Hello people, long time no see read or whatever you want to call it that we do here.

Figured that I'd give a brief life update as to what's been going on for the passed year or so. I did end up losing my job at Garda World after they closed the branch that I worked at with no possibility of being transferred elsewhere due to my part time status. The spinal injury that I incurred at work due to an attack has become a permanent injury that unfortunately won't ever fully heal and may require surgery in the coming years -but- I'm a tough cookie, so I'm not going to touch that option unless its -absolutely- needed. After that, I did end up getting the opportunity to be funded to go for retraining of sorts. Over the course of August to around January, I took a training course and ended up earning my ACZ license, which basically means now I can drive transport trucks, B-trains, motor coach buses, and basically anything with wheels and a steering console, I can drive it. During this time as well, I was enrolled in a bariatric weight loss program that dropped 75lbs from my frame, helping out my back injury and overall health and outlook rather positively to boot!

Wound up getting a job at a place called Dufferin Concrete in mid January but didn't get -fully- hired until around the end of February. Driving cement trucks, I couldn't ask for a better paying job for an 'entry level' position really. So I was super stoked about it. Things were going well until mother nature decided to strike me down. Cleaning up the cab of my truck so I could see outside of the windows, as in those large vehicles, your mirrors are your life, if you can't see them? You're literally driving blind and will probably kill someone. Ended up on the passenger side step of the truck, hanging onto the grab bar, cleaning the exterior window of the truck when I guess there was some ice or major condensation on the step and Voom! Off I went and fell 7 feet to the concrete pad under the truck, smashing my elbow really well in the process.

So, turns out now I've got nerve damage in my right arm, the ulnar nerve has been healing since April 26th, the date of the accident, can't straighten or really grip with my pinky and ring fingers and cannot straighten my right arm fully -yet-. It is getting there though.

So I've been off doing modified work and still trying to earn my keep here and there, but then? Disaster strikes again! I was driving to work the morning of June 28th 2017 and I felt just...terrible. Like someone trying to gut me with a pickaxe-terrible. So I called off work and immediately go to the nearest ER to get checked out. Turns out? I've got severe pancreatitis and if I wasn't treated, could probably result in permanent damage! How did this happen? Apparently I also was -loaded- with gal stones. Yep...the diet that dropped me all that weight...caused gal stones >_< And one of the little buggers apparently had slipped his moorings and ended up blocking the bile duct between the pancreas, liver and gal bladder causing a major backup into the pancreas. Spent the next several days in hospital waiting for it to pass and hopefully not die.

Come July the second, I was heading home again, after being accused of being a raging alcoholic by the local surgeon who refused to change her Canada Day plans to get the little fucker out of me ASAP (gal bladder = little fucker) SO! I got sent home and said "Just reduce your fat intake and no pork." So I was all "...ok." And did just that. I told my family doctor that I'm not to see that surgeon ever again but I do need my gal bladder out, so please get me in with someone else.

Three weeks and about five gal bladder 'attacks' later, and I call the doctors office and they tell me that the surgeon that I was supposed to see...has been on Vacation since July 1st and won't be back until August 17-20th or so. I was like "....what...Then send me to someone else!" So they got right to it. Beginning of August comes around and I've had to take more time off of work because I kept waking up or just not sleeping due to -massive- abdominal pain, like...I would maybe wish this kind of pain on Kim Jong Un or the members of ISIS but apart from that, my worst personal enemy I'd never wish this on. Laying in bed crying most mornings in a fetal position is definitely not my idea of 'awesome'.

So...I get a call saying "We've got a cancellation with -this- doctor." I said "Don't care where it is, get me in." So...next day? I'm in to see this awesome surgeon, Dr. Prodger out of Burlington. He just takes one look at me and says "Jeeze...you okay?" I guess I looked really pale. So he said "Alright, I'm putting you through for immediate CT Scans, Ultrasounds, and radium injections for dye material for both." So I was all "Oh, okay." At this point I didn't care. He then said the magic sentence: "We'll get that gal bladder out of you within two weeks."

Now here I am two weeks later, I've got four extra bellybuttons right now and I'm laying in bed in a lot of pain, but...as odd as this sounds, I feel a lot better. Like...I don't feel sick anymore. August 29th I had surgery laproscopically in the brand new Joeseph Brant Hospital in Burlington, was treated amazingly by the staff and nurses there and came out of it with a few new scars and one less diseased gal bladder. I'll heal up over the next week or so, so that's a good thing at least. Just gotta keep to my meds and keep moving a bit, let the wounds heal up and hopefully be back to work come Monday or Tuesday next week.

So yep, that's a bit of an update for all 2 or 3 of you that watch my journals anymore. So hurray for me!

Oh, and another neat thing I got to do, I got to test ride a Yamaha V-star 1300 and I think I fell in love! Lol...who knows? Might come home with one of those beasties in the forseeable future. :3 Here's hoping!

"Fuck-me-Fridays"

I think that's what I'm going to name a small series. Why you may ask? Because it seems that everything that is 'fucking me' (no, not in the good way) occurs on a Friday. My injury to my back is an exception to the rule as it happened on a Monday, and everyone hates Monday's already so that doesn't count.

Friday Feb 12th, I go outside to start my truck to head to my physiotherapist appointment in the morning, and I guess someone had left the wipers on in my truck, they had frozen to the windscreen. I heard a pop after they cycled once, and the passenger side wiper stood straight up and would not move afterward. Great...thankfully that has been fixed thanks to my dad and myself and my dad's friends helping out.

Friday Feb 26th, the last day worked of a two week turnaround pay period, when my pay cards got taken to branch to get processed and submitted, (I can only speculate here so don't quote me) I guess one of my time cards got misplaced as I'm currently missing nearly 20 hours in pay from the week of Feb 14th to the 20th. Still pending on this and I hope its resolved soon.

Friday Feb 26th, I signed up with a personal trainer at Goodlife Fitness in Grimsby ON at around 0900 and sure, it was expensive but I did the math and discovered that I could -just- eek by each month if I continued to work.

Friday Feb 26th -again- 1145am. I am at work setting up my things for the day, making sure everything is all good when all of a sudden one of my co-workers gets a text that freaks them out, they came out of the office and exclaimed "We're closing!" and everyone was like "Hawhaw...you're funny..." And then...the notice of closure was posted...along with that sinking feeling hitting -everyone- around at the time of "What am I going to do now?"

Now on to more recent events!

Friday March 4th: I receive a call from the Workers compensation board and they say that, and I quote "This is not a good news call." And that's when I knew that I was in for some shit. Apparently they are revoking my Workers compensation claim that was initiated by me being injured AT WORK on November 30th, disk herniation's is what I have. Now I have no idea what to do, I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off and am wondering if I'm going to be back-charged for all the physio appointments and perscription pain killers that they've put me on over the last several months, and of course. WTF AM I GOING TO DO NOW!?!?

So yeah, all in all? WTF!?!?! Fucking Fridays...people say "TGIF" I say "Ah fuck, its Friday..." I don't know what to do, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I am legitimately pissed off, and I want answers, though I have a feeling come this next Friday, I'll not get any or I'll get some that I don't want.

Someone stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Okay, so, from people that have known me for quite some time, you'll know that I work as an armored car guard, otherwise known as a 'Cash Services Technician" through a company of which I won't name directly, but it ryhms with "Farta Borld" and is owned by frenchmen. That should narrow it down a bit.

Anyways, I got hired there in 2014 November, I couldn't have been more excited! And sure, the job itself has had its ups and downs, and I will admit I kind of became jaded to the fact that i carried a firearm for self defense, wore a bullet-resistant vest for protection against those that would harm me, and had a license to carry, that and I was carting around hundreds of millions of dollars through the course of my career for other people that viewed me not as a person, but a number. And yes, before people start going "Welcome to real life" yes, I am quite aware that I am no longer known as my given and birth name, but a number in an ever falling apart conglomerate that is 'the working world'.

Regardless of that statement above, I worked with some amazing people at The Company that shall not be named (*Hiss!*) and sure there were some that were a little more difficult than others, but not once in my entire time there, had anyone lied to me about the work. There was sarcasm sure, there were statements about the job that were jokingly untrue but in all my time there, not one of the people I worked with barefaced lied to me about the job itself and the work.

Now...in comes corporate a few months ago doing some kind of review and audit of the company itself, this of course happening after I had been injured on November 30th 2015 and was stuck in office doing modified work (Note that I still -am- doing modified work as of writing this journal), and the corporate chronies stood there, shook my hand, bought me a doughnut and coffee, and barefaced lied to me that I was a valued employee and was doing a good job, that they hoped I got better soon so I could get back out there on the road; and that Beamsville was getting a new branch, new trucks and new gear in general. It was all things that sounded to good to be true, and I felt like a sucker believing them for about one ten-millionth of a second while they were saying it.


Then of course, I got a look into their eyes. The one person genuinely wished me well in my endeavors and hoped that I would get better soon, he didn't like seeing people injured so good on him! The other? The corporate mastermind behind the incidents that I will describe shortly...I got a look in his eyes and I saw nothing but contempt for everyone, dollar signs, and I saw hatred for me because I was costing the company money in WSIB claims and pay for a 'casual' who really, in the long and short of it, isn't worth beans to the company as a whole.

So when I saw that, I knew things were really taking a downward turn, but...I chose to not really ignore it, but I chose to put it on the back burner as from what our management said and the full timers that had been at that specific branch for nearly 20-30 years through various different companies like Loomis, G4S and Securecorps etc...That they'd 'tried this stuff before and it just didn't work' because they realized logistically that closing down this branch and getting all runs for the Niagara region run out of the main office in Mississauga were a nightmare in man hours and travel time/wear & tear on the trucks and equipment in general. Not to mention would wear on the customers patience.

Well...as of Friday I decided to do something because I was almost certain that I was going to be getting back into work soon, my physiotherapy is going well, my mobility is getting much much better and my strength is coming back. I'm coming up on my 30th birthday this year and I made a goal, to be under 300lbs before my 30th. SO! I did what any logical person would do, started eating differently, and decided to look into a personal trainer and life-coach. Through the company I got a membership to Goodlife Fitness, great gym, great location, amazing staff and wonderful personal trainers.

I met with a trainer on Friday morning at 8:30am and spoke with him for about an hour about my personal goals as well as weightloss goals, got my weight (which currently is an abysmal 345lbs >_< Fucking injury...) and developed an action plan that not only would make me shed the weight, but would also help me get better and feel better about myself the whole way along.

I was feeling pumped, ready to go and thought long and hard over it and I made the choice out of three programs to go with the longest running which would take a full year and...cost quite a bit of money, but I knew that I needed it and that I could do it if I put my heart into it, which it is! Well...Come later that morning.

I get to work, freshly showered ready to go, at 1130am. I punch in, took a seat down after asking where my boss was, he was out at a meeting in Mississauga (head office for us) So he'd be back later, no biggie. I start to read my book. (Clive Cussler is an amazing author by the way, highly recommended. Kurt Austin and Dirk Pitt are both series's that I adore)

One of the full timers who was taking the place of our lead hand that day screamed and sounded like she'd been stabbed or shot. So I had my hand on my firearm and she ran out into the main area and said "We're closing!" And she was smiling (She always smiles so I thought she was joking) but...she wasn't joking at all. And that's when it hit me. The manager on duty gets a call from our boss and posts up a notice of closure on the punch clock. Stating that as of April 2nd 2016...all operations at the Beamsville Office will cease permanently and will be moved to Mississauga and London branches.

I'm thinking "Okay, maybe I'll just move to low-lie", basically service, will be run out of Beamsville branch as really, that's all it was ever designed for, not full on armored truck haul-outs. But nope...the branch is shutting down, and all full time staff are going to be bumped and shuttled into Mississauga, London, Owen Sound or basically offered a buy-out.

Casuals like me on the other hand....are shit outta luck. Because there are roughly 125 employees at Beamsville branch, most are full timers, and at Mississauga there are almost 500 employees, mostly full timers as well...the 'bumping' in schedules will be nightmarish and they don't want to move anyone into layoff positions but it looks like that is what is going to happen. So...essentially, as per union rules. If a full timer books off and there are other full timers on layoff, no casual will be offered work unless those that are laid off (full timers, again) refuse the work outright. So basically...Casuals and completely S.O.L. when it comes to this branch closure.

So now I have to figure out how I can cancel my personal trainer membership thing before I start getting raped by fees or whatnot else that I really do not have the money for anymore; figure out if I can find another job within the next month that pays at least -something- decent so I can afford my truck payment and car insurance, and also manage to pay for medical expenses as I'm almost certain that after April 2nd, my marching papers will be handed to me and I'll be removed from their WSIB claims...as they are pushing me into an Early Safe Return to Work status as of this week...

So in other words.

I'M FUCKED! :D

And not in the good way either!


Anyone need a slightly used kidney or lung? I've got half a liver I could put up for sale as well, spleen maybe too. 20K a piece or best offer.

Fucks sakes this sucks royally...I honestly don't know what to do. Maybe start a youtube cooking channel or something, earn revenue off of that. Hah...yeah right. *sighs* Time will tell I guess. Tell me if you guys (All 3 of you that watch my journals) would think a 'gofundme' would maybe be a good idea at this point.

Ninjas + Space + Guns = Warframe. No more need be said....except....

