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Reincarnation-is it possible?
Posted 11 years agoFirst I want to say thank you for all the nice comments, notes and nice words relating to my last journal. Once again I was really overwhelmed by you guys, thank you so much for being awesome, lovely souls. I let Panchi go on Saturday, 14th of June. He fell asleep in my arms, hearing my voice. It was very peaceful. Almost beautiful if it wasn't hurting so much. I won't fall into a deep, dark hole like last time when I lost Floyd. I owe that to the one I loved most. He was suffering with me so many times and I don't want my animals to be sad because I am sad. And in somehow it feels like he has never "left". Idk it is weird. I don't feel or hear or see him but I do feel save and okay.
Well and two days before he died I got this kitten... She was found all alone and is not old enough to take care of herself. This happens all the time from April to September/ October if you are involved with shelter-work. Every year we get tons of kittens. Normally I foster some of them and then find new families. But this one kitten...! I had a cat many years ago. She was hit by a car and died before I got Pancho. Her name was Tussi, I got her from the shelter too. Love at first sight :) She was old and not very pretty so nobody wanted her. She would curl around my head every night to sleep, purring like a boss. She was the sweetest thing on earth <3 When she died I was more than desperate. But-it seems like she has come back?! That little kitten I have, her personality, the way she meows (Tussi couldn't meow properly, she sounded like a chicken), the gentleness about her, the insane trust and love we have for each other... It is 1:1 my cat Tussi. Just a lot younger and with different markings. She came just when I needed her most. My mum always dreaded the day when Pancho would die because she knew that he was/is THE dog and she was so anxious that losing him would drive me in total depression. And then my cat returns. Her soul that is. I think to myself "okay that is it, you have finally gone insane :'D" But then again I think, there is so much we don't know, we have no idea of so maybe it IS possible? That those who you love to destruction will come back one day?
Well and two days before he died I got this kitten... She was found all alone and is not old enough to take care of herself. This happens all the time from April to September/ October if you are involved with shelter-work. Every year we get tons of kittens. Normally I foster some of them and then find new families. But this one kitten...! I had a cat many years ago. She was hit by a car and died before I got Pancho. Her name was Tussi, I got her from the shelter too. Love at first sight :) She was old and not very pretty so nobody wanted her. She would curl around my head every night to sleep, purring like a boss. She was the sweetest thing on earth <3 When she died I was more than desperate. But-it seems like she has come back?! That little kitten I have, her personality, the way she meows (Tussi couldn't meow properly, she sounded like a chicken), the gentleness about her, the insane trust and love we have for each other... It is 1:1 my cat Tussi. Just a lot younger and with different markings. She came just when I needed her most. My mum always dreaded the day when Pancho would die because she knew that he was/is THE dog and she was so anxious that losing him would drive me in total depression. And then my cat returns. Her soul that is. I think to myself "okay that is it, you have finally gone insane :'D" But then again I think, there is so much we don't know, we have no idea of so maybe it IS possible? That those who you love to destruction will come back one day?
Pancho
Posted 11 years ago6 years ago I brought a dog home with me. He wasn't just one dog, he was mine, he was THE dog. The one you seek for a lifetime, the one that makes you whole. I found him in our shelter. He came as a very angry boy jumping against the fence growling, snarling, showing everything he has and he meant serious business. The first time I saw him he was an outrage of fury and I was glad that there was a fence between him and me. His name was Tobi and he is a Rottweiler. 8 years ago (he spent 2 years in our shelter) I was very impressed and anxious to handle a dog like him as I didn't have enough experience. You must know he liked to use his teeth. When his owner-who had kept him in the garage only, training him to bite-brought him to the shelter he said: "that dog… either you put him down or you find a man who stais firm to handle him. He needs a dominant and harsh hand. He is unpredictable and he will tear you apart if you don't dominate him". The dog had bitten off the man's finger and didn't let him near him anymore. So he had put a muzzle on him to prevent the dog from biting him.
