happening more often than they should, I mean, it would be easier if you sticked with one single POV or just go 3rd POV, it's an annoying problem that plagues this chapter, bit as you know, this isn't even the biggest problem of the fanfic, we'll get to that.
Anywho, Daniel has been gone for a day now, with those injuries... And recovering slowly. He stated that as long as he keeps breathing, he won't stop fighting, spoken like a true edgelord. He is seeking refuge in a tree, somehow having climbed it without dying from blood loss, now looking at himself via the reflection by the Crystal part of his sword. He states that he's failed his GrandDad by being unable to fulfill the promise, aka, helping others in any way he can... Well he could by becoming the Batman of this world, but whatever.
Guess what, it's a POV switch, yaaaaaaaay, and who's turn is it this time? Twilight's turn!
It seems like the 6 mares are thinking about ways to bring him back, Applejack suggesting that they try and talk it out again, like someone normal, but Twilight also states that he'll just run, what, it happened once now it will definitely happen again?.. Knowing Daniel the Lone Wolf, he will becaus he's a badass and can handle anything by himself... I wish I was joking in some parts of this review, someone say FORESHADOWING!
Rainbow was about to suggest something before Twilight cut her off, saying it wasn't a good idea to hurt him further, but I mean... If he's gonna run away, it probably would be best to find out a way to knock his ass out and put him in hospital bed of talking won't work, but knowing Rainbow, it's beat them up. Rainbow tried to explain her reasoning, saying that he attacked them again.... Fucking excuse me, wasnt it Rainbow who blocked his path in the first place and proceeded to strike him, this making it technically them who attacked first? And wasn't she the one who attacked him when to Ponyville? Legit question, is Rainbow actually this stupid or something? Twilight says it was Rainbow's fault.
They keep thinking of what to do before Twilight thinks of something to do first... Also, I just noticed, Pinkie Pie didn't speak once in this, Fluttershy and Rarity got lines so far.
POV Switch tooooooooo Daniel!
He wakes up with his body aching, also showing that the bleeding from his coughs diminished, so he better be careful, all he could do at the moment is rest. But before he could, Twilight calls out for him, hoping he would show up, Rarity aiding in the calling as well. At the mention of Pipsqueak, Daniel almost wanted to come out, keyword, Almost. He was worried about Pip yes, but he didn't want to talk to the girls, feeling guilty about what he did... Yea, you fucking should be instead of acting stupid and 'cool' in BIG quotation marks.
He was about to move out before he hears the girls scream and sees 3 new creatures he never seen before... And he recognized them as Manticores instead of describing how they look... Or even providing an image. It makes the guy like a know it all, it won't give a sense of wonder and fear of the unknown to readers who don't know what a Manticore is, it would create a sense of wonder of the unomown. The three Manticores corner the 6 near a rock, probably going to kill them.... Even though Twilight can easily magic themselves out of that by attacking or teleportation, they instead cower in fear despite fighting a raging princess, a god of chaos, the big species and a shadow tyrant overlord that's maybe over 1000 years old.
Daniel had conflict, one part said go save them, the other said to away and leave. And suddenly GrandDad's voice came out of nowhere as a ball of light, saying "use the force Daniel." Nah I'm kidding, he says to protect them before just proofing off. Really? Orb in the sky, spirit of your grandfather talking to you, yea, that's fine, but make it more interesting rather than basically "I don't know what to do" "Save them" "Okay", like make the orb go into Daniel, giving him force, heal a bit of his wounds, do SOMETHING. But no... This fighting scene has a lot to it that just raises so many questions.
Also, just a fyi, there's a lot of 'something something in pain' and growling from the MC, I'll count how many times.
Just as one of the Manticores was about to use its tail to strike, Daniel, still very injured, slashes the tail tip off.
POV switch to Twilight
She opens her eyes and sees Daniel who saved them from certain doom. He looks back with a smile and says "Don't worry, you're all safe now." Which garners a blush from all but Rainbow... Can you say generic? The blush wasn't needed, maybe Fluttershy and Rarity because a hero saved them, but everyone else, they would look shocked, relieved, something other than BLUSHING, of all things.