This is an excellent game, this is honestly a good example of how free to play should be done, though at the same time an example of how it shouldn't be done as well. The game itself is fun to no end, it has a difficulty curve that is relatively easy for new players to get acquainted with, the controls are intuitive for most and works well both on controller and PC Keyboard+Mouse combination. The movement of the characters or "warframes" that you play is fluid and has a motion control that I will admit is better than some triple-A titles that are out there. The lighting, sound, and level design is quite amazing considering you can literally go back into the same mission (minus some Dark Sector missions) and the levels themselves are randomly generated, different elements, different layouts, and different objective locations keep you guessing and exploring the movement capabilities of your parkour-space-ninja-with-guns, self.

Though the good points aside, the bad things do stand out unfortunately...badly.

The game itself relies on an in game currency to be able to build new weapons, frames, research and build new equipment, etc...The 'essential' items that are sometimes needed for an increase or mission are ridiculously expensive or when/if you do get the credits for them, take on average 8-12 real time hours, yes, -REAL TIME- as in real life daylight hours on the clock, to construct. That is...unless you spend your hard earned money on "Platinum" which is a currency akin to World of Tanks "Gold" for a heavier in game currency. The platinum exchange rate is rather...poor in my opinion and unfortunately for a lot of players that do enjoy playing different things daily or they -finally- farm that last part for their new "Oberon" or different warframe that they want to play, they then have to spend 36 hours waiting for the three parts (Helmet, chasis, and systems) to build. THEN after that its average of 72 hours on top of that 36 hours for the actual new frame to build; UNLESS you decide to spend your money on Platinum and pay 25Platinum -per part- to construct in a "Rush" and then 50-75 platinum to "rush" the final frame. And the best part? You may find that after you build this frame and spent roughly 15 dollars CAD or 10 USD on the platinum to build said Warframe, that you might not actually like it, and there are no refunds for Platinum. You can only sell warframes that you have for in game credit currency.

That, is my biggest beef with this game, is the fact that the build times for these warframes almost essentially -force- a regular player of the game to actually spend real world money on an imaginary product that's exchange rate is worse than trying to transfer CAD into USD. Essentially it is a 'pay wall' that honestly, is quite annoying, but for a casual player that maybe logs on once or twice a week? Might not be a big deal and they don't mind waiting for the new frame to be built. Though then it comes to the weapons. The same problem with the warframe build times and paywall transfers over to the weapons as well. On average depending on weapon, it takes 8-12 hours for one weapon to build or 25 platinum to Rush. Once again, if you do not like the weapon? No refunds in platinum, only piddly amount of in game credits (I think my last weapon I sold netted me 10K creds, and it was a high leve whip too.)

Personally? I give this game a recommendation on just the simple fact that the game itself -is- fun and it definitely is entertaining when you can get your friends to join in. Working together as a team of 4 warframes is -uber- satisfying and completing objectives like Mobile Defense, Excavation (hardest imo), Defense, or even just simple Extermination against different factions (Corpus, Grineer, Infested, and Orokin) is quite satisfying to be had! If you can get around the negativity of having a 'pay wall' in essence if you plan on playing this regularly, then I highly recommend it. If you can't get around that fact? I'd say give it a pass.

Final Verdict: (Items with an * beside it will have an explanation further down)

Gameplay: 8/10
Visuals: 9/10
Controls: 8/10
Level Design: 9/10
Warframe Design: 10/10
Warframe Selection: 6/10*
Weapon Selection: 7/10*
Enemy Design: 8/10
UI Design: 7/10*
Microtransactions: 5/10*

Overall: 7.5/10

*1) Warframe Selection: This received the score it did due to a few things. The main one being that the warframe selection in the game itself is quite extensive yes, but the problem lies in that there are some frames that do not have blueprints available to be purchased with in game currency and therefore if the player wishes to enjoy a new warframe that they think will suit their play-style better than the one they currently own, they are forced into either not having it, period. Or paying a fee of real money in exchange for the frame they wish to have. Also one of the other points for this to note is inventory space; for warframes initially upon downloading the game and firing it up for the first time, you -only- are limited to 3 spaces for warframes. One of which is taken by the one you select off the bat. Excalibur, Volt, or Loki. Each additional inventory slot for a new warframe is 20 platinum ONLY. You cannot purchase these slots for in game credits, which I think is once again, another issue with the pay wall b/s. Once again this goes back to the 'pay wall' that I mentioned earlier. As well as the ridiculous build times needed to create one in game item. A total of 108 real world hours for something that you may not even enjoy or 10 USD(15CAD) to get immediately. The build times should in my opinion be shortened to a -maximum- of 8 hours overall, and even that is pushing it.

*2) Weapon Selection: This received the score it did due to similar reasons from the previous bullet point on "warframe selection". A lot of weapons in the game have blueprints available for them through regular in game currency, but if you wish to use certain weapons that seem to fit your play style more than others, a lot of them require you to purchase platinum once again, hiding these weapons in particular behind 'pay walls' for Platinum. And once again the build times for some weapons that you may or may not enjoy using is again, 8-12 hours or about 4USD(6CAD) to "Rush" and once again, no guarantee you'll enjoy the weapon itself.

*3) UI Design: This received a score of 7/10 for the following reasons: The UI itself is actually very well integrated but the problem is that for new playsers getting into the game, a lot of the things that you need to know, like powers, mods, management of inventory space, etc...are all hidden in sub-menu's of sub-menus. I call this "The Witcher Syndrome" No, not Wild Hunt, the very -first- Witcher game, aka, spreadsheet simulator. I feel that the menus for communications, friends, and inventory should be a little more available and easy to get to without someone having to tell you "You hit this key, go here, and then into this menu and then into here and click this and tadaa! There you go!" Might be a little nit-picky, but at the same time for new players to the game it can be a little difficult to get ones head wrapped around.

*4) Microtransactions/Platinum: This received a score of 5/10 for the following reasons: I will be the first to say that I completely understand that this is a free to play video game that was developed with the soul intention of being just that and with a paid currency in game to allow a service to be provided for server maintenance, and support as well as continued development. That is just business, and I completely understand it. BUT The big thing that brings this score to the point that it is, is this: The fact that these 'microtransactions' for Platinum currency essentially are -NECESSARY- for progression into the game at a reasonable rate of time rather than spending most of your time playing idling in the background waiting for things to build or construct. Microtransactions imo make or break a game, in this game its no exception. Hit or Miss, 50/50 shot on whether you'll enjoy or not. I leave it up to you.




SO! Overall, Warframe, is it good or bad? I'll say. Yes. On both points. It is a fun, fast paced action hack and slash space-ninja-with-guns-and-swords adventure game that has fluid movement, stunning visuals and great playability; though the paywall thing mentioned earlier puts the brakes on this truly being an amazing free to play game.


Let me know if you thought this was helpful or not. If you wish to add me as a friend on Warframe please, do so! I play it whenever I can. PM me if you'd like my tag!

Well...this is definitely something I never thought I'd be writing but here goes. Ever have one of those extremely lucid dreams where you, in essence meet yourself, but its the 'you' that would have been or could have been if one or two things in your history had changed? Yeah...I just had one of those, but instead of meeting just one version of myself, I met several, well...didn't really 'meet' them, but I did find myself wondering a great many things.

It was a very odd dream where my family and I, mom, dad and sister, were transited to a different plane of existence where the world existed on different tiers, or I should say the different parallel universes existed together all at the same time, but there was a way to 'jump' between them, as it were. It involved finding a specific place on the planet where you and your family could literally jump right off the edge of the world into the next, and it continued in a loop until you find yourself back home. Or at least I think that's how it worked.

One place in particular that really stood out to me was the one that I had dreamed just before I woke up. My dad, mom, sister and I had gotten separated after the jump, but...for whatever reason as you make these jumps you always wind up blacked out for a good few hours. SO I woke up in a field outside of a city that I could only describe as 'home' if Beamsville was a little more developed rather than so reliant on wineries and old folks homes. I recognized the layout but it was weird...I started to look around for my dad because he was the one that tandem jumped with me off of the last 'world' that we'd been in into the next but for whatever reason he was gone. I followed footprints to the edge of an asphalt road where cars that were exacctly the same as they are now, were driving around. I figured "Okay..." and I started to walk 'home'. Or at least where I knew home to be in my own 'dimension' or plane.

So I finally find my street which was easy enough, and I used my key that was on my key ring to open the door, seemed that parallel universes it didn't matter what key you used, your different families always had the same ones for whatever reason. And I walked into a very different home. There were more vibrant colours, more furniture, different colour schemes, etc. In the driveway there was a Mercedes SUV of some sort and and on the front porch, a Harley Davidson Dyna Wide-Glide in mint condition. My personal dream bike. So I started to look around the house as it seemed like nobody was there.

The layout of the house was the same, the smell was...different though among other things. But it seemed like nobody was home. So I decided I might as well go to 'my room'. I opened the door to the basement apartment and it was odd because there was a lock on it. But it was open so I proceeded inside regardless. There were small shelving units on the stairs...odd place for them, and picture frames hanging on the stairwell walls. I got to the bottom of the stairwell and that's when I really realized something was different more than asthetics. The room was re-built in a different way, there was a separate bedroom area, the floor had been dropped down by another 10 inches or so, so the ceiling was actually far enough away that I couldn't reach it immediately. There was a wake board hanging on the wall beside a snow board, different diplomas hanging on the walls. A big screen tv set up in front of an entertaining area, the fireplace was gone and replaced with a really nice electric insert and that's when I saw the computer work station.

I walked over toward it and I saw that it was nothing like the gaming rig that I have currently in my own life, in reality. It was a small, workstation machine that was deisigned for more business applications than anything else, and that's when I saw something that made me go "what the.." There was a picture of who I can only describe as 'me' with a girl who I have no idea who she was, she was piggy backing on my back, and...I was a lot different. The facial structure and the hair were similar, but everything else was different. I was buff! Not like, herculean or something no, but like I'd been working out, taking care of my body, etc...That I didn't have any injuries. The computer itself was on, as I accidentally bumped the mouse when I reached for this picture to see it more closely. It was logged into this person, 'me' in another worlds, facebook. So...I started to do some snooping.

Turns out that the thing that was different were quite a few things. When I was 19, I was injured in reality in my 'real life' and whatnot else, this person, apparently had quit Boston Pizza and gone on to college where he decided culinary wasn't for him, he went instead to University for Music studies, though that got him nowhere. Following the timeline there were many many different friends and things that went along the way, but...it was weird. I wasn't finding any pictures of my dad from passed about the year 2000. Nothing at my graduation, nothing at my college graduation, etc...That's when I discovered a 'memorial' page that was posted to facebook. It was done by my sister, apparently my dad had died in an accident at work that was completely the companies fault in 1999. My mother, sister and I were left alone and we had sued the ever loving shit out of Stelco steel and Ainsworth, the companies that my dad worked for at the time, for compensation for his death as they were trying to weasel their ways out of it.

So...my dad had been killed, my mother raised my sister and I on her own, and my sister had continued on her own path to be a rather successful interior designer, my mother switched professions to a Government approved health and safety inspector and I had gone on to get my mechanics license through the Canadian Forces Reserve working on tanks, trucks, and LAV's. But that was when I heard someone moving upstairs in the 'alternate reality' that I was currently in. I put everything back the way it was and fled out of the garage doorway rather than face whoever it happened to be, and then ran like crazy to the 'jump point' where I met up with my dad, mom and sister again. Then we jumped and...that's all I remember because I woke up with a 'wtf' feeling in my gut. Kind of one of those feelings of "...what if?"


God I hate these feelings...its like "What if I did this different? Would I be different? Would I have turned out better?" I dunno its just...really weird to me considering everything that's transpired in my life and how...vivid that 'dream' was. Kind of makes you wonder, if you could 'jump' between realities and see yourself...what would you do? What would you see? Would it be good? Would it be bad? It makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Okay. So...I'll be the first one to admit that as far as computers go? I am -decent- with them. But when it comes to anything else? Not so much.

Here is my dilemma:

I have -never- had an actual PC since I was 19 years old. The last PC that my family had was an old anolog thing that we kept running with chicken wire, duct tape and good thoughts and feelings I'd wager; that thing is ancient history and has been taken to the happy hunting ground. My first computer was a laptop by Dell that I had custom built just before I hit college in 2005. It was -great- and lasted far longer than anything by Dell that I've heard of otherwise. That one finally died in about 2012 or so. I started working at my new job at the time as a machinist at a decent rate of pay, so I bought myself a Toshiba Satelite Laptop as a replacement because I still couldn't afford a decent PC with -everything- that I wanted. That and I still didn't have a desk to set up a PC on so figured 'hell with it'.

There is nothing wrong with my Toshiba, seriously! Apart from a few scratches and dings this little beasty has taken -everything- I could throw at it and more. Until today...A few of my buddies chipped in and bought me GTA-V for a 'feel better' present because they know the death of Jasmine kind of really hurt me along with everything else that had been going on in my life, which I won't go into right now. I loaded it onto my laptop, and got it running! First thing I see is that my CPU isn't the right Htz level for the game to run smoothly. Then I'm overclocking the graphics card in the laptop by almost 500mb over what its capable of. I was like "...This is going to melt my laptop..." aaaand I'd still like to hold onto this thing for a while longer.