As I said, I was too anxious to handle a dog like that so my friends in the shelter tried to work and resocialise him. Of course all of them were men as-well a big, strong dog like that needs a man to handle him. The first man he tore apart, indeed he did. 24 stitches were needed to sow him up again, his arm and leg were one bloody mess. Not only that Tobi the dog bit, no, he also shook which is really bad as a dog who bites and shakes tries to do severe damage-willingly. The second man couldn't even open the door to Tobi's room as he was so furious. The third man managed to take him out for a walk-only to ring 10 minutes later asking for somebody of the staff to come and take that dog away, he was standing in front of him growling away and poor man number 3 wasn't allowed to move. We were starting to wonder if we should put him to sleep. Well, thank god we didn't! The only thing the boy needed was LOVE. Talking gentle to him. It made all the difference! By the time I got to work with him he was not allowed to go out for walks anymore. I had to sign a paper to confirm that I am aware of all the risks. I felt sorry for the boy who wasn't allowed to have human contact anymore so I signed. When I opened his door my legs were shaking, I was really nervous, prepared for the worst case scenario. Nothing happened. I put the leash on his collar-nothing happened. I walked 10 meters-nothing happened. I walked for 2 hours-nothing happened. He was very distant, not seeking close contact but also not unfriendly. After 20 minutes I sat down to be on an even level with him and being the person I am I kissed his nose. The expression on his face was priceless, the large and growly dog was flabbergasted! I took him out for walks again. And again. AND AGAIN. Almost every day for 1 year. Then I took him home with me. He was my dog and I was his human, we both knew that. I renamed him into Pancho, new name, new life. I didn't have one single problem with the boy, not one! He bit me once last year but he was in real pain and he was friendly enough to warn me-I just ignored it. Shit happens. I never lost my trust in him as I knew and still know he would never EVER hurt me willingly. He was the best thing that had happened to me, I adore him. I learnt so much from him and he is the best friend I ever had. He went trough hell with me without hesitating. He knows my ups and my downs, he comforted me so many times when I broke down due to the bipolar disease I have. 5 weeks ago he was diagnosed bone cancer. My heart broke a little. Get rid of the pain with meds, that is and was all I wanted. Yes, yes I could have let the vets amputate his leg and shoulder but a boy with 11 years? No, there is absolutely no way I am ever going to do that. Until the day before yesterday he was fine. Now he can't stand up anymore. My sis and I went to our trusted vet earlier today, she will come tomorrow to send him over the rainbow bridge. My heart is scattered to pieces, I have no idea how I am going to live without him. I carried him into the garden so he can have a little pee without feeling guilty like he would if he did in my flat-I don't mind at all but he does. I'm curled up to him in the garden right now together with the rest of my gang. I won't leave his side for a second as atm he can only sleep when I hold him. Tomorrow he will close his eyes in my arms where he feels save.
Loving means letting go, this will be my last act of my endless love for you. My sweet baby boy, I love you so much.
