Apparently I'm going! I haven't been to MFF since 2009, when it was still in the old hotel. I haven't been to any con at all since FCN in 2010.

Back when I went to MFF in '09, there were just over 2,000 people. I knew it had gotten a lot bigger, but I was thinking it was somewhere in the 3-4 thousand range. Looked up MFF 2016's numbers the other day to find that it had just over 7,000 people.

Soooo I won't even bother asking "who wants to meet!" because with 7,000 people... good luck. I did AC back in 2009 as well, when it had just over 3,000 people, and meeting friends there was a big disappointment. Everyone has other people they want to spend time with and other things they want to do... so at a con that size, you'll spend about 5 minutes seeing most people, and the rest of the time with the same few people you're rooming with. Or at least the same few people you're generally comfortable with for the weekend, overall.

If you're going and you -want- to try and see me for a passing 5 minutes, comment below. If you're not going and you still want to meet me for 5 minutes you're also welcome to reply! You'll just be the more disappointed of the two options.

I've removed my previous two journals regarding my Patreon, and also deactivated said Patreon. It went about as well as I thought it would. Before I continue, I'd like to sincerely thank my 2 patrons for their support, as well as the few other friends who attempted to spread word of said Patreon.

With that taken care of, let me say the following: I never want to hear certain individuals ever again tell me I should be pursuing my music, or asking me why I'm not doing so. I won't call anyone out by name, even if they aren't likely to read this... but there are multiple people who have been more than happy to offer advice, while subsequently doing nothing to back up that advice to show that it works... not just recently, but in the years I've spent making music. You cannot tell me to "network and spread the word" about my Patreon or my music in general, if you, yourself, won't even help in that endeavour... while you turn around and repost Tweets/Patreons/Journals/Websites/etc for "popufur" artists. All that does is makes me believe you play favourites, and that I'm not a favourite... not to mention it insinuates that you have zero interest in what I'm doing, but are more than happy to tell me how to do what I'm doing.

Which partially brings me to my next point: I honestly didn't expect much from said Patreon for the simple fact that making music in the fandom is a nearly impossible medium to generate support behind. Can you draw dog dicks? Here's money. Can you make pins? Here's money. Do you make sweaty furry animal costumes? Here's money. Do you make music? Does it have lots of drum and bass? No? Good luck.

This is intensified by the fact that most people don't even attempt to involve themselves. I have friends who follow me on here, or Twitter, who have never listened to any of my music. Some blatantly told me so, when I told them I'd made a Patreon... while simultaneously telling me I was charging too much for this or that, or that I wasn't offering enough, or that I didn't have enough examples of my music. Music they hadn't even listened to.

So when it comes full circle... between FA, Facebook, Twitter... I have at least 600 people I can reach, personally. 3 people commented on my Patreon journals. 2 people directly supported me. Another 2 or 3 retweeted or linked to my journals/Patreon in some way. Many of them were the same few people. That's it. About 2-5 people out of 600. I'm sorry, but that's atrocious. I don't want anyone who didn't at least comment, repost, reblog, retweet, etc... to post on my FA or my Twitter telling me they wish I'd make more music. It's a slap in the face.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful to those 2-5 people... I'm absolutely not. In fact, I can't thank them enough for their show of support. I shut down my Patreon in part because I felt bad to be taking money from those 2 people, and having it get me nowhere near any of my goals. Plus, I know those 2 patrons were people who could use the money more for themselves, rather than giving it to me. While my friends bringing in tens of thousands of dollars more than those 2 individuals offer absolutely zero support. Now, to be absolutely clear: I don't expect or demand or require that people give me money for my music. Ever. I've been doing and providing it for free, here, for over a decade. However:

