Despite still dodging a hailstorm of financial crisis, car problems, miscellaneous things blowing up and having to rehab yet another house I have managed to survive half way through 2014.

I managed to make it to Wild Nights on a prayer and a rental car and it would have been a lot more fun if there wasn't a perpetual black cloud of stress and mishap hanging over me the entire time. It's amazing how much can go wrong and blow up in the span of 2 days. Car breaks down, get a rental car to make it to WN and then find out once I get to WN that my debit card has been compromised by some asshat in Saudi Arabia. Things got fixed in the weeks after WN but I wasn't able to fully enjoy it like I was looking forward to. I did however get to introduce Johanna the Lich to the fandom. That was kind of fun. I will probably be redesigning the head for that costume next year to fix some issues that I've found. The new design should hopefully be just as awesome and not have the issues that Johanna V1 has.

In other news I have another beasty on the table that I'm praying that I can get finished in time to premier at Gen Con in August. I'll take a few WIP pictures but nothing will be officially posted until after Gen Con. It's just 60 days away and I still have a sculpt to finalize and molds to do. A handful of folks know what I'm up to and have seen bits and pieces in person. So if you have seen or know what I'm working on please keep it hush-hush until I post things. As a side note, there will be items that I will be able to offer copies of from my production molds. I may even sell a couple of molds that I mad that I have no use for. This probably won't be until September though since I am feverishly working to get what is effectively a fullsuit done in 60 days while working a 40+ hour a week day job with a side order of house work. No sweat.

Stay tuned for more monster goodness...

Last Saturday  stuntcoyote and I went out and shot some photos of Johanna for a Halloween photo contest. We shot at two different locations that night and overall most of the pictures turned out pretty good except for one thing...I didn't check the neck flap. There were a lot of really good pictures that were completely botched because I didn't check to make sure that my neck flap was tucked into the shirt I was wearing. I was so mad at myself when I saw that Sunday. I was all "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I can't even edit it out to where it looks good...so yeah.

Now I have to pick a photo that I want to use but I've got a few that I'm having a hard time choosing between.

Got back from Gen Con late Sunday night and spent most of yesterday recouping since I could barely walk when I got home Sunday. Sitting was fine, standing was fine...trying to move from sitting to standing, no go. It was a 15-20 minute ordeal to move from sitting to standing that usually involved some flailing about. I tweaked something in my right leg that hurt something awful. A day of rest and it's so much better. Playing the part of a zombie can really take it out of you.

I didn't get to see much of the con outside of the hotel that we were running the game in which was okay since I didn't have any money to spend due to food and gas and all that fun crap. Didn't make for a very fun con and I was about ready to go home Thursday because it was so depressing not being able to do hardly anything on my free day. Gen Con is one of those cons that isn't really worth going to if you don't have any money or if you're hanging out by your lonesome. I was doing both on Thursday. Friday and Saturday kind of flew by in a blur of pain and sleep deprivation. Crash out at 3 and up by 7:30 was the order of things Thursday night through Sunday morning. Not much fun. The only highlight was that I found out that my picture from the costume contest last year was featured in the con book this year next to the entry form for the costume contest. I drug home about 4 or 5 copies to give to family members and to keep as a memento. So I'll probably be going "Look, I'm in the con book!" to a lot of people for a bit. That was about the only highlight of the whole trip.

Well the last two weeks have been a lovely little shitfest to add to the plethora of stress I've been trying to cope with since about May roughly. I'm just physically exhausted at this point from being dreadfully ill, having my monthly cycle decide to show up early and stay extra late with little sign of leaving, and stress. Those first two were a lovely little double whammy back to back. On the upside it's looking like the issue causing my perpetual stress and self-punishing guilt will soon be abating. Things aren't in the all clear yet but the light has finally been turned on at the end of the tunnel. I also finally got the back room cleaned up enough to where I now have a modest work station. Sadly the room isn't quite big enough to accommodate my sewing as well but at least I can put most everything else back there. The sewing will still have to take place in the living room. Someday I may have the space I need to work on crap instead of having to constantly rearrange the furniture to be able to work on anything. I'll post a pic of my new work station here in a couple weeks.