As I said, I was too anxious to handle a dog like that so my friends in the shelter tried to work and resocialise him. Of course all of them were men as-well a big, strong dog like that needs a man to handle him. The first man he tore apart, indeed he did. 24 stitches were needed to sow him up again, his arm and leg were one bloody mess. Not only that Tobi the dog bit, no, he also shook which is really bad as a dog who bites and shakes tries to do severe damage-willingly. The second man couldn't even open the door to Tobi's room as he was so furious. The third man managed to take him out for a walk-only to ring 10 minutes later asking for somebody of the staff to come and take that dog away, he was standing in front of him growling away and poor man number 3 wasn't allowed to move. We were starting to wonder if we should put him to sleep. Well, thank god we didn't! The only thing the boy needed was LOVE. Talking gentle to him. It made all the difference! By the time I got to work with him he was not allowed to go out for walks anymore. I had to sign a paper to confirm that I am aware of all the risks. I felt sorry for the boy who wasn't allowed to have human contact anymore so I signed. When I opened his door my legs were shaking, I was really nervous, prepared for the worst case scenario. Nothing happened. I put the leash on his collar-nothing happened. I walked 10 meters-nothing happened. I walked for 2 hours-nothing happened. He was very distant, not seeking close contact but also not unfriendly. After 20 minutes I sat down to be on an even level with him and being the person I am I kissed his nose. The expression on his face was priceless, the large and growly dog was flabbergasted! I took him out for walks again. And again. AND AGAIN. Almost every day for 1 year. Then I took him home with me. He was my dog and I was his human, we both knew that. I renamed him into Pancho, new name, new life. I didn't have one single problem with the boy, not one! He bit me once last year but he was in real pain and he was friendly enough to warn me-I just ignored it. Shit happens. I never lost my trust in him as I knew and still know he would never EVER hurt me willingly. He was the best thing that had happened to me, I adore him. I learnt so much from him and he is the best friend I ever had. He went trough hell with me without hesitating. He knows my ups and my downs, he comforted me so many times when I broke down due to the bipolar disease I have. 5 weeks ago he was diagnosed bone cancer. My heart broke a little. Get rid of the pain with meds, that is and was all I wanted. Yes, yes I could have let the vets amputate his leg and shoulder but a boy with 11 years? No, there is absolutely no way I am ever going to do that. Until the day before yesterday he was fine. Now he can't stand up anymore. My sis and I went to our trusted vet earlier today, she will come tomorrow to send him over the rainbow bridge. My heart is scattered to pieces, I have no idea how I am going to live without him. I carried him into the garden so he can have a little pee without feeling guilty like he would if he did in my flat-I don't mind at all but he does. I'm curled up to him in the garden right now together with the rest of my gang. I won't leave his side for a second as atm he can only sleep when I hold him. Tomorrow he will close his eyes in my arms where he feels save.
Loving means letting go, this will be my last act of my endless love for you. My sweet baby boy, I love you so much.
Drawing for Rottweiler-commissions open
Posted 11 years agoWell in fact I don't really know if a fundraiser is opened or started, haha :'D As some of you -MIGHT- have noticed, I volunteer in a shelter in the south of Germany, Göppingen to be more precisely, in fact www.tierheim-goeppingen.de to be very precise ;) We are one of the very few shelters that take everything- YES, EVERYTHING! No seriously we agree to take in dogs that have no chance to find a new home in the near future, we take dogs with drastic health-issues and of course we take in dogs that are confiscated.
To give you an idea, if you go to "aktuellen Tierbestand anzeigen" then "Hunde" and every dog, that has a "nein" at the far right is a worry. Those dogs are either very aggressive or very ill. We don't euthanize dogs for non medical reasons even though having that many dogs we need to keep over a longer period of time cost thousands of euros per year. But it is okay because we love what we are doing and we believe that we are doing the right thing. A few weeks back we got 10 Rottweiler from a animal-hoarder. We had to give some of the healthier ones to other shelters as finding homes for 10 Rottis is really difficult. One of them already found a new home *yay <3* but we still have some left. In fact we have the total wrecks left... The girls are about 1 year old but so many complicated operations are going to hit us as their skeletons are a mess. Little Liv needs multiple operations for example. Not only do we need to have her hips fixed (she has HD and sooner or later the pain-killers she is getting atm won't help any longer) but we also need to have her heel mended. A piece of bone got split off, most likely she was either hit or had a fight with one of the other girls for food or water. Having a dog's hip-joint replaced is around 2500 Euros-for one hip. We know that two of the girls for sure need to have their hip-joints repaired. We are a rather small shelter with room for 50 dogs,mainly financing ourselves over donations (the state pays us I think around 40.000 Euros per year which is nothing) so you can imagine that those extra costs are being heavy on our hearts. We talked to the major of our town already but they won't help. Some people actually already suggested we just have them put down. Noway ever is this going to happen.
