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I Guess I Lost a Friend?
Posted 5 years agoSo, a conversation happened, as they do. Politics came up, as they do. COVID came up, as it does. Apparently, speaking truthfully (if callously) about people who do not and refuse to wear masks themselves dying of--or at least getting sick from--the virus was enough to spark a response of "You are mentally fucked dude" and they go offline. I figure it was internet, or maybe they raged out and things would be normal the next day. And then a couple days later, them never seeming to log back in, I notice I'm not in their patreon discord anymore, they're gone from my Steam friends list, and they're gone from Telegram.
They full on blocked me.
I genuinely do not know what triggered this. If they somehow were getting tired of me, there was no indication. We had just been playing a game the night before or night before that. They have openly praised me for being one of the few genuine and honest people they consider a friend, who don't want something out of them for the friendship other than company. They're a rather cynical person and is quick to distrust (as well as pig headedness and anger, as some arguments we've had can attest to, and they would openly acknowledge such labels), but we developed a history. I seemed among the minimally few consistent people they could spend time with and trust. We've covered weird topics before, we've spoken darkly before, shared dark humor, but we certainly seemed to know who each other were. And yet, some years of friendship have apparently ended in a sudden and confusing error beep.
"You are mentally fucked dude"
"How so," i ask within seconds.
"This person is offline," replies the beeping bot.
So, fair enough if they were struck by my callousness. To bring you up to speed on the conversation, they had been talking about how so many people are just letting the virus keep them from living. My retort was that many people either do not take it seriously, or even deny it is harmful or is as bad as it is, and how that ruins it for everyone else. I blurt out the suggestion a good third of the USA is like this (certainly, a significant portion is far too lazy, apathetic, or selfish about mask wearing) and analogize it as, how safe would you feel on the road if a full third of all drivers were DUI? They suggest these people don't exactly deny its existence, but they still go out and live while others do not. And so, my callous response...
"I think you've missed my point. Many of those same people suddenly aren't living so much, either literally because they died of COVID or figuratively because they're in quarantine recovering from it and hoping they don't suffer lasting effects like a scarred heart or some shit"
"You are mentally fucked dude"
*BLOCKED*
Was it the way I responded? Did they somehow think I was saying the people staying home are the ones dying (and in all honestly, they are, too)? Was explaining the reality of the situation that plenty of those people out there "living" have actively spread, caught, and even died from the virus? Or been permanently harmed by it such as having their heart scarred? I have no clue. They've heard me speak callously before. They've spoken callously, too, and far worse (remember their quick-to-anger pig headedness? It has gotten them in trouble before and they accept and acknowledge their faults). And yet, I am blocked. I don't get it. I mean, seriously, case in point: Herman Cain. The guy goes to the Tulsa rally, proudly tweets a selfie out about being there, and within a few more weeks he dies of the virus he caught at the rally. And whatever subhuman scumbags control the man's Twitter account decided to tweet out, after he dies, how the mainstream media is overblowing the virus. I'm going to dare share more than I had the chance to share with my now former friend. I laughed when I learned of Herman Cain's death. I couldn't help myself but laugh at the absurd. I have a bit of a nihilist streak (it keeps me sane). I mean, for real, the guy denies the virus is a problem, ignores all possible guidelines to remain safe, and ultimately catches it and dies. Trump himself nearly fucking died from it if not for the fact he's the president and got pumped full of steroids and stem cells to fight it. Not to break on too much of a tangent here, but we're almost certainly going to hit 100k cases in a day by mid november because simply not enough people take the virus seriously. Simply because of so many people out there "living" their lives versus being too "scared" to live, who don't wear masks properly or at all and don't engage with any other recommendations to stay safe and reduce the spread. They "live" at the expense of the whole country and our economy, forcing the rest of us taking it seriously to slowly grow more and more stir crazy because of these incredibly selfish people.
But, recognizing all of this means I'm fucked in the head.
If that is all it took to end what was by all accounts a strong friendship, then I guess all I've done in the end is dodge a bullet. They were a difficult person at times (again, the pig headedness) but there was still a warm and genuine heart under that jagged and crudely blunt exterior. I feel weird as hell. I just hope this helps get it out of my head and let me move on sooner than later. Feel odd looking at the art they've done for me now, but I guess I'll get over that. Still paid for the stuff after all.
I'm not exactly seeking pity or anyone's condolences here. Like I said, just hoping putting this out there makes the anxiety less severe and weird. But, thanks for reading at least. And if YOU (yes, you, the "they" in this journal) read this... Seriously? The fuck? Good luck with the move when it happens, I guess? Have a nice (and lonely) life?
