Suno recently released model v5, and it finally fixes some of the problems that were introduced 10 months ago. I’m going back through my older catalog from the v3 / v3.5 era to give those songs a proper update.

It isn’t quick work. About 90% of Suno’s output still ends up discarded, and I keep generating until I find something that matches my intent. But when it does, I think the results are worth it.

For a taste of the difference, here are a couple I've redone already:

Embrace the Wind (original): https://suno.com/s/0lU8ooT8OEpgmbia
Embrace the Wind (model v5): https://suno.com/s/pxCPgJbSN7CLjS5n

Surviving Each Day (original): https://suno.com/s/hxLrUVCH5rgoYBza
Surviving Each Day (model v5): https://suno.com/s/DH9dsFGy3EOiWRF9

And for downloads, this will be the Google Drive folder going forward: https://drive.google.com/drive/fold.....usp=drive_link

Doing this kind of project takes patience, and most of the time this is an extraordinarily lonely effort. When I started, I had at least a little support, but that’s faded over time. I’m still here, though, and still making something that matters to me.

If you’re one of the maybe 2½ people who actually care about this, here’s your chance: if there’s an older song you’d like me to prioritize for a v5 update, let me know. I'll be pleasantly shocked and astounded. Even a single request is enough to move it to the front of the line.

If I get no replies, that’s not unexpected. I'll just keep working through them in whatever order strikes me.

Everyone has a chance to vote on what I'm doing next. Any option will still have the usual content, I'm not suddenly changing genres. Open until afternoon of May 9.

[Edit: poll ended a while ago, thanks.]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku10qVQOa3k

You're welcome.

Also, fan art please.

This post is to inform you that I have recently updated my text adventure game, Rasa, for Patrons and Coffee Buyers only.

Special shout-out to my sponsors  Kaslan and  Hikyuuri. Thank you for your exceptional generosity.

Don't want to wait? $2/month on Patreon will give access to all new updates the moment they become available. A $3 Ko-Fi will get you a link to the singular latest version.

Rasa demo is available here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/32884917/

Rasa patch notes are always here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/....._EmGlWgO1s/pub

This post is to inform you that I have recently updated my text adventure game, The Lab, for Patrons and Coffee Buyers only.

This update is 3 versions ahead of the latest public version. Patrons and Coffee Buyers also get access to the latest beta for my other vore game, Rasa.

Special shout-out to my sponsors  Kaslan,  hikyuuri, and Seba. Without supporters like you, updates like this would not happen.

Don't want to wait? $2/month on Patreon will give access to all new updates the moment they become available. A $3 Ko-Fi will get you a link to the singular latest version.

The Lab patch history: (Click here)

Rasa patch history: (Click here)

If you ever wanted to know how fast you can get all achievements in Golden Treasure, the answer is 1 hour, 23 minutes.

They didn't accept me into RPG Limit Break this year, so I just made a standalone video for your amusement.

Link is below. It has my running commentary where I talk about the story and what I'm doing. I recommend watching at 1.25x speed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmkwJi3nrYw

March 22, 2020 edit: Got the time down to 1 hour, 17 minutes in a new video.

I guess some people played football. That's cool.

More importantly, one of the commercials had dragon vore.

https://imgur.com/NwwWuif

You're welcome.

I never really advertised this leading up to it, but I might as well now that it's over with.

I submitted and was selected for speedrunning Golden Treasure: The Great Green for last week's RPG Limit Break: Questing for Glory 3 speedrun marathon event.

I thought it went pretty well. If you want to see how it turned out, YouTube video is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NmQAHTLAhg

Don't you want to see how many actions I justify using "because dragon"?

Also it has my real voice. Oh noes.

Hey friends,

You may have seen my journal from a couple days back about a new dragon-themed interactive novel that was released on Steam.

The developers have been having difficulty getting exposure and placement in other game stores. They deserve better. I've been trying to spread the word.

If any of you have an account at GOG.com, I'd like to ask you to upvote them on the GOG.com wishlist.

I humbly request for you to visit https://www.gog.com/wishlist/games/golden_treasure_the_great_green and click the little yellow "plus" button while logged in.