SO! What I'm trying to do is build a PC for cheap. Like...700-800 dollars cheap. And yes, this is in CANADIAN.

I'm thinking about using www.wintronicscomputers.com to build one as they are rather local and I've dealt with them before. But...I have -no- clue what I'm looking at or for. Everything that is in their parts list is all techno-bable and I just kind of smile and nod at the screen and go "...kay..."

Now, I'm willing to go outside of my comfort zone for price, like I know NewEgg.ca has some good stuff and deals, but I don't know -what- to get. Like...I know I want to get at least a 150-200Gb SSD of some sort and maybe a 2Tb SATA Hard Drive or something. Caviar Black or Green for those. Kingston Memory, definitely 16 GB at -least- I was thinking a graphics card budget of about 500 Canadian would suffice. I personally prefer Nvidia if possible or AMD Graphics, but as far as power sources, sound cards, monitors, motherboards, I haven't got the first clue.

So...What I'm asking is. HELP ME BUILD A GAMING PC ON A BUDGET!!!

And it -ABSOLUTELY HAS TO BE IN CANADIAN DOLLARS- As I am -not- dealing with that absolute shite exchange rate to US or Euro right now.

SO anyways...Please and thank you? Would really appreciate it!

Well. Tonight was the final straw for our little kitty Jasmine, otherwise known as Peewee. My mother is taking her to be put down tomorrow morning. For those that don't really know, Jasmine is our middle-of-the-road cat, She was a rescue cat and had to fight for every breath of air she got when she was a baby. We fought tooth and nail to get her better, rid her of parisites and whatnot else, and we were successful. We had her for 6 years. The little skittish brown kitty known as peewee who would never come out unless you had food on your plate...and then she'd try to steal it from you.

Today was the last leg of the journey. In the last month, she was diagnosed with liver failure, intestinal parisites -again-, and just in general...she probably has cancer of some sort. More or less, she's been dying for a while, its just finally come to a head. She has lost all her faculties as far as being able to control when/where she goes to the bathroom, she's thin as a rail, and just looking into her eyes, you can tell she's in pain, though cats tend to hide it well enough that we don't know.

So tomorrow...that's it. Curtains for Peewee for the final time. She makes the final car trip to the vet sometime tomorrow morning more than likely, and she'll be out of pain forever. All I can say is that I hope it is quick, painless and that the doctor doesn't charge us out the yin-yang as they have already preyed on my family enough.

I'll miss you Jasmine. There is nothing else to say but Goodbye, and I'll see you another time.

Okay...So anyone that actually follows my journals or has been my friend for a number of months/years or whatnot knows that recently, on March 20th 2015, I was injured in a workplace accident involving my lower back being FUBAR.

So I get a call today, April 10th 2015 from the WSIB, (Workplace Safety Insurance Board) from the person who is deciding my fate as far as my claim goes. But before getting into that, here's a little history. Years ago in 2005, I had a workplace accident when I was working at a place called Boston Pizza, my knee got -royally- fucked up, basically? it exploded from the inside out from weight bearing during an operation that I was forced into under duress. So now to this day I have no cartilage in my left knee at all, have difficulty bending it and it hurts -all- the time. it was deemed a permanent disability by the WSIB but apparently not enough that they would actually accept my claim, nor pay out -any- money to me in regards to it, except a small pittance of what I was owed according to -their- own standard. Basically, it was a back and forth pissing match of he-said she-said bullshit because of why? Because the company fucked it up by falsifying information that was hear-say and putting in a document -days- after the 48 hour limit after time of accident to the WSIB which claimed stuff stating that I wasn't hurt at work, that I was hurt elsewhere! That it wasn't their fault, that it was mine for being fat, and playing football, etc....Basically typical corporate shit. In the long run of that, my knee is still fucked, they got off scott free and the WSIB allowed it to happen, I got fucked out of near $90K for it. And before people tell me I should have gotten a lawyer...I looked into it with several, there was -nothing- I could do. As soon as your claim is taken by the WSIB, they are bulletproof, and so is the employer because they are protected by a small army of lawyers that would basically eat you alive.



Now...moving on to the more recent case at hand. Today is April 10th 2015. I was hurt on March 20th 2015. It was a back injury caused by an impact of my drivers chair bottoming out in the armored transport truck that I was driving at the time; my lower back was impacted and my sciatic nerve suffered damage, and its a possible disk protrusion or disk herniation, though they'd need an MRI to tell. I was instead referred by my family physician to seek Chiropractic care to at least get me back to work faster and if needed I could request an MRI after the fact.

I'll do this by timeline so that people understand how this happens.

March 19th 2015: My grandmother, being 82 has some aches and pains that sometimes happen being her age. She called my house that morning, called my mother, her daughter specifically, at work to indicate that she'd thrown her back out, and needed help. My mother, being a career woman, couldn't go. So after lunch that day, I took my truck back, took her to work and then proceeded to my grandmothers to help. She needed some furniture moved. I did so with ease as she just couldn't bend. It was mostly scooting things across the floor and the only thing that was 'heavy' per-sey was the mattress which I had to turn for her. No big deal. I went home that night and rested up, my back and shoulder were a little bit stiff, I had pulled my shoulder blade muscle when moving her bed. No big deal.

I didn't sleep that well that night, and woke up the next morning at about 5am to a phone call which my dad...stuck his nose into otherwise I'd have said "no thank you." to the offer for a day run for work as I really needed sleep and was going to go to my chiropractor to seek help about my shoulder.

March 20th 2015: I receive a call from work at about 5am in a request to fill a position for a driver that hadn't shown up for work. I was going to say no and my dad, for whatever reason decided to listen in on the call and said "He'll be there in 20 minutes." and I said "...well I guess I'll be there, but be warned, I'm a bit sore today, kinda stiff in my back and shoulder."

"Oh, you're just driving, don't worry about it." was the response from work. "Alright, I guess I'll be there in half hour." So I hung up, gave my dad a -major- stink eye and told him "Don't ever do that again..." and then got dressed and went to work. I was working with a guy I'd not worked with before, but he turned out to be a really chilled out kinda guy. I was walking a bit funny because I was indeed stiff from working at my grandmothers the day before and my shoulder was giving me trouble, and my back was stiff, but not 'oh god kill me' pain or anything. I'd taken an aleve and rubbed voltaren on it and then went to work, it was just stiff muscles. No biggie. SO! I went to work, no problem!

I went and retrieved the truck that I was to drive that day, it was a bigger truck that we'd just gotten from London branch, so...once again, older than dirt but it was newest in our fleet so whatever. I was thinking "okay, no biggie." Now I'll explain something. Armored trucks weigh about 5 tons typically, unloaded. They are heavy and therefore have heavy truck suspension. Usually straight leaf spring suspension in the rear and -possibly- shocks and springs in the front suspension. They try to make up for this by implementing a 'shock absorber' into the seats for the passengers and driver to negate the lack of suspension the trucks themselves have. Though the trucks being quite old in our fleet -rarely- have a good shock absorber in the seats regardless of who is in them or what weight they are. Now me? I'm probably about 350lbs or so with all my gear for work on (gun belt, gun, ammo, multi-tool, Bullet-resistant vest, etc...) So the seats usually are riding low for me, so I have to adjust them. THat's usually not an issue...but this seat wouldn't adjust except for going back or forwards. So I was stuck in an uncomfortable position which was aggravating my shoulder and kind of making my stiff back twinge a bit.

March 20th around 11am-12noon: My custodian and I had been through a number of calls already, I was doing fine! I was uncomfortable, but hey, those trucks are -not- made with creature comforts in mind. I was kind of relaxing, doing what I could, stretching where and when I needed to, etc... We got to one call in Ancaster where the driveway was one of those ones where the store/complex was definitely not there when the sidewalk was put in? So it was a -very- sharp and steep bump that lead up into the parking lot. There is lots of traffic around and I already had this one guy up my ass for most of the way down the road and he was flashing his lights at me to get by faster or for me to get out of the way, or for something that fell off the truck, I don't know, but he was flashing his lights at me so I just wanted to get gone faster and be done with it.

I took the corner into the parking lot at about 15km/hr and the chair proceeded to bottom out on me and slammed my ass into the seat and basically jammed my lower back into my hips. I made a loud yelp of pain and the searing twinge in my lower back just about made me puke. But after the seat leveled itself out under me, I was -somewhat- okay...if I didn't move to much. I parked the truck and then my custodian asked if I was okay to continue. Not being one to let a little pain get in my way (Yay for being stubborn to a fault) I said "yeah, I'm okay." and let him go do his runs while I continued to work my paperwork and made sure that there wasn't anyone that was going to cause my custodian or myself trouble.

March 20th 2015 at around 2:45pm or so: I was hungry as hell, little snacks had been helping me through the day, my back pain had either stiffened itself out or had stabilized and I figured "okay, time for some food." so I stopped at the gateway complex near by where I work in Beamsville; I went to get out of the truck and it honestly felt like someone had stabbed me in the lower spine with a red hot knife covered in barbed wire and twisted it, -and- I got mule kicked up the ass at the same time! I toughed it out, went into subway walking like I had a pole shoved up my ass and got my lunch and headed back to the branch.

This time after I got back to the branch, I got out of the truck and was nearly in tears or ready to throw up because of the pain. My manager at the time came out and asked if I was okay and I simply stated 'no' my custodian was like "Dude, we should have went back earlier." and I said "I'm sorry." and then sat down while I tried to figure out what to do. I phone my doctors office to see if my doctor was going to be there and unfortunately he wasn't. I was asked if I wanted a claim form or something and I said 'no' because I didn't want the WSIB to get involved because of how badly they fucked me over last time I had them involved in -anything-. SO I was given a functional abilities form (FAF) by the company end of things and sent on my way.

I went to my family doctors office at around 7pm that night, and was inspected by a Dr. Pierce, nice man, but not my family doctor nor did he know my previous medical stuff, etc...But he did fill out the form and I did get told that I have a sciatic nerve pinch or possible damage, and I had a possible herniated disk judging from the pain. he prescribed me tylonol 3's and then re-scheduled me in to see my actual family doctor. Dr. Smith, on the following Monday.

March 21st and 22nd were spent in absolute agony on my back, near crying every time I tried to even move, trying to go to the bathroom was even a major chore. I didn't know what I'd done but holy god did it feel like someone was trying to rip my spine out through my asshole.

March 23rd 2015: I get a call from the HSO (Health and Safety Official) from my company end of things to see what is going on, I get asked about my FAF and what is going on. I tell him that I hurt myself at work. He asked how, and I said "I don't know." As he was asking someone who at that moment was cracked off his ass on codine and pain killers to try and be able to just -move- let alone get up, get to the phone and talk to him for half an hour. He was a nice man so I continued talking regardless and told him what was going on. I told him that I was driving route 141 that morning with my custodian when my back started to really -really- hurt after one particular call. I couldn't recall exactly what had happened because I was completely fogged over from the drugs I was on. T3's and I never really agreed but they worked so I took them anyway.

After everything was said and done he told me he was going to start a claim on my behalf. I told him that that would be fine and that I was seeing my doctor that evening for a reassessment and he could fill out my FAF from the company side and I also expressed that I didn't want the WSIB involved because they fucked me over last time, though I worded it nicer for obvious reasons. He told me that I needed to determine whether this was a workplace injury or not, as he said that it didn't sound like one because I couldn't recall the specific incident that occurred to make this back injury happen. Once again, I noted that I was on heavy pain killers and couldn't remember what colour of underwear I was wearing let alone specifics about it, all I knew was that it -hurt- and I wanted it fixed and to stop hurting.


Later that night I went to see my family doctor, Dr. Smith, and he took a look at me, told me something similar, sciatic nerve damage and possible disk herniation or protrusion. I was like "great..." and he told me that I was to seek chiropractic help in regards to this to help it heal faster as I told him that I wanted to get this thing fixed and get back to work as soon as possible, as I do really enjoy my job! So he prescribed me "Cyclobenzaprine" pills, basically a muscle relaxant from -hell- that made the T3's seem like a nice helpful pat on the bum for moral support rather than medication. These things put me flat out more times than I like to admit but oh Christ did they work good. At this time I was also recommended a week off of work and flat out on my back, do some -very- moderate stretching and take things extremely easy for the first week, so that is what I decided to follow because good lord moving was already near impossible with my back in the condition it was in, add those muscle relaxants to the mix? I was -done- D-U-N, done! That and the determination was left up to my doctor as to whether it was a workplace accident or not. He asked me "Was it like this when you got -in- the truck that morning?" I said "no" and he said "Then its a workplace accident" and he filled the paperwork out accordingly.

March 25th-26th: I was pretty well out of it for the remainder of the week, I could move a little better and had started to seek Chiropractic help at the same time as my family doctor had told me to do so. I was extremely out of the loop due to the Cyclobenziprine that the doctor had me on; but I still had to attempt to deal with paperwork and the HSO and whatnot else that was going on. I remember bits and pieces of it, but basically what happened was that according to the HSO, since my doctor and I did determine that it was a workplace accident, that it -would- have to go through the WSIB. There was immediate modified duties available for me if I was able to do them, I told the HSO that I was unavailable to do Modified duties as I was on extremely powerful muscle relaxants that had me flat out and I would -not- be allowed to carry a firearm if I was under such a state of being, and it was the recommendation from my family doctor to take the week off to at least get my back mobilized by my chiropractor and come back in for re-assessment on March 30th 2015. The HSO informed me that I needed to come in to the office to collect a "Functional Abilities Form" from the WSIB side of things. So I simply said "okay" and on my way to my chiropractors appointment that night I had my dad drive me to my branch office and get the paperwork.