They full on blocked me.
I genuinely do not know what triggered this. If they somehow were getting tired of me, there was no indication. We had just been playing a game the night before or night before that. They have openly praised me for being one of the few genuine and honest people they consider a friend, who don't want something out of them for the friendship other than company. They're a rather cynical person and is quick to distrust (as well as pig headedness and anger, as some arguments we've had can attest to, and they would openly acknowledge such labels), but we developed a history. I seemed among the minimally few consistent people they could spend time with and trust. We've covered weird topics before, we've spoken darkly before, shared dark humor, but we certainly seemed to know who each other were. And yet, some years of friendship have apparently ended in a sudden and confusing error beep.
"You are mentally fucked dude"
"How so," i ask within seconds.
"This person is offline," replies the beeping bot.
So, fair enough if they were struck by my callousness. To bring you up to speed on the conversation, they had been talking about how so many people are just letting the virus keep them from living. My retort was that many people either do not take it seriously, or even deny it is harmful or is as bad as it is, and how that ruins it for everyone else. I blurt out the suggestion a good third of the USA is like this (certainly, a significant portion is far too lazy, apathetic, or selfish about mask wearing) and analogize it as, how safe would you feel on the road if a full third of all drivers were DUI? They suggest these people don't exactly deny its existence, but they still go out and live while others do not. And so, my callous response...
"I think you've missed my point. Many of those same people suddenly aren't living so much, either literally because they died of COVID or figuratively because they're in quarantine recovering from it and hoping they don't suffer lasting effects like a scarred heart or some shit"
"You are mentally fucked dude"
*BLOCKED*
Was it the way I responded? Did they somehow think I was saying the people staying home are the ones dying (and in all honestly, they are, too)? Was explaining the reality of the situation that plenty of those people out there "living" have actively spread, caught, and even died from the virus? Or been permanently harmed by it such as having their heart scarred? I have no clue. They've heard me speak callously before. They've spoken callously, too, and far worse (remember their quick-to-anger pig headedness? It has gotten them in trouble before and they accept and acknowledge their faults). And yet, I am blocked. I don't get it. I mean, seriously, case in point: Herman Cain. The guy goes to the Tulsa rally, proudly tweets a selfie out about being there, and within a few more weeks he dies of the virus he caught at the rally. And whatever subhuman scumbags control the man's Twitter account decided to tweet out, after he dies, how the mainstream media is overblowing the virus. I'm going to dare share more than I had the chance to share with my now former friend. I laughed when I learned of Herman Cain's death. I couldn't help myself but laugh at the absurd. I have a bit of a nihilist streak (it keeps me sane). I mean, for real, the guy denies the virus is a problem, ignores all possible guidelines to remain safe, and ultimately catches it and dies. Trump himself nearly fucking died from it if not for the fact he's the president and got pumped full of steroids and stem cells to fight it. Not to break on too much of a tangent here, but we're almost certainly going to hit 100k cases in a day by mid november because simply not enough people take the virus seriously. Simply because of so many people out there "living" their lives versus being too "scared" to live, who don't wear masks properly or at all and don't engage with any other recommendations to stay safe and reduce the spread. They "live" at the expense of the whole country and our economy, forcing the rest of us taking it seriously to slowly grow more and more stir crazy because of these incredibly selfish people.
But, recognizing all of this means I'm fucked in the head.
If that is all it took to end what was by all accounts a strong friendship, then I guess all I've done in the end is dodge a bullet. They were a difficult person at times (again, the pig headedness) but there was still a warm and genuine heart under that jagged and crudely blunt exterior. I feel weird as hell. I just hope this helps get it out of my head and let me move on sooner than later. Feel odd looking at the art they've done for me now, but I guess I'll get over that. Still paid for the stuff after all.
I'm not exactly seeking pity or anyone's condolences here. Like I said, just hoping putting this out there makes the anxiety less severe and weird. But, thanks for reading at least. And if YOU (yes, you, the "they" in this journal) read this... Seriously? The fuck? Good luck with the move when it happens, I guess? Have a nice (and lonely) life?
Well, this sucks...
Posted 9 years agoNot 100% sure how or why but I've managed to piss someone off to the point they wanted to block me on every known method of contact I have with them without even realizing I did with no means of explaining it. You'd think after our conversations previously about a sour subject for them they'd know better when it comes to me. This has completely soured so much...