I also humbly request that you ask others who have a GOG.com account to do the same. This is not for me. I do not benefit personally from this. This is for the developers.

A small amount of action while the game is still young might still give a chance for them to continue their story.

I ask this because I believe in what they are doing. But there is only so much that I can do alone.

Golden Treasure: The Great Green came out less than a month ago.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1065100/Golden_Treasure_The_Great_Green/

Play as a special dragon from egg to young adulthood.

Fight, eat, steal from, and do whatever you want, because dragon. (But try not to get killed in the process.)

Or be nice. Because even Bronze Age dragons can learn Compassion.

Get caught up in a Bronze Age sci-fantasy version of Earth full of soul, humor, excellent artwork, excellent writing, excellent music, crazy awesomeness, and wyverns with rooster hats.

Decide the fate of Earth and dragons. Secret ending? Yeah, there's a secret ending if you don't like the obvious three.

I'm just sad that I played it for 20 continuous waking hours and there's scarcely a word left that I didn't read. Is eating required?

At least try the demo.

... Well, back to working on The Lab and Rasa for me.

If so, what is your favorite part? (All of these below are clickable links)

Giving feesh to the sea serpent?

Being swallowed whole by the sea serpent?

Gregor thinking he's going to be eaten by a terrifying monster?

The giant tentacle monster lurking behind Shawn?

Waltzing by a giant tentacle monster as a tactic to avoid being eaten by said monster?

Commanding a crew of zombie pirates to attack a giant tentacle monster while 20 seconds of pirate metal music plays in the background?

Or (my personal favorite) going on a date / drunken bender with oversized rats and bugs?

I was at a Renaissance festival the other day, and there was a glass sculpture of a dracobug. I photographed it -- see? https://i.imgur.com/L9cXhPH.jpg

Also there was a very talented worker bee. https://i.imgur.com/ZreBTTJ.jpg

There was some other stuff too, like other bugs and dragons and whatever. But I bet you don't care about those so much.

TL;DR version -- Click on words that are bold because it's a link to some sweet, sweet power metal.

Okay, time for another journal that I've spent a few hours on and roughly two people will read. Yaaaaay! I have great prioritization!

Here's a list of some of the best power metal as of 2017, with my personal thoughts and recaps on some things.

---

Angra - Final Light

Angra has been around since 1991, though I think their breakout album was Temple of Shadows in 2004, which is about when modern power metal started getting good in general. Incidentally, that was the first album featuring lead vocalist Eduardo Falaschi.

Falaschi was replaced as vocalist by Fabio Lione for their 2014 album, Secret Garden. Lione is Italian, and Italian accents are pretty much the best for singing, which is why Japan is obsessed with Italian eurobeat. So I'm expecting many great things from Angra as long as they hang onto Lione.

2nd - Violet Sky
3rd - Running Alone

---

At Vance - Fly to the Rainbow

Who knew a song about rainbows could be so hardcore?

Fly to the Rainbow has a lot of attributes that make for great power metal. The instrumentation is fast and with many intricate rhythms. The vocals are slower in tempo and clearly cut through the other sounds; it's good poetry in plain, comprehensible English. At about 3:40, he goes up an octave and subtle backing vocals are added to the chorus. The guitar solo is superb as usual, and doesn't overstay its welcome. For the last repeat of the chorus at about 5:40, they get that double bass drum going.

It's one of the finest power metal songs in my library. It just does everything right.

2nd - Now or Never
3rd - Right or Wrong

---

Battle Beast - Beyond the Burning Skies

Battle Beast is quite the conundrum. On the one hand, some of their songs -- especially older ones -- have some astoundingly trashy lyrics and screechy singing. On the other, some of their singular songs here and there are unique and amazing blends of clean vocals and intricate melodies. Half of their last album (Bringer of War) in particular is some of the best power metal I've ever heard. It's downright bizarre for one group to be on opposite ends of the spectrum at once. There's probably like one guy writing the trashy stuff and saying, "Include this in the album or I quit."

I'm only officially listing the four best here, but consider checking out "We Will Fight", "Dancing With the Beast", "Far From Heaven", "God of War", and "The Eclipse".