Oh, also, I decided to make a guestimate at how big Manticores are compared to humans, if the average human/pony is 5'6" or so, Manticores would be 11' tall, not to mention likely 20' long with that tail, so that's fucking huge. So imagine a human with a katana fighting 3 11 foot lions with scorpion tails, that's what we're dealing with here.
So, after the girls get to safety and leave Daniel to fight, alone, without helping... How useful magic would be if the writer didn't want to make Daniel badass desirable do anything guy number 500. Anyways, the fight begins, and Manticore 1 attacks Daniel with his tail with a flurry of attacks that went so fast that it was like a blur, think of a Stand Rush from Jojo, repeated punches at high speeds, and let's say it's going at 20m/s, and Daniel dodged every single one since to him, it's all in slow motion. That's fucking fast, and thats repeated, think like 2-3 every second.
Daniel attacks the beast after dodging a swipe, breaking Manticore 1's nose, but Manticore 2 catches Daniel off guard and gives a good swipe at the chest. Now with my sizing, Daniel just got slashed by 3 finger length claws, and that would go fucking deep, and with a beast that size, that would cut bone with ease. But we aren't done as Daniel miraculously survived that, on top of having, as of now, critical blood loss, broken ribs and internal bleeding, which would have started long ago. Also, the author called this kid a Samurai... Really pushing the Japanese crap huh mate?
Anyways, Daniel suddenly launches himself at Manticore 2, so fast that he dissapear in front of everyone's eyes... If that's the case, did he suddenly go near light speed? Because to suddenly dissapear, you have to be going past like Mach 1 or even faster... Wait, if he can do this, how the fuck was he beaten by Rainbow Dash at the start of this chapter, more importantly, how couldn't he do this with those three bullies back in his world? So the Elements of Harmony can face off against a trixter God and a princess with implied celestial powers, yet they cower in fear from 3 Manticores. Daniel cant beat three human untrained bullies, can't beat one of the elements of harmony, yet can stand absolutely injured against 3 creatures over 10 times his weight and 2 times his height. That's a major problem with power scaling, and it doesn't end here as we get further into the story and last chapter 2.
Anywho, Manticore 2 gets killed by Daniel, who reappears in middair and the impact causes a dust cloud, which would take quite a bit to do, like a very tiny meteor hitting the ground type strong, assuming. He gets off the now dead creature and faces Manticores 1 and 3 now. He notices that the tip of their tails has a purple liquid dripping from it, keeping that in mind, and you should too, because this is very important.
Some fighting happens and Daniel gets hit by one of the Manticores, causing him to get knocked into a tree pretty bad, likely by a simple head but, think of a car hitting you, that results in another few broken ribs and likely one of your lungs pieced.. Alright, that's likely a fractured skull as well as broken back somewhat. His body starts to give way since he hasn't fully recovered from his injuries from the mares, well duh, it's only been a day, with what you recieved, it would take likely a couple of months to recover from one of the injuries. But he presses on because he can still fight.
The 6 girls were in awe that the injured as fuck human can fight three things off like that. Rainbow states that she wished she had guys like that... Despite her having gone head first against a dragon in one of the episodes before Season 5, and multiple other occasions too, so she has enough balls to go and fight them. Anyways, some more attacks were thrown until suddenly, one of the Manticores stabs Daniel with the tail tip in the side, but Daniel moved away fast enough to not get injected... Wait, just before you said that the tails were leaking poison, now it takes a bit to be injected? Injecting venom/poison wouldn't take that long, some may be instantaneous, so him surviving that, I call BS, as well as that likely caused his intestines or something to get pierced.
Anywho, Daniel soon kills the Manticore after having distracted it by cutting its tail, making it roar in agony pain before dying... Also, agony pain isn't a typo on my part, that's in the actual fanfic despite this supposedly being edited more than once.