If you're reading this, you know who you are, and now I'm not sure if you're just being overly sensitive at this point and jumping to conclusions. I would hope you'd know I'd never mean to upset you on purpose and don't recall you going so far as to decry anyone else for doing what I did. I figure you'd know I'd never go anywhere close to engaging in what you've so adamantly spoke against. After noticing your message today I feel like shit, but the insta block has me rather miffed so I'm not sure how I should feel now. Sorry I upset you... ]:8\
If you're reading this, you know who you are, and now I'm not sure if you're just being overly sensitive at this point and jumping to conclusions. I would hope you'd know I'd never mean to upset you on purpose and don't recall you going so far as to decry anyone else for doing what I did. I figure you'd know I'd never go anywhere close to engaging in what you've so adamantly spoke against. After noticing your message today I feel like shit, but the insta block has me rather miffed so I'm not sure how I should feel now. Sorry I upset you... ]:8\
Anthrocon Need Sunday Night Hotel Room
Posted 9 years agoSubject. Need it if I plan on going, assuming it's not too late now to get a damn train ticket o_O;
Considering Anthrocon, any rooms available?
Posted 9 years agoI need a room.
]:8O
]:8O
Vacation - Also, Anthrocon?
Posted 10 years agoGonna be on vacation in Los Angeles for a week. See ya soon, folks.
Also, curious, anyone got room for Anthrocon? I would prefer only 2 or 3 people tops in the room, ideally Doubletree or closer (the one I did was sooooo far away...)
Also, curious, anyone got room for Anthrocon? I would prefer only 2 or 3 people tops in the room, ideally Doubletree or closer (the one I did was sooooo far away...)
Anthrocon -- See you folks there
Posted 11 years agoAnd if anyone's got like 6 people in a room I'll have a spare bed... come on, I don't wanna pay the whole tab alone ]:8(
Anthrocon -- Reminder, I have a room available
Posted 11 years agoI arrive evening Thursday and leave early morning Monday. I could use a roomie to split charges.
Anthrocon -- I've got room for folks
Posted 11 years agoI'd rather not spend all this money on the room alone. Anyone who needs a spot, I'll be checking in Thursday the 3rd in the evening and leaving Monday morning on the 6th. Please let me know! I'll be staying at The Wyndham.
Finally going to ANTHROCON again!
Posted 11 years agoYep, finally made plans on time and have the income for it. I'll have room for another 1-2 people as I've got a twin room and would love to reduce my hotel bill a bit. I'll be there THursday night to crack of dawn Monday.
Anthrocon? Anyone got room?
Posted 12 years agoI keep neglecting to make plans this year for Anthrocon. Who's got room for a minotaur? ]:8)
Thank Fucking Goodness
Posted 13 years agoObama has been reelected. Say what you will about him, express your grievances, but holy fuck... if he lost, if Romney won, it'd have been because America is just that stupid. They'd have voted a shameless chronic liar into office.
May this be the beginning of the end of the extreme right wing, but I think that's being too hopeful. At least he can't get a third term, so maybe Republicans won't be such a giant brick wall in Congress.
May this be the beginning of the end of the extreme right wing, but I think that's being too hopeful. At least he can't get a third term, so maybe Republicans won't be such a giant brick wall in Congress.
Just To Update Everyone On A Few Things
Posted 13 years agoThe Black Labyrinth
Talen's been without a computer for a couple months now and is hoping to get a new laptop sometime in August. He also plans to go through with the move to http://www.tailsrefuge.com/ for a LOT of reasons that I can fully understand. Full details will come out about what can be expected and why he wants to make this move when he's got a working computer again and can update everyone. That'll also be the perfect time for us all to discuss whether the move will be worth it or not (especially given the furry vore site some others recently started up). But, until Talen can really give us all the details and have consistent Internet access again, we'll leave it at that for now.
My current life situation
Been going through the 8 weeks of training for Comcast's Central Division Business Class Callcenter. Between that and just playing entirely too many games in my now far more limited free time (being unemployed really opens up your schedule lol) I've not been very active in chats and such and have had even more limited RP interest than usual. Hugs and kisses and big wet licks to everyone who has been missing me and I hope we can chat and RP soon ]:8)
Other than all that, hope you all have been well. Stay tasty, my friends ]:89~~~
Talen's been without a computer for a couple months now and is hoping to get a new laptop sometime in August. He also plans to go through with the move to http://www.tailsrefuge.com/ for a LOT of reasons that I can fully understand. Full details will come out about what can be expected and why he wants to make this move when he's got a working computer again and can update everyone. That'll also be the perfect time for us all to discuss whether the move will be worth it or not (especially given the furry vore site some others recently started up). But, until Talen can really give us all the details and have consistent Internet access again, we'll leave it at that for now.