Next week I get to try and survive a con on survival rations because I promised someone a while back that I would help them run an event. Con, hotel, and gas are all covered so I'll be living off of some homemade jerky and bread for 4 days next week. Survival superpowers activate! Heh, maybe I can drop a little extra weight I've been meaning to lose.

Right now life has me stressed to the point that I swear I'm just going to end up dying. I feel strangled by everything with little to no hope in sight. I just want to cry and generally I hate crying. I almost never cry but in the past couple months I have cried and wailed more than I have in decades...since I was born. The stress has stripped almost every shred of the enjoyment of life from me at this point that there is nothing. There is no enjoyment in life for me anymore just the depressing realization that I can do nothing anymore. There is no light, no fun, no laughter anymore...just a sad aching silence and an exhausting desolateness. Thing may eventually turn around but will I still be here to see that time. Anymore I live to work...nothing more...

http://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1045184.html

GO! If you've ever wanted to make a fursuit this is your chance. I pooled together practically everything that one would need to get started and at base cost! GO! TELL THE WORLD! BID!

So I've been ridiculously stressed out for a bit because of an impending issue that could go well or go really bad. Bit like standing on the edge of a cliff, two steps one way it's safe and two steps the other way to certain doom. The other half seems confidant that things will be okay but this doesn't help. This leads into another issue because apparently when I stay super stressed about crap it opens the door for my old "friend" depression to come visit. This is no good because the last time I was this stressed and got so horribly depressed about life I actually attempted suicide...twice. This was several years ago and obviously it didn't work thanks to an overactive survival mode that also tends to kick in now and then. Also apparently when I get like this I become a real prat. Then compound onto that a burgeoning identity crisis...I realized yesterday that I didn't know who the fuck I am! Not the "I don't know my name or where I'm from" kind...the kind where you don't know how to define yourself beyond just a name and a job kind of thing. So yeah...nasty poisonous cocktail of shit swirling around in my head right now. :(

On a side note, I've realized that over the years I've accumulated stuff that I will probably not end up using for the reason I got it in the first place. So at this point I've decided to sell some of it off for in case shit really does hit the fan. The current list of stuff that I'm planning on selling off is as follows:

-The first fursuit I made: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5812931/ It's only been worn twice and has been sitting in a storage tub for 3 years. I had plans to redo the head but I think I'd be better off just selling it. I'm going to sell the body suit, digigrade padding, hands, feet, tail and the extra gray fur I've got from it. I don't consider the head safe since the ventilation is horrid and the jawset is falling apart. I'd like $50 for it. The gray fur is actually pretty nice.

-Black cat tail by ErisValgen $25

-Deer stuff: A resin deer blank by Sniper that has been cut and hinged, small cloven hooves and small cloppers by DVC. I think I've got something like 3 yards of nutmeg cubby, some medium length white fur I picked up somewhere, and some apoxie sculpt that I could throw in with it too. That's almost everything to make a deer partial. $145 for just the blank and hooves/$300 for the whole lot.

At some point I'll get pictures up of everything. I also have to get it all rounded up since some of it is in storage.

...it's a slow day.

1. What is your natural hair color?
Really dark brown. I had a hairdresser tell me once that my hair is almost as dark as an Asian person’s. Makes it a real asspain if I want to try and dye it.

2. Where was your ID pic taken?
What ID pic…didn’t anyone ever tell you I don’t photograph well…

3. What's your middle name?
Elizabeth

4. Your current relationship status?
Married….

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
There would be a slight problem if he didn’t…

6. What is your current mood?
Bored…

7. What's the color of your underwear?
Uh….don’t remember. It’s either blue, yellow, pink, purple, green, or grey….either way it was clean when I put it on.