They deserve to live the life they were never granted before. They need to find a family, get to know the feeling of being all excited and happy when their humans come home, they need to learn, they need to get to know what it is like to lie on the sofa together with their human. They need to know what true love feels like as they never had it before. They need to hear their human say "this is my girl, isn't she beautiful". Lol I am getting carried away but I feel so strongly about this.
Okay, so here is the deal: I will draw for my shelter to help cover the costs for our Rotti-girls. http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/raikhan/ here are my current prices, I really, really hope they are okay? If you have a spare cent left that you'd like to donate, please feel free to do so, every little cent helps <3 delicatstudios(at)gmail(dot)com is my paypal. I will absolutely not keep that money myself, this shelter and its creatures mean the world to me. Every spare cent I earn I spent on it, every free second I have I spent there, it is my second home and my greatest love.
To give you an idea, if you go to "aktuellen Tierbestand anzeigen" then "Hunde" and every dog, that has a "nein" at the far right is a worry. Those dogs are either very aggressive or very ill. We don't euthanize dogs for non medical reasons even though having that many dogs we need to keep over a longer period of time cost thousands of euros per year. But it is okay because we love what we are doing and we believe that we are doing the right thing. A few weeks back we got 10 Rottweiler from a animal-hoarder. We had to give some of the healthier ones to other shelters as finding homes for 10 Rottis is really difficult. One of them already found a new home *yay <3* but we still have some left. In fact we have the total wrecks left... The girls are about 1 year old but so many complicated operations are going to hit us as their skeletons are a mess. Little Liv needs multiple operations for example. Not only do we need to have her hips fixed (she has HD and sooner or later the pain-killers she is getting atm won't help any longer) but we also need to have her heel mended. A piece of bone got split off, most likely she was either hit or had a fight with one of the other girls for food or water. Having a dog's hip-joint replaced is around 2500 Euros-for one hip. We know that two of the girls for sure need to have their hip-joints repaired. We are a rather small shelter with room for 50 dogs,mainly financing ourselves over donations (the state pays us I think around 40.000 Euros per year which is nothing) so you can imagine that those extra costs are being heavy on our hearts. We talked to the major of our town already but they won't help. Some people actually already suggested we just have them put down. Noway ever is this going to happen.
They deserve to live the life they were never granted before. They need to find a family, get to know the feeling of being all excited and happy when their humans come home, they need to learn, they need to get to know what it is like to lie on the sofa together with their human. They need to know what true love feels like as they never had it before. They need to hear their human say "this is my girl, isn't she beautiful". Lol I am getting carried away but I feel so strongly about this.
Okay, so here is the deal: I will draw for my shelter to help cover the costs for our Rotti-girls. http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/raikhan/ here are my current prices, I really, really hope they are okay? If you have a spare cent left that you'd like to donate, please feel free to do so, every little cent helps <3 delicatstudios(at)gmail(dot)com is my paypal. I will absolutely not keep that money myself, this shelter and its creatures mean the world to me. Every spare cent I earn I spent on it, every free second I have I spent there, it is my second home and my greatest love.
Opening commissions on June 2nd for our confiscated Rottis
Posted 11 years agoMost likely they will be name your own price ones. I am in urgent need of money for our Rottweilers in the shelter, the confiscated ones I wrote about. The girls are developing really well but obviously the years of neglect didn't pass without leaving traces. 2 of the girls need operations done due to HD. They are so young that the replacement of the hip joint should be something they can cope with. We are already getting special conditions from the clinic but still the costs will be immense. Normally it is around 2500 Euros so you get an idea. We work together with a physiotherapist who specializes in dogs so they can built muscles to make the muscles help carry the weight of the body after the op. I don't know how to write this in english, haha, maybe I managed to translate it in a way it makes sense :'D
We started to take them for tiny, tiny walks so they get to see something from the big world they don't know. Everything scares them, no matter if it is parked cars, strange people etc. With people they are nosy though the first reaction is just to escape. We let them check every person we meet on our walks so they can learn that strange people are something nice. Everybody in our area knows about those Rottweilers so it is easy to convince strangers to say hello to them and let them sniff. I am absolutely amazed how friendly the girls are, no aggression at all! The last dogs that came from an isolated background all showed massive aggression towards people, be it a wrong move, a touch in a wrong place etc. but they are totally sweet <3 One already has people who want to give her a new home :D She has quite a good health-condition with "just" arthrosis in the front legs but that can be managed with pain killers and physiotherapy. We just need to drive the 100km to check out the place and see if she is going to have a lovely home there.