My current life situation
Been going through the 8 weeks of training for Comcast's Central Division Business Class Callcenter. Between that and just playing entirely too many games in my now far more limited free time (being unemployed really opens up your schedule lol) I've not been very active in chats and such and have had even more limited RP interest than usual. Hugs and kisses and big wet licks to everyone who has been missing me and I hope we can chat and RP soon ]:8)
Other than all that, hope you all have been well. Stay tasty, my friends ]:89~~~
TwitchTV.com
Posted 13 years agohttp://www.twitch.tv/deioththeminotaur
I can stream shit now. Glee ]:8) Now you can all see me fail hard at everything I do and listen to my ear shattering voice!
I can stream shit now. Glee ]:8) Now you can all see me fail hard at everything I do and listen to my ear shattering voice!
To Anyone Playing TERA
Posted 13 years agoTera's headstart is today and it launches May 1st. If anyone plays or plans to play, I'll be on the PvP server Basilisk Crag. Hoping to hit headstart cap and rush a priest to cap before the official launch.
If I get the chance to start a priest, I'll edit in his name. For now, look up Deioth ]:8) I'll be on later on, like 4 or 5 PM, gotta spend the day in New Jersey with my brother... Blargh!
If I get the chance to start a priest, I'll edit in his name. For now, look up Deioth ]:8) I'll be on later on, like 4 or 5 PM, gotta spend the day in New Jersey with my brother... Blargh!
It's The Year of the Bible! YAY, PENNSYLVANIA!
Posted 13 years agoMy home state's house of representatives has recently declared 2012 "The Year of the Bible". Nevermind how utterly unconstitutional this is, and how much of a failure my state house just showed in, you know, representing its people, I just read quite possibly the greatest thing I've ever... well, read.
http://atheists.org/blog/2012/01/31.....r-of-the-bible
I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I did ]:8)
http://atheists.org/blog/2012/01/31.....r-of-the-bible
I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I did ]:8)
I've been going through some pretty major shit lately
Posted 13 years agoHey all,
I've been going through a very strange, harsh, and bizarre time lately. Started Tuesday. Without getting into any major details, my stomach became tense and cramped, I had trouble swallowing and eating, and I was unable to sleep. I literally had no sleep from Tuesday until Friday. On Friday, I received the call from my staffing agency saying Intertek (my job) no longer needed me, so my contract was ended. Out of desperation for what I was going through, I went to the ER Thursday night.
I had a follow-up visit with my doctor Monday. We're convinced it's anxiety, and since it has started I've had it almost constantly. I've got a couple meds started now, and hopefully they'll have the desired effect to help relax me, calm me down, ease my sleep, and maybe boost my mood and motivation.
So, sorry I've not been around lately. Love you guys <3 See you soon.
I've been going through a very strange, harsh, and bizarre time lately. Started Tuesday. Without getting into any major details, my stomach became tense and cramped, I had trouble swallowing and eating, and I was unable to sleep. I literally had no sleep from Tuesday until Friday. On Friday, I received the call from my staffing agency saying Intertek (my job) no longer needed me, so my contract was ended. Out of desperation for what I was going through, I went to the ER Thursday night.
I had a follow-up visit with my doctor Monday. We're convinced it's anxiety, and since it has started I've had it almost constantly. I've got a couple meds started now, and hopefully they'll have the desired effect to help relax me, calm me down, ease my sleep, and maybe boost my mood and motivation.
So, sorry I've not been around lately. Love you guys <3 See you soon.
A Thought Process Over The Past Year Or So
Posted 14 years agoThis is a thought process I've had over the past year or so, brought up every handful of days to weeks. It's highly possible you won't understand anything I'm talking about. I just feel like getting this off my chest.
"I wish I understood why he gets like this. It seems like nothing I say quite gets through."
"Maybe it's just a mood, maybe something triggered it, but any attempts to understand it fail to sound reasonable to me. He's making exceptions, then committing double standards, and I don't know what to think of it."
"Why are you doing this? God damnit, I'm your friend, why won't you listen to me and trust me? Why are you going on this crusade?"
"You ask for it, you literally ask for it! Why should I as your friend have to be the one who does something? Why should you even force this upon your friend in the first place?"
"I just need to say the right thing. If I can find the right words, maybe he'll realize something.. fucking hell, why am I even bothering? He's proven to dismiss anything and everything without fail and then never gives me a straight answer."
