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Dreading Posting This... The big C.
6 years ago
For anyone who has been following you know that I've been having bouts of pneumonia. (Which isn't normal.) I figured it was just my shitty immune system, but it turned out to be worse than that...
I went to my doctor because I was fatigued all the time and just figured I was really bored or something. He ordered some tests and scans. Turns out I have stage 2 cancer. I've been trying to come to terms with that over the past month and I haven't been having a good time of it. I've been wondering what, why, and how. I've been to see an oncologist this past week and he's hopeful that if we don't find anything else that I'll be back to my old self after the treatments (radiation, chemo, and hormone therapy... I don't know what hormones have to do with cancer, but the hell with it.). Apparently... I'm riddled with it.
But I haven't been feeling like myself at all. I've been depressed, moody, and staying away from everyone and everything that I can. I don't want to bring others down, and I hate discussing my situation. The what-if's are too huge sometimes for me to deal with. It's bad enough that it's actually painful. I didn't know that about cancer until a few weeks ago. They did a biopsy and this damn thing has been pissed off ever since.
So, that's where I've been... Pissed off, scared, and hating everything. (Not a good place to be.) But on the 19th I'll know more about what the CT scan told my doctor, and then we're going to have a PET scan done. (As soon as my insurance company gets off their ass and gives him approval for it.)
So, I'm not going to be doing commissions until (and if) I go in to remission. I'm still finishing the two I have and after that probably just adopts and personal art. (Maybe some gift stuff.) But nothing where I'm taking money for it, because like I said before... I don't know if I'll get a chance to finish it. Still working on coding and POC, but it's even slower and considering trying to find someone to help me organize it and put it together. (Having to know Unity would be a must, though, and the fact that I'm not going to hand it over to someone who just wants free models or something. >.< )
*sigh* Life sucks for me right now...
I went to my doctor because I was fatigued all the time and just figured I was really bored or something. He ordered some tests and scans. Turns out I have stage 2 cancer. I've been trying to come to terms with that over the past month and I haven't been having a good time of it. I've been wondering what, why, and how. I've been to see an oncologist this past week and he's hopeful that if we don't find anything else that I'll be back to my old self after the treatments (radiation, chemo, and hormone therapy... I don't know what hormones have to do with cancer, but the hell with it.). Apparently... I'm riddled with it.
But I haven't been feeling like myself at all. I've been depressed, moody, and staying away from everyone and everything that I can. I don't want to bring others down, and I hate discussing my situation. The what-if's are too huge sometimes for me to deal with. It's bad enough that it's actually painful. I didn't know that about cancer until a few weeks ago. They did a biopsy and this damn thing has been pissed off ever since.
So, that's where I've been... Pissed off, scared, and hating everything. (Not a good place to be.) But on the 19th I'll know more about what the CT scan told my doctor, and then we're going to have a PET scan done. (As soon as my insurance company gets off their ass and gives him approval for it.)
So, I'm not going to be doing commissions until (and if) I go in to remission. I'm still finishing the two I have and after that probably just adopts and personal art. (Maybe some gift stuff.) But nothing where I'm taking money for it, because like I said before... I don't know if I'll get a chance to finish it. Still working on coding and POC, but it's even slower and considering trying to find someone to help me organize it and put it together. (Having to know Unity would be a must, though, and the fact that I'm not going to hand it over to someone who just wants free models or something. >.< )
*sigh* Life sucks for me right now...
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I wish you the best and hope everything works out.
don't know if this is directly related, but there really needs to be better laws to protect people from second hand tobacco smoke.
I have a feeling you'll be ok, sounds like they caught it in time and treatments will be tough, but if anyone can pull through its you!
*BIG HUGS* Hope you don't get too down!
I HATE this, this isn't fair. A pleasant person such as yourself does not deserve this. I may no longer serve a religion, but from what it's worth I will pray for you. And we'll ask friends and family to do the same. I wish you the very best and hope that you and loved ones can get through this soon. I know it is very difficult right now but please try to stay strong and stay on top of this. You're strong you can and will fight this! You have your friends and family plus everyone here to support you we all have your back and are here for you in spirit.
I'm not going to go through the usual stuff people will be saying to news like this. You've more than enough people who are going to offer you sympathy. I'm going to offer you a different bit of empathy.
Be angry as hell. Take all that fear, that pain, and turn it into the drive to beat this fucking thing. Remember each day, every good thing that it is trying to cut short, and steal away, growl deep, and tell it that you aren't giving in. If you start feeling weak, turn to family, fans, friends, and draw from their support, their love. If you feel that resolve slip, the anger burning out, I'll be happy to sacrifice myself onto the altar, and help you find more fuel to keep fighting, even if I need to get you angry at me, for the extra oomph to kick this foul thief in the teeth.
I can't say I've known you well, but I've known you for quite awhile. You want to talk, remember f4u days (to which I am sure Kindii and Fritti might be better suited, being there longer), need an ear to vent, I'm here.
-Mils AKA: Goddammit Man. ;) (Skylar was a trip. ;) )
That said, you're in your prime still, and they caught it well in time, so I have no doubt the treatments will be successful. And even if it will make you stay away from social contacts, which is very understandable, don't forget that you still have all of us right here ready to stand you by. Even if it's with just a listening ear, a supporting shoulder, or a virtual hug, we're here for you at any time you feel you can handle the contact. Don't let it isolate you, dear. Don't shy away from staying in touch with your friends, it can be of so much help to have someone to vent to when you're feeling angry or scared or frustrated, and we are here.
You can beat this, and I'm thinking about you.