People are apparently unaware that making music costs money, and time. The instruments cost money. I could mix it myself, but if I want to have it done properly by any sort of professional, that costs money. And it takes up my free time to make/record/mix said music. If what I have here on FA isn't enough of a basis to show that I'm capable of making music, then no amount of "networking" will help, and no amount of "make it cheaper" will help. An artist armed only with pencils, paper, and a scanner can upload sketches to their heart's content... but you've got to admit, most of the people you follow are using hundreds of dollars worth of materials and software to make the art you love. What I've provided here, on my FA, has been the equivalent of those sketches. More refined work takes more refined equipment. And just like people who pay those artists for sketches so they can progress their work, my Patreon was my means of attempting to raise funds to better my own work. But, again, I understood the limitations of that concept from the beginning. An artist drawing sketches can draw dog dicks. I can't. They get the money, I don't. That isn't lost on me.

Yes, I could very well go out and buy the instruments myself. A keyboard, guitar, amp, mic, software, etc. But that's easily thousands of dollars, and I have other things I can put that toward, in the end... rather than buying instruments to make music for people who barely even listen, respond, comment, or assist to any degree.

I don't expect many people to read through all of this. And I'm hardly out to chastise the hundreds of my followers... I know a vast majority of them probably don't use/check FA much anymore, anyway. And as I already said, I knew a Patreon would get little if any response or support. I'm hardly bitter about that... I'm simply disgruntled with shallow people offering petty advice and zero help beyond. I'm honestly hurt, more than anything... and I'm lashing out as a result. I recognize that.

Thank you, again, to those few who supported and helped. You know who you are, and you aren't in question.

If so, then you'll love the fact that I made an account on Twitch for just that very reason! You can find me here: https://www.twitch.tv/calleedog

Just curious if there's much interest in that, or not? I'm trying to figure out how much I should bother streaming, since there's not much point if no one will be watching. *Snickerwoofs*

-Very- long post incoming. Wanted to do this and get it out of the way. It’s not that I expect anyone to read this… but at the very least, I’ll have it for my own personal future reference.

2016 has been… an interesting year. 2015 had plenty of things I would rather have moved on from, but it seems like many of them just kept cropping back up in 2016. Complete disconnect from certain individuals is the only way I feel I can really break away from all of that… but that disconnect is likely only possible via my complete removal from most of the social circles I inhabit online. But as for 2016 in more detail, let’s see…

My ex and I moved out separately, and he’s since gone back to his home state. Also, my best friend of the past 15 years moved halfway across the country with his fiancé and two kids. So now I’m left with pretty much no one local to do anything with, to any degree. It’s great to be reminded that other peoples’ lives exist outside of you… and that you’re easily replaced and left behind. I dunno… I don’t expect people to stick around forever. I just don’t expect years of friendship to be so casually discarded, either… but then-

I learned a bit more about friendships and the company I keep, this year… for better or for worse. I came to find that friends I lost a year ago… people I knew and trusted for years prior… considered me easily disposable the moment they heard a blatant rumor/lie about me. Which has really not helped my personal insecurities when it comes to who I get close to. When people who walk into the picture can have more sway over a friend of mine than I do… in less than half the time of knowing them… I think I need to acknowledge that I apparently make repeated terrible decisions on who I label “friend”, and who I invest myself into.

A lot of things helped to refine this viewpoint… the global, social, and political events of the year allowed me to see the responses of people I called friends and weigh where their hearts really lay. People don’t like discourse, anymore… they don’t like different opinions. And they don’t like waiting. They want everything now… and that includes relationships, which furs especially seem to think can/should happen in a matter of days or weeks. I’m not 13… I don’t think someone is “dating material” until they’ve stuck around for months… or years. And by then, everyone seems to have gotten bored and moved on to whoever gives them attention quicker. But this isn’t a post to complain about all of that… simply a post to note that I’ve taken a lot of this in, over 2016. I’ve seen more people come and go… I’ve seen how fleeting friendships can be when someone really just wants fawned over… and I don’t play those games, anymore. 2016 has helped to remind me why.