We started to take them for tiny, tiny walks so they get to see something from the big world they don't know. Everything scares them, no matter if it is parked cars, strange people etc. With people they are nosy though the first reaction is just to escape. We let them check every person we meet on our walks so they can learn that strange people are something nice. Everybody in our area knows about those Rottweilers so it is easy to convince strangers to say hello to them and let them sniff. I am absolutely amazed how friendly the girls are, no aggression at all! The last dogs that came from an isolated background all showed massive aggression towards people, be it a wrong move, a touch in a wrong place etc. but they are totally sweet <3 One already has people who want to give her a new home :D She has quite a good health-condition with "just" arthrosis in the front legs but that can be managed with pain killers and physiotherapy. We just need to drive the 100km to check out the place and see if she is going to have a lovely home there.
10 days off and 10 confiscated Rottweilers
Posted 11 years agoAfter easter I have 10 days holiday ^__^ As much as I love my job, it is pretty exhausting especially the constant change of shifts :< Normally you work one week early, one week late so the body can adjust a little-well we have changing shifts almost on a daily base ;o; It is okay but still, I can't wait to have a little time for myself again <3
On Friday the police confiscated a total of 20!!! Rottweilers who were living in the most miserable conditions... If you are from Germany you might have heard about it in the news. The dogs came from an animal-hoarder. We got 10 of them, 9 females, 1 male. Some of them lived in the cellar with no daylight, hardly any food or water and no fresh air, 4 of them are close to starvation. None of them are healthy, they had fleas, all sorts of problems with the legs and almost all of them can't walk properly. It is heart-breaking especially because they are totally adorable, very friendly, appreciating every kind word they get. They shower you with love and kisses if you sit on the floor with them. It is still uncertain if all of them will make it, the vet will come to x-ray them and then we will see how bad their condition really is. I have a little video of the 4 who are close to starvation, I hope you can see it^^
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?.....=2&theater
On Friday the police confiscated a total of 20!!! Rottweilers who were living in the most miserable conditions... If you are from Germany you might have heard about it in the news. The dogs came from an animal-hoarder. We got 10 of them, 9 females, 1 male. Some of them lived in the cellar with no daylight, hardly any food or water and no fresh air, 4 of them are close to starvation. None of them are healthy, they had fleas, all sorts of problems with the legs and almost all of them can't walk properly. It is heart-breaking especially because they are totally adorable, very friendly, appreciating every kind word they get. They shower you with love and kisses if you sit on the floor with them. It is still uncertain if all of them will make it, the vet will come to x-ray them and then we will see how bad their condition really is. I have a little video of the 4 who are close to starvation, I hope you can see it^^
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?.....=2&theater
Darkness and Light
Posted 11 years agoA lot has been going on in the past months, like-HELL OF A LOT ;_; Really awesome, good things and terrible things. Where do I start :'D Well, I went trough a hardcore depression after Bongo attacked me last year. It was so bad that at times I couldn't even get out of bed, everything was so difficult and strenuous. Idk if you know that feeling, it seems so silly looking back at it once you are okay again. The depression came sneaking in, first I thought "woah everything is fine" but then the doubts came. The evil doubts that question your whole existence. The kind of doubts that paralyze the mind, making it impossible to look forward, you are stuck in a kind of limbo. But I managed to get out of it again-well with the help of my happy-pills :) Seriously, if you are stuck in depression, go to a doctor, some problems *no, not all of them* indeed are solved with pills. Simple and easy :D
Then, around november my very good friend Petra (I think I mentioned her here and there) lost her job. It is horrible to see a person you love giving up and there is nothing you can do about it. She found her fake-peace in alcohol, there were times when she rang me at 3 in the afternoon and was unable to speak one clear sentence as she was so drunk. Worst was that her dog died unexpectedly on christmas day. I spent my christmas crying with her at her place. One sentence she repeated again and again: "I want to die". She lost everything that gave her a reason within weeks and again, there is nothing you can do to heal the broken heart, it needs time. But she is not willing to let time heal, she is so desperate. The day before yesterday was her third attempt to commit suicide. I told her, "you are not going to die, I won't let you". She is "my" person, nobody understands me like she does. On the other hand I know how it feels like wanting it to end. But every time I made the decision, a wet nose poked my hand. My dogs are everything to me and I am sure everybody who has one knows what I mean. They saved me in so many ways. Petra has no dog to save her anymore. She just had this one and she lost him. And now she is a person without a reason. So much worry and I have no idea how to help her as she doesn't want to be saved.