Keep note of this, they gave me an FAF. This will come into play.


March 30th 2015: I was contacted once again by the HSO during this day and I was still on the pain killers, he told me to have my family doctor fill out the FAF from the WSIB and get it back to him within a day or two, I said "no problem." So that's what I did. Now while I was at my doctors appointment, the WSIB Claim Appraiser had called my house and tried to get a hold of me. So when I got home, I returned her phone call, but...her office answering machine informed me that she was not there but would get back to me asap. So I left my name, and phone number, but at this point I have no claim number so I couldn't leave that with her (another thing to take note of, no claim number...wtf?) and just had to play the waiting game. Now, at this point I got into contact with the HSO handling my case again and I told him that according to my FAF I was cleared for modified duties due to my lack of being able to handle stairs long distance walking, bending, twisting, or lifting things. I was extremely limited in mobility. But, I got back to work on that Tuesday anyways.

The FAF was good for two weeks and I was to be reassessed on April 13th 2015 which is this coming Monday.

March 31st 2015, I went in to work, all in uniform, still kinda groggy from the pain killers and muscle relaxants which I was trying -not- to take at this point due to what they did to me physically, mentally etc...And everything was fine. I mean, sure it was a boring as hell 10 hour shift, from 7:30pm untl 5:30am but it was work and I was glad to be doing -something- at least.

April 1st 2015: Very much the same, I tried contacting my WSIB claim appraiser once again but to no avail, she was now gone on Easter Weekend Holiday and couldn't get back to me until the following Tuesday. I asked if I was in at all for the rest of the week but because of some reason, I was not scheduled for anything on the Thursday or Friday, so I did not work. Nor did I work Saturday or Sunday.

Monday April 6th 2015: I was called by my HSO once again and informed that they had my FAF and had a schedule set up with my branch office management. I was to work every night this week starting tuesday for a 9 hour shift. So I do have to work again tonight, which I'm okay with. During this time there was a hiccup with my work where I had to go for some training which I cannot speak to the nature of, but that was fine and dandy in the end.

Friday April 10th: I get in the mail a Form 6, which I should have been given immediately after my claim was initiated. It was the employees report about how, why and where I was injured at. So I sat with my mother, who is the Environmental Health and Safety Manager for her company, which is nation wide...she deals with this stuff day in day out so she knows it better than the back of her own hand; and filled it out accordingly.

Around noon I get a phone call, and it is my claim appraiser finally getting back to me. She informs me that she does not have enough information about my case and more or less if I'd mind going over some things with her to detail things in her report as to whether my claim is accepted or not. I said sure, no problem. My mom stayed there waiting and watching to see what was going on. She, the claim appraiser, started to ask me about things that were rather concerning.

Now, before I continue, here's a little process feature I'll add in.

With the WSIB, if you are injured at work, you immediately have to fill out what is called a Form 7. This is something the employer fills out and you, the employee, get a copy of. It is an immediately detailing message as to what happened, how it happened and why it happened. This is supposed to be submitted and reported within 48 hours of the incident AND I'm supposed to get a copy of this for my own records. I -never- received such a form at all, yet...for some reason, the WSIB has one that I've never gotten a chance to look over or review.


The Form 6 is sent out once the claim is processed to the point where its in arbitration as to whether its accepted or not, and the form 6 is the employee's standpoint and account of what happened, why, where, etc...and is also submitted before any arbitration can be made on the claim by the Claims Arbitrator/Assessment person. Also a Form 8 needs to be filled out by my physician and submitted upon the injury being taken by the WSIB as a claim into arbitration.

None of these things had been done. All she had for my claim was a Form 7 which I have -never- seen or heard of until this point, and an FAF from my doctor. That's it.

Can anyone else say "Clusterfuck" ??

So back to the phone call.


The WSIB Claims Arbitrator starts to ask me things about stuff that I had said and what it said on the Form 7 which I did not have, Apparently the office put down that I had been complaining of back pain and that I had hurt my back at my grandmothers the day previous so that's why they were fighting the claim and wanting to deny it. I told her that I had been helping my grandmother the day before yes, and I was stiff and sore from it but it was my shoulder that I'd pulled, my back was just stiff, that was all. Nothing out of the ordinary. So she starts going off of what I have told her thus far about the chair and how it impacted and bottomed out. She asks me why I didn't bring that to the attention of the management at my branch, and why it wasn't outlined in their form 7. I told her "What form 7? I never got a copy of a form 7 at all." She goes "Oh. Well you should have one." and I said "Well, I don't. I -just- received my form 6 in the mail and just finished filling it out today." She goes "Oh."

And then she continued to drill me for information of which I honestly don't remember, and she kept coming back to asking me about the chair and why I didn't bring it up to my superiors or whatnot else, I was like "Honestly? I was in a lot of pain, I was near in tears in front of my management team and anyone else in the office, I just wanted to get to my doctors and get help. That's all." She continued to hammer me for apparently being a liar because her Form 7 report says otherwise, that I didn't bring it to the attention of management. Then she started to ask me things, that according to my mother are outside of her purview of jurisdiction. Like "Has anyone else complained about the chair in that truck in particular? And is it still in service?" Things that she is -not- supposed to ask about. I didn't know these things, so that's how I answered. SO! Now I'm almost certain there is going to be an investigation into the fleet at Beamsville, which...in the long run is a good thing and bad thing. But I have this gut feeling that I'm going to be on the chopping block when this is all over.

Regardless. From what the WSIB Arbitrator told me today was that "From the information gathered here and from the information on this form 7 that I have (Which I still don't have btw even though I legally am supposed to have it) I would probably not allow your claim. But I'm going to wait and get more information and statements from your medical doctor and the person you were working with that day and get back to you again come next week sometime." and I was like "...okay?" And then she asked if I had any questions. I said "Am I going to have a job after this?" And she said "Contact your company's HR department if you have any concerns as far as that goes, but if you are in a probation period and the claim is denied, they can likely fire you."

I was like "oh...wonderful..."


SO yeah! Long and short of it? My back is still fucked up but not to the point where I'm unable to move. I'm off those pain killers entirely, but still take Aleve because that helps. I am on modified duties, and really want to keep my job; but from what this WSIB person told me? Yeah...who knows.

All I know is that if I do get canned for this? I'm going to court. As this is -all- bullshit.


Hope things turn around, but now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and cry for a while because for fucks sakes...This is happening again. And people wonder why I fucking HATE the WSIB in ALL its incarnations.

"Here to help the injured worker" HAH! That's a crock of shit if I ever heard one.

Have you ever been in such a state of being that you just want to throw up and cry at the same time? No, this isn't a 'wah woe is me' depression thing. This is a legitimate thing. My fucking god I'm in pain like I've only ever been in once before. My lower back is a complete wreck. I've herniated a nerve ending or pinched it or something...I was to busy screaming and squeaking trying not to pass out every time the doctor probed the area with a reflex hammer to see if it was the area that hurt to really glean what he said. All I know is that I'll be off work for the next little while because of my back...for fucks sakes. This is the -last- goddamn thing I need right now!

Now for the TL;DR version.

Last night March 19th I wasn't feeling to hot, I was playing videogames with my lovely friend Drizelda and a few other close buddies of mine when my back started to twinge, like it normally does if I sit too long. Usually fixed by a quick 'crack' and then its done with. Well..not last night for some reason. It kept me up a vast majority of the night to the point where I looked at the clock when I heard foosteps upstairs and it was already 6:30am. Oh joy! Then the next thing I know. *Phone ringing sound!* its work beckoning for me to take a day shift! Well...okay then? Regardless, I more or less said that I was kind of hurting but I'd take the shift if it was a driving one. So no problem right? Wrong.

Thing is that most people don't realize is that truck suspension is -very- different than car suspension. Especially armored car suspension or...lack there-of. The trucks that the company I run with have are utter garbage, they more or less have straight steel pins for shocks and leaf springs so stiff that it makes a viagra overdose patient blush. So needless to say...the trucks are -terrible- on the road and the seats that we get as drivers are equally as terrible as the trucks are maintained by what I am pretty sure are a group of trained monkey's in jump suits...

Anyways...So I get to work, I'm kind of twitchy because my back is talking to me since I strapped on my gun and my vest, which added an extra 40lbs of gear loaded onto my shoulders and subsequently my lower back, and then off my custodian and I went into the wild blue...construction zones fucking EVERYWHERE!! SO! Rough roads + shit suspension + twingy lower back = holyfuckinggodI'mgonnadieifwehitanotherbumppleasegodmakeitend!

Yeah....Basically my day was kind of -long-, and after everything was said and done and considering I rushed out the door to be 'that guy' that always is available to work no matter what...I didn't get breakfast...and because we were an hour behind out of the shop, we didn't stop for lunch. So on our way back to the shop at the end of the run, I figured I'd get some lunch...big mistake. I stood from the chair in the cabin and immediately regretted the decision as it felt like I just got mule kicked -up- my ass while at the same time a spiked knife blade drove into my tail bone from -both- sides and twisted...shooting pains down my left leg and my body just about went stiff and collapsed. I thought "holy fucking what!?!? What just hit me!?"

I proceeded to walk like a guy that had a pole shoved up his ass into the gateway to get some subway foods because hunger outweighed the pain at that point, regretting that now, went back to the truck, got back to the shop and then immediately got out of the truck, and went into the bathroom and screamed for about 2 minutes. Came out? And the manager was standing there like "you okay?" I guess I had tears going down my face at this point because he offered me tissue and then asked if I wanted an ambulance...kind of regretting saying no to that but I didn't want to leave my baby (my new truck) at the office parking lot so...I said no. Yay for being stubborn...

Anyways, after everything is said and done, I've got a herniated disk and most likely have pinched the siatica nerve or something that goes down into my leg. I go back into see my family doctor on Monday, and until then T3's for me though god I wish they were oxy's...or morphine...or oxymorphine...3's or something because holy shit am I beyond done with this pain right now. Getting up to take a piss feels like I should have mega epic theme music composed by John Williams to show my journey of 20 feet.

So now I've got to get WSIB involved possibly, I'm probably going to start losing shifts because of it, as the company just got out of a major audit and are fucking everyone over again...etc... *sighs* So yay, at least I get some time off to sleep in some, but...ugh, wish it were under better circumstances and there was a beautiful woman laying next to me in a bikini or lingerie...or bikini-lingerie to be seen for it rather than this god awful pain.

Updates to come as I get them.

I have a bit of a confession to make. About 6 months ago now I started a journey to change myself for the better. I had already mentioned this before and I thank everyone for their well wishes and the like, though the confession is something that I was ashamed to admit and it was really the reason that I started the journey at all. I was miserable, lonely (still am :P) bored, and just considering all my options, and saying 'why me?' a lot. I didn't know what to do or where to go, I couldn't (and still can't) find a damn job, debt was piling up, and I was just in general stressed beyond belief that didn't help my situation. Now to add to the fact I finally weighed myself when I was at my doctors when he wasn't in the room.

The weight that the scale read shocked me and I honestly wanted to cry, throw up, and just start screaming and beating the crap out of myself for what it read. It read 417.8 pounds. And I was wearing light clothing too so...it wasn't wrong. I swore that if I ever got over 400lbs again I'd off myself. And in a -technical- term. I kind of have, though it took me six months-ish to do it.

Today at the Niagara West Branch of the YMCA, I did my usual work out, I'd not been going due to a slipped disk in my back which was always pleasant *note the sarcasm* and finally, mended as best as its gonna get, I went back and started back into my routine of going on the treadmill and elliptical and doing free weights. I steered clear of the scale for fear that I gained weight while I was flat out on my back for the passed month or so due to pain related reasons and the like. But eventually I bit the bullet and went over, stripped off my heavy sweater put down all my work out gear and stepped on the scale to see something shocking. The scale read 309.5 and stayed there, and that scale is usually off by 6 pounds +/- So even with that...I stood there for a minute in absolute shock. Similar feelings came through me and I actually just started to smile and tears (thankfully masked by sweat) came rolling down my cheeks.

I did it! I have lost 100lbs and am still going strong! I mean, I knew something was up when I went to my cousins Wedding the other day and had a suit on that I'd not worn in almost 8 years and it was -loose- when I tried it on! But this was definitely a welcome surprise!

So my confession is that yes, I lied initially about my weight...I was just to ashamed to admit it to anyone, including myself. I didn't want to see that number and I didn't want anyone else to see it either. But now that I saw the number today? I can happily and proudly admit that I was the weight that I was and that I will -never- get that way again. Its not healthy, its not right and its just not me. SO! If you see any person out there that looks about 100lbs or so and resembles me, kill it! Because I don't want it coming back. I've lost it and I want it gone permanently! And there's more on the way.

260lbs, here I come!

Well, here goes nothing. Lets see how many people actually read this. I'm going to -assume- that there are about 2 of you, maybe 2 and a half or so.