This next part is just... Wow, just fucking wow, it's so bullshit that it's actually surprising and raises a good few questions.
The last Manticore rushes at Daniel, who suddenly dissapear and reappears in front of the 6 girls, surprising not just them and the monster, but me too, and he says in a calm voice as he sheaths his katana, and I kid you not, he says "Thousand Slash of the Kusanagi", and once the blade was fully inside the sheath, the Manticore was engulfed in many slashes that came from nowhere before collapsing.
This part, this fucking part really drove me up the wall. First of all, where the fuck did he learn that shit? He basically just pulled this right here off https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T1pTQ42RQwE but with more slashes. He is a normal human with a katana, how the fuck did he just do the most generic type move you could ever do, those attacks are cool, but in this, it feels forced and just like WHAAAAAAAT? Second, and this is huge, he can take on 3 dangerous venomous creatures twice his size, yet he can't beat a single pegasus nor 3 untrained human 20 year olds. So to list things off, Daniel can move at the speed of sound, has fast ass reaction time, immense strength, unbelievable stamina and fighting spirit and to top it all off, a fucking magic samurai, all while he's simply injured, speaking to which, internal bleeding, broken ribs, likely punctured lungs, brain injury, skull fracture, broken back and God knows what else. What the hell kind of training did you grand dad give you? The fact that he can do this and still be bullied at school just shows how dumb this character is, he LET himself get beaten up despite having the abilities and powers to stop it all.
Appart from my ramblings on that... enormous bloody mess, Twilight and everyone just stared at him in shock that he did all of that crap, Twilight asking just what he is, and before he falls over from blood loss, finally, he says he's just a guy helping those in need. The mares bring him to Ponyville and get him to the HOLY HOSPITAL FINALLY. All they can do it just worry and wait.
Okay, next part is gonna finally conclude this one MEGA condensed chapter, but please, let me know your thoughts on it yourself, let's talk about if, anywho, later.
So we switch back to Daniel's POV again... Okay, I have to say this now, these POV switches are happening more often than they should, I mean, it would be easier if you sticked with one single POV or just go 3rd POV, it's an annoying problem that plagues this chapter, bit as you know, this isn't even the biggest problem of the fanfic, we'll get to that.
Anywho, Daniel has been gone for a day now, with those injuries... And recovering slowly. He stated that as long as he keeps breathing, he won't stop fighting, spoken like a true edgelord. He is seeking refuge in a tree, somehow having climbed it without dying from blood loss, now looking at himself via the reflection by the Crystal part of his sword. He states that he's failed his GrandDad by being unable to fulfill the promise, aka, helping others in any way he can... Well he could by becoming the Batman of this world, but whatever.
Guess what, it's a POV switch, yaaaaaaaay, and who's turn is it this time? Twilight's turn!
It seems like the 6 mares are thinking about ways to bring him back, Applejack suggesting that they try and talk it out again, like someone normal, but Twilight also states that he'll just run, what, it happened once now it will definitely happen again?.. Knowing Daniel the Lone Wolf, he will becaus he's a badass and can handle anything by himself... I wish I was joking in some parts of this review, someone say FORESHADOWING!
Rainbow was about to suggest something before Twilight cut her off, saying it wasn't a good idea to hurt him further, but I mean... If he's gonna run away, it probably would be best to find out a way to knock his ass out and put him in hospital bed of talking won't work, but knowing Rainbow, it's beat them up. Rainbow tried to explain her reasoning, saying that he attacked them again.... Fucking excuse me, wasnt it Rainbow who blocked his path in the first place and proceeded to strike him, this making it technically them who attacked first? And wasn't she the one who attacked him when to Ponyville? Legit question, is Rainbow actually this stupid or something? Twilight says it was Rainbow's fault.
They keep thinking of what to do before Twilight thinks of something to do first... Also, I just noticed, Pinkie Pie didn't speak once in this, Fluttershy and Rarity got lines so far.