On the more chipper side of things, I do still have my dog… at this point he’s about the only real true joy I get out of life at home. I do have some friends who –have- still stuck around… the whole of my friendships isn’t a completely bad batch. One must simply sift through the majority of the bad to find the few good… and that makes them worth cherishing all the more. I don’t feel the need to give specific names or the like, but… the people I interact with the most are the people I hold the closest. They should know who they are… if they don’t, I’m not doing my job as a friend properly. I’ve met some new people in 2016… despite my track record of failure, I do still like to go out of my way to maintain social circles… and to repair the holes in them caused by those who have disappeared or left.

So how do I feel about 2016? It’s been an… unenjoyable year, on a whole… with glimpses of goodness tucked away here and there. I won’t say it was all a waste… again, I’ve still got some close friends… I’ve still got my dog, my health… and I’ve learned things this year that, even if they’ve been hurtful and will likely linger for a long time, they’re still things I would rather know about than go through future years unaware of.

I have no lofty aspirations for 2017. I want to take what I have, right now… and see where things go. I don’t plan ahead, much, anymore… that requires relying on other people a lot of the time, and that’s too shaky for me to do. I want 2017 to be good, obviously… a year from now, I hope I can read this post, and make a new one about how much better I feel about my life... my choices... my company... my hopes. But I won’t hold my breath on that.

I figured I should toss in a bit of an update, in case anyone left watching me still actually cares about what I used to do, here....

At this point, I have no idea if/when I'll be able to get back to my music. I've moved into a new place, where I don't have the space for my instruments, and have subsequently gotten rid of my keyboard and my electric guitar. The only instrument I have left is my acoustic guitar, which I'm holding onto as it was my first decent guitar, and a gift from my father.

Would I like to record again, someday? Sure... but that will require the purchase of a guitar, an amp, a keyboard, and potentially other things depending on what I wanted to do. Those are all purchases that will have to wait, given my list of things that need replaced include my computer (the replacement for which will cost more than all the aforementioned instruments combined)... and at some point in the next couple years, my car... which of course will be quite an investment, itself. With that in mind, unless I stumble across a couple dozen grand laying around in the street while walking my dog, it will -easily- be a good 3-4 years at the very least, before I'm able to even think about properly rebuilding my instrument collection and getting back to recording. And again, that's also going to depend on whether or not I'm living somewhere at that point where I'll even have the space for said instruments.

Sooo yeah... sorry it's been so long since I've posted. And sorry it's going to be even longer. I miss my music... I miss having it as an outlet. I used to play every day... now I'm lucky to touch my guitar or a piano once a month. Such is life, I suppose. The odds of seeing anything posted here in the next few years is slim to none, and by then who knows if FA will even still be around or worthwhile, given the mess it's becoming more and more of with time.

Keep doing what you do, and until next time... woof.

I'm not going to ramble too much about 2015... I don't really usually do these sorts of posts, anyway. I just feel like 2015 was a year that deserved a small overview, in hindsight. And it's not like many people will read this, anyway, amid all the other New Year posts that will be swarming FA. If anything, this will just be more for my reference, in the future, when I ponder what my outlook was at this point in time.

I don't know how to feel about 2015, as a whole... in some ways, I almost feel like there was more bad than good. I ended a relationship of 2 years, with someone I'd known for almost 7... I lost quite a few good friends, or at least people I considered to be good friends... I learned that I have a bad tendency to get too attached to people who don't think of me as anything but a number, essentially. In the end of all that, I get the sense that I'm finishing 2015 much more cynical than I started it... I'm much more wary of who I devote my time and attention to... and I come across as picky and ill-tempered to those who think I shouldn't worry so much about how others interact with me. But my general view, at this point, is that... if someone shows they'll put forth time/effort to be my friend, I'll return that gladly. If they don't... I have no sense of obligation to try and salvage a relationship wherein I'm doing most of the work. Numerous friendships of mine died, this year, for this very reason. It hurts... a lot... but I don't know if it hurts more than trying and trying to interact with individuals who had better things and people to occupy their time.

