I thought I was holding it together... Then found...I accidentally wrotea note to a friend. And it was actua,lly a journal. Which is crazy... And. I think I need to stay off the internet a long. long time. I'm not able to interact correctly. I'm just kind of a mess.
extending the previous hiatus due to mental health issues.

This design made me think of you! I hope you are having an excellent week!
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/62315669/

I got to do things I have been unable to do for years. It was a really really good summer. ☆
I'm unfortunately crashing. And crashing hard. Might be a little quiet this week.
As usual I want to write an entire novel about it. But ya knoooowwww.

I'm hoping to keep pushing my fall joys in art. Just need to FINISH the damn delphiniums! Thinking about posting without finishing. XD

Enjoy your fall season~♡ drink hot tea, break out the scarves and autumn gloves, look at the pretty mushroooooms.

What bullshit are you putting up with right now?
Everyone puts up with stuff. But lets actually say it out loud. Right now. I speak a lot and people yell at me for saying it. But right now I want to listen and respond to the BS you are putting up with.

Been rewatching all the muppet movies and even the muppet show with my buddy Zuzu~. I was so enthused about the remake, and CRUSHED when they had to stop at season 1.
Tonight we are rocking Muppets in Manhattan~
Been a long break, so I'm extra thrilled to get back to my routine battery charging. <3

I love this partular "I feel old" feeling to be honest. ^ ^ I always loved the muppets (and have had to defend it even at PARTIES. XD)

"Adios~" (Brownie points if you know who I'm quoting.)

My husband the other day said that the BEST sex means having to deep clean upholstery...And it's true.

Those funny moments when you realize your vision is more goth than you are.

I'm finally getting my digital art functional again. I don't know exactly what combo of medical treatment, new program jitters, and summer busies had me in such a funk, but it had me in a FUNK! But I WAS also very very busy, so maybe that works out in the end. I pulled open some pieces I'd been working on and said to myself "Oh yeah, this shading looks like shit, my heart was SHREDDED when I tried to shade this..."
There were countless gross attempts to draw in clip studio that just felt. OOF. BAaaaaaD. I still miss sai sometimes, but I know the programming is so ancient, and I REALLY love making transparent backgrounds.
Making solid progress!!!!! Finished a half body, a drawing of Summer Bunny dancing, and have three other pieces in the inking process.

I was having this awesome conversation with my buddy, who isn't into furs, but is an artist. And it just felt so good explaining it to her. The WHY. I love drawing furries. They are pure imagination. They're real people INSIDE a mythical creature. They are a wonderful way to get lost in all the questions. How would the light hit this part of their face? how do digigrade legs work? Could I combine these two animals to make an interesting hybrid. I fell so in love. It was especially solidified at the one convention I was able to make it to in my life. Furry Fiesta. I still have some close friends I made that weekend.


Man. I spend hours ACTUALLY talking about these things. Typing out huge journals detailing my feelings and life experiences. But then I delete them. But I feel a lot of passion. And want to keep my digital art going. That's what it was all about in the end anyway.

This journal is mostly meant to replace the previous one. I have realized I gotta still value myself, but I am going to shave a little off the top.
There is a lot of history behind this decision. But I know it is the right one. I will post a new price ref after I can get through three new drawings.

In the meantime, I hope everyone is having an excellent week! Remember to love yourself! Take care of your body, take care of your home, take care of your loved ones. <3

In the meantime, I'm gonna re-re-re-re-rewatch tv shows and art my heart out. Like I always do.

"Don't forget to floooosss..."

Getting flare ups here and there, but mostly holding strong. I think getting the treatment where I don't have to drive 600 miles through snow storms really made a difference. <3
It's been a tough year, like everyone I know. Just gotta keep on keepin' on. I hope everyone is dealing with their stresses well.
I'm planning to go back to my original prices. I honestly didn't feel 100%. But at least I wasn't bruising someone's tomatoes. I came across this analogy when I had a bagger bruise my tomatoes this spring. They were miserable. Having a bad day. And I just felt for him. Who WANTS to be bagging groceries? And those who do are made fun of in tv shows. Nobody cares about it. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to care about it. (even when my big brother shits on me for it)
In the meantime I'm making morels out of fires. NO JOKE! My friend collects morels and gave me moldy morel mushrooms for my starts in the fire that cropped up in my front yard area this summer. I'm not sure if it was illegal fireworks or my asshole neighbors flicking cigarette butts, but I'm just glad I woke up in the night with a bad feeling and caught it. It was a good thing too, my neighbors had a pile of mulch that was combusting in the night, and it would have caught the whole neighborhood on fire in the meantime, and she would not have woken up otherwise.
I am a tenacious fur fairy warrior!!!! I will make it amazing!!!!!!

Also, I wanted to shout out to my most recent fave clicks! It means a lot to me that peeps are still looking at my art while I'm going through so much. <3
I want to get back to making art that speaks to peeps. <3

It's been a rowdy chaotic year so far. Flared up, rested, kept pushing, flared up again. the whole nine. I've been especially struggling with the politics thing. I can't fix anything and being angry about it sure as fuck makes my life and everyone around me worse. So. I'm trying to go back to not paying attention. I was especially crushed when my agriculture research was breached. It was how I kept up with current weather events and focused on food instead of politics. But. Tariffs borked that up too.
Still trying to get my digital art up and running again. Long difficult conversations there. But I'm hoping to get back to it soon.
In the meantime, I'm gardening up a storm. We can for the first time... wow, since we MOVED HERE, AFFORD MULCH!!!! So my greenhouse is finally producing again. It was so heart wrenching every year to put so much effort into seeds, just to watch my babies helplessly flounder in dead soil. I made it work with home made remedies, but they never worked as good as worms castings. I'm so relieved to finally get zucchini again.
Still painting, baking, gardening, and making cool stuff. Getting into ball jointed dolls. I can't afford them, but I want to try my hand at making clothes, doing face ups, and crafting cute little supplies for them. The best part is it is because I reconnected with a highschool friend. <3 I missed Fufu so hard. She is incredible. Even cooler, I get to reconnect with her family. They are all so kind. I'm especially excited for my orb zucchini! I plan on stuffing it and bringing it over as a thank you for all the veggies and useful tools they have given me.

I'm still blocked up, and not feeling well, but pride month has been becoming bigger and bigger in my heart, so I wanted to pause and at least make a journal, even if my art doesn't want to cooperate with me.
Stay gorgeous!!!!! Stay strong!!!!! Living life without forcing yourself to hide is the most important change we can make in the world. I'll be waving my little bi flag all month~!!!

I'm not back in action yet, but taking the steps to get there. I've been doing a lot of research honestly. Focusing on housewifering too. Gardening, cooking, cleaning, painting, and fixing things that need fixing (or giving Q a little push). I'm honestly still recovering from a LOT of different stuff. But I'll save you the sob story.

I'm gonna continue focusing on letting my art do whatever it wants. It's been really good for my soul. Mostly it wants to paint. It WAS after all pent up for almost 7 years. It was torture being stuck with ONLY digital art (I love digital, but painting was always my true passion).
My hope is to start getting on fa again just to hang out. At least for a while. The retinal nerve damage, and the hormone changes have truly altered my desires, style, and even my art goals. Still an adhd mess, and focusing on any long term projects simply feels impossible. Gotta keep try though.

Thanks for being patient!

Gotta keep tryin'. Buuuut, I'm still not doing well. Still popping in here and there. Mostly I wanted to update my journal.
I hope everyone is having a good year so far~

No life is laid out or simple or scribed
But the coincidence often destroys my vibes
There is no escape from all the choked cries
of the children the people the endless lies
But don't give in to the sinkhole

Keep fighting keep writing
Keep drawing and citing

Don't think of the long dark hours of cold
While the danger creeps up, hidden yet bold
The masks all lie everyone has to hide
So we never notice the one monster inside

He was fearless and charming and inspired us all
With grand stories, good games, it didn't hurt he was tall
She was happy, we thought her life better
Now I know that we should never have left her
We are stuck with the helplessness the fervent fear and long nights
Wondering if there was ever any advice
Could I have accused him, or taken her away
Should I stomp my feet or scream or stay
Keep leaning into distractions, keep to my cave
Or go completely crazy and fight the rest of my days

In a world where nudity and sex are wrong
We fight to be complete, the war is so long
Just to find these monsters hidden in SCHOOLS
While my family carefully removed all my tools
He was young and you were five you didn't know better
Stop talking about it, you'll just upset her
Stay simple, stay boring, stay sad and lifeless
You will find your world has so much less stress

More lies and pretend, but what choice do we have
Continue to make your pointless salve
Without it you are nothing you are a drop in the bucket
Continue to dance by my strings, you are a puppet

I'm still not 80% (the best I can get these days)
But making good progress. Still in the meantime, I need to keep taking my break. I've been unable to draw or paint for weeks, and also kind of mentally volatile.
But I hope everyone is having a great year so far! Keep at it everypony!

Rockin my recovery week, might be slow to respond and attend/etc. I know I've been kind of absent lately. Just lots goin on at home as usual.

I hope everyone is having an excellent Christmas day and season, and just as full of joy and light and wonder that it can be! <3
This is actually the first time in around ten years that I've been able to celebrate Christmas properly, and it's seriously SO WARM. And I just wanted to share the feels. Hug your family, hug yer dog, hug yer house (I am a big fan of huggin my house). And don't forget to hug yourself. Self love is wildly under staffed in my opinion.

Was struggling and came across this article. It describes having crps VERY accurately.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CRPS/comme.....n_syndrom_let/

Been struggling a lot with the weather, but at least painting again. We have a lot of hope for getting my treatments LOCALLY for a change, which is AWESOME! Driving 600 miles just for treatment and having to crash all hungover on someone's couch is so sucky.
Even better, they are ON TOP OF IT, and aren't gonna make me wait six months to get the infusions going.
I'm especially excited to be seeing doctors who actually TREAT CRPS, not just pain in general. I want my drawing arm baaaack T^T


Needless to say, drawing has been on the backburner. I'll see about picking back up after the infusions: wish me luck.

My life may have gone back to complete shit; can't draw, can't paint, can barely get house chores done. But when I see my husband jump from vocals onto drums, it makes me feel all the connection to my blood lines I ever wanted for myself. He was rocking The kids aren't alright and it just warmed my heart. Had to share.
I hope this week has gone better for anyone reading this. Rock on, write on, draw on. Just don't stand still. When that option has been taken from you, you will know it. And you will say exactly the same thing.

It meant so much to me when a friend shared this video with me.
https://www.tiktok.com/@moonlit_kit....._t=8qKRJVo5GAg

I wrote this big long journal discussing some awesome things I learned and letting out some frustrations. But it feels like the whole world has no time for me. 8 billion people in it after all. Sometimes it makes me feel... like there is no point. But I still want to reach out and encourage people to take care of themselves. Which is what I MOSTLY spoke about. Remember to take good care of yourselves. It's worth it I promise.

"Trust the process" -the professional little voice