POV Switch tooooooooo Daniel!
He wakes up with his body aching, also showing that the bleeding from his coughs diminished, so he better be careful, all he could do at the moment is rest. But before he could, Twilight calls out for him, hoping he would show up, Rarity aiding in the calling as well. At the mention of Pipsqueak, Daniel almost wanted to come out, keyword, Almost. He was worried about Pip yes, but he didn't want to talk to the girls, feeling guilty about what he did... Yea, you fucking should be instead of acting stupid and 'cool' in BIG quotation marks.
He was about to move out before he hears the girls scream and sees 3 new creatures he never seen before... And he recognized them as Manticores instead of describing how they look... Or even providing an image. It makes the guy like a know it all, it won't give a sense of wonder and fear of the unknown to readers who don't know what a Manticore is, it would create a sense of wonder of the unomown. The three Manticores corner the 6 near a rock, probably going to kill them.... Even though Twilight can easily magic themselves out of that by attacking or teleportation, they instead cower in fear despite fighting a raging princess, a god of chaos, the big species and a shadow tyrant overlord that's maybe over 1000 years old.
Daniel had conflict, one part said go save them, the other said to away and leave. And suddenly GrandDad's voice came out of nowhere as a ball of light, saying "use the force Daniel." Nah I'm kidding, he says to protect them before just proofing off. Really? Orb in the sky, spirit of your grandfather talking to you, yea, that's fine, but make it more interesting rather than basically "I don't know what to do" "Save them" "Okay", like make the orb go into Daniel, giving him force, heal a bit of his wounds, do SOMETHING. But no... This fighting scene has a lot to it that just raises so many questions.
Also, just a fyi, there's a lot of 'something something in pain' and growling from the MC, I'll count how many times.
Just as one of the Manticores was about to use its tail to strike, Daniel, still very injured, slashes the tail tip off.
POV switch to Twilight
She opens her eyes and sees Daniel who saved them from certain doom. He looks back with a smile and says "Don't worry, you're all safe now." Which garners a blush from all but Rainbow... Can you say generic? The blush wasn't needed, maybe Fluttershy and Rarity because a hero saved them, but everyone else, they would look shocked, relieved, something other than BLUSHING, of all things.
Oh, also, I decided to make a guestimate at how big Manticores are compared to humans, if the average human/pony is 5'6" or so, Manticores would be 11' tall, not to mention likely 20' long with that tail, so that's fucking huge. So imagine a human with a katana fighting 3 11 foot lions with scorpion tails, that's what we're dealing with here.
So, after the girls get to safety and leave Daniel to fight, alone, without helping... How useful magic would be if the writer didn't want to make Daniel badass desirable do anything guy number 500. Anyways, the fight begins, and Manticore 1 attacks Daniel with his tail with a flurry of attacks that went so fast that it was like a blur, think of a Stand Rush from Jojo, repeated punches at high speeds, and let's say it's going at 20m/s, and Daniel dodged every single one since to him, it's all in slow motion. That's fucking fast, and thats repeated, think like 2-3 every second.
Daniel attacks the beast after dodging a swipe, breaking Manticore 1's nose, but Manticore 2 catches Daniel off guard and gives a good swipe at the chest. Now with my sizing, Daniel just got slashed by 3 finger length claws, and that would go fucking deep, and with a beast that size, that would cut bone with ease. But we aren't done as Daniel miraculously survived that, on top of having, as of now, critical blood loss, broken ribs and internal bleeding, which would have started long ago. Also, the author called this kid a Samurai... Really pushing the Japanese crap huh mate?
Anyways, Daniel suddenly launches himself at Manticore 2, so fast that he dissapear in front of everyone's eyes... If that's the case, did he suddenly go near light speed? Because to suddenly dissapear, you have to be going past like Mach 1 or even faster... Wait, if he can do this, how the fuck was he beaten by Rainbow Dash at the start of this chapter, more importantly, how couldn't he do this with those three bullies back in his world? So the Elements of Harmony can face off against a trixter God and a princess with implied celestial powers, yet they cower in fear from 3 Manticores. Daniel cant beat three human untrained bullies, can't beat one of the elements of harmony, yet can stand absolutely injured against 3 creatures over 10 times his weight and 2 times his height. That's a major problem with power scaling, and it doesn't end here as we get further into the story and last chapter 2.