"This is just unfair. I don't deserve this stress. I keep wanting to do it, but there HAS to be another way, there MUST be something I can say to convince him to stop."
"I cherish this friendship too much to let all this get to me. He's still a good person. Just fuck if I knew why he seems convinced the world's out to get him sometimes. I just wish he wouldn't then act like such a hypocrite an asshole and take everything perceived against him and unleash it back 100 fold."
"You don't even realize what I am going through. Not even explaining how stressful this has been registers with you. Why? I think that's what hurts the most, far more than you treating others so vehemently for no god damn reason, far more than how heart breaking it is that you don't even seem to realize your own hypocrisy."
"I just want this to end. I want it to stop. I want my friend back."
I'd say I want to cry, but that'd be a lie. I suppose most others would in my situation. Instead, I just feel it all baring down on me, making my neck ache, and plaguing my thoughts.
"I wish I understood why he gets like this. It seems like nothing I say quite gets through."
"Maybe it's just a mood, maybe something triggered it, but any attempts to understand it fail to sound reasonable to me. He's making exceptions, then committing double standards, and I don't know what to think of it."
"Why are you doing this? God damnit, I'm your friend, why won't you listen to me and trust me? Why are you going on this crusade?"
"You ask for it, you literally ask for it! Why should I as your friend have to be the one who does something? Why should you even force this upon your friend in the first place?"
"I just need to say the right thing. If I can find the right words, maybe he'll realize something.. fucking hell, why am I even bothering? He's proven to dismiss anything and everything without fail and then never gives me a straight answer."
"This is just unfair. I don't deserve this stress. I keep wanting to do it, but there HAS to be another way, there MUST be something I can say to convince him to stop."
"I cherish this friendship too much to let all this get to me. He's still a good person. Just fuck if I knew why he seems convinced the world's out to get him sometimes. I just wish he wouldn't then act like such a hypocrite an asshole and take everything perceived against him and unleash it back 100 fold."
"You don't even realize what I am going through. Not even explaining how stressful this has been registers with you. Why? I think that's what hurts the most, far more than you treating others so vehemently for no god damn reason, far more than how heart breaking it is that you don't even seem to realize your own hypocrisy."
"I just want this to end. I want it to stop. I want my friend back."
I'd say I want to cry, but that'd be a lie. I suppose most others would in my situation. Instead, I just feel it all baring down on me, making my neck ache, and plaguing my thoughts.
My Trip to Connecticut a.k.a. How I Thought I Was Gonna Die
Posted 14 years agoI've been wanting to finally meet 
flarestarfire for ages now and he was at FurFright this past weekend. Some things worked out that I'd be able to make the 4ish (traffic depending) hour drive of just over 200 miles all the way the hell there to Cromwell, CT, from southeastern PA where FurFright is held. The drive was rather uneventful and took too long thanks to traffic, but I made it there an hour after closing ceremonies on Sunday. It was TOTALLY worth it to finally meet my favorite shire-turned-ram pianist. Met some cool people including a dainunicorn and a belicbear, chatted it up like mad with his one non-vore kangaroo room mate whose name completely eludes me, had a furio receive assistance from Dain to pull off my socks and start sucking at my feet for a while (that was... uhh, yeah, it happened so whatever ]X8D ), managed to get nommed at about 60 (or maybe 600) times by Flare by the end of it all, wound up helping unload the big Uhaul truck of con equipment, becoming the only owner of a FurFright 2011 badge clip and keychain who never attended the con, then getting free food at Bertucci's for the staff meeting dinner (when I, you know, never even attended the con ]X8D ), watched Flare get groped by a Bertucci's waiter while Flare was in his ram suit...
... aaaaand then Flare had a shittastic run-in with Delta and their being an airline manifestation of shit and fucking him out of his rewards ticket back home by claiming he was scheduled to fly home next fucking week, there being the money spent on another one through another company through the charity of a friend of his (no, not me), and having to get him to the Hartford International Airport at 4:30 AM. Despite all this, I couldn't sleep one single wink Monday night.
Not one single second of sleep.
Maybe it didn't help that it was in Dain's truck? So, I tried getting a room at an Econo Lodge at that point hoping to get some sleep for a few hours so that I'd drive home feeling more or less rested. Queue anxiety attack that lasted from 5 AM to 7:30 AM at which point I finally gave up and tried going home. Yay, I spent $57 to take a shit and a shower then stare at their lovely wallpaper and room decor while undergoing a nervous breakdown.