2nd - Lost in Wars
3rd - Machine Revolution
4th - Neuromancer

---

DragonForce - Land of Shattered Dreams

With seven albums released over the course of 14 years, the sound of DragonForce has changed a lot over time. Probably most Americans first become aware of them from their "Through the Fire and Flames" music video, which showcased a lot of very very fast music and men with unusually long hair. A lot of people made fun of it, but since there's no such thing as bad publicity, this naturally led to Sam and Herman starring in a Capital One commercial.

After dropping ZP Theart as lead vocalist and picking up Marc Hudson, the band's sound drifted away from "100% intensity all the time" and started really utilizing Hudson's vocal range and emotive sound. Their album "The Power Within" was kind of "More of the same, but with Hudson instead of ZP", but "Maximum Overload" and "Reaching into Infinity" showcase just how good these guys are after 10 years with some of the most intricate melodies and poetry around. Sometimes less speed is more quality.

2nd - The Sun is Dead
3rd - Tomorrow's Kings

---

Dreamtale - World's Child (2016 version)

Dreamtale is a very interesting band. Many of their songs are phrased positively, and then some appear to have biting social commentary while still sounding very cheerful and positive. It's impressive.

As usual, the sound has varied considerably for each album as the band spent their early years recruiting lead vocalists, recording an album, and kicking them out. It took them three years to find someone without a severe accent (Jarkko Ahola), and then another five to put out another good album with the next guy (Erkki Seppänen).

Luckily, when you keep at something for that long, it starts to work. Also on their most recent album, they re-recorded several of their older songs to great effect. More bands should do that.

Also, they have a song about a dragoness who wants love and pleasure. I'm assuming it's not a metaphor, but you never can tell with these songs.

2nd - Reality Reborn
3rd - Each Time I Die

---

Firewind - Rise from the Ashes

Firewind is an oddball band because their sound has changed so much after 8 studio albums over 15 years, with 4 different lead vocalists along the way. The only constant has been Gus G on lead guitar, which I think you can tell with the unique electric guitar distortion that fingerprints each song as "Firewind". They've had singular songs here and there that have been exceptional, but many others have been plain -- their 2nd-to-most-recent album "Few Against Many" in particular, which was full of muddled vocals, repetitive sound, and subpar mixing.

That changed five years later with 2017's "Immortals". I admit it took me some time to warm up to new vocalist Henning Basse who recalls the "shouty" style of their first two albums, but I think it works when all the songs are about warriors and battles. The lowest point of the whole album is the odd decision on "Ode to Leonidas" to have the backup vocals call "No! Sleep!" on the chorus. It's lame and it bothers me every time. But since that's the worst thing I can say about it, it means the album is pretty darn good.

I also must imagine that Stephen Fredrick sprained something every time he sang "Tomorrow Can Wait". It's the most emotion he showed across 21 songs.

2nd - Insanity
3rd - Cold as Ice
4th - Tomorrow Can Wait

---

Jorn - A Thousand Cuts

Jørn Lande sings a lot. Technically his solo act here is probably more "hard rock", but only because it's lacking a few of the characteristic power metal techniques. The distinction is razor thin.

Since 1994, he's done lead vocals for over 30 studio albums, and has been guest vocalist on dozens more songs, including playing the role of Karthus in Pentakill, the quasi-fictional League of Legends band. This guy is a living legend in the power metal world, dude. Why does the Guilty Gear series have someone named after Kai Hansen but not Jørn Lande?

It's very hard to pick out just a few songs from his solo acts that are best. Even his worst songs aren't really "bad", just rather plain. Others like "Sunset Station", "Stormcrow", "Something Real", "Man of the Dark", "Promises", "The Inner Road", "Young Forever", and "The Sun Goes Down" could easily be here, and it's near impossible for me to say which is objectively better than another.

Luckily, I'm not some kind of dragonbot that could get caught in an infinite loop, so I can just pick one at random and let it be.

2nd - Starfire
3rd - Burning Chains

---

Allen-Lande - Reaching for the Stars

See the notes on Jorn above.

2nd - Will You Follow
3rd - The Artist

---

Luca Turilli - Black Dragon

We black dragons have a power metal theme song. You don't. Ha ha ha.

---

Masterplan - Falling Sparrow

Masterplan has had a weird history, which has caused dramatic changes in style for each album.

Jørn Lande sang for their first two albums with the expected effect: making awesome music.

Then for their third album, they got rid of Jørn because of "musical differences". I think it's easy to tell why. Jørn probably took one look at what they were writing and was like "Guys, listen. This is never going to work." So he left, and the album was completely different and mostly subpar as one might expect. People, when you have Jørn flippin' Lande on your team, you don't just get rid of him.

Then they brought him back, probably by getting on their knees and begging. Unfortunately their fourth album had some of the most awful mixing I've ever heard for an album so recent, with the far-too-loud guitar pretty much drowning out every word that Jørn sings. I think it's very telling that the song "Time to be King" appears in both a Masterplan album and a Jorn solo album, yet the Jorn version's mixing is far superior. People, when you have Jørn flippin' Lande on your team, let him decide how to mix your power metal songs.

Based on what Wikipedia says, apparently Jørn is a bit high-strung and hard to keep happy. It probably has nothing to do with their bad mixing ruining his vocal efforts. Anyway, their 2013 album was pretty amazing, so I guess it all worked out. At least until 2017's PumpKings where they promptly returned to having terrible mixing again.

You used to be cool, Masterplan. I imagine that their next album will have Jørn again and then not, one album on, one album off forever.

2nd - Bleeding Eyes
3rd - Black Night of Magic

---

Nocturnal Rites - What's Killing Me

Nocturnal Rites is a band that performs some very intense music with punchy guitar and prominent vocals, but they stay very tasteful about it with songs including Biblical allusions, personal empowerment, and non-conformity themes. It's a duality I like very much about power metal, that the instrumentation sounds confrontational, but the poetry exposes a deep vulnerability. Roughness is not malice.

After 10 years without an album, they finally put out Phoenix in 2017, and it is awesome.

2nd - A Song For You
3rd - Call Out to the World

---

Serenity - Fate of Light (EPIC ANATOMY SKETCHING)

Serenity is another one of those bands that seems to be incapable of making anything outright bad. Being a symphonic power metal band with more emphasis on "symphonic" than usual, some of their songs are lacking that power metal flair, but the ones that have it are anywhere from decent to excellent because of that relatively unique sound.

The vocal ability of Georg Neuhauser is also among the best in the business. His voice is extremely melodic and emotive, and fits excellently with the soulful themes of their songs. Also, I'm glad he finally stopped pronouncing "V" sounds as "W", even if it did take him a few years. Not that it isn't funny for him to sing that he might be a "wictim of conspiracy".

2nd - Derelict
3rd - The Art of War

---

Stratovarius - Nemesis

Fun fact, one of the earliest power metal songs I ever heard was S.O.S by Stratovarius, attached to this combo video for the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Dreamcast game. I was instantly like, "This is awesome music! What is it?!"

Stratovarius has one of the longest power metal pedigrees around, forming in 1984 and having their first album out in 1989, although their sound was much different in their early years when they were not so far removed from the genre's hair metal roots. To their credit, the group's sound has evolved with with the times and Timo Kotipelto has gotten slightly more comprehensible. After many years of good-or-bad, their last two albums -- Nemesis and Eternal -- have been second to none.

2nd - Halcyon Days
3rd - My Eternal Dream

---

Symphonity - Flying

I don't have much to say about Symphonity, except they somehow managed to make two songs that are roughly five times better than everything else they've done. Also, I think dragons should like songs about flying.

Still looking for songs about hoarding, though.

2nd - Live To Tell The Tale

In the spirit of all stores and annoying people singing/humming/whistling the same 5 Christmas songs for a month straight, I will now randomly provide you with the 5 most repetitive power metal songs I know, to satisfy your repetitive music needs, but with 200% more electric guitar.

Stratovarius - Run Away
Do you like to sing along with the chorus? You could never possibly forget the words for this song, because they go a little something like this:

Run away
I will remember you
Run away
I will remember 'til I die
Run away
I will remember you
Run away
I will remember 'til I die

The chorus is sung 5 times total, and the verses and guitar solo are very short so as not to get in the way. Isn't that very considerate of Stratovarius?

---

Hammerfall - The Fire Burns Forever
Can't remember a whole 8 lines? Try 4!

(Fire, burn!)
The fire burns forever
(Fire, burn!)
The fire burns forevermore

Yes, that's the whole chorus. Since the backup vocalists are participating, you could do it as a door-to-door Christmas carol in a group.

---

Wizard - The Powergod
Can't remember a whole 4 lines? Try 1!

Odin - the powergod
Odin - the powergod
Odin - the powergod
Odin - the powergod

I still like the song though. The instrumentation and rhythms are super intense. Also, I'm pretty sure it's about the dragon from Breath of Fire V.

---

Hammerfall - Hearts on Fire
Just in case you forget the title of the song, Joacim Cans and the backup vocalists repeat it for you 37 times.

Yes, I counted. YOU'RE WELCOME.

---

At Vance - Run / Leave
It's not the lyrics that are repetitive (except they do say "Run, leave" quite a few times), but the guitar riffs. The same two are played over and over during the verses and chorus. Maybe one riff represents running, and the other represents leaving. Maybe they were hoping no-one would notice.

You may also notice that the guitar solo is approximately 10 seconds long. That's because unique guitar solos are hard. Why bother trying?

Since I need a new latest journal now, some tips to try in any version of the game.

Type HELP for some assistance.

Type HINT for some gameplay spoilers. (Do this if you're stuck or after you've figured things out)

You can manually type several common verbs and get custom responses to most reasonable ones, such as:
- Eat
- Smell
- Taste
- Attack
- Talk to
- Use
- Use (item) on self
- Approach (characters)
- Drop (items)

On a case-by-case basis, you can try things like FORD a river or READ a book. Although I should warn you that nearly(!) all of this has no gameplay effect. It's just to find my attempts at being funny.

You can try to do almost any recognized verb on yourself.

Sometimes you will get different responses if you repeat something more than once. This is especially common when you LOOK, LOOK AT, or TALK TO, but happens for other verbs too, or if you keep trying to provoke the predator again.

If you think an obvious opportunity was missed for performing an action on something, let me know.

Lastly, this is only the first step of many for The Lab. I hope to be adding to this or sequels for a long time. There are many potential directions this could go, with different "floors" and different gameplay styles. You are currently seeing a tiny percentage of what this game might eventually become.

Greetings to all my loyal fans,

The Quest game I talked about in my original journal is taking a bit longer than I originally expected, which was probably to be expected considering I wanted 20 preds in the first version. If you've been watching the updates to my last journal, you would see that I was aiming for an "around September 15" release.

Well, I'm going to need about another two weeks. The new target for version 1 is September 29.

I have been working steadily on the game, and have been working especially hard this past week. For most preds, all that's left that's necessary is the predator actually eating you (the player). The code and placeholder text are in there, but it needs some writing magic to make it fun.

I may, at this point, forego super detailed digestion scenes in favor of getting v1 out the door. I personally tend to like it glossed over, implied, light, soft, that kind of thing anyway.

The basic gameplay, the main quest, the items, the approaches, the escapes -- those are all in or mostly in. The game is 100% playable from a technical point of view. I just gotta give it a little more time to make it memorable.

Recent updates:
8/28 Update - I'm removing the finer detail on the preds here. They are all more or less gameplay-ready but with placeholder text in many places. There's little point in recording it piece by piece because a lot blends together at this point, and we're still at least 3 weeks from even talking about releasing the game. I am working though.

Still working on things, kind of bits and pieces of each room. Since the preds generally behave a little differently, in some cases they might ambush you suddenly, not be in the room to look at and interact with. There are technical bits and creative bits, and sometimes I do one or the other. It's hard to measure because some things get half done, but all progress is good progress.

For those who are curious, it's hard to imagine the first version will be close to releasing until mid-September. I'll keep the individual items below updated as best as possible, but I won't be updating this top part until September 15.