On the up side, I do still have some people left who are steadfast and enjoyable... people who have proven their friendship and still go out of their way to talk with me, no matter how busy they may be, to show they still care... and that's reassuring. I reacquainted myself with some old friends this year, which has been refreshing, and it's also made me feel more like I should really try to introduce myself to people more than I do... even if I've subsequently discovered that people who -say- they want to meet and talk to others don't always -mean- that. I also got myself a puppy in the spring, and he just turned 1 year old here a couple weeks ago. He's been keeping me very busy, and even if it's been trying at times, I still adore him so. ^^

Finally, regarding my music... I sadly don't get the opportunity to play much, anymore. I haven't really devoted the time to trying to record anything, because at this point my 7 year old computer is getting far too unstable, and I'm afraid of putting effort into musical endeavours that will only be lost if something goes wrong, as it has in the past. Sooo... will there be more music from me? Someday, yes... I'd like to think so. When I have a new computer that has more stability and capability. When that will be, I don't know. But don't think that I've abandoned this place or my music.

For 2016, I have no real hopes or goals... I just want to be a better individual, and be able to move on from the shortcomings of others. No, I won't be "popufur"... but if being such requires me to have a bunch of shallow, meaningless relationships... I'll remain my mundane, unknown self, thanks. ^^

How about all of you? If you read through all of that and you're still here... how was your 2015? What do you have lined up for 2016?

I suppose I should mention I can be found on there, now, as well.... I resisted it long enough. *Muses* You can find me at: [at]CalleeDog

First and foremost, you're welcome to add me on PSN, regardless... my name on there is, of course, CalleeDog. ^^

Also, I thought I'd see if anyone has and plays GTA V on PS4? I'm having trouble finding any other furs to play it with, oddly enough. Seems most furs that I know or interact with only play it on XboxOne or PC. So if you, or someone you know for whom you can vouch, plays it... I'd love to have the company! I'm pretty well set on there, in regards to money and such... but I have no quarrels in powering through some missions and such to help others rank up and acquire much-needed cash. The only thing I'm -not- interested in are people who just want to walk around killing one another all day. I have FPS games for that...

If you'd like to play, sometime, feel free to comment here, send me a PM, or just add me on PSN and let me know if you're interested...

Yeah yeah, I know it's out on PS4 and PC... but I'm still stuck on PS3 for now. Not much going on with the weekend, so I thought I'd see if anyone has and plays it? I'm also debating making a separate account on PSN, something more furry related so those in the fandom don't have to be confused about usernames I made that don't involve being a dog in the internet. Though if I did that, I'd basically start over in GTA Online... not that I mind that, if there are people to play with.

Let me know what you think in the comments! And let me know if you're interested....

Nope, I'm not dead! I didn't fall off the face of the earth.... I still come here at lest once every day or two, look at art (lulz, pr0nz) and such. I still play guitar and piano, haven't stopped with that. I'm still writing music, etc. However, I haven't recorded anything in ages, because over the past year I've had so many HDD problems that I'm literally afraid to entrust anything important to one again, until I can afford 1) a new HDD, and 2) a new backup HDD. I'm not about to get into recording things just to have more HDDs die on me... getting tired of almost losing everything.

So yes! I will have music back up here again, someday, don't you worry! I mean... if you -were- worried. I doubt many of you wondered, and subsequently I doubt many of you are reading this. *Snickerwoofs* That aside, just thought I'd give a little update. If you were thinking of unwatching me because you figured there wouldn't be any more music... stick around! It's just a matter of time, really....

Just as a quick FYI, even though this applies to very few people here... I still thought it would be worth mentioning:

My phone is currently out of action, and has been for the past day and a half. The screen is shattered. Therefore I can't respond to any messages being sent there. Going to get ahold of the insurance company today and find out what they can do for me, at what cost. Even then, at this point I don't expect to have a new phone until around the end of the week sometime.