The anxiety attack was something I've never felt before. I think my subconscious was convinced I was going to die or be stuck in CT with no simple way (or, only a very expensive if I wanted a safe way) of going home. I'm leaning on the "I'm going to die" belief because it's insane how absolutely hard my heart kept pumping. I've never felt such dread and uncertainty in my life. I mean, I can get anxiety at times, usually because I have some obligation the next morning when I'm going to bed too late and am not accustomed to my alarm clock (obviously that never happens anymore having a job requiring a 6 AM wake up call), and sometimes a bad night for whatever reason where I am enjoying the shadowy surroundings of my bed unable to just fall asleep for an hour or two. But, holy shit, if that wasn't the most miserable time of my life, I'll never know what it would be.
The night clerk of the Econo Lodge, despite her limited capacity, tried so hard to help me. She was sweet, always smiling, and seemed genuinely caring of my inability to sleep. Ended up calling when I did get home to let them know of how good she was. I don't think she'll ever know how close I was to a nervous breakdown. Thanks again, Ashley, even though you'll never read this.
Once I finally decided to fuck it and drive the now 230 miles home (was at the airport now, after all) on adrenaline alone and only the 6 or so hours of sleep on Sunday (on which I was up till nearly 3 AM and I'd not gone to bed any later than midnight for 6 months prior, my circadian rhythm is pretty set now) I was growing delirious from a mix of sleep deprivation brought on by the whole "no sleep for over 30 hours and I've 4+ worth of driving" thing and the intense anxiety that threatened to burst my heart like a balloon. I thanked Ashley for her help and spent the next nearly two hours crying hysterically, that is to say laughing between sobs of uncontrollable tears at my predicament. Even in the worst of situations I'm surprisingly capable of laughter at the problem and getting through it all. With nothing but a Nutrageous bar and a refilled bottle of water, I bought some 5-hour energy shots, got some gas to last me till I could get cheaper closer to home, and drove. I relied on adrenaline for about half the trip, then slowly sipped down one of my energy shots. Fortunately, my body's sleep deprived state allowed me to avoid feeling hungry so long as I nibbled at the candy bar. Eventually, I stopped for some very shitty Wendy's food at a huge ass mall with an Imax in it somewhere in New York state. I think they prepared it with ingredients they had left sitting out all night because it tasted like a dried out cat's hairball. I then eventually got home between a couple stops more over all and without really losing focus or awareness of my driving at all.
I believe that I was the most anxious about my lack of sleep threatening me trouble with my ability to drive. I was afraid I'd get into some major accident and either die or be stuck out there. The drive went without issue, excepting for the fact that my overacting adrenals and extreme anxiety had convinced my bladder it was the size of a grapenut. I was very happy to finally be home.
Fuck, that sucked...
It was worth it, though. I finally met Flare and listened to him play piano in person sitting right next to him. Oh, and there was the flamboyantly gay waiter at Bertucci's I mentioned earlier who, when wanting to join in on the group shot with Flare and the three others who donned their suits at the end of dinner, shouted out, "You can't go wrong with a Big, Black Ram!!!" If the guy had discovered Flare's tail squeaked if squeezed, he'd have been knocking over wine glasses the rest of the night.
Next year, I'm taking the fucking train ]|8.
flarestarfire for ages now and he was at FurFright this past weekend. Some things worked out that I'd be able to make the 4ish (traffic depending) hour drive of just over 200 miles all the way the hell there to Cromwell, CT, from southeastern PA where FurFright is held. The drive was rather uneventful and took too long thanks to traffic, but I made it there an hour after closing ceremonies on Sunday. It was TOTALLY worth it to finally meet my favorite shire-turned-ram pianist. Met some cool people including a dainunicorn and a belicbear, chatted it up like mad with his one non-vore kangaroo room mate whose name completely eludes me, had a furio receive assistance from Dain to pull off my socks and start sucking at my feet for a while (that was... uhh, yeah, it happened so whatever ]X8D ), managed to get nommed at about 60 (or maybe 600) times by Flare by the end of it all, wound up helping unload the big Uhaul truck of con equipment, becoming the only owner of a FurFright 2011 badge clip and keychain who never attended the con, then getting free food at Bertucci's for the staff meeting dinner (when I, you know, never even attended the con ]X8D ), watched Flare get groped by a Bertucci's waiter while Flare was in his ram suit...... aaaaand then Flare had a shittastic run-in with Delta and their being an airline manifestation of shit and fucking him out of his rewards ticket back home by claiming he was scheduled to fly home next fucking week, there being the money spent on another one through another company through the charity of a friend of his (no, not me), and having to get him to the Hartford International Airport at 4:30 AM. Despite all this, I couldn't sleep one single wink Monday night.