SO! Without further adieu...

Write an assumption you've got about me below and I'll let you know if you are right or wrong and -maybe- give elaboration on why that is right/wrong!

Lost your virginity?
...Pending.....Anyone want the job? :D I'll make breakfast! I promise!

Lost someone close to you?
5-12 Great grandparents, both on my mom's side and on my dad's side 13 My grandfather from my mom's side. 15 My godmother Michelle, 24 Grandfather on my dads side

Consumed alcohol?
I'm from an Italian family. Every year since I was 3 at least, glass of champagne and ginger ale

Received a kiss?
21 Yep.

Went to the hospital?
Haha! The hospitals around my area know me by first name basis without even looking at my medical records! XD


Had a broken heart?
22 Girl that promised that she'd wait for me lied and ran away with someone she met on fucking World of Warcrack...

Lost a pet?
21 Snowball, died at home when I was working in BC thousands of miles away. Never did get to say goodbye D:
27 Murphy my pretty old lady, she passed on at near 21 years old in 2013 at home, surrounded by family.

Went to a concert?
19 Stratovarious and Into Eternity at "The Opera House" in Toronto with my friend Dana and Miles

Met someone famous?
16 - Ethan Zhon from Survivor and Jenna from Survivor. 18 - Bruce Willis at Planet Hollywood Niagara Falls 18 Ron Fellows (Canadian LaMans race winner in his Corvette C6R) 15 Ward Burton (Nascar driver) 19 Arnold Shwartzeneggar 21 Eric Clapton (Made him Dessert while I was working as an executive Lounge Chef in British Columbia :D ) 17 "Bloody Marry" from New Orleans who took my band and I on a graveyard tour in New Orleans.

Got in a car wreck?
Nope

Dyed your hair?
16 (blood red. But it bleached out to ronald mcdonald red sooo I shaved it off XD )

Flew on an airplane?
13 (Glider count?)

Went to another state?
Illinois (Birth - 13) Michigan (15) Louisiana (17) Texas (22)

Got a tattoo?
Nope

Had a piercing?
14 years old was my first. 18 was my last.

Smoked pot?
21 -Projectile vomited all over the guy that gave me the joint too. but he was too high on shrooms -and- weed to do anything but go "....whoa..." XD

Smoked a cigarette?
Cigars. I've had three my entire life. Once when I was 19 (just to keep the damn black flies away while fishing) once when I was 24 with friends over a whiskey and pool, and one this passed new years (2013-14) when I was 27

Went to Disney Land or World?
Nope.

Broke a bone?
(14-17)Every finger on both hands at least seven times each. (17)Bone fragments in my elbow, (19) 'exploded' left knee (Bone fragments) (6-27)Broken toes multiple times, cracked collarbone (23 years old)

Had A Long term relationship?
Nope D: Only friendships

Passed out from drinking?
19th birthday party, best night I'll never remember.

Were dumped?
I was the 'dumper' of a stalker who then proceeded to send someone after me to kill me. :D Good times!

Why do we fall?

That is a question that has been posed to many people over the course of many centuries, and to this singular question there haven been given a plethora of responses. Some of which are motivating and inspirational, others are negative and have their roots in despair and shattered hope.

I will say this firstly, for the passed several years I feel that I have been living something of a sham of a life. I haven't been pursuing my dreams, I have lost what little values I had left to me, I lost my faith, I lost my friends and I feel that slowly I've been losing my family; distancing myself from them for fear of being hurt or hurting them in some way shape or form, but in reality? I've actually been doing that anyways without even thinking. But most of all out of everyone that I could think of that I've been hurting, the one that I've been harming the most, is me.

I've grown up in a very privileged life, my family consisted of my mother and father, my baby sister, two grandparents on each side of my family, aunts and uncles galore and when I was little, even had great grandparents as well. I had a good roof over my head, never wanted for anything growing up always have had food in my belly and clothes on my back and have always been surrounded by friends throughout my life. I've always been a very personable and social person, though I didn't really get to grow up around others of my age, so I 'grew old' rather early on in life and matured rather early mentally due to my being surrounded by adults most of the time. I didn't have many friends that I hung around with outside of school and those that I did find myself with were always the ones that were like myself; outcast, 'the weird ones' and whatnot else, and I do believe that, that has helped shape me for who I am and what I have become for better or worse. I learned the benefit of being with those that shared like ideas, I learned to keep an open mind but to make sure and having your own ideas about things as well. I learned about betrayal, I learned about how dreams can be formed and shared with your friends and shattered by those that are outside of your 'inner circle'.

Things always seemed so simple growing up, go to school, get good grades, keep out of trouble, get your homework done on time...or in my case blame it on something else because I wanted to go out and play with my friends or learn something new on the computer, read a book or just in general couldn't be arsed to do my homework unless it interested me...which most of it -really- didn't spark my interest what-so-ever. That trend continued into highschool where I really do have to say is where things started to take a downward spiral for myself but eventually hovered when I reached about grade 10.

The very start of my high school career was one that I'll never forget. September 2000, I was starting grade 9, my grandfather and best friend on my mothers side had been fighting a long time against lung cancer that unfortunately, was terminal, and claimed his life the morning that I started high school. My mother of course was absolutely distraught, I was too, my sister was crying, I for some reason...didn't. My tears were silent and fell to my pillow that morning when I heard my mom crying in her bedroom before my dad came to tell me that my grandpa had died. I didn't want to go to highschool, I wanted to go to the funeral, but no. I was told as was my sister, that school was more important...so I never did get to go and say goodbye to him...that effected me greatly throughout my first year. I had that weighing on my shoulders, I was a little shrimpy 'fat kid' that more or less was failing his classes and avoided things like the plague, only a few teachers actually enjoyed my presence while the others hated my guts, or so it seemed. I was going through that 'awkward teen' stage in life where I was hitting a growth spurt and whatnot else...everything seemed to hit all at the wrong time.

I did find solace though, in music. Miss Angela Maccaroni helped me greatly when I finally did get into her class in the second semester of that year. I had been playing Saxophone for several years prior and had my own Bosey and Hawkes alto saxophone at home that was a beautiful instrument that I did know how to play quite well; but I decided that I'd try something else and it seemed that I found my true calling that year; the trumpet/cornet. I always have excelled at music and things of that nature, and while other kids were learning scales I was playing whole songs (no offense intended to those other kids. Most never touched an instrument before in their lives) As I learned I joined the school band, wound up playing a concert for the first time and felt the thrill of doing something amazing where people cheered for all of us! It really felt amazing to be appreciated like that.

I continued on with music in my highschool career through on into grade 12 and beyond that even with Miss Mac and a few friends playing some gigs outside of school after graduation. I also played football during all this time. Grade 10 onward were a rather awkward time for me. I was still -very- angry...I'd hit my growth spurt and topped out at just over 6 foot 3 inches in height and well, my weight we won't really go into. Basically I was a double wide refrigerator with legs...strap football gear onto that and you've got what it looked like when I was running at you basically. Now...at this point in highschool, I was going through my 'angry' years of being a teenager, things weren't working out for me. I was fat, I was unliked by most people, made fun of constantly for being a band geek, being the size that I was, etc...Though most people only snickered about that sort of thing behind my back because they were scared by my reputation for what I did to other kids and refs while on the football field. No joke that's why I enjoyed football so much, I used it as 'anger management' to get out tension and stress and it worked rather well.

Now during the time that I was in highschool I do admit that I had other reasons to be angry as well, my godmother, Michelle Rossi ended up passing away as well due to complications of well...I don't rightfully know, but she was very sick for a very long time and it finally caught up with her. She was once again, my best friend and I still miss her to this day. I was old enough and big enough that time that I could be a paul barrer for her funeral, so that's what I did. I was fine through the funeral because I was surrounded by those that loved Michelle and I could really feel her there that day, but after I put the casket in the hearse and closed the door I lost it. I was in ears in the middle of Mountain Street on Grimsby for about 10 minutes blocking traffic. But...yeah, that's besides the point. I basically treated everyone that came against me on the football field like they were what was taking my relatives from me at an alarming rate; my objective was to kill them basically, or at least make them suffer the way that I was. Now that I look back on it? I really do regret it all. I feel bad and I honestly wish I knew the players and referee's that I hurt in my journey so that I could get in contact and say that I'm sorry. But I guess that I'll never get that opportunity unless its by some twist of fate.

Throughout the remainder of my highschool days my pool of friends really drew down to those that were in the band and choir with me, including my nutty buddy and his little brother Dana and Miles. Dana and Miles were precussionists and absolute metalheads the both of them. They introduced me into guitar and actually were the reason that I ended up buying my first guitar, a fender stratocaster which I still have! Can't really play it but I still have it, as well as two other guitars too, but that's a different story. They really were the first guys that I felt comfortable enough around to let 'me' come out of hiding. They were actually probably the first guys to ever see me cry during an incident which shall remain quiet. Lets just say what happens in Tweed, stays in Tweed. That's one rule I'll never break to the day I die.

During the years after highschool I knew I wanted to go to college for something or at least go do -something- with my life but I had no idea what. I did try to join up with the Canadian forces but they refused me because of medical records and at the time I was 17 and they were sending every recruit that they were getting to Afghanistan because of...well, you know. "That war" thing.

I really honestly didn't know what to do with my life, so I wound up spending weeks at a time up at Dana and Mile's cottage in Tweed, playing with some of my friends down here in Beamsville and elsewhere, going to movies, 'yardsailing' etc; eventually the reality bug hit me on the noggin and I realized that I really needed a job, I had, had jobs before sure. Working at Troy Sprinkler as a pipe fitters shop assistant and delivery boy for Fire sprinklers was an okay job, it was definitely a 'sluggo' job as my dad calls them. Basically, hauling tons and tons of pipe here and there and not really getting paid well to do what was required, but that's a different story. I got the job because it was a family connection with the business and I know that's the reason. My uncle owned the business and my aunt, mother and a few family friends worked there, it was more or less summer/winter work for me. I wanted to find a job on my own; and boy did I ever.

I had always enjoyed cooking and I wound up taking up a newspaper article in my local paper that showed that a new Boston Pizza was opening up in Grimsby and they were holding a job fair for it. I thought "what the hell, give it a try. I know how to mix drinks and whatnot." So I went for the interview and did my thing, told my shpeel and went about my business. Weeks later I get a message that said I was hired and that I started training in a week! I was extatic! Though I was hired for kitchen duty as a cook, but I didn't care, I got a job of my own! When I started the orientation and everything was great, the people that I was working for seemed awesome, everything was hunky-dory right down to the uniforms which I thought were awesome.

It also taught me that I really enjoyed cooking; so I decided right then and there that I'd work for about 2 years or so and then I'd go to college to become a chef. My family seemed ecstatic about it too. Everyone in my family can cook, definitely comes from our Italian heritage on that end. I took to my job like a fish to water. I loved my job, even though towards the end of that term things got quite a bit dicey. The owners were on my ass left right and center, they were losing money because of bad customer ratings, the restaraunt itself was starting to fall apart, I even saw mice and bugs in places that they really shouldn't have been...I reported it but nothing was done because we were losing so much money. That's...when it happened. I had an accident during a really, really, really. -REALLY- busy shift that involved the Hobart dough machine. I was ordered under duress to make an emergency batch of pizza dough (yes I know, amazing that Boston Pizza actually makes their own dough right?) as we were running completely out of -everything- thanks to the mis management that was happening out in the 'front of the house'.

Long story short, the dough bowl on that machine weighed at least 100lbs when empty, full with a batch of dough to be dumped? At least 400lbs+. Not a job for a single person, even one as macho and big as me (Joking of course :P ) What ended up happening was that I was being screamed at to get it done, my job was being threatened and I was being threatened, I was 19 years old and had no idea what my workers rights were so I just did it anyway. I lifted and thats when my knee made this lovely "CRUNCH" sound. Akin to if you took a few good crisp stalks of celery and twisted/bent them until they snapped and tore. I dropped the dough bowl and hit the ground screaming. My knee swelled to the size of a watermellon inside my chef pants aaaand my boss screamed at me that he was taking the price of the dough out of my pay. (12 dollars...oooOOooo..) They didn't call me an ambulance, they had my parents come get me, they got -their- story straight and didn't file the WSIB (Workmans compensation for you from the states) paperwork until the next two days later. I spent all night in emergency to have them tell me that the knee cap in my left knee was completely ruptured.

The fluid sack inside of my knee had exploded, the cartilage in my knee was basically jello now and fragmented, one of my tendons was partially torn through, and my leg couldn't support my weight anymore and I'd need reconstructive micro surgery to fix it and clean it out. So during this time, I was being pestered by the WSIB and whatnot else, I was told that I was covered for everything and anything pertaining to my knee, which was great. I was getting back pay for the days missed, etc...

Though things changed once I actually had my surgery. They went in, cleaned everything out, told me that my knee was fragged and that I needed a new one or that they'd have to at minimum put me in a helper offloader brace (which cost about 5 grand at the time) which would be covered or at least somewhat subsidized by the WSIB claim, etc...So I get back to my bosses about what was going on, I said that I'd be back in 5 weeks and they said "Okay." Meanwhile the WSIB stopped paying out for my claim, they said there was a dispute. They said that I had a pre-existing condition in my left knee because of football. Now granted I -did- have a pre-existing injury to my -RIGHT- knee, my meniscus was torn and repaired a few years prior when I was in highschool, my left knee was perfectly fine.

