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Getting Harder to Cope
6 years ago
You're actually going to read this? I admire you
As some of you may know, I've been struggling with depression my whole life. Recently, it started getting worse and worse. I'm currently on two anti-depressants, but it's barely enough to get me through the day. Therapy doesn't work for me, because I always get the same treatment of trying to be forced out of my comfort zone, which never works out. Any time I step out of my comfort zone and try to socialize, it just all goes wrong, and I retreat further inward. The few people I feel comfortable talking to about this always give me the same advice. "You're just overthinking things. Just calm down and try to get over it. I suffer from depression too, and that works for me." Well, thanks, but that doesn't work for me. I can't just get over it. My brain isn't wired that way. And I've lost pretty much all close connections I've had over the years, either through my constant fuck ups or my ever continuing inward retreat. I can't turn to anyone to remind me I'm not worthless, because they're all gone, and getting them back is something I don't have the drive to do anymore. I look at all the people I know, and try to think of some way I've positively affected them, but I come up empty. I've done nothing of value in my life, and have nothing to show for it. I lost my passion for drawing long ago, and now I'm losing it for writing. I'd give anything to just be happy with myself, but I don't think it will ever happen. I'm broken, and I don't think there's a way to fix me.
If this is the last thing I ever write, then... I'm sorry... and thank you
If this is the last thing I ever write, then... I'm sorry... and thank you
And hey, if you need someone to talk to, I'm always open to chat. I don't expect anything from anyone. Maybe you just need some new faces to converse with? It's how I recovered from my fall, after all.
We take what life hits us with and turn it into our advantages, we can't let life push us, we gotta push it back and not let that fear and lost feeling get us. We bring in the light of hope and positivity, that how we as artists and people continue to strive and be strong.
I hope you get better in the future, and if you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me, I'm always here for fellow artists and new friends.
We all have an important purpose in life, even if we can't clearly see it (Trust me, I should know..). It's a continuous quest through life, even for those who seem to have found their place. We don't know what each day will bring, but it's like a storybook that no one has ever read before. What happens next in the story? Well, no one will ever know if we don't keep reading.
Simply by being here, you've managed to make many people all over the world happy. Sounds impossible, doesn't it? We can't always see it (and 99.999999999-repeating% of the time we never will), but it's absolute truth. Every thread in the world makes every difference in the bonds all around us.
Reach out anywhere you can if your thread feels frayed, dude. I know how much of a difference even a little social interaction can make, and try to remember: by being here, someone somewhere has managed to make it through another day of their own pain, and in that way, you do more in life than it may seem.
You matter, more than you'll ever know.