Not one single second of sleep.
Maybe it didn't help that it was in Dain's truck? So, I tried getting a room at an Econo Lodge at that point hoping to get some sleep for a few hours so that I'd drive home feeling more or less rested. Queue anxiety attack that lasted from 5 AM to 7:30 AM at which point I finally gave up and tried going home. Yay, I spent $57 to take a shit and a shower then stare at their lovely wallpaper and room decor while undergoing a nervous breakdown.
The anxiety attack was something I've never felt before. I think my subconscious was convinced I was going to die or be stuck in CT with no simple way (or, only a very expensive if I wanted a safe way) of going home. I'm leaning on the "I'm going to die" belief because it's insane how absolutely hard my heart kept pumping. I've never felt such dread and uncertainty in my life. I mean, I can get anxiety at times, usually because I have some obligation the next morning when I'm going to bed too late and am not accustomed to my alarm clock (obviously that never happens anymore having a job requiring a 6 AM wake up call), and sometimes a bad night for whatever reason where I am enjoying the shadowy surroundings of my bed unable to just fall asleep for an hour or two. But, holy shit, if that wasn't the most miserable time of my life, I'll never know what it would be.
The night clerk of the Econo Lodge, despite her limited capacity, tried so hard to help me. She was sweet, always smiling, and seemed genuinely caring of my inability to sleep. Ended up calling when I did get home to let them know of how good she was. I don't think she'll ever know how close I was to a nervous breakdown. Thanks again, Ashley, even though you'll never read this.
Once I finally decided to fuck it and drive the now 230 miles home (was at the airport now, after all) on adrenaline alone and only the 6 or so hours of sleep on Sunday (on which I was up till nearly 3 AM and I'd not gone to bed any later than midnight for 6 months prior, my circadian rhythm is pretty set now) I was growing delirious from a mix of sleep deprivation brought on by the whole "no sleep for over 30 hours and I've 4+ worth of driving" thing and the intense anxiety that threatened to burst my heart like a balloon. I thanked Ashley for her help and spent the next nearly two hours crying hysterically, that is to say laughing between sobs of uncontrollable tears at my predicament. Even in the worst of situations I'm surprisingly capable of laughter at the problem and getting through it all. With nothing but a Nutrageous bar and a refilled bottle of water, I bought some 5-hour energy shots, got some gas to last me till I could get cheaper closer to home, and drove. I relied on adrenaline for about half the trip, then slowly sipped down one of my energy shots. Fortunately, my body's sleep deprived state allowed me to avoid feeling hungry so long as I nibbled at the candy bar. Eventually, I stopped for some very shitty Wendy's food at a huge ass mall with an Imax in it somewhere in New York state. I think they prepared it with ingredients they had left sitting out all night because it tasted like a dried out cat's hairball. I then eventually got home between a couple stops more over all and without really losing focus or awareness of my driving at all.
I believe that I was the most anxious about my lack of sleep threatening me trouble with my ability to drive. I was afraid I'd get into some major accident and either die or be stuck out there. The drive went without issue, excepting for the fact that my overacting adrenals and extreme anxiety had convinced my bladder it was the size of a grapenut. I was very happy to finally be home.
Fuck, that sucked...
It was worth it, though. I finally met Flare and listened to him play piano in person sitting right next to him. Oh, and there was the flamboyantly gay waiter at Bertucci's I mentioned earlier who, when wanting to join in on the group shot with Flare and the three others who donned their suits at the end of dinner, shouted out, "You can't go wrong with a Big, Black Ram!!!" If the guy had discovered Flare's tail squeaked if squeezed, he'd have been knocking over wine glasses the rest of the night.
Next year, I'm taking the fucking train ]|8.
UPDATE - The Black Labyrinth
Posted 14 years agoShould be back up.
UAHAUUHRRHURHUHRURGLLLPPLPLPL THIS IS A LONG JOURNAL TITLE!
Posted 14 years agoI am moved out and have my internet.
That is all.
<3
That is all.
<3
AMERICANS - READ AND SIGN
Posted 14 years agohttp://www.getmoneyout.com/
Get your name on the petition and tell your friends. Make it known you want to get the money out of politics.
I am not a huge Dylan Ratigan fan, but he has his moments, and this is definitely one of those moments. If it can be given national attention, or even attention for the presidential campaign in 2012, we might finally get the ball rolling to restore the "Of the People, By the People, For the People" motif writ by our founders. It's become Of the Money, By the Money, For the money and no one's stopping it because it's become so serious and huge. Maybe, just maybe, some real national attention will cause the spark necessary to make the change.