But they kept going and going and going on about this bullshit. I eventually wound up crutching myself into the WSIB office to talk to my claims adjuster and more or less the guy had us (my mother and I) Thrown out by security because we were proving him wrong on -every- account.

So I get back to work, and two weeks later while I'm looking for another job? They fire me...I wind up going up north to Dana's place to 'lick my wounds' so to speak and I wind up building his house! Which I thoroughly enjoyed, that was fun. Met some 'crazy injuns' when I was there too (in all seriousness though, they were all awesome XD). But there I was, unemployed, bum leg, working as best I could with what I got and taking it easy as I could. The claim had now been halted and for no reason other than they couldn't tell Left from Right. Big surprise right?

Long story short there, fought the claim for another year, which by that time I was in my first year of culinary college and -loving- it. They ended up screwing me out of my claim entirely so I had no brace, no coverage and received no payment for -any- lost time nor did I get compensation for wrongful dismissal by my previous boss. So...I was feeling very defeated...like...extremely so.

So I was on my own as far as college money went. My family helped, that was for sure, but I was still completely strapped for cash, as OSAP and loans wouldn't do anything for me because 'my family is too rich'. Which is complete bullshit...apparently they think because both my parents work that they don't have to pay bills or anything else and can spend all their money on their kids alone. Fucking government...but whatever.

I got through college, graduated with honours and during that period of time, I lost the most amount of weight I'd ever managed to do in my entire life. I went from almost 425lbs+ at the end of highschool to 236lbs at the mid point of college. About 250-60 when I graduated. But I felt great! And I even got to go out west to British Columbia to be "The Executive Lounge Chef" at Emerald Lake Lodge. That was completely awesome, lived out there for about 4 months and then came home beacuse well...problems started happening...

My grandfather on my dads side of the family was on his last legs, he went into the hospital and most likely wasn't going to be coming out, so I landed a job back in Ontario so I could be close to home. Worked at Royal Niagara Golf and Country Club in their Halfway house and main dining hall as a chef for quite some time with one of my best friends Kendra Welland. I got lots of time off during off season, partied it up with my friends, but never forgot grandpa and visited him as often as I could. My own problems seemed to rear their ugly head around this time too and that's when shit really hit the proverbial fan.

After graduating from college and going the rest of the year with my grandfather back out of the hospital, I tried to spend as much time out doors as possible; but that wasn't to be. My left knee decided to go completely to shit and my fathers insurance through his union, to which this point I'd been covered under, no longer covered me because I was out of school now. So the injections that I had to get in order for my knee to function properly, I could no longer afford. That coupled with the fact that now I was jobless again and I was stressed as high hell...my family was stressed and my grandfather went back into the hospital again...this time for good; everything was a poisonous mixture that I let taint myself to the point where I blocked -everything- but my internet friends out completely.

I couldn't really walk anymore...I started gaining weight again at a rather alarming rate, I tried to visit my grandpa but it pained me to do so every time...he was a husk of the strong intelligent man that used to take me fishing at our cottage up north. As far as I was concerned, I said my goodbyes and that was that...it was just waiting after that. I spent most of my time wallowing in my own bed because I literally couldn't get up to even go upstairs to get dinner. Getting up to take a piss was a chore let alone do anything. So...when my grandpa finally did pass on, I really felt relief but sadness at the same time that I kept bottled up and hidden behind a smile as I did so many times before with so many other of my problems. I felt like I was lost, I didn't know what to do, I actually saw my dad, the strongest man that I'd ever known my entire life, cry for the first time ever. I realized then that even what he used to tell me during football when I'd get hurt on the field or cut myself by accident on someone elses kleats or something "never let them see you bleed" didn't apply anymore. But...for some reason my mind twisted that and I decided that it was my turn to be the strong one that never let on any emotion. It was my turn to be 'the rock'. But...how could I when I was so fucked up that I couldn't even walk for more than 30 feet without having to stop and sit because of my stupid leg?


I looked at myself in the mirror and I felt like absolute shit. Here I had gone from a size 38-40 waist jeans and Large-XL shirts with a weight of 236lbs back up to a whopping 335lbs in a little over 2 and a half years because I just shut the entire world out...I didn't let anyone in, I avoided everyone that I could in place of the 'safety' of my computer which I also found to not be very 'safe' at all. But that's another story entirely. I locked out my friends, I locked out my family...I avoided doing things with anyone and everyone when I could because I was in pain and I couldn't hide it behind a smile anymore because I knew that they would see right through it...so I just did what I always do, avoid it entirely.

I felt like human shit stain on the underwear of life to be perfectly honest; but I did something...which may sound a little bit weird but it happened and I don't really know how or why. But...one morning I woke up and I was crying, I had had a dream where my grandfather, my mom's dad, whom I had lost on the day that I started highschool had come to me and told me that everything was okay. That he was proud of me, he was proud of my mother and he worried about my dad; but he wanted us to know that my other grandpa had gotten through okay and that they were all waiting for us. I went and told my mom and I bawled my eyes out for an hour hugging her sitting in her office in my underwear and you know what? I didn't care! Also...my mothers 'office' in my house is on the second floor above where I live in the basement apartment...and up to that point I'd needed either my cane, or to butt-scoot up the stairs to get to my mom's office. That morning I walked completely upright and went without pain all the way up two flights of stairs to tell her that.


That's when I started to walk again...though I won't say that it doesn't hurt anymore, because every single day it pains me to no end, I've tried drowning it with pills, they don't do anything anymore, I've tried meditation, I've tried naturopathic stuff, nothing works. So I just grin and bear with it through everything that I do, so that's why I walk with a slight limp to this day. But the important thing is that I proved to myself that "Yes, I can still do it"...though who knows? Maybe a little divine intervention or swift angelic boot to my arse got me motivated to re-learn to walk again properly even without a brace or the injections despite bone on bone grinding. Sometimes I still need a cane on really bad days, but most days I just push through it. I thought that was a pretty big step for me.

Now...came the next few years. I couldn't find a job, and the ones that I did find were odd jobs once again for Troy Sprinkler or through helping friends of the family with their business ventures and the like. I didn't mind it at all, I even went up to spend some time with Dana and Miles every now and again, though those visits kind of stopped all of a sudden due to...well, things out of my own control, lets put it that way. I fell into a very deep depression in the last several years, I didn't really want to do anything anymore, I didn't see a point to it. I thought that maybe if I took a whole bottle of tylonol that nobody would notice for about a week or so until something started to stink; as nobody ever visited me in my room anyway and people don't really know me outside of the internet or xbox live anymore. But then I pulled myself up by my boot straps and cold-cocked myself up the side of the head and said "No you fucking don't. You aren't a coward. You are the one who went out to British Columbia, to that absolute shit hole residence, shrugged off Norwalk virus when everyone else was sicker than shit, you busted your knee to where you couldn't walk and you re-learned to walk yourself without help. You are NOT a fucking coward!"

So the depression is still there but I more or less have it bound and ball gagged in a corner of my mind to be tortured by my sub-conscious when I'm asleep or something but apart from that it still does effect me day by day to even this present day. Why? I Don't really know, if I did? I'd change it.

Within the last few years though I've been more pessimistic due to a lot of reasons. Seeing my dad get out of work was one of the big ones, my mother having to bear the brunt of -everything- on her own two shoulders really was too much for her to bear, and it proved yet that it really was just that. I did have a job for a while, I had gone back to school again with the hopes of getting into a good paying job that would lead into a career path but it turns out that while I loved school, graduated with honours and came out with knowledge that I know my grandpa Armand would have been proud of; the world had different ideas.

My sister was working full time now and I had just gotten a job working as a CNC machinist at CCR Technologies Inc in Stoney Creek Ontario through a family friend of my dad's who ironically my grandfather helped get him started in his own career as a machinist too. So he figured that he'd give me a chance to take a whack at it. The shop was disgusting and an absolute hole in the wall, but I learned quite a bit from the other guys that were working in there. I learned -tons- while I was working there, sure there were days where I just wanted to curl up in bed and die but hey, it came with being out of work for so long, I was out of shape and working my way forward. Though it seems that wasn't to be either. I wound up out of work in January of 2013 again and haven't been able to find anything since then.

There have been quite a few other incidents between then and now that have shaped the way that I am among some of them were my sister got in a major car accident and totalled my mothers car. Thankfully she walked away without a scratch, just a few bruises. My dad ended up finding a job again with another company, he wishes he could retire though but that's another story entirely; I still can't find work at all and have been trying and trying...sending resumes to places that look like they might be interested in taking someone with my skill set on, but thus far I've gotten nothing but 'no' and a few mistaken phone calls here and there. Oh, and my mom finally had the stress get to her in a big way, she wound up having a heart attack right in front of me, my sister and dad. Thankfully she's okay, it was a minor one but still...it was a wake up call for my dad, sister, myself and especially my mother.

She took some time off for stress leave but she's right back too it again...but she's learning how to say 'no' so that is a good thing at least. My sister still has her job and yes, my parents bought her a brand new car...even though the one that I use is a complete shitbox that guzzles more money than its worth in insurance...am I petty about that? Oh you bet your ass...but there's a reason behind it that I won't go into anymore. And my dad is still working and hating it, me? I'm sitting on my ass rotting and hating it even more. At first it was kinda nice having the freedom of unemployment again, I could do stuff cause I had money tucked away, but...one thing after another and the money all went into my stupid van...and trying to get to job interviews, and clothes for said interviews, and helping my parents with bills and whatnot. (Which that part I don't mind.)

Basically, right where I'm sitting now is probably the second lowest that I've ever been in my entire life. I'm 27 years old as of writing this, turning 28 this year. I'm almost 30 for christ's sake! Every single other person that I have known in my life is either married, has kids, is employed, has some form of money flow, is basically a success and does a plethora of things that I've never done before. I can't help but ask,"Why me?" sometimes because I spend so much time worrying about other peoples happiness and well being that I really do forget my own...and call me selfish but for once I really am going to start thinking about me.

I've spent years and years falling and not getting back up fully. Well that stops now and now...right now, I'm fallen and I've not gotten up in the passed 6 years to my full potential. I've had a few shining moments where I've reached for a star and then faltered because of fear, because of cowardess, because I felt that someone else needed it more than I did right at that moment so I boosted them and tried to help them. But right now? I need it. I want it...and I'm going to fucking well get it. Its going to hurt. Its going to be the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life besides looking at myself in the mirror every morning. But in the end I really am looking forward to meeting that me that I see in my mind; because I know that, that is where I will be. How long will it take? I have no idea, but I need to push myself for this and I need -all- of your support in what I'm doing no matter how small it is.

Words of encouragement, words of wisdom, a pat on the back, a visit from time to time; anything that lets me know that yes, I'm not alone in this. Yes, I have backing that I feel like I've pushed away but am trying to get back, and yes, that I. Can. Do. This.

Why do we fall?

Because it lets us know -how- to get back up again.

For some reason I feel that they aren't getting views and I feel like I may have uploaded them wrong? I dunno...

But seriously, I'm not leaving FA, to many good artists here. I'm actually thinking about posting up a few excerpts from a story that I've written, it started out as a character profile but became its own little world and the like. Its not uber huge or anything, but I'm still working on it. Just dunno if I -can- put it here...that's the biggest issue. Guess the only thing I can do is either keep reading the TOS until my eyes fall out trying to read between the lines, or I can post it and see what happens. Thoughts? Anyone? No? Well...screw you guys I'm goin home! *Eric Cartman voice*

Anyway, lemme know whatcha think. I'll probably post it up in 'chapters' or sections, see what happens.

As most of my friends know I've been searching for a job for the passed almost full year, haven't been able to find anything because of a stupid Catch 22 that I seem to be stuck in. Every time that I turn around another opportunity knocks and I go running only to find that its a 'ding-dong-ditch'. Today was another example though this time for some reason -I- feel like I was the one that was the ding-dong-ditcher...and I don't know why. I shouldn't feel bad at all for saying 'no' to something I was offered that sounded fishier than a fish fry at a fishing tournament.

Basically, I had a job interview on Friday afternoon last week at a rather nice facility right here in my home town. It was quite interesting, they make a lot of soap dispensers and hand sanitizer dispensers and the like for hospitals and whatnot else worldwide, its a global company. Anyways...they started me off with a very nice man whom I will never forget whose name I will with-hold for security purposes and whatnot else. The guy was wonderful, he was a no-b/s kinda guy and he told me how it was, it was very hard work, easy work, but hard work at the same time because it was all done on a schedule, no room for error. They lived and died by the clock. So anyways. The job offer originally was for a machine operators position which I applied for, but they got someone in that could do that already, so they counter offered me a material handler position + fork truck training/driving for 11.50 an hour. I was ecstatic! A job! Finally! After a year of searching I was going to be employed and making denero again! This is where the fishy shit starts coming down the pipe...More or less I was fine with being a material handler and I'd been looking for fork truck training anyway so hey, why not get it in house right? So...The interview goes smooth as glass and the guy says that he'll have his secretary call me on Monday Morning between 9am and 12pm. So I waited...and waited...and waited...

