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a change of heart...
16 years ago
General
I've been thinking a lot lately...and it made em look really closely and deeply analyze something about myself...well, about my representation of myself. Mud Paw has been through a good many changes the past few years. I've distorted what I feel inside into something I feel is more interesting and exotic...but that is not the real me. I know most of you don't know this, but I'm a therian. Mud Paw is not a character, she is me, what I am on the inside...my soul. I had what I felt was truly me pegged, then I looked at all these other peoples neat ideas and could only see "wow...mine is so boring"...so I changed her. I never should have. I changed things to maker her visually pleasing- a longer tail-lovely markings-a slim lithe build....none of those suit me, they are some other person. I wish I was something exotic and unique, but I'm not that special and fancy. I used to be a simple Eurasian badger...and I should have kept it that way. I have decided she will go back to that now...Here is an old image of her: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/126550/ (though it's crappy-ignore that :p) , she is just a standard badger, nothing special.. I will be keeping the never version of her, but she will be renamed and be just a simple character for me, not a representation of me. Now, if I commissioned or traded with you to draw Mud Paw, you can draw her either way. I don't think it'd be fair to make anyone change anything they have already started.
I have never changed myself from a wolf, despite the fact that wolves are the most common for 'wanna-bes' other than foxes and dragons. Despite this I have only changed my markings based on different emotional ties, every bit of me is reflected in my wolf. In a way, I find my markings a direct representation of my own emotions and character. I call myself 'Jacq' around other folks, but this has nothing to do with the idea of a fursona more that it does bring up my mostly French Canadian heritage.
However, there were times I've had to take on or create a fursona in order to blend better with the crowds, but sometimes it's better to have a character to play around with.
Either way, there are more of us out there like you and congratulations for becoming yourself again :)
that and I totally understand what you mean regarding identity in representations; I've never been able to change Swift or make her a 'character' in the same sense as my others. if I did she'd stop feeling like me.
Either way....whatever you choose is whats best for you
So I hope that even if you do decide to make them separate, you don't lose the attachment I think you should have especially if you are a therian to it. Creativity is part of a person too. <3 Even if its just innermost desires at well, for that slimmer build for example. Inner beauty showing out in physical features of the character if you want, whatever.
Kinda rambling now. Anyway, to be short - whichever you decide to do, don't lose the attachment. She's still your creation, and still a part of you because of it. :]