8. What is one thing that makes you happy?
Not too sure right now…it’d probably be having time to work on what I want and not having to worry about everything else.

9. Who was the last person you cuddled with?
My man.

10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
Trying to please everyone and be the “good daughter”. I should have just done things my way.

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day?
Probably an otter….though right now I feel more like a three-toed sloth.

12. Ever had a near death experience?
I would think the time I rolled a car into a ditch on an icy road might count…

13. Something you do a lot?
Go to work…and fix everything that’s either broke or gone wrong when I get home…

14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
Whatever is coming out of the earbud in my left ear…looks like it’s Dance of the Darkness by Blackmore’s Night.

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
 maxzillian

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
Can’t think of anyone but it’s the day after Pearl Harbor…

17. When was the last time you cried?
I don’t trouble myself with remembering that stuff…

18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Nope…well, not since elementary school.

19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
It’s a toss-up between being able to go invisible and being able to shrink.

20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Probably their shoes…then again I do that to everyone. One of those weird ways I recognize people.

21. What's your biggest secret?
Wouldn’t you like to know…

22. What's your favorite color?
Probably slate blue.

23. When was the last time you lied?
Again…don’t bother remembering…

24. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Yeah…but the old classics or the good new ones, none of that MLP garbage.

25. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Chewing one some mint trident.

26. What's your favorite smell?
As weird as it sounds…that smell of sweaty leather armor.

27. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
Pain.

28. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
First off…I don’t do hugs. Secondly…if you have gotten a hug from me it means that you’re someone that I enjoy keeping company with and I might actually trust you. The only person that gets pseudo regular hugs is my man.

29. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
Dunno…

30. What are you thinking about right now?
These nonsense questions…and how much I’m not looking forwards to the stuff I have to do tonight.

31. What should you be doing?
Work.

32. What was the last thing that made you upset?
That I have almost no time for myself…by myself anymore.

33. Do you like working in the yard?
Sometimes…I really need to get the flowerbeds back in shape and get the garden prepped.

34. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Names are a bit over rated…

35. Name 5 things in your closet:
Clothes, hangers, drums, a bolt of faux fur, and a box of costume makeup.

36. Do you act different around your crush?
Not too much….I try to tone the weirdness down a little.

37. When was the last time you slept with a stuffed animal?
Probably a couple months ago…

38. How many times do you take a shower a week?
Something like 3 or 4…really depends on how much time I have and whether the bathroom is freezing cold or not by the time I have time to take a shower.

39. Do you brush your teeth everyday?
Yep…unless I get home at an obscene hour in the morning….then I go screw it and wait til the next night. That doesn’t happen too often.

40. Have you ever said something stupid in front of your crush?
Probably…I try not to remember.

41. Have you ever watched a hockey game?
Nope.

42. Do you lie about your age?
Nope…folks have a hard time guessing sometimes.

43. Ever been jealous about something stupid?
My utter lack of drawing ability. Then again I’m sure there’s folks that think my drawings are pretty good.

44. Do you pick your nose?
Only if there’s something up there bothering me.

45. What's the one food you hate?
Red bean paste…I hate the smell of raw or boiled poultry though.

46. What's the one junk food you cant live without?
I’ve actually cut a large portion of junk food out of my diet. I suppose ice cream counts as a junk food though. There’s some tasty ice creams out there.