On a happier note, Rottweiler Nr. 2 moved in with me in January. Yes, right, Zeus from the shelter :D Now his name is Marley, he is adorable and totally banana :'D A very protective, strong personality and I am glad I have so many years of experience. He is on a good way though, very willing to please and a joy to work with. I'll post some pictures of my whole pack once the weather is better ;D
Best thing comes last, I got a new job ^_^ One with a "deeper meaning": I am working in a residential care home for the elderly, specializing in psychiatry. Alzheimer's disease, dementia of all kind and schizophrenia. It is a hardcore job but the joy and deep happiness it brings-it is so worth it! A lot of my old people don't remember my name but they do know that I am the kind of person who likes to hug so a lot just come up and hug me as this seems something they can remember :'D I can't even start to describe how heart-warming this kind of work is. On the long run I want to introduce service dogs to our care home, my favorite of course would be a pitbull or staff-bull ;D I'm still looking for a rather young dog from a rescue as none of my dogs are suitable for this kind of work and I wouldn't be too happy if my old ppl and the dogs decided to have a bitch-fight o_O (and I am not too sure to be honest who would win it xD)
Life is awesome, some things won't make sense in the beginning but they do have their purpose and their reason-we just need to find it. We need to find something that brings peace to our soul, it might lie in the total opposite direction of where we started our journey. Just don't ever give up, I truly believe that everybody can be happy and that everybody has a meaning in the big picture :) When I was young my greatest dream was to save the world. Today I am grown up and know that I can't save the whole world so I changed the definition. Now I am saving tiny, tiny worlds, those of one single, desperate animal and those of one single, lonely old person. I've never been happier in my whole life!
Then, around november my very good friend Petra (I think I mentioned her here and there) lost her job. It is horrible to see a person you love giving up and there is nothing you can do about it. She found her fake-peace in alcohol, there were times when she rang me at 3 in the afternoon and was unable to speak one clear sentence as she was so drunk. Worst was that her dog died unexpectedly on christmas day. I spent my christmas crying with her at her place. One sentence she repeated again and again: "I want to die". She lost everything that gave her a reason within weeks and again, there is nothing you can do to heal the broken heart, it needs time. But she is not willing to let time heal, she is so desperate. The day before yesterday was her third attempt to commit suicide. I told her, "you are not going to die, I won't let you". She is "my" person, nobody understands me like she does. On the other hand I know how it feels like wanting it to end. But every time I made the decision, a wet nose poked my hand. My dogs are everything to me and I am sure everybody who has one knows what I mean. They saved me in so many ways. Petra has no dog to save her anymore. She just had this one and she lost him. And now she is a person without a reason. So much worry and I have no idea how to help her as she doesn't want to be saved.