12pm came and went, on into 6:30pm...needless to say? I was bummed out like crazy. So..I went to bed feeling rather shitty like I'd missed out...I opened my email and low and behold an email! So I open it up and it says that they've decided to go with someone else because my qualifications are that in which I don't have my fork training. I was like "...wat..." basically it meant that they didn't give me the job. So I just sent back "Thank you for the opportunity" in another email and deleted it and said "That's that".

So today rolls around and I'm doing a bunch of crap for my mom, my grandmother, myself and just in general trying to get shit done. So I got shit done and then the phone rings. I pick it up and its this place that had just told me that I didn't have a job. Well apparently they came back at me with another offer which...this is where it -really- started to get fishy. They came back at me with an offer for material handler, but that there would be no fork truck training and that they would hire me -if- I took a pay cut to 9.50 an hour, which is below Canadian minimum wage of 10.25 an hour in my province; with no incentive package. Still working continental shift (7am-7pm 2-3 days on and then 3 days off in a day-night rotation) No benefits and no anything else that they originally promised.

So needless to say...even though I need a job...I said no thank you. I feel terrible for doing it but..should I? I mean...what they were offering me was completely illegal. Though it gets even better.

Turns out that they thought I was someone else on the phone, because when I brought up the email that I'd been sent they said "oh, Isn't this Jason?" and I said "Uh...no? This is -insert my name here-" And they said "Oh! Oh, we're completely sorry. My mistake, I dialed the wrong number. I'm sorry sir." And I said "So...I didn't get the job?" and she said "Sorry, but unfortunately no." And I said "ah...well thank you for the opportunity at least." and that was that...So I'm still unemployed.

I'm seriously thinking about going out with that idea of doing a youtube cooking show and seeing if I can monetize it if it gets enough views n'stuff...and if youtube gets their shit together again. *Sighs* Such is another day in the life and saga of me...hurray...Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and cry in a corner while I try to look for something else and maybe contemplate selling all my worldly possessions in favour of taking my van driving as far as a tank of gas will take me and seeing what I can find...

So tonight around 10:20pm my cat Murphy, finally passed away. She went peacefully in the arms of my mother. She waited for me to leave so I'd not see her pass on, I said my goodbyes, wrapped her in a blanket she loved to snuggle in and put her in one of my keepsake boxes with a cross and two pennies for the boatman. She's in a better place now, with her brother Snowball, and all my relatives passed, I know they'll love her.

She had a long and well loved life; November 4th, 1992 to August 15th 2013. 20 years of full, rich and very loved life is now spent and gone.

She will be missed, she was my best and only friend through many, many trials of my life. My bed feels a little more empty and a lot bigger without her cuddled up to my side at night purring and massaging my side with her paws; my chair won't feel the same without her sitting in my lap annoying me while I'm gaming by hitting keys on my keyboard or buttons on my controller getting me killed. And no more friends going "What's that noise in the background!?" from her yowling that she'd announced that she'd gone poop and to congratulate her!

I said my goodbyes, I kissed her head and gave her a lovely place to rest under our cherry tree. Burial will commence tomorrow; I do hope that she finds peace, and that eventually I do too.

This isn't goodbye, this is only farewell and god-speed. I will see her again, and when I do and my own time is spent on this Earth, I'll be waiting to give her and her brother a big hug and all the treats that they want.

Stolen from LadyWolf



1. Asked someone to marry you?
Jokingly? multiple times. Seriously? No. Don't think anyone would say yes anyways.

2. Kissed one of your FurAffinity friends?
Innocent v_v Would I like to? Yes.

3. Danced on a table in a bar?
Yes, that table didn't stand a chance...

4. Ever told a lie?
Guilty

5. Had feelings for someone who you can't have back?
Guilty. For someone I can't have; period.

6. Kissed a picture?
Guilty.

7. Slept in until 5 PM?
Guilty.

8. Fallen asleep at work/school?
Guilty

9. Been suspended from school?
Nope, but I should have been, multiple times.

10. Worked at a fast food restaurant?
yep

11. Stolen from a store?
Accidentally

12. Been fired from a job?
Guilty

13. Done something you regret?
Does being born count?

14. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Guilty.

15. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Guilty.

16. Kissed in the rain?
Nope

17. Sat on a roof top?
Guilty

18. Kissed someone you shouldn't?
Guilty. But I didn't really have a choice at the moment. It was like "WHAT THE FFFFFFFF-" and then it was over.

19. Sang in the shower?
Guilty

20. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Yes...thanks dad..

21. Shaved your head?
Yessums

22. Had a boxing membership?
Innocent

23. Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Nope. Once again...never had one.

24. Been in a band?
Guilty. Electric Jello

25. Shot a gun?
Guilty, and lovin it.

26. Donated blood?
Innocent.

27. Eaten alligator meat?
Yessums.

28. Eaten cheesecake?
Yep

29. Have/had a tattoo?
Want one, but enjoy having a place to live to much to get one. (parents are dicks...)

30. Liked someone, but will never tell who?
Guilty v_v

31. Been too honest?
Guilty

32. Ruined a surprise?
Guilty, and I got slapped so hard that it broke skin. That was when I was 8 years old though.

33. Ate in a restaurant and got so bloated that you cant walk afterward?
Guilty.

34. Erased someone in your friends list?
Yes

35. Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your a girl)?
Guilty. What? it was halloween!

36. Joined a pageant?
Innocent.

37. Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?
Yep, even though I think I'm ugly as sin.

38. Had communication w/ your ex?
Have to have one first to be able to answer this. Innocent.

39. DATING Someone, now or in the past?
No, not ever v_v

40. Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?
Innocent

41. Had a total stranger pay for your meal or drink?
Yep!

42. Got so totally angry that you cried hard?
Yes

43. Tried to stay away from someone for their own good?
Guilty.

44. Thought about suicide?
Guilty.

45. How about mass murder?
Guilty, and anyone that has played xbox live? Don't lie, you know you have thought about it too.

46. Tried illegal drugs and then liked them?
Nope

47. Rode in a stranger's vehicle?
Guilty.

48. Stalked someone?
Innocent

49. Had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Innocent...*sigh* I hate life. D:

50. Danced around in your underwear?
Guilty.

51. Jumped off a house?
Guilty, 3 story house...good times. :3

52. Ever missed someone so much you felt like crying everyday?
Guilty

53. Actually want to get married one day?
Guilty.

54. Smoked a cigar?
Guilty

55. Sang really loud when nobody was home just making up words as you go?
Guilty

56. Had dreams of your bestfriends bf/gf?
sometimes

57. Fallen for your best friend?
Guilty

58. Ever tripped on flat ground?
Stupid baggy pants/togas/loose tiles...

59. Ever cheated on your bf/gf?
Never had the opportunity. But don't think I would if I could.

60. Ever gone to school under the influence of drugs or alcohol?
Guilty...

61. Had a crush on someone who was younger than you by 2 years or more?
Guilty.

62. Wanted to tell someone's secret for their own good?
Guilty. I don't regret it either.

63. Ever felt so confused you wanted to cry?
Guilty.

64. Ever broke the rules on a quiz like this for fun because you over-explain things and it's annoying to answer vaguely and you're just like that?
Indeed

65. Ever spent the night over at a person of the opposite sex that isnt family?
Yep

66. Put so much food in your mouth you almost choked on it and had to spit it out?
Imitating the best John Belushi scene from Animal House. "Look at me! Ima zit!" *pop*

67. Poured glue on the wings of a bird?
Innocent.

68. Freaked out in the middle of the night because you thought somebody was in your room, but it was just clothes?
Guilty


69. Lied to someone to protect them from something that would hurt them worse?
Guilty.

70. Tried to hide yourself from everyone because you felt stupid?
Guilty

71. Hate your job?
Guilty

72. Car surfed on an SUV at 40 mph?
Station wagon >.>

73. Ever ran full speed into a closed sliding glass door?
Guilty.

74. Wish you could go back in time?
Guilty

ALL ABOUT ME MEME!
____________________________________________________________________________

- Name: Justin
- Single or taken: Single and hating it
- Sex: Yes please...Oh. wait a minute. You mean...Ohh... Male.
- Sign: Virgo
- Hair color: Brown with auburn low-lights
- Eye color: Silver-grey
- Height: 6'3"
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: straight with bi tendencies
____________________________________________________________________________

S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Whatever is in the shower at the time
- What are you listening to right now?: Annoying birds outside my window squawking
- Who is the last person that called you?: On the phone? My work, to tell me I was laid off.
- How many buddies are online right now?: No idea
____________________________________________________________________________

F A V O R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________

- Animal: Dragon
- Color: Black
- Drink: The wet kind
- Element: Metal
- Food: Meatloaf with peas and mashed potatos
- Game: Skyrim
- Movie: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
- Song: Everything I do (I do it for you)
- Subjects in school: Music, Gym, psychology and ESL Helper
- T.V.: NCIS, Criminal Minds, Mythbusters
____________________________________________________________________________

H A V E Y O U E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: Yes
- Smoked?: Yes
- Bungee jumped?: sort of
- Made yourself throw up?: Yes (for a good reason though)
- Skinny dipped?: Many times
- Ever been in love?: Unfortunately..
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Once
- Pictured your crush naked?: Yep
- Actually seen your crush naked?: Nope
- Cried when someone died?: Yep
- Lied: Nope *Blatant lie* >.>
- Fallen for your best friend?: Nope
- Used someone?: Once, felt terrible afterward.
- Done something you regret?: Being born count? ___________________________________________________________________________

C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: Grey Fruit of the Loom boxers.
- Desktop picture: http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/.....55/m3r3rcn.jpg <--this
- Song on Ipod: Fuck Apple Products! I have no iPod! I have a Creative Labs ZEN which is awesome. 450 songs. :3

____________________________________________________________________________

L A S T P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: My cat, Murphy, she demanded pets.
- Hugged: Murphy
- You kissed: Murphy
- You IMed: Fen (friend of mine)
- Talk to online: Fen
- You sexed it up with: ...nobody v_v
___________________________________________________________________________

A R E Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: *Nods*
- Open-minded?: Indeed
- Arrogant?: on some things, yes.
- Insecure?: Very
- Random?: Do your teeth feel heavy?
- Hungry?: Always
- Smart?: SMRT!
- Moody?: Only when people *cough*mother*cough* push the right buttons...
- Organized?: Organized chaos
- Shy?: Yep
- Difficult?: On some things
- Bored easily?: Oooooh yeah...
- Entertained easily?: Sometimes
- Obsessed?: Erm...not that I know of o_o
- Lazy?: Yep
- Angry?: Yeah, at certain people.
- Happy?: I wish
- Hyper?: Nope.
- Trusting?: Yes, but if it gets broken? I likely won't trust that person ever again.
___________________________________________________________________________

R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning I: Take a leak and then wonder what to do with myself for the rest of the day.
- Love is: Let me rephrase that *ahem...sings* LOVE STINKS! HELL YEAH!! LOVE STINKS!! YEAH YEAH!
- I dream about: Stuff and things. Mostly being happy again.
___________________________________________________________________________

W H O
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: imgur.com
- Makes you smile: People.
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: No idea.
___________________________________________________________________________

D O Y O U E V E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: A few times
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: The beard would be a dead give-away. Nope.
- Wish you were younger?: All the time
- Cry because someone said something to you?: Yes, but only when I'm alone.
___________________________________________________________________________

N U M B E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: To many to count
- Of Cd's I own: Many.
- Of scars on my body: too many to count.
- Of bones I've broken: Never broken any, shattered my elbow into little bits, and my left knee, but they weren't 'clean breaks'.


Little bit of insight into the life of depression. Awesome ain't it?

Well, that was an interesting day. Ever have one of those days where you more or less wish that shit would have gone different? Or that you stayed in bed? Well, today was one of those days.

Basically, I woke up, and then went to work after having a good lunch started to get changed so I could do my shift tonight, and then? Well, yeah...Next thing I know I get called into the boardroom, which is basically the "Oh, you're in shit" room; so I was more or less thinking I was boned. Boy was I surprised when I got in there and saw that there were the other two new guys in there as well. So...I was like "What the.." Anyways. The boss and the supervisors come into the office and give us the low down. Basically, we ran out of work! We're such a small shop that we don't get constant feed of work and whatnot else, and the contract that we've been working on since before I started there last September, has finally petered out, and they couldn't afford to keep all of us on staff. So they gave temporary lay-offs to myself and two of the new guys, hoping that we could come back later when work picks up.

I kind of wondered why they wanted me not on machines and instead wanted me painting parts rather than what I was hired to do. Oh well *Shrugs* Maybe I'll find something better in the interim. We'll see what happens I guess, unless you guys know any way to earn a few grand a month from home minus selling kidneys and whatnot...only have two of those after all. Thought about maybe trying my hand at something I've been thinking of for a while. Though I won't go into detail about it here, as if someone stole my idea (highly unlikely) I'd hunt them down and.....*Explicative deleted*....and their little dog too!

Anyways, see what the future holds, worse comes to worse, I still made friends with a lot of the guys that were there, and they didn't want to see me go. But I'm hoping I'll be able to come back and work there again. Just hopefully at a better pay grade XD


If anyone wants to talk or something, just look me up on skype or YIM

I think they are both listed in my profile, if not, note me. I'll send them your way.