Anywho, Manticore 2 gets killed by Daniel, who reappears in middair and the impact causes a dust cloud, which would take quite a bit to do, like a very tiny meteor hitting the ground type strong, assuming. He gets off the now dead creature and faces Manticores 1 and 3 now. He notices that the tip of their tails has a purple liquid dripping from it, keeping that in mind, and you should too, because this is very important.
Some fighting happens and Daniel gets hit by one of the Manticores, causing him to get knocked into a tree pretty bad, likely by a simple head but, think of a car hitting you, that results in another few broken ribs and likely one of your lungs pieced.. Alright, that's likely a fractured skull as well as broken back somewhat. His body starts to give way since he hasn't fully recovered from his injuries from the mares, well duh, it's only been a day, with what you recieved, it would take likely a couple of months to recover from one of the injuries. But he presses on because he can still fight.
The 6 girls were in awe that the injured as fuck human can fight three things off like that. Rainbow states that she wished she had guys like that... Despite her having gone head first against a dragon in one of the episodes before Season 5, and multiple other occasions too, so she has enough balls to go and fight them. Anyways, some more attacks were thrown until suddenly, one of the Manticores stabs Daniel with the tail tip in the side, but Daniel moved away fast enough to not get injected... Wait, just before you said that the tails were leaking poison, now it takes a bit to be injected? Injecting venom/poison wouldn't take that long, some may be instantaneous, so him surviving that, I call BS, as well as that likely caused his intestines or something to get pierced.
Anywho, Daniel soon kills the Manticore after having distracted it by cutting its tail, making it roar in agony pain before dying... Also, agony pain isn't a typo on my part, that's in the actual fanfic despite this supposedly being edited more than once.
This next part is just... Wow, just fucking wow, it's so bullshit that it's actually surprising and raises a good few questions.
The last Manticore rushes at Daniel, who suddenly dissapear and reappears in front of the 6 girls, surprising not just them and the monster, but me too, and he says in a calm voice as he sheaths his katana, and I kid you not, he says "Thousand Slash of the Kusanagi", and once the blade was fully inside the sheath, the Manticore was engulfed in many slashes that came from nowhere before collapsing.
This part, this fucking part really drove me up the wall. First of all, where the fuck did he learn that shit? He basically just pulled this right here off https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T1pTQ42RQwE but with more slashes. He is a normal human with a katana, how the fuck did he just do the most generic type move you could ever do, those attacks are cool, but in this, it feels forced and just like WHAAAAAAAT? Second, and this is huge, he can take on 3 dangerous venomous creatures twice his size, yet he can't beat a single pegasus nor 3 untrained human 20 year olds. So to list things off, Daniel can move at the speed of sound, has fast ass reaction time, immense strength, unbelievable stamina and fighting spirit and to top it all off, a fucking magic samurai, all while he's simply injured, speaking to which, internal bleeding, broken ribs, likely punctured lungs, brain injury, skull fracture, broken back and God knows what else. What the hell kind of training did you grand dad give you? The fact that he can do this and still be bullied at school just shows how dumb this character is, he LET himself get beaten up despite having the abilities and powers to stop it all.
Appart from my ramblings on that... enormous bloody mess, Twilight and everyone just stared at him in shock that he did all of that crap, Twilight asking just what he is, and before he falls over from blood loss, finally, he says he's just a guy helping those in need. The mares bring him to Ponyville and get him to the HOLY HOSPITAL FINALLY. All they can do it just worry and wait.
Okay, next part is gonna finally conclude this one MEGA condensed chapter, but please, let me know your thoughts on it yourself, let's talk about if, anywho, later.