47. How old were you when you found out Santa was fake?
I don’t think I ever really believed in Santa…

48. Have you ever blown your nose and looked inside the napkin?
Yep…bit like checking the oil in your car.

49. Describe your favourite underwear you have?
Those novelty ones that come out around Halloween.

50. Did you lie in any of these questions?
Nope…didn’t answer some of them to their fullest though…

So the other vehicle finally got fixed. The engine was almost entirely rebuilt or at least seems like it but it feels so good to have my vehicle back. That's all over with for the time being. I'm gradually trying to get things dragged back into some sort of normal mode but mostly I would love to find more time to just sit down and sew without being distracted by everyone and everything else. There's too many things that are demanding my attention right now and I almost need to clone myself a couple times over to manage all of it. Work takes a large chunk out of my day leaving only something like maybe 3-4 hours in the evening to do something else. Not much when you factor in spending time with a SO, dishes, laundry, and critters. All while trying to squeeze in a new exercise regime, projects that I would like to work on, projects I need to finish, gaming, and trying to get the house organized after 3 years and get the other person who lives there to be on board with my ideas. Weekends often get eaten up with being on duty for work, more house chores, prepping the garden, trying to make the flower beds in front of the house look presentable, more time spend with the SO, more time taking care of critters, and volunteering on a cave paleontological digcrew. Yeah...I could use some doubles.

As for other stuff....I hope to make it to Wild Nights this year and I swear I'll get the second half of the photos from last year posted. They will all be up before April. I just find it to be such an asspain to try and upload stuff so I may do it when I watch the latest episode of Face Off on Hulu one night. I'm also debating on whether I want to bring Johanna with to Wild Nights or not. It may depend on if I get the new robes done or not because the current set though rather nice looking, are insanely hot and I doubt that I'll be able to get my cooling pack frozen there. So that's something of a maybe at this point. I do have something else that I'm definitely planing on bringing with me to Wild Nights and I'm wanting to keep it a surprise but we'll see how well that works. I'm really bad at that sort of thing especially if it's something that I'm excited about. Just doesn't happen sometimes.

At this point it's looking like Wild Nights and maybe F3 if it happens again this year will probably be the only cons that I'll be going to this year. No Gen Con this year due to conflicting plans. I'm always open to change on the con docket but right now that's about it.

So. Life is still rocky like usual and the bad luck fairy just can't seem to stay away. One of our vehicles threw it's timing belt and has been in the shop for about a month now almost. On an up side though I did manage to procure a new nicer sewing machine. I managed to score up a next to new Brother XL-5700 for free. I was thinking about buying a new Janome sewing machine because my old crappy little sewing machine is on it's last leg. Now I just need to get a serger then I'll be set.

On another note regarding the recent events on part of FA that resulted in a mass relocation for many folks I too have made an account over on weasyl. Frankly I've never been a huge fan of FA mostly because I don't really like logging on and having the front page turn into a mass orgy. Not the highlight of my day...ever. I'll also have to say that I like weasyl's set up much better. Other than the fact that I have yet to figure out the all of the features of the site but in general uploading stuff goes so much quicker and smother than anytime I've ever tried to upload stuff to FA. Honestly I've always dreaded the irritation of trying to upload stuff on FA. Always been a pain in my ass. Anyway. There's going to be slightly different content on each account. I'll be leaving all current postings up here but new stuff will probably be limited to pics from any event I go to...when I get around to posting them. I got a couple folders of stuff that needs to be uploaded but hasn't been for aforementioned reasons. Weasyl will be pretty much everything else. Lots of photography and galleries for various costumes. I will be posting links here for costumes galleries as they come online.

So I've finally finished all "owed" sewing projects and now it's on to in house stuff that needs to be finished. I've still got a bunch of linen that needs to be martialed into garb but that will have to wait to start next week. This weekend I'm going to a seminar that will be of great use for all of that. For now though I'm playing around with making a sweater coat. Things to look for in the future:

* New robes for Johanna. The current ensemble weighs in at 10lbs and is very hot so I'll be making a lighter set.
* Deer creature costume. This one has been on the list for a bit and I may actually have some time to fiddle with it.
* Trollbird costume. This is a maybe since I still need to get the sculpt finished.
* Cat partial. This will more than likely be a for sale project. I have ideas for this one but I do not have the materials gathered.
* Voodoo priestess faun costume. This one is in collaboration with the deer creature. Though it also hinges on me getting my fat ass in shape as well. I'm not wearing anything as skimpy until the unsightly tummy flab is gone.

Those are this big things but even more important is that I have a bunch of pics from WN 2012 and F3 that I need to upload. I've also got some other pics that I would like to upload but at this time I don't even have my WN pics up though I did finally process them last week so their ready I just have to sit down and do it.

While we were gone to the in-laws place for a few days before Christmas, almost a week, the other vehicle got fixed. Turns out it was just a bad slave cylinder so it's all good. Left it at my folks place while we were gone so it could get worked on. So now things are back to pseudo normal. With the Christmas Chaos over with I can get back to my mound of sewing that needs to be done. There's so much that everyone else wants done that I won't have time to work on what I want probably till sometime in the spring almost. I'm still trying to get all these cloaks knocked out that are gifts to a couple of my man's friends and their kids. I've gotten somewhere around half way through the 24 yards of flannel and wool that I have to work through. Then it's back to the I don't know how many yards of linen that I need to work through but I have to get patterns drafted first. Argh, these sewing demands may have to be put on pause after I get some of this stuff finished.

Well, metaphorically anyway. So earlier this week the other vehicle decided that it didn't feel like being drivable. The clutch master cylinder or some such went out on it so it doesn't want to shift. This means that we're down to one vehicle. This also means that my plans for F3 this weekend are getting rearranged. So Friday I'll be there for a while but who knows with Saturday since I've also found out that the Christmas party for the Riverbluff Cave dig crew is at 1:30 and I have to be back at the house to hand off the keys to my man so he can go gaming later that night at around 7:30. *flail* My plans can never seem to work out correctly.

F3 Convention (F3con) is a furry convention in Springfield, Missouri on December 14th-16th. Check out the F3con website (Http://F3Con.com) for more information.


The Basics

Age?
28

Species?
Gray Fox

Gender?
Dysfunctional Female.

Are you taken?
Try your luck and find out.

Do you 'suit?
At this point....not really. Johanna has been packed away for the season.

Do you create (artist, writer, crafter)?
Yep. I'm kind of a hodgepodge of all of the above.

Where are you staying?
At my house.

What day will you arrive?
Probably late afternoon Friday.

Who are you rooming with?
See above question...I'm stayin' at my house.

Who are you hanging with?
Dunno yet...we'll see how many folks I can pester.

Will you be meeting friends at F3?
Again,depends on if there's any one I can pester.

Will you be drinking?
Only what I buy.

Will there be a party in your room?
Not in my house.

Can I pounce you?
Do not touch unless you have clearance. Offenders will be flogged with a live chicken.

Can I talk to you?
Possibly, I may or may not have much to say back. My conversational skills aren't particulatly spectacular.

Can I hug you?
Hellz no! You will be flogged with a live chicken then kicked in front of a bus.

Can I hang out with you?
I can't say I'm the most entertaining company but if you aren't a complete arse I suppose it's okay.

Can I get pictures with you?
Good luck on that one. I'm tricky to photography.

Can I dance with you?
Two left feet here. I don't dance a whole lot plus I find the music at most dances way too loud.

How can I find you?
Check the nearest shadowy corner.


Convention Stuff

Name your conventions: Gen Con '11, '12, Wild Nights '12

What are you eating?
Usually whatever I can scrounge up.

Are you buying?
Depends on what it is.

What are you looking to buy?
Nothin' in particular right now.

Are you selling?
Just my soul.

What are you selling?
See above. Taking offers now.

Favorite event?
...

Favorite panel?
...

Have you looked at the schedule yet?
Yep. Remember what was on it...nope.

Going to the rave at Club Anthro?
Probably not due to loud music and a certain inability to dance.



Art/writing

Do you do freebies?
Depends on if I like you.

Do you do trades?
Possibly.

Do you do commissions?
I'm open to the possibility.

Do you have prints/books/CDs?
Of my stuff...no. Of others stuff...yep.

So yesterday I finally got the most amazing birthday gift, a dressmaker's dummy. Now I can finally work off an actual real dressmaker's dummy instead of getting constantly stabbed by pins while standing on the toilet in the bathroom trying to check fit and what not in the bathroom mirror. Yeah, classy I know. That's how I did things for the longest time and it didn't always work right. I can't wait to break it in this weekend.

So I got started on my sewing this weekend and made reasonable progress. Probably would have finished except for one thing. Thread. Yes, I ran out of thread and I use a specific type of thread. I like to use Coats & Clark Heavy or whatever it's called that come on the gray/taupe colored spool and the only reliable places I can get it at is Hobby Lobby, Hancock, and Joann. None of which are open at about 9 on a Sunday. So yes, I shall get more thread today and return to slaving away at my sewing machine.

So I finally managed to get enough of the living room (aka my craft area) rearranged to the point that I can start to tackle the growing back log of sewing that needs to be done. Over the past couple nights I've managed to get most of the mending done. The only mending left is a fitted sheet with a blown out corner. Also managed to get rolling on a sewing request from  caldaq which hopefully will be finished by Sunday. Next up after all of that is a big sewing batch that needs to be done within 3 weeks or less. Just got to sew 5 cloaks, no sweat...maybe. Yay for getting drafted for making Christmas gifts. Also for that batch I have to string two three strand necklaces. Plus intermixed with all of that I have a large batch of 10th century garb I need to get done. There's also a few personal projects that I want to get done. There's a stag costume that I want to make and I'm mulling over the thought of making a troll bird costume too. We'll see on that second one.

I am just completely emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, sore, and I'd really rather not see or deal with another living person for a very long time. Why? Jury Duty...of the worst kind. So yeah...I may be a bit reclusive for a while. Though not like I'm the most socially active type to start with either.

...to inkle weaving.

So last weekend my mate gave me an early birthday/Christmas present of and inkle loom. Now for presonal and religious reasons I don't observe Christmas and Halloween/Samhain is the last holiday that I personally observe. Now I do participate in social Christmas celebrations but that's getting into complicated stuff that isn't a part of this journal. That's a whole other mess that has no buisness being publicly posted. Anyway, so I know have an inkle loom and I love it. It's one of the most addicting things on earth right now. It came pre-warped is some sort of nasty cheap yarn, I think it was Red Heart brand or something close. Either way, it wasn't nice to work with. Plus they somehow warped it wrong so I was only able to weave about a foot and a half long section before I finally had to just cut it off.
So with that off of there I warped it with some decent crochet thread and started a new band. Took me a little bit to get it figured out how to warp it again but I got it and things are going well. The band that I have on there now is probably about a half inch wide but I could do up to a 4" wide band. Right now I'm just doing basic stuff but eventually I want to be doing tablet weaving badassery on it like kivrim and maybe even lettering. So one day I may offer personalized lanyards and collars and all sort of neat shit.

So...anyone know a bad luck proof car? A little while back I finally got my replacement vehicle after all of the shit that happened in December. A little gray Ford Escape. It's a fun little car and I kinda like it. Problem is it no like me anymore. On Friday it started acting up and now it will start but it won't stay running. Did a little digging and it may be that the fuel pump has gone out or it could be something else. Argh! Not what I need after a potentially good weekend going to shit.

It's always nice to get validation that your work is really good. Saturday night at G.A.M.E. I took both first and crowd favorite at the costume contest. The judges, many of whom do either professional grade or close to it costumes, were all pretty much blown away with Johanna. The only real comments that they had were that I need to tweak the paint job on the mask just a little to make it look a little more realistic. Just need to do a dark wash and maybe add a little more depth to the latexmache on it plus maybe black out the inside of the mouth more. Nothing major. I'm just glad that I managed to get on and off stage okay. It's a little difficult to hop on and off a 2 foot tall stage while wearing almost 4 inch heels that don't quite fit properly with a floor length double layered skirt. Not an easy task but I did it.
So for now I think I may retire Johanna from the competition circuit. Next up is a creature I like to call a Foo Deer. It's part Foo Dog, part deer with maybe a little bit of kirin thrown in for fun. I still need to come up with a name for it though...
Also need to actually post some pictures of Johanna so that maybe folks will know what I'm talking about....