Just a random rambling journal, but...
______________________________________

I find that I'm often rather afraid or timid when it comes to messaging certain others, from Fah here, especially. It's odd, since in-person I'm incredibly talkative and not at all shy about approaching others and starting conversation. ^^ But on here, it's different, for some reason.

If I see an artist who has hundreds (or even worse, thousands) of followers, draws a bunch of stuff rather often, seems generally popular, etc... no matter how nice their personality or how much I may want to get to know them, I always find myself afraid to contact them. I suppose my biggest fear is that they'll assume I'm one of three things... either:

1) some adoring fan of their work who will do nothing but ramble on and on about the art and endlessly faun over them

2) some adoring fan who will do the above, and then subsequently try to get free art from them

3) someone looking for some sexy roleplay

Now don't get me wrong... I'm all for giving artists credit for their work, but not slavering over it. And people who message artists for the sake of getting free art blow my mind... I don't see how anyone can be that shallow, really. Lastly, I love me some roleplay... I mean, I do -general- roleplay when I type, just because in-person I tend to... well, talk with my hands a lot. *Snickerwoofs* So online, I like to give -some- sort of feeling to my words. When it comes to the more sexual aspect of roleplay, I don't mind it... but it takes the right kind of company, and a mutual understanding of interest in that. I wouldn't message someone from here with that solely in mind... again, I'm hardly that shallow.

However, with artists that fall into the categories mentioned in the second paragraph, I feel like... to them, I would just be some random piddly little musician from the swarm of Fah users... another person they'd never heard of, who probably just wanted one of the above three things. I've talked to a couple of more "popular" artists in the past... and honestly, they either seem like they're barely tolerating my presence, or they blatantly ignore me altogether. Not that I group all artists in that category... but it's certainly a large basis for my reluctance to be more outgoing in approaching others of that cloth.

In any case, my apologies for being a babbling border. Just something that came to mind, in a recent conversation with someone. Though, honestly... I guess I wouldn't have much to lose in sending along a friendly message to some people, hmm? I try my best to be good company to those who prove they can be such in return....

I've talked to quite a few people in the course of the last... year or so... who I've met only within that time frame, who have informed me that they actually came across my page years ago. However, they never talked to me or messaged me, or anything along those lines, because... I dunno... they were shy? But then I wonder, do I seem unapproachable? Is my black and whiteness too... daunting? *Ponderwoofs* What say you, the three people who actually read this journal?

...who remembers when I made music and stuff? Lulz, so long ago!

But really, I -do- still play around a bit, here and there. My main trouble is recording, or rather recording drum parts. I've always used my keyboard, which... suffices, but it usually sounds pretty... bad. Sooo I have quite a few things that could get cranked out, but I just don't bother because I know the drums will essentially ruin any attempt at decency I make. Granted, my recording capabilities are generally pretty lackluster... none of my stuff comes out sound halfway as well mixed and such as I'd like. But that-said, the least I can do is have good sounds to mix in the first place... and keyboard-based drums aren't cutting it for my ears, anymore.

Well, that and my singing is pretty meh, still. Though I'm debating tossing together a cover or two, for gits and shiggles, sometime soon. I could tell you what, but that would ruin all the fun. I'll give you a hint, though: it's something I probably shouldn't really even try doing. ^^

For those of you who actually read journals on here... YES I'm still alive. Unfortunately, I've been doing little if anything musically related in the past 6 months. I've played with my keyboard only a few times since we ticked over into the New Year, and my guitar has seen about the same pitiful amount of use.

On the upside, my boyfriend recently surprised me by buying me an electric guitar... the same model as one I had from 2004-2008. I'd sold that one to go and try other types of guitar, but never found anything I liked as much, and have since regretted getting rid of it (especially considering the person I've sold it to has subsequently dropped it and beaten the crap out of it). Soooo with the new guitar, I'm getting back into at least more rock-oriented genres that I've been neglecting for years, now.

However, I'm generally spending more time with other things, lately. And I especially need to find myself a job, which is proving (as can be expected) to be less than smooth. I literally have $50 to my name, and my $200 rent is due in two weeks... so that's looking lovely. With all of that, and more, weighing on my mind, I just haven't had the true desire to do much with music this year.

I'm not saying all this just for asspats, or anything of the sort... I'm just letting you all know that once I can get myself more properly situated, -then- I may be able to get back to music. Hopefully.... I -do- have a few projects/albums that I've lined up for eventual compilation, but right now they're all mostly a wishlist of songs I'd love to finish up.

At the beginning of November, 2012, I put on Skype that I was going to be cleaning up my list on there, and if anyone wanted to stay they should tell me so. One friend in particular was one I -knew- wasn't going to make it... he hadn't talked to me in a month, at that point, and he had 400+ contacts on there, so it's not like he ever even knew/noticed if I was on. To make it better, I even sent him a Christmas card. Do you think I ever heard from him, to stay on the list, or to say thank you for the card? Nope! But sure enough, when I took him off my list yesterday, within the hour I got a request from him to add me again. I declined that, without question. And while there are multiple others like him on my Skype with dozens or even hundreds of contacts, surprisingly basically all of them asked to stay. This individual in question was one of maybe 4 or 5 who didn't.

I also just went through my list here on Fah of people I'm watching, and unwatched at least a dozen people. Some were artists who just vanished and took everything with them, which... always irks me, but whatever. But a few were friends... or people I used to consider friends. I realized, however, that I only still had them on my list because I still wanted to believe that we were friends... disregarding the fact that I hadn't heard from them in years. And while part of me wanted to hope that it didn't matter, the rest of me knew that it did. No contact in years? And when the last few times we -did- talk, it was at my instigation? No... it's not a friendship, anymore. And it barely was, then.

All of this rambling is just basically me saying: for 2013 I'm really, REALLY going to take a look at how others interact with me. If it's clear I'm just in their lives to pass the time when they're bored, I don't need them. I'm tired of playing the nice guy, and then feeling used and subsequently depressed at the end of it all. I love interacting with people, but it's gradually become painfully clear that I'm often just a filler... I've even been -told- before by someone that they were only talking to me until so-and-so got online. You know what that tells me? That tells me not to even bother with you.

I know some of you, like the aforementioned individual, have hundreds of people on your list, be it watching on Fah or on your IMs. In those cases, I almost expect to disappear, to vanish amongst the ranks. That's fine and dandy, because I -expect- it. But in turn, don't expect me to have second thoughts about discarding someone who never really knew I was there. And don't tell me that -I- have to talk to -them-... because about 90% of the time, they're busy playing a game, or some other thing that means they can't have a successful or meaningful conversation.

It really does pain me to have to let go of some people who I consider friends, especially those who it felt as though I was just beginning to build good relationships with. But as always, it seems that my usefulness and worth tends to last about a month or two, and then *poof*... I get silence. Some people stick around longer than that, and those people know who they are, and know that they're not included in all of the above.

I'm very, -very- sorry to post this huge journal, but I feel it all needed to be said. I'm tired of getting depressed over the fact that some people just... get bored with me. From now on, I'm not bending over backward to try and keep being "exciting" for them just "a little bit longer". I give chances for you to tell me if you want me around. If you don''t tell me, I'm not going out of my way to "double-check"... I'm going to move on. From that point forward, I'll have decided I don't need you, just as you apparently don't need me.

In the end, few of -you- probably even read this. You saw mounds of text and backed out. And -that's- what I'm talking about.

TL;DR - Looks like I have to come across as an asshole for 2013 to find out who really cares. Sorry.

Yes, I'm still alive. Yes, I'm still doing things with music. Sparingly, here and there.

A friend of mine with an electric drumset and some recording gear is hoping to work with me on some things over the next few months, so by winter's end I'm hoping to have powered through quite a bit more. Otherwise, as it is, I've grown to dislike my equipment. I don't own an electric guitar anymore, because the one I had wasn't very good, to me. So currently I'm borrowing one from a friend, until I get a replacement. My current amp is so-so, though I miss having one with built-in effects... it gave me more fine-tuning and flexibility. All of that aside, I -do- honestly have quite a bit of music lined up to be recorded. I just need to feel comfortable in doing so. I don't want to record something with horrible instruments that will come out sounding half-assed.

Also, I've decided to add a link on my profile for "tips".... I had debated it for a while, as I've always hated to ask for money. But in the end, this really isn't me asking for money. I look at it is a matter of... if someone feels the need to make any sort of financial donation, then I will be greatly appreciative. I honestly don't expect anything... and I won't demand anything. In the end, I at least wanted to make the option available, in the rare event that such should be used. That link can also be found here.

Hope you're all doing well! I just got over being sick for most of last week, m'self... yaaaay, colder weather! *Arfs!*

...is just another day in border collie land. ^^

On a random note, I've been uploading pictures from my trip to Yosemite, so if you'd like to see some of those, don't forget to check out my photography account over at  frasco!

Technically-speaking, I'm currently in Burbank, California... awaiting my next fligjt, to Sacramento. But, seeing as that's in 2 hours, I thought I'd make mention that my 10,000th page-view is quickly approaching. If you happen to get a screen-cap of it, I would shower you with bordery affection. Which... I guess would consist of wagging, licking, and shedding all over you and your things. ^^

I'll be back next Tuesday, the 5th. Have a fun week, everyone! *Wags with an arf!*

Is this a good idea? I honestly have no clue. I don't know what I'd charge, what it would be based off of, or what the interest would even be. So I'm kind of just looking to see what you guys might have to say in regards to such. Any input is welcome... I'm just kind of throwing it out there, since it's been suggested or asked about a few times here and there, over time.

As it stands, since I don't have much of a chance to record anything with vocals currently, I'd likely just look to open for instrumental stuff first and foremost. But for the sake of overall feedback, please feel free to give your input regarding any sort of musical commission. I've browsed around on Fah to see what sorts of stuff and prices are out there, and they're really all over the board. Thus I really don't know where I'd stand on such, if I were to do so.

Any feedback would be appreciated, thank you! ^^

Yes, I know... I really -do- need to get back to writing more music. Well, technically I need to get back to recording it... I've got a lot of stuff written up and more-or-less ready to go. I just rarely get the privacy or the time to do any recording, anymore. Looking into a possible move this fall, which could provide the potential for easier recording in a new setting. We'll see about that. Regardless, I'm still slowly putting the albums together... I use the plural because my friend and I technically have 4 that we're planning to work on. But again, without getting anything recorded, it's a bit hard to see any progress beyond creation stages.

I also need to get back at it due to my constant up-down emotional state. I usually try to be pretty nonchalant on a day-to-day basis. There's no use in being too excited about things, but also no point in being too sad, so far as I'm concerned. But every couple of weeks or so, it seems like I forget the latter point, and I tank into a bit of depression. It usually lasts for a few days at most, and then I'm back on the level again. Generally I find it stems from a sort of loneliness... or an unwanted feeling. I have a select few friends I talk to, anymore... it seems like I'm really no good to most others. At best I get a month or two of communication with new friends/contacts; if they last beyond that, it's a sign of something good. But most don't... most seem to get bored with me, I guess, after that first month or two, and move on to bigger/better things/people. So then I'm left sitting around wondering what exactly makes me so useless in their eyes, and why other individuals are subsequently more interesting. Over the years I've built up quite a list of people who I would've loved to get to know better in time, who simply vanished. If I could burn that mental list, it would be fantastic. But I can't....

I apologize for the rambling, this is all very BAWW, mostly because I'm in one of those down moods. The point of all of this is that, when I'm feeling this way, one thing that at least helps me to vent it (apart from writing things like this, which I usually do in private, for myself, so as not to bother any of YOU with it) is through my songs. The music and the words help me to channel that feeling away, even if just a little bit... the only downside being that anytime I then hear/read said songs down the line, I'm instantly reminded of the circumstances surrounding their creation, and that hardly helps me feel any better. *Snickerwoofs*

Regardless, sorry to take up all of your time. I don't expect asspats, I just wanted to make it known why I haven't submitted much, and that I'm still alive. Most of you probably a) didn't read this journal at all, or b) opened it, saw all of the text, and decided "TL;DR". For those latter people, here:

TL;DR - Writing music helps me vent my emotions, and since I'm feeling emotional, I need to write more music. Sorry I haven't uploaded much.

Until next time, everyone! Woof! ^^

I need some input...

I've finally taken care of a lot of things that needed done in prep for the album I've been wanting to get done. As such, I can finally get to work on it, and hopefully have it ready within a couple of months or so. However, I'm debating a few changes in regards to how it's distributed in the end. My main expense in the first album (here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/659378/) was the actual physical production cost. I bought all the ink, paper, CDs, CD cases, even a special stapler so I could properly staple the CD booklets. And I sold about 10 copies. I barely broke even. Now, to those 10 (technically 9) people, I'm sincerely grateful. And this is in no way a complaining post. But with all that in mind, we come to my main point:

Because of this, I've decided that I'm really going to look into making this next album available online. iTunes, Amazon, Google Music, etc. I've found a website that will handle all of that for me, as well as distribution of physical copies of the CD and such, for those that want it. Though with the past in mind, I don't think the actual physical album will be much more than a CD, a case, and maybe just a simple front/back booklet for cosmetic purposes. Either way, the cost would be roughly the same- if you download each individual song online, it would be just shy of $12. If you buy the physical album, it will probably be $12. This is due to my having to balance the fees involved with listing, shipping, etc.

So I need YOUR OPINIONS regarding all of this. If there are a greater number of you that would prefer the ease/simplicity of just downloading the music online, then fantastic. Let me know. If more of you prefer ye olde fashioned method of me making and shipping each individual order myself, that's fine, too. I just need to know if I should bother paying to put my stuff online, or if it would be an even bigger waste than just sticking with physical albums only.

As a small side note, there is also a possibility that I could even have the album stamped to vinyl, which would be pretty sweet (to me, at least). If there was enough interest, I'd look into marketing that as well, though I'd have to sell at least 8 or so to probably break even on that venture, alone.

...I won't be going. Hope you all have a wonderful time! ^^ If I'm still in Ohio come April, then I'll go to FCN. Otherwise, I'm not sure. All the best, as always! *Barks!*

No, I'm not going. However, I am technically planning on going to Connecticut that weekend (I'm scheduled to stay from the 15-22). I'd debated stopping by the con just to see about visiting anyone who might want such, since I haven't seen a lot of you in some time... my only trouble is, since I've no outside reservations until the 15th, I'd subsequently have no place to stay for Friday night, the 14th. Sooo I was wondering a) if there would be any interest at all in my stopping by, and b) if anyone would have space, even on the floor, for a border collie to spend a night? Also, do let me know what it would cost, in earth-monies, to do so. Room space is hard to come by, I know- and I hardly wish to be a bothersome border. But if time/finances/interest allow, I'll gladly swing by for a day. I could technically stop by on Thursday evening and stay the two nights, in which case room cost would be higher... and I'm not really planning on registering for the con, since I'm mainly going to visit, not to "con-it-up".

Regardless of all that, do let me know if there's any interest, availability, and subsequent cost, and I'll see about saying hello to some of you in a couple of weeks. ^^

...and I haven't done anything for it in years. So quick! Tell me something crazy I should do today! Orrr... tell me what was the best thing that ever happened on your birthday, via your friends, family, or even yourself. I just want to be entertained... ^^