On a happier note, Rottweiler Nr. 2 moved in with me in January. Yes, right, Zeus from the shelter :D Now his name is Marley, he is adorable and totally banana :'D A very protective, strong personality and I am glad I have so many years of experience. He is on a good way though, very willing to please and a joy to work with. I'll post some pictures of my whole pack once the weather is better ;D
Best thing comes last, I got a new job ^_^ One with a "deeper meaning": I am working in a residential care home for the elderly, specializing in psychiatry. Alzheimer's disease, dementia of all kind and schizophrenia. It is a hardcore job but the joy and deep happiness it brings-it is so worth it! A lot of my old people don't remember my name but they do know that I am the kind of person who likes to hug so a lot just come up and hug me as this seems something they can remember :'D I can't even start to describe how heart-warming this kind of work is. On the long run I want to introduce service dogs to our care home, my favorite of course would be a pitbull or staff-bull ;D I'm still looking for a rather young dog from a rescue as none of my dogs are suitable for this kind of work and I wouldn't be too happy if my old ppl and the dogs decided to have a bitch-fight o_O (and I am not too sure to be honest who would win it xD)
Life is awesome, some things won't make sense in the beginning but they do have their purpose and their reason-we just need to find it. We need to find something that brings peace to our soul, it might lie in the total opposite direction of where we started our journey. Just don't ever give up, I truly believe that everybody can be happy and that everybody has a meaning in the big picture :) When I was young my greatest dream was to save the world. Today I am grown up and know that I can't save the whole world so I changed the definition. Now I am saving tiny, tiny worlds, those of one single, desperate animal and those of one single, lonely old person. I've never been happier in my whole life!
I think I'm a wee bit traumatized D:
Posted 12 years agoYesterday one of my dogs I train literally tore me apart-well my arms that is oo" No idea what I did to trigger him that badly but he attacked me 5 times and if my Petra hadn't been I think he wouldn't have stopped... He never bit before just growled- which he may- if he doesn't want something. So ofc I didn't have any protection on, haha... The sleeves of the jumper I had on are soaked in blood from wrist to elbow on both sides. I have between 7-9 holes in total, left arm is numb, both arms are damaged as I acted and reacted like a total beginner *siiiiigh self control, where were you??* He-he just didn't stop attacking it was kind of frightening, knowing that whatever you do-you will lose this fight. And now I can't tell my fucking brain to blank it out, I always have those pictures in my head, they won't go away ;o; Those blunt eyes and the biting, again and again. Right now I feel totally wrecked, emotionally wrecked that is. Nothing makes sense, I just can not understand why... I love that boy, I still love him and I know he loves me and he didn't mean it but it hurts so badly. Both physically and emotional. That feeling of being totally and utterly helpless-boy that is the worst feeling I ever had. So ja I look like a bloody marshmallow and stuff myself with pain killers and alcohol :'D And right now I really doubt myself-idk maybe it still is the shock and those bloody flash-backs. It is over now but my brain keeps on going trough it making me burst into tears every couple of minutes. How the hell do I make it go away, has anybody got an idea-please?
Got one, thank you <3
Posted 12 years agoCuz I'd like to draw one :'D throw your refs in my face, I'll pick one or two ^___^
OKAY EDIT!!!! I WILL HAKUNIZE YOUR CHAR OKAY :'D
OKAY EDIT!!!! I WILL HAKUNIZE YOUR CHAR OKAY :'D
Shelter madness.....
Posted 12 years agoThe last 2 days have been very eventful here... And what made them eventful? Yes right, ANIMALS <3 well dogs to be more precise. On Sunday we got a huge, a really, really HUGE Kangal. I mean-did I mention that he is huge?! Gorgeous boy, I am totally in love already <3 His head- IT IS ENORMOUS OMG!!! He weighs 110kg and has a height (ground to shoulder) of 90 cm (35.43 inch). I "tried" to take him out for a walkies but- ehehehe, well, that was my flying, he is not at all trained and well...yeah, HUGE Kangal vs. Natalie=> Kangal wins :'D Never mind, he will learn <3 I'll take some photos so you can fall in love with him too!