Hello everyone that actually reads these,

Just me again going off on another bit of a rant. As most of you that keep up with me via xbox live, skype, YIM or whatnot else know, I have a job working as a CNC Machinist at a place that will remain unnamed for the time being. I love what I do as a profession and the like, the people there are all great, well...exception on one of those people.

If those of you who know me already can guess? His name starts with a D, and rhymes with "Merrick".

Yes...yet more problems in the land of Derrick-douchebaggery today. Though this was the best one yet, I got written up and yet again, my job got threatened! Though this time, he brought in an over-supervisor to 'legitimize it' or whatnot else. Which the entire bullshit story that he gave, was -not- what happened.

Basically, this morning started out where I had to go in and drill out four extra bolt holes on a cover/logo plate for one of the company machines that is being assembled as we speak. No problem! Well, I read through the setup sheets and instructions and I follow them to what I could interpret them to mean. So I get this thing set the way that I think that it should be and I pick up my centers (Being that it is a round plate that is, X and Y co-ordinate were the center of the part) And then ran my center drill to where it was supposed to be. Though...when it had done its run I looked at it and went "What the..." as the Center-pop's looked like they were missing two out of a 'bolt hole pattern'.

So I stopped the machine, didn't continue and then went to Art, the guy that I've been at least -trying- to train under...the one that promised to train me and whatnot else, but Derrick, yet again, forbayed me from actually talking to Art unless it was something important involving programming or whatnot. Which I still don't understand his thought process...but anyways. Back to the story.

So I asked Art, "What exactly did you mean "Line up on Y" in the instructions?" as that was literally what it said. So I lined the logo up the way I had it on the machine the other week when I milled the logo's out of the plates. Well, apparently, the other two holes in the plate were supposed to be lined up along the Y axis, and it was a typo that wasn't fixed. So, not my fault I'm thinking. So then I went to the lead hand, Paul; and asked if Center drill marks could be filled with 'weld' if they were a mistake. And he said "As long as they aren't through the part." So I showed him what I did and said "Oops, misinterpretation" and Paul nodded and said "uh oh" before walking off to finish his own work. No biggie.

SO! Here is where things get fucked up beyond all recognition...referred to here-on in as FUBAR.

I was on my way over to get Derrick to ask him the same thing, whether or not I could get these center drill holes filled by one of the welders, cause I figured it was a simple fix, (Which it really was after all) So I make my way over to the weld bay because that's where I saw Derrick last.

Mike, the welder, was dragging the weld cart back over from the main bay, so I stepped inside and helped open the big bay door so that he could get in. And then Derrick just rushes passed me and then turns and says "The fuck you doin in my weld bay?" and I said "I came to ge-" And he cuts me off and says "The fuck is that?" as he points at the plate under my arm. I was flustered at this point, so I showed him and then said "I was coming to get y-" Once again I get cut off and he goes off on me and says "You came to fix a mistake, and you weren't going to fuckin tell me, weren't you." and I said "No! I was coming to ge-" And he cuts me off again and says "So you weren't going to tell me!" and I just kinda sat there trying to get another word in but he then fucked off like he had a stick of dnyamite up his ass with a short fuse.

SO! I asked Mike if he could fill the center holes and he did, no problem, the fix WAS Simple after all, no big deal right? Wrong apparently.

Next thing I know, Derrick shows up with a piece of paper with the CCR logo on it, which I'm thinking is my dismissal papers...cause I know he's just looking for an excuse to fire me...don't really know why either...*Sighs* But anyways.

I get called into the big board room and sat down with him (Derrick) and my other boss Bill, the guy whose the reason that I got this job in the first place. So...Derrick sits down and asks me "So why are we here?" And I said "...because I made a mistake?" and he says "Yeah, you fucked up and then you were gonna go and get it fixed without telling me." And I started to explain that "No, I was coming to get him." but once again, I get cut off and he starts going off on me about how "That's not your decision to make" and whatnot else, and I just kinda sat there waiting for Bill to say something. But Bill just sat there doing nothing!

I once again tried to explain to him that it was a simple fix for a silly mistake on a misinterpretation but I get cut off not even mid sentence again and I get told that this is my 'first warning', and "That I'm lucky." Bill informs me that he has no say in the shop, Paul doesn't do anything without Derrick knowing, Art doesn't either, etc...Once again something that NOBODY TOLD ME to begin with or this could have been avoided all together.


So Derrick goes off on this big rant involving the fact that I keep not reading instructions and whatnot else, which is horseshit, true sometimes I miss things but I always re-read them and catch it beforehand. But that's besides the point, as we're walking out of the board room he tells me that he's going to be writing up this report, and that I will have to come and sign it to confirm that's what happened. Yeah right...fuck no I'm not signing a goddamn thing until I have a chance to actually tell my side of the story to rebuke his; cause I'm almost certain he is going to go around and start shit. Which that was the next part of this little story saga...


SO! I go back into the shop afterward and then I see that Art is kind of avoiding me...Derrick is still being a douchefucking thunder cunt as usual, aaand then when he goes to do something, Art kinda pulls me aside and asks me, not angrily or anything, but calmly "Did you tell Derrick that I told you to weld those center pops?" and I simple blinked and said "No, why? is that what he said?" and Art tells me "He said that you said, that -I- told you to go weld those." and I simply just facepalmed and started to fume, Art even said "Whoa...calm down there." And I said "That FUCKER is putting words in my mouth now!? GREAT!" Art continued and said "I wanted to hear it from you because I know that Derrick has been known to try and start shit between two or more of the guys just because. I knew you wouldn't do something like what he said, cause I like yah. You're a good kid." Which made me smile.


All in all? Today was something that I would have happily avoided by taking lead asprin in ,45 ACP...ugh...

I need a vacation...permanent one or something. Or a lottery win. Then I'd totally walk into work 2 hours late, and when he goes off at me, I'd say "YOU!!" In a really loud voice...and then I'd point at him. And slowly I'd move my hand forwards, and then go "Meep meep!" and honk his nose between two fingers twice before turning around and walking out laughing.

That'd be worth just seeing everyone laugh at him. Yeah....Oh well, shit keeps up? Or they don't let me do my side of the report? I'll have the Ministry of Labour so far up their asses that they'll be sneezing paperclips and getting papercuts on their larynx. :3

Well, it seems that the day that I've been dreading has finally come.

As most of you know, I have cats, 4 to be exact. We used to have 5 but the brother of my cat Murphy; Snowball, passed away about 6 years ago now. I never really got to say goodbye to him as I was working out in British Columbia at the time, and that still haunts me to this day.

Today, after I came home from work around 5 o'clock or so after doing some running around, it was a not too eventful day, frustrating was more the word, I came downstairs to be greeted by Murphy's usual greeting of meow and stretching out on my couch...only until I stepped in a big puddle. She's been doing this a lot lately, she's been peeing, throwing up in random places, or taking a dump in spots that aren't her litter box. She's 19 years old, so I can understand that she's rather senile in her old age...but I went outside into the sunroom after I cleaned up and took a shower afterward. That's where my mom dropped a bomb in my lap that I really didn't need right at the moment...cause now I'm crying just thinking about it.

Apparently the last time that Murphy had thrown up, it was laced with blood, and my mom researched what it could be on the internet and found that it might be her kidneys going, her stomach shutting down, any one of a million things, or it could have been that she just ate something funky. Well...I'm hoping that she just ate something funky, because my mom stated this

"I'm not going through what we went through with Snowball again, I will NOT let her suffer, first sign that she's in real pain...we're getting her put to sleep." and I lost it...I started to go into tears, held back, and held back. Hell...I still am holding back just thinking about it...because the only thing in my mind is that I get a phone call at work that my cat is dead because my mom put her down or something and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye again...So yeah...needless to say. I'm not exactly in a very awesome way right now...dunno if I will be ever again if...well...when Murphy goes finally into that place which I cannot follow.

I just really....really hope that she can hang on. She's been my best friend for 19 years and counting. I know that not all things last forever but...I just can't help but cry at the thought of losing my little fuzzy bed warmer...even if she does yowl at all hours of the night and whatnot else...she's still my annoying little fuzzball in the end. I dunno what I'm gonna do to be honest.

I just really don't know...

On September 16th, 1986, there was a horrible, horrible accident that took place. Tamara Mercuri was subjected to terrible experiments with gamma radiation and beef products...the ending result being something that emerged from her body, something...naked, and covered in 40 weight resembling a little old man. That something...would change her life, and her new husband Brian's, life forever. Their son came into this world at 5:03am on September 16th, 1986, 26 years ago today! The doctors were astonished, or fainting as they looked upon the creature that had emerged from their harsh harsh experiments on this poor woman, but...there he was in all his glory! And then!? He looked around with brand new baby blue eyes, and slapped the shit outta the doctor that spanked him when he didn't cry. :3

Nah, but in all seriousness. Its my birthday on Sunday! I'll be turning 26, gotta love it! Hoping that maybe I'll be able to get some things that I've had my eye on for a while now. Mainly videogames and stuff like that. Or maybe some machinist tools...or a tool box or something, cause mine is just too small for where I work and what I have to do. But that's a different story all together.

Also...just saying, buuut yeah, arts for my birthday would always been awesome too :P Just throwing that out there. I've got a plethora of characters to choose from, details for most available upon request so...yeah! If you're interested in taking a shot at it? Lemme know!

But until then, keep it real, and all that other junk that entails!

-Dracco

SO! For those of you that know, I finished school for Millwright/Machinist on July 20th of this year; as of such, I have the knowledge and whatnot else behind me to which end I could challenge the Canadian General Machinist Level 1 test if I wished or was sponsored to do so via an employer. Well, aside from that, I more or less needed a job because I have a loan that is coming due and all that jazz.

So basically what's happened was that I got hired in the last week of August to a place called Tool Room Solutions Inc. I went for a factory tour and thought the place was quite interesting, the guy that owned it was rather honest albeit a bit strange in the way he worded things; and the workers that were there were more than happy to answer my many millions of questions when it came to CNC programming, or other such things. So...there I am for a week or so, my feets are killing me, my knees are about done, but I'm fighting through it okay. Sure I'm complaining to my parents but they just tell me to suck it up...so I do. But anyways.

They gave me my tax information so I could be paid and all that jazz, no big deal. They asked for emergency contact information and whatnot else, not that I minded. My mom gave her name, and then gave a card to keep on file with my records as that has her cellphone and all that stuff on it as well as her home phone number in case something happened. Well...this is where things get interesting.

I started on Tuesday again after the long weekend, same old same old, drilling and boring large steel pucks until the cows came home. So anyways, when I was hired on I was thinking about the money and all that; but when I started to wander around the factory a bit more and began to start watching some of the other guys working on their machines that there were...things amiss.

There are things that come when you have a mother that is an Environmental Health and Safety manager for Canada...So when you have that constantly going on in your home life, you start to notice things in your workplace. For example, there should be guards on machines and whatnot else that keep moving parts that could get clothing or anything else like that caught in rather easily. Well...the machine that I was working on has a chip conveyor that brings chips that are cut from whatever I'm working on, in this case, Steel 'pucks' ; and deposit them into a bin for disposal later. It is driven by a sprocket chain drive system and according to the other guy that was training me, had been having problems with the chains breaking and flinging all over the place. So they just welded two new sprockets in there and had the chain completely exposed while the machine is running with no guard in sight.

Then there were the lifting straps used for the overhead cranes which regularily transport -very- large pieces that could weigh in excess of 5 tons, so...lifting straps are more or less put into a category where they cannot be frayed, cut, knicked, or any kind of damage at all to their outter or inner casings. Well...some of the lifting straps that I've seen at this place, they were -all- kinds of illegal. Those were more or less just small things to start. But that is another story.


So there I am this morning, working and doing new pucks. I had to write a new program for a specific puck and metal that I was supposed to drill and bore, which had me quite stoked! Now the maximum time that was allowed for the pucks to be completed was 20 minutes each, I unfortunately, due to the chuck jaws that I was forced to use, I had to push the time to 30 minutes. That wasn't bad, so no biggie, worked through until about 2:30 this afternoon and then I get informed that its payday! Good day right? Right!

So there I am, working through my charges and then the next thing that happens, everyone kinda is walking around, nowhere near me, etc...and they are all cleaning and the shop got really quiet except for Freddy running around on the fork truck delivering stuff where it needed to be. So...Scott, the plant manager comes over towards me with an envelope in hand! I was like "Woohoo! payday!" Anyways...he says "This is last weeks pay, this is this weeks pay plus a bit extra for the holiday. We paid you through to three thirty today but...Unfortunately, I have to let you go." And I was like *Blinkblink*"What?"

So yeah...basically the reason I got hired on was because I was promised an apprenticeship, benefits, all the full nine yards. It was awesome. I was happy! I mean don't get me wrong, the commute sucked ass, but yeah...apart from that it was fine. So...anyways...I finished my part, went around to the guys and wished them well, thanked them for their time and helping me out through the transition into the new job. So I just left with all my things and now? I'm unemployed once again....huzzah. >_<

Turns out the reason that they laid me off was because they just didn't have anymore work for any of their actual 'employees' with tenure, to do. So...I, being the lowest man on the totem pole got the short end of the stick, no pun intended. So yep...sucks ass. Gonna try and find something else...hopefully before my loan comes due. Cause ugh...I need something....badly D: