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Find me at LVFC and FWA!
Posted a year agoI'll be going to Las Vegas Furry Convention on Wednesday through Monday.
I'll also be in Atlanta for FWA in 40-something days!
I know I've been quiet for some time.
You can message me on telegram: mabarial
or Discord: mabarial
Find me on bsky:
https://bsky.app/profile/mabarial.bsky.social
or twitter:
https://twitter.com/memoryInaDream
I'll also be in Atlanta for FWA in 40-something days!
I know I've been quiet for some time.
You can message me on telegram: mabarial
or Discord: mabarial
Find me on bsky:
https://bsky.app/profile/mabarial.bsky.social
or twitter:
https://twitter.com/memoryInaDream
I'm growing boobies.
Posted 3 years agoThat is all.
No Subject
Posted 4 years agoGoing through some changes. Hi everyone. I'm back for the moment!
Some major life events in the last three months:
Lost my partner of 10 years.
Lost my father.
Learning to actually value myself.
Learning to be confident.
I'll go into more detail later on, but what I've been up to lately:
Taking care of mom.
Not sleeping due to the above.
Doodling more often.
VRchat every night, with dancing in there on the weekends.
It's been wonderful. It's been excruciatingly painful. It's been a lot of things.
How are y'all? What have you been doing these past few months?
Some major life events in the last three months:
Lost my partner of 10 years.
Lost my father.
Learning to actually value myself.
Learning to be confident.
I'll go into more detail later on, but what I've been up to lately:
Taking care of mom.
Not sleeping due to the above.
Doodling more often.
VRchat every night, with dancing in there on the weekends.
It's been wonderful. It's been excruciatingly painful. It's been a lot of things.
How are y'all? What have you been doing these past few months?
Hi
Posted 4 years agoIt's been a while
How've you been?
How've you been?
No Subject
Posted 8 years agohttp://i.imgur.com/C0yNEnH.png
I should probably nuke a few things when I decide to start posting again.
I should probably nuke a few things when I decide to start posting again.
Buffalo wings!
Posted 12 years agoSomething I remembered a while ago, but I've been saving it for a special night.
When I was little, my parents would get pizza. A lot. We had a traditional pizza night when we could afford it, every Tuesday we'd get something from Little Caesars if we could. We ate there so often that we even somehow got a little puppet doll of their mascot character, before the business packed up and moved out of town.
Occasionally though, we'd have to get pizza somewhere else, somewhere where they apparently sold buffalo wings. And me being the silly little thing I was thought that you had to get buffalo wings from actual buffalos!
My little ears had also picked up one day that buffalo just happened to be near extinct. I slowly put two and two together and then cried for hours because people were hunting buffalos for their wings! They couldn't do that. Buffalos needed their wings, just like Pegasus and the birds! They were clearly going extinct because people were hunting them for their wings.
Nobody dared to correct me on that.
Anytime somebody mentioned they were ordering buffalo wings, I used to glare at them so menacingly. They were the villain. They were the reason there were no more beautiful buffalo flying through the pure blue sky.
It wasn't until years later that I learned what a buffalo was through a book on Native Americans.
When I was little, my parents would get pizza. A lot. We had a traditional pizza night when we could afford it, every Tuesday we'd get something from Little Caesars if we could. We ate there so often that we even somehow got a little puppet doll of their mascot character, before the business packed up and moved out of town.
Occasionally though, we'd have to get pizza somewhere else, somewhere where they apparently sold buffalo wings. And me being the silly little thing I was thought that you had to get buffalo wings from actual buffalos!
My little ears had also picked up one day that buffalo just happened to be near extinct. I slowly put two and two together and then cried for hours because people were hunting buffalos for their wings! They couldn't do that. Buffalos needed their wings, just like Pegasus and the birds! They were clearly going extinct because people were hunting them for their wings.
Nobody dared to correct me on that.
Anytime somebody mentioned they were ordering buffalo wings, I used to glare at them so menacingly. They were the villain. They were the reason there were no more beautiful buffalo flying through the pure blue sky.
It wasn't until years later that I learned what a buffalo was through a book on Native Americans.
The best scents.
Posted 12 years agoSo I was thinking, there are a couple of scents that put me right at ease, and they are my favorite scents in the world, so I thought I'd just list them in order. I guess this is what my Amortentia would smell like.
1. The smell of hay when you lay on top of a dozen bales in a hay barn.
2. The smell of grease when you walk into a mechanic's shop.
3. Real cinnamon.
4. Cucumber.
5. Freshly cut cedar sawdust.
6. The smell of the inside of a brand new water gun. I don't know what that smell is, or how to describe it.
What are your favorite scents?
1. The smell of hay when you lay on top of a dozen bales in a hay barn.
2. The smell of grease when you walk into a mechanic's shop.
3. Real cinnamon.
4. Cucumber.
5. Freshly cut cedar sawdust.
6. The smell of the inside of a brand new water gun. I don't know what that smell is, or how to describe it.
What are your favorite scents?
A different kind of TMI Tuesday.
Posted 12 years agoHoy hoy!
So this week I'm going to do things a little different. Instead of asking, I'm going to take the term 'TMI' a little more literally and give you too much information, and ask that you tell me a little something about yourselves in return! It doesn't have to be personal, just any little silly thing you can think of.
- When I was little, I used to think the word 'cunny' was cute, because it sounded like 'bunny.' I didn't know what it meant at the time, but I still think it's one of the cuter terms for the same reason.
- I can't sleep well unless I have something to curl around like a giant pillow, fluffy comforter, teddy bear or a person there to snuggle into.
- I used the term 'hotdogging' to refer to the act of eating hotdogs until last year, when StarSnowcat told me what it really meant. It was awful.
- I pronounce 'corgi' like 'core-ji' because no one told me it wasn't said like that. I've been living a lie! But I think it sounds cuter so I will never pronounce 'corgi' correctly. Especially when you say it really fast like corgicorgicorgicorgi.
- My old guild's 10th anniversary is coming up next week. I'm a little sad because they're talking about disbanding the guild, and roleplaying in that guild is how I learned to really read and write and be literate. I was barely functional at the keys before then, and that guild is where I learned to love breaking games, getting to places that seemed impossible and discovering how a world is put together from the inside out.
- I have Obsessive Corgi Disorder.
- By the age of 12, I only had 3 real life friends. Total. My entire life was on the internet for a very long time, but I had dozens of friends there and was learning all the time.
- I stutter and mumble a lot in person because I am afraid of speaking, and I can't always make my mouth say what my brain wants to say.
- I have dyslexia and synesthesia.
So, now that's I've said a little about myself, what are some things about you?
And as always, you can ask me anything, I just thought I'd do this one a little differently. ^.^
So this week I'm going to do things a little different. Instead of asking, I'm going to take the term 'TMI' a little more literally and give you too much information, and ask that you tell me a little something about yourselves in return! It doesn't have to be personal, just any little silly thing you can think of.
- When I was little, I used to think the word 'cunny' was cute, because it sounded like 'bunny.' I didn't know what it meant at the time, but I still think it's one of the cuter terms for the same reason.
- I can't sleep well unless I have something to curl around like a giant pillow, fluffy comforter, teddy bear or a person there to snuggle into.
- I used the term 'hotdogging' to refer to the act of eating hotdogs until last year, when StarSnowcat told me what it really meant. It was awful.
- I pronounce 'corgi' like 'core-ji' because no one told me it wasn't said like that. I've been living a lie! But I think it sounds cuter so I will never pronounce 'corgi' correctly. Especially when you say it really fast like corgicorgicorgicorgi.
- My old guild's 10th anniversary is coming up next week. I'm a little sad because they're talking about disbanding the guild, and roleplaying in that guild is how I learned to really read and write and be literate. I was barely functional at the keys before then, and that guild is where I learned to love breaking games, getting to places that seemed impossible and discovering how a world is put together from the inside out.
- I have Obsessive Corgi Disorder.
- By the age of 12, I only had 3 real life friends. Total. My entire life was on the internet for a very long time, but I had dozens of friends there and was learning all the time.
- I stutter and mumble a lot in person because I am afraid of speaking, and I can't always make my mouth say what my brain wants to say.