---

I've decided to make a new vore game in Quest, since that seems to be all the rage nowadays. It will be set in a mad science lab. There will be simple puzzles with a goal to find Evidence of what the Lab is doing, and also find a keycard to escape. But seriously, I expect most of you want to just go feed yourself to slobbery monsters.

The genre this time around is Interactive Fiction. One player character. No combat. I'd like to discourage save scumming, so you will be able to play the game "for real", or choose to feed yourself to monsters, or as a sandbox by using the Cheat Device.

The game will be free for everyone, forever. However, I would eventually like to make an associated Patreon to make this more worthwhile for me, and to allow for those who pay to vote on new content or outright buy commissions for new characters or scenes. We're not quite there yet, though.

Right now, we're still very early. I'm going to keep a list here with my plans and progress toward the first version. If there's any core feature you'd like to see, let me know.

[Player Character]
Can set gender - 100%
Can set species - 100%
Can set clothed/unclothed - 100%
Description - Done
Mirror/Photograph reflection - Done

[Predators - To Do]
Slugbeast -
Hoarder -
KBot -
Chessmaster -
Chameleon -
Ceiling Monster -
Snake -
Raptor -
Spider -
Goodra -
Panther -
Pakkun Lizard -
CV Dragon -
Lion -
Hurricane -
Lord Treval -
Zsaarr -
T. Rex -
Crocodile -
Hydra -

Werewolf - Postponed (I'm starting with 20 preds, and this was cut.)

[Quest]
Introduction - 80%
Map built - 100%
Evidence - 100%
Keycards - 100%
Victory (5 rooms) - Done
Victory (10 rooms) - Done
Victory (15 rooms) - Done
Victory (20 rooms) - Done

[Misc]
Predator Room randomization - (Canceled - Rooms will be static.)
Dynamic options vs. preds - 100%
Item randomization - 100%
Item rewards - 100%
Wandering predator - (Postponed - maybe this'll be in a later version)
Vending machines - 100%
Other prey NPCs - (Postponed - will be in later version)
Radio - 100%

https://www.legends-decks.com/card/608/devour

This one isn't bad either. https://www.legends-decks.com/card/...../midnightsnack

Dude, the monster of the week was a soul-eating dracobug who used tentacle-tongues to drag its prey closer.

http://i.imgur.com/9nUNJMO.jpg

Old games were kind of lame, you know?

I remember spending many hours playing the Quest for Glory games, building up the stats on my characters. They maxed out at 100 x (Installment #). There were pretty easy ways to build up most major stats in the games just by repeating easy actions.

In the first, the Goblin Training Zone could build up combat stats with ease. The Mage's Maze could let you spam magic. The Healer's house had a barred door for lockpicking, a tree to climb, and rocks to practice throwing.

It was hard to practice most stats in the third game, but you could use the wrestling bridge like monkey bars to max out your strength easily. (Also there was a funny response if Uhura saw you try to do that. "That's not how you use the bridge! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!")

Don't get me wrong. It's a fantastic series for its characters, story, and pervasive humor. The problem is, while the Fighter needed to get combat stats high enough to defeat certain mandatory enemies, stat building was mostly pointless for Wizard and Thief. Wizard could solve nearly all puzzles with non-combat magic, and that didn't take much mana at all. It becomes sillier in later games as your mana keeps expanding by 100, but the costs for spells don't keep up.

Thief has almost no mandatory skill checks, and they require relatively low numbers. In the first game for example, the standard path needs ~50 Stealth (to steal the kobold's key and sneak past Toro) and enough Climbing to grab the flying acorn and climb over the brigand gate. There is a strength check to open the brigands' secret door, but you can just retry until it opens.

Since I like talking about Cyberstorm, let's talk about Cyberstorm. The Sensei HERC is completely useless. In the first mission, you are stuck with just the Shadow (a scout HERC) and Remora (a superlight assault HERC). The Sensei has the Remora's weapons and Shadow's scout sensors, but costs twice as much as a Shadow and Remora combined and is both fragile and slow. Who designed that?

Most of the Bioderms (pilots) are kind of useless too. If you look up guides or ask old players, they'll probably be like "Tola is the best! Just buy a bunch of Tola!". Guys... no. He costs 50,000 credits. Jarvis costs like 15,000, but is plenty good at both Energy weapons and Missiles, which is all you need to pilot your army full of Demons and Reapers.

I was recently reconnected with an old and terrible game called B.A.T.. I remembered small bits of it from my hatchiehood, but we couldn't get it figured out back then. Watching the longplay of it on YouTube revealed that there's nothing to figure out. You talk to some people, you play Simon at an automated kiosk to earn extra money (What?!?), you have one mandatory combat, and one maze. Game complete. You start off by assigning a bunch of stats that mean nothing, and picking a free weapon where one is way better than the others. Who designed this?!

In celebration of a new DragonForce album coming out recently, someone should draw this comic:

Herman Li enters some sort of derelict science lab, saying "Hello? I was told there would be cake here."

Some sort of black dragon mad scientist is lurking in the shadows, being all like "There's a whole lot more than that! Bwahahaha evil laughter and whatnot."

So he zaps Herman Li with some kind of science and turns him into a noodledragon.

But wait, there's more!

Noodledragons are fine, but a noodledracobug would be better! So he gets zapped with some kind of science and gets turned into a noodledracobug.

Final panel: Noodledracobug!Herman Li doing a trademark guitar solo at an epic power metal concert in front of a thousand fans.

It'd be just like Hevisaurus, but with a dracobug instead of dinosaurs and a dragon.

All reported bugs have been fixed. You can find the new download links in the submission pages.

That's right. It's time for me to talk about Conquered Kingdoms again. I once did a video Friday Fun Fact on it. That was fun. It's still here, if you want to watch again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJkxKFgCnuQ

In that video, I talked about how awesome dragons are. Dragons are awesome. But when I gave the game another spin just the other day, it only confirmed that certain other units are dreadfully overpowered, and that the AI is still really awful. In the single battle I played, I wiped the AI's army completely off the map just a couple of turns before the game ended.

Some years ago, I wanted to write a guide for the game. I wrote a few words, but stopped from a combination of it being an OLD GAME, and I wanted to make it too in-depth.

But see, I like thinking about these things. It's what I do. I think about everything, all the time. So wouldn't it be cool if I recapped the units of Conquered Kingdoms right now? Say "Yes, KD. It would be the most awesome thing ever. It would be even cooler if you gave them ratings out of 10."

That's a great idea, guys. I'll do it.

Swordsman (2 gold): These guys are terrible. They only have 2 move points, are strong only against Lancers, and get one-shotted by just about everything else. Now, you might say, "But KD, they only cost 2 gold! Surely they are all but guaranteed to pay for themselves."

Not if enemy Archers or Catapults are around, grasshopper. 2/10.

Lancer (2): Despite also being horrible, Lancers have traits that Swordsmen don't. To wit, they have 3 move points, hard-counter cavalry, and still at least pay for their paltry cost most of the time. They do zero damage against some of the advanced units, but that's not usually a huge issue. 8/10.

Boat (3): They're useless in combat. They barely hurt anything and barely anything hurts them back. They're only for transporting other units across water, but they're kind of a waste. Wouldn't you rather have a tiny Dragon? 3/10.

Archer (3): Although they get one-shotted in most matchups, the fact that they can fire arrows from 2 range, and attack back in melee means that they usually pay for themselves against anything except Knights/Gargoyles (who are immune to arrows), Cavalry (who can run up and kick them too fast), and Catapults (who outrange and outdamage them). Also, they only do 4 damage to most targets, but they do 8(!) against Dragons. Not cool! 8/10.

Knight (4): Overpowered. Overpowered. Overpowered. Whereas the cheaper units pay for themselves in the right situation, the Knight always pays for himself, and often does better. The Knight has the distinction of being the only 8-health unit that takes only 4 damage from everything except the Wizard's fireball spell. On top of that, he's immune to archers, and does 8 damage against Dragons. That's just not right. The only real cost-for-cost counter is to pelt them with Catapults or lots and lots of Dragons. Dragons are more of a classic. 10/10.

Catapult (4): Although they can't fight back in melee and are easily destroyed, catapults have a 3-tile range, matched only by Wizards. They cannot hurt Cavalry, but do at least some damage to everything else, and a lot of damage to Archers and Gargoyles. 9/10, but keep some Lancers handy.

Rog (4): They're cheap. They're amphibious. They're useless, except maybe for capturing a town across water at minimal cost. Even the AI knows to not use them. 2/10.

Cavalry (5): For a mere 1 gold additional, you get a Knight with 5 move points. Whaaaat? Okay, so they can be damaged by archers and are helpless against Lancers and Trolls (except for, y'know, outrunning them), but still. 9/10, docked one point only because the AI fields way too many Lancers.

Troll (7): They have almost the exact same stats as Lancers, but with more health and a slow regeneration ability. There is no situation where three-and-a-half Lancers are worse. 1/10.

Ogre (7): Ogres seem pretty good. They move fast on hills (which is great on the two maps that have hills). They have double the normal health. They have a 1-tile ranged attack. They do good damage against a lot of stuff. All of this means nothing because Knights and Cavalry, already two of the best units, will murder them. 3/10.

Gargoyle (8): These guys are pretty decent. They fly, have a lot of health, and take only 4 damage against everything except Catapults and Dragons. They're a good cheap substitute for Dragons on a water heavy map. 7/10.

Spy (9): A unit with 6 move points and 6 sight range (both double that of most units) is a cute idea on larger maps and longer games, but only against real players. The AI has too much tendency to just spam weaker units. The Spy's combat abilities are cost-effective only against Catapults (so what?), Phantoms (which the AI almost never uses), and Royalty (campaign only; catapults work too). 4/10.

Phantom (15): This is a support unit that reduces the attack power of all enemy units (except Dragons! ... and Phantoms) in a 3-tile radius by half. The AI almost never uses Phantoms, and certainly not in their ideal situation -- in the middle of a giant battle. They could also be good against a Knight swarm, but the AI usually spreads its units out on bigger maps. Phantoms really just exist to keep players honest in a sentient vs. sentient matchup. 5/10.

Wizard (20): These guys are pretty crazy in the right spot. Although they do only 4 damage against pretty much everything, they can attack from three tiles out and nothing will one-shot them. They also get a mana reserve for spells, of which Teleport (7 mana) and Fireball (9 mana) are best. Fireball is great for annihilating groups, whereas Teleport is great in the middle of a match for bringing attack squads right to where they're needed. 9/10.

Dragon (20): 32 health (twice that of Gargoyles/Ogres). 4 move points. Flying. Doesn't fear Phantoms. 8 damage to pretty much everything. 2-tile range. Can bombard castles. They can attack two enemies at a time if those enemies are in the same tile. I think some game designer liked dragons a bit. That's someone with good flavor. I mean taste. 11/10.

And those are the units of Conquered Kingdoms. Honestly, you can win against top-level AI just with Knights, Archers, Catapults, and a smattering of other units in support.

Depending on how much gold you start with for deployment, you can add more Dragons to suit your desired taste. I mean flavor.

Hello loyal readers!

After a lengthy hiatus from Vore Game updates, I've decided to work on another content update.

Unfortunately, I am going to abandon the Single Character Mode that I wanted to do. I'd be able to reuse some code, but in many respects I'd have to create a whole new game. In comparison, adding bosses and other small features is much easier to do, so I'm going to stick with that.

Since I am feeling inspired, now is your best chance to suggest any of the following:

1. I've added a character name/gender/species randomizer. Name and gender are paired; species is a separate roll. Are there any names or species you would like to have added?

2. Are there any new classes you might like to see? What are their abilities (up to 6)?

3. If you'd like to contribute any bosses, the same rules apply as before. I need to have text for at least an intro, outro (defeat or victory), and any attacks they do. Since characters are still able to fight at 0 HP, a boss needs at least one way to "finish off" a zero-HP character.

4. Anything else you'd like to see as far as "quality of life" improvements go?

Regardless of any suggestions, I'm cooking up a boss of my own creation. I expect him to appeal to nobody except me, but eh... c'est la vie.

http://www.wsj.com/video/heavy-meta.....D152379C4.html

Power metal is now mainstream.

My personal favorite is still Lohikäärme ja Ritari. And not just because it's about a dragon.