Next, yesterday. Nightmare-day. At least my personal "no, this was far from being a good day". Max decided to have an outrage again, this time it was another dog's fault. How dare he exist!!!! He saw the other one in the distance, got angry-don't ask why, nobody can tell you what gets him THAT angry- and the next second he was hanging on my hand. Ouchie ;o; It is all green and blue with a little hole in it-even tho I did wear leather gloves and my warmest, thickest winter jacket. The problem is, that he won't only bite once but several times, he won't let go easily and he bites hard. I am in contact now with a real pro-trainer who is specialized in working with shelter dogs, she is from Austria and will come to Germany soon. I put all my hope in her to find a good and working training method. Of course without violence, no chain-collars, no screaming, no yelling, not being rough. NO muzzle. Those are the conditions I have but I got to meet her 7 years ago and she works the gentle, animal-friendly way so that is so cool. I am really excited to see her again <3
The real nightmare also happened yesterday. We have this new Rottweiler, Zeus, and he pretty fast found lovely people who liked him and wanted to adopt him. Until they had the wife's mother with them to meet him... She is a sweet lady and wanted to pet him. It all happened so quickly, she suddenly screamed and all I then could see was blood. He bit a 2,75 inch piece of her hand off! We called the ambulance and she was rushed to hospital. The really bad thing is that she is a professional piano player, she plays in an orchestra ;o; The cords are ruined and it is uncertain if she'll ever recover completely. This is a disaster, for her and of course for the dog. He now is declared dangerous and we are not allowed to find a new family for him. He has to do a test first-which right now he'd drastically fail. Another dog we have to keep longer than expected... The lucky winner to train him is: me. I am the only one who is allowed to train dangerous dogs. I have an official piece of paper giving me this permission. Originally we were 6 people but from those 6 I am the only one left ;o; This makes him dog number 5 I train without ever seeing a cent for it, risking my health. In the last couple of month I actually tried to train/teach our other volunteers to handle those kind of dogs but-holy cow either my expectations are way too high or they are totally incapable <_<" No feeling for the animal, for the emotions, body-language (come on, if the dog growls I stop whatever I am doing STRAIGHT AWAY?!) Gah so yes, I am a little bit angry, a little-huge-bit distressed and in somehow I think I need a tiny holiday <3 Which of course won't happen, haha, I am a dog-junkie :'D
Next, yesterday. Nightmare-day. At least my personal "no, this was far from being a good day". Max decided to have an outrage again, this time it was another dog's fault. How dare he exist!!!! He saw the other one in the distance, got angry-don't ask why, nobody can tell you what gets him THAT angry- and the next second he was hanging on my hand. Ouchie ;o; It is all green and blue with a little hole in it-even tho I did wear leather gloves and my warmest, thickest winter jacket. The problem is, that he won't only bite once but several times, he won't let go easily and he bites hard. I am in contact now with a real pro-trainer who is specialized in working with shelter dogs, she is from Austria and will come to Germany soon. I put all my hope in her to find a good and working training method. Of course without violence, no chain-collars, no screaming, no yelling, not being rough. NO muzzle. Those are the conditions I have but I got to meet her 7 years ago and she works the gentle, animal-friendly way so that is so cool. I am really excited to see her again <3
The real nightmare also happened yesterday. We have this new Rottweiler, Zeus, and he pretty fast found lovely people who liked him and wanted to adopt him. Until they had the wife's mother with them to meet him... She is a sweet lady and wanted to pet him. It all happened so quickly, she suddenly screamed and all I then could see was blood. He bit a 2,75 inch piece of her hand off! We called the ambulance and she was rushed to hospital. The really bad thing is that she is a professional piano player, she plays in an orchestra ;o; The cords are ruined and it is uncertain if she'll ever recover completely. This is a disaster, for her and of course for the dog. He now is declared dangerous and we are not allowed to find a new family for him. He has to do a test first-which right now he'd drastically fail. Another dog we have to keep longer than expected... The lucky winner to train him is: me. I am the only one who is allowed to train dangerous dogs. I have an official piece of paper giving me this permission