- I have dyslexia and synesthesia.
So, now that's I've said a little about myself, what are some things about you?
And as always, you can ask me anything, I just thought I'd do this one a little differently. ^.^
Hey!
Posted 12 years ago[Private/Personal] Something about my childhood!
Posted 12 years agoIt's not often that I think back to my childhood, but I had a bit of an epiphany earlier that I couldn't stop giggling at, so I thought I would share. It's not often I share things that are really, truly personal here on FA, so take it for what it is!
When I was little, I had OCD. I mean real, debilitating OCD that had an impact on my life. If someone shut a door too close behind me, I would start bawling my eyes out. If I walked anywhere by myself, I had to take the exact path I took back, going under, over and around anything exactly the same as I did when I first passed. If I walked around a pole or sign, I would have to go back around it exactly however many times I went around the first time, or I would not move from that spot, thinking I would die. If I was walking beside someone, and we went on either side of something, I would hurriedly run back and go around so that we passed on the same side.
These weren't all of the symptoms of my OCD, but were probably the parts that caused me the most trouble growing up, and some that I still catch myself thinking even today. The reason why I thought all of that, was that in my mind, behind me, at all times there was a little line, or string, about yarn size, that if it ever got tangled or cut that would be the end of everything. It was my "life line."
Anytime I was with someone, I'd mentally "attach" the line with whoever I was with, so it wasn't always trailing behind me. But by doing this, I was pretty much at their beck and call. I couldn't let anyone walk between us in case they broke the line, and I couldn't ever walk the opposite side of a sign or pole, else I'd have to hurry back so my line wouldn't get caught!
It always gave me a little bit of comfort when I'd attach myself to someone. I always knew where they were, and it gave me someone to follow if we were lost. It was usually someone I trusted a whole lot.
I kept doing this until I was 15 or 16, and still if I ever get uncomfortable in a crowd, I'll find someone I know and attach myself just for the comfort. I hadn't really thought about this in a while, but today something sparked my memory.
My mother always tells people the story of when I was little tot, younger than I can even remember, we lived next to a busy highway. And I, being the tiny little blonde ponytailed thing I am, was a natural Houdini when it came to escaping my mother's sight and had a penchant for hiding. My mother was scared to death of me getting into that road, though, so she used to put me on a little run hooked behind me before she let me go play outside, just in case one day I slipped away and she couldn't catch me in time.
It probably wasn't the cause of me always thinking there was a line behind me, but remembering that certainly made me giggle for a good while.
When I was little, I had OCD. I mean real, debilitating OCD that had an impact on my life. If someone shut a door too close behind me, I would start bawling my eyes out. If I walked anywhere by myself, I had to take the exact path I took back, going under, over and around anything exactly the same as I did when I first passed. If I walked around a pole or sign, I would have to go back around it exactly however many times I went around the first time, or I would not move from that spot, thinking I would die. If I was walking beside someone, and we went on either side of something, I would hurriedly run back and go around so that we passed on the same side.
These weren't all of the symptoms of my OCD, but were probably the parts that caused me the most trouble growing up, and some that I still catch myself thinking even today. The reason why I thought all of that, was that in my mind, behind me, at all times there was a little line, or string, about yarn size, that if it ever got tangled or cut that would be the end of everything. It was my "life line."
Anytime I was with someone, I'd mentally "attach" the line with whoever I was with, so it wasn't always trailing behind me. But by doing this, I was pretty much at their beck and call. I couldn't let anyone walk between us in case they broke the line, and I couldn't ever walk the opposite side of a sign or pole, else I'd have to hurry back so my line wouldn't get caught!
It always gave me a little bit of comfort when I'd attach myself to someone. I always knew where they were, and it gave me someone to follow if we were lost. It was usually someone I trusted a whole lot.
I kept doing this until I was 15 or 16, and still if I ever get uncomfortable in a crowd, I'll find someone I know and attach myself just for the comfort. I hadn't really thought about this in a while, but today something sparked my memory.
My mother always tells people the story of when I was little tot, younger than I can even remember, we lived next to a busy highway. And I, being the tiny little blonde ponytailed thing I am, was a natural Houdini when it came to escaping my mother's sight and had a penchant for hiding. My mother was scared to death of me getting into that road, though, so she used to put me on a little run hooked behind me before she let me go play outside, just in case one day I slipped away and she couldn't catch me in time.
It probably wasn't the cause of me always thinking there was a line behind me, but remembering that certainly made me giggle for a good while.
Popcorn blouse!
Posted 12 years agoFinally! Someone on Reddit helped me remember the term after trying to figure it out for a few years. I'd tried the term pleated, crumpled, ruffled, gathered, bunched, even silly terms like corrugated but never could find anything close to the tube top I had when I was little.
I've been looking for undies made out of this stuff for years! Now that I know the term, I'm one step closer to my goal. Unfortunately, googling 'popcorn undies' turns up the most silly things instead of what I want. Still, one step closer though!
I will find them.
-edit-
This is a popcorn blouse, for the confused!
I've been looking for undies made out of this stuff for years! Now that I know the term, I'm one step closer to my goal. Unfortunately, googling 'popcorn undies' turns up the most silly things instead of what I want. Still, one step closer though!
I will find them.
-edit-
This is a popcorn blouse, for the confused!
[Private]
Posted 14 years agoI shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I never moved a step.
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I never moved a step.
This is the most beautiful thing...
Posted 14 years agohttp://www.alexanderocias.com/loved.php
I found this to be incredibly beautiful, and though some points made me uneasy, it made the uneasiness something I was happy about. Oh look, butterflies.
I found this to be incredibly beautiful, and though some points made me uneasy, it made the uneasiness something I was happy about. Oh look, butterflies.
[Untitled] PRIVATE JOURNAL
Posted 14 years agoI'm worried that you're going to get sad and disappear again.
And it scares me to death.
And it scares me to death.
Random chatter.
Posted 14 years agoShurelia got me to watch an Anime today. Normally I detest the things, with cookie cutter plots and recycled characters, not to mention how every character looks the same with no originality (not that I'm hating on Anime, mind you. There are a few gems I adore, it's just I grew tired of the mass amount of unoriginal ones before I even got started.)
But, while poking around on the League of Legends forums for something to do, I was trick- er, convinced to watch Puella Magi Madoka Magica. (Magical Girl Madoka of the Magus).
It was cute.
The first four episodes got me hooked because of the looming sense of dread and the way it was delivered, and how easy it was to relate to. I'm a sucker for sad romantic things!
I don't want to admit that I watched the entire series in one sitting.
Made me miss someone.
I see the doctor at 10:30 tomorrow.
Tootles all!
But, while poking around on the League of Legends forums for something to do, I was trick- er, convinced to watch Puella Magi Madoka Magica. (Magical Girl Madoka of the Magus).
It was cute.
The first four episodes got me hooked because of the looming sense of dread and the way it was delivered, and how easy it was to relate to. I'm a sucker for sad romantic things!
I don't want to admit that I watched the entire series in one sitting.
Made me miss someone.
I see the doctor at 10:30 tomorrow.
Tootles all!
[Private/Personal] There are some mistakes...
Posted 14 years agoThere are some parts of my life that I wish I could completely erase, some mistakes that I've done that I know are going to catch back up with me and completely ruin the best thing I've ever had in my life. It scares me beyond belief how close it is.
It makes me sick to think about it.
Such a depressing morning. I need chocolate and bunnies.
It makes me sick to think about it.
Such a depressing morning. I need chocolate and bunnies.
Back home.
Posted 14 years agoMy parents have just decided to move back into our old house, the one where I lived for twelve years just after I was born. It's not really in livable condition anymore, and really wasn't when we left it, but it's been there this whole time. The acres are filled with briars and thorns and the gardens that were there are no more, and the whole place is rotted and caving in now. The electricity going into the building isn't wired right, and before we left, the house had caught fire from it twice.
It's really become more of a storage shed for us since my family are such pack rats, they never throw anything away, even the most trivial boxes and bottles. Everything has a use to them, even if it's never used.
But, it is the only place I've ever truly called home, and felt it. Sure, I almost felt like I had a home when I lived in an apartment with my sister, had my steady job and things were going good, but that was only for one day that it felt like it was home. I wrote a journal about that night.
I have mixed feelings about going back home, now. It's been hard to see what's become of my childhood grounds. The trees I used to climb, the woods I used to explore wide-eyed and adventurous, all of it in such chaos and overgrowth now, if it's still there at all. I hated going back there to store things because I hated what had become of the place. But now that there's a chance to redeem it...
I'm sure it will never be what it was, and that's going to frustrate me to no end, but if there is just a small chance to get back what once was there, some trinket of memory and nostalgia that won't leave me feeling empty, then I'd do anything.
So, it looks like in the future, I'll be making a lot of repairs and tearing down things that were held so dear to me in my memory. I even still remember our first phone number there, which hasn't been in use for the better part of two decades.
If I decide to go back at all. I'm sure I'll have to at some point to help my father (who is finally healing up well, thank goodness. Two more weeks and they'll take the cast off to prod around before deciding if it's time to start therapy again,) but I also have the opportunity to move in with an old friend of mine, who is renting a house right outside a college in our state capitol. It's a good school, and has a GED program, too. So I could finally start school for the first time if I went there.
For those who don't know me well, which is mostly everybody at this point, I've never stepped foot inside a classroom in my life. My parents did their best to home-school me from day one after having trouble with my sister in school, bless their hearts, but they could only keep it up until about the 7th or 8th grade level, and from then on I've been self-taught. Luckily, though, that was enough to keep me above the education of others my age, though I didn't know it until after I moved away and met my first friends when I was twelve. I'm thankful for never being put through what was our horrible school system at the time, but sometimes I wonder if I would have been less awkward around people had I gone. I would have definitely been less lonely growing up, but I eventually made my friends, and kept them, too.
I'm sorry for the long journal, but I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts before I went to work this morning, so that I could remember and reflect on them when I get home this afternoon.
It's really become more of a storage shed for us since my family are such pack rats, they never throw anything away, even the most trivial boxes and bottles. Everything has a use to them, even if it's never used.
But, it is the only place I've ever truly called home, and felt it. Sure, I almost felt like I had a home when I lived in an apartment with my sister, had my steady job and things were going good, but that was only for one day that it felt like it was home. I wrote a journal about that night.
I have mixed feelings about going back home, now. It's been hard to see what's become of my childhood grounds. The trees I used to climb, the woods I used to explore wide-eyed and adventurous, all of it in such chaos and overgrowth now, if it's still there at all. I hated going back there to store things because I hated what had become of the place. But now that there's a chance to redeem it...
I'm sure it will never be what it was, and that's going to frustrate me to no end, but if there is just a small chance to get back what once was there, some trinket of memory and nostalgia that won't leave me feeling empty, then I'd do anything.
So, it looks like in the future, I'll be making a lot of repairs and tearing down things that were held so dear to me in my memory. I even still remember our first phone number there, which hasn't been in use for the better part of two decades.
If I decide to go back at all. I'm sure I'll have to at some point to help my father (who is finally healing up well, thank goodness. Two more weeks and they'll take the cast off to prod around before deciding if it's time to start therapy again,) but I also have the opportunity to move in with an old friend of mine, who is renting a house right outside a college in our state capitol. It's a good school, and has a GED program, too. So I could finally start school for the first time if I went there.
For those who don't know me well, which is mostly everybody at this point, I've never stepped foot inside a classroom in my life. My parents did their best to home-school me from day one after having trouble with my sister in school, bless their hearts, but they could only keep it up until about the 7th or 8th grade level, and from then on I've been self-taught. Luckily, though, that was enough to keep me above the education of others my age, though I didn't know it until after I moved away and met my first friends when I was twelve. I'm thankful for never being put through what was our horrible school system at the time, but sometimes I wonder if I would have been less awkward around people had I gone. I would have definitely been less lonely growing up, but I eventually made my friends, and kept them, too.
I'm sorry for the long journal, but I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts before I went to work this morning, so that I could remember and reflect on them when I get home this afternoon.