...as to why my last couple of journal posts have been so disgustingly emo like. For the past couple months I've been coping with a nasty cocktail of stress, fairly high performance expectations, and potentially life altering events. Some of it I heaped upon myself and some of it was from others and I'm sure there is a small portion that can be attributed to no one in general. I suppose in a way one could describe it as the bottom has dropped out of what I thought was my reality and now I don't know how to deal with it...how to fix it. It will help if I can ever get an official validation for probably the biggest issue that I'm wrestling with right now. But for now life is a bit like an illness, some days you feel okay and then sometimes you feel like you need to throw up. Unfortunately my emotional throw up happened to land here for a bit. Eventually everything will work it's way out and get better...hopefully.

So, I managed to make it through the chaos of August. Things went relatively well. I didn't get finished in the time that I wanted to but I guess in a way I was done at the end of July whether I knew it or not because the piece that I was working on up to the last minute ended up breaking anyway. What was this super secret project you might be wondering? Well, it was a year long costume build for a draconic lich for the Gen Con 2012 costume contest. I took second place in the fantasy division.  ourmasshysteria were the ones who took first in the group. Though it was fun enough making people completely lose their minds when I talked to them. The mask had a moving jaw and everything. There'll be pictures posted at some point since I'm still trying to get the back log of stuff I put aside during the costume build that I'm gradually working through. There's a couple other costumes that I want to build but I'm not sure if I'll be able to. Johanna may be the last costume that I ever have time to work on.

The sad truth is that I'm starting to question if I have to abandon all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations to try and make life work. Right now I work at least 40 hours a week if not more at a job that has pretty decent benefits but with not a very good out look of advancement or pay raise. The other half of the household does about 35 hours a week but at a rather low end job. We agreed that he would start looking for a second daytime job since he works nights. So far there hasn't been much in the way of movement towards that. I'm not even sure if he's looked. I'm starting to wonder if it's going to end up having to be my burden to bear. Will it be my happiness that ends up being the sacrifice for getting by? Time will only tell.

So...shit. I've got so much crap to get done it's not funny. Though it is getting done. There's the oodles of stuff that I have to do at work and then there's the 2 month point on a major project I'm working on at home. That is actually starting to come together fairly quickly, just got to find a weekend to get the wing mechanism worked out and all of that put together. A few tweaks have finally got it looking good and now just got to get it attached to a decent pack and the cables run. Still got to find some good boots and once I get my glue stick order I can go back to getting the head put together. Also the mountain of sewing is quickly rapping up. I spent most of last night hand sewing parts of a large skirt. The thing must weigh almost 8 pounds. I want to get before and after pictures of the distressing but we'll see if I have time to get it done.

Also I need to upload the pictures I took at Wild Nights and some art that I've done lately and probably a couple other things but I don't have time to because I get home from work and go straight into grinding away on the costume of epicnes since I'm pushing a lot of traditional elements here. Mainly how wings are done. I'm daring to do a different system than the traditional hand lever or hand cable systems. I may pay for this the day after but by god I will bring something awesome.

So yeah, to those who care, I am neither dead nor committed to the funny farm...I'm just buried under a mountain of work that I have to grind through before the end of the first week of August.

Impending psychotic breakdown ahead. Right now my stress levels are ready to go straight through the roof between deadlines and shit at work. I feel like an Amish buggy horse or a badly frayed rope that's been patched with a little duct tape to try and hold it together.