Click the link and sign the petition. It's the least you can do. Until the money is out of politics, we'll NEVER see our country on the right track. Jobs will NEVER be the focus, the economy will NEVER be the focus, education or the debt or anything else we actually need addressed will NEVER BE THE FOCUS until the money is out and the people are in. The only focus will only ever be the get the other side kicked out (and if that much hasn't become deafeningly obvious over the past 3 years, I'm not sure how much louder it could get to convince you).
Click the damn thing and sign already or I won't eat you ]:8)
Get your name on the petition and tell your friends. Make it known you want to get the money out of politics.
I am not a huge Dylan Ratigan fan, but he has his moments, and this is definitely one of those moments. If it can be given national attention, or even attention for the presidential campaign in 2012, we might finally get the ball rolling to restore the "Of the People, By the People, For the People" motif writ by our founders. It's become Of the Money, By the Money, For the money and no one's stopping it because it's become so serious and huge. Maybe, just maybe, some real national attention will cause the spark necessary to make the change.
Click the link and sign the petition. It's the least you can do. Until the money is out of politics, we'll NEVER see our country on the right track. Jobs will NEVER be the focus, the economy will NEVER be the focus, education or the debt or anything else we actually need addressed will NEVER BE THE FOCUS until the money is out and the people are in. The only focus will only ever be the get the other side kicked out (and if that much hasn't become deafeningly obvious over the past 3 years, I'm not sure how much louder it could get to convince you).
Click the damn thing and sign already or I won't eat you ]:8)
I am MOVING! ]:8D
Posted 14 years agoFirst week of October, I should be moving out to my first, and very own, place. When the time comes, expect an extra-missing bull until I'm fully moved and get internet setup.
Help An Artist In Need - Info Here
Posted 14 years ago
vhyena - Main account
thatothervguy - Vore accountIf you're in the market for commissions, look here, especially if you're fond of fat, studly, or otherwise big hot beasties (especially again if you're fond of vore, which if you +watch'd me you likely are).
Here's a recent journal of his detailing $20 commissions - http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2722586/
Check it out, commission something, he needs it ]:8O
I Need a Bovine Troll Face
Posted 14 years agoAny of my bored artist friends care to do be an awesome favor and fulfill a request of my minotaur self looking like Trollface? Just the head would suffice ]X8D
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...../Trollface.png - In case you don't know who he is.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...../Trollface.png - In case you don't know who he is.
To my American friends
Posted 14 years agoA little copy paste action here. I have really no hope in that this will do anything, but to give in to such negative "Why bother?" attitudes means we cannot say we at least tried. I got an email from CREDO if you're familiar with them at all. It included a link to automatically add in your signature to a petition demanding President Obama call the Republicans' bluff for their bullshit over the debt ceiling. Read it, click it, sign it, and thank you. At least I feel like I can do something with this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Friend,
The deadline to raise the debt ceiling is just over a month away, and things are not looking good.
Republicans recently broke off talks with Vice President Biden over the White House's proposal to raise $400 billion in revenue by eliminating tax breaks for wealthy individuals and corporations.
That proposal represented no more than one dollar in revenue increases for every five dollars in cuts, but even that was a bridge too far for Republicans.
And let's remember, while the Republicans won't even agree to a minimal amount of tax increases, they are willing (in fact eager) to put extremely popular and important programs like Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security on the chopping block.
These negotiations are a farce and it's time for President Obama to cut bait and stop trying to negotiate with Republican extremists.
I just told President Obama to call the Republicans' bluff on the debt ceiling.
I hope you do too. You can read more about this issue and easily take action at the link below.
http://act.credoaction.com/campaign.....&rc=paste1
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Friend,
The deadline to raise the debt ceiling is just over a month away, and things are not looking good.
Republicans recently broke off talks with Vice President Biden over the White House's proposal to raise $400 billion in revenue by eliminating tax breaks for wealthy individuals and corporations.
That proposal represented no more than one dollar in revenue increases for every five dollars in cuts, but even that was a bridge too far for Republicans.
And let's remember, while the Republicans won't even agree to a minimal amount of tax increases, they are willing (in fact eager) to put extremely popular and important programs like Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security on the chopping block.
These negotiations are a farce and it's time for President Obama to cut bait and stop trying to negotiate with Republican extremists.
I just told President Obama to call the Republicans' bluff on the debt ceiling.
I hope you do too. You can read more about this issue and easily take action at the link below.
http://act.credoaction.com/campaign.....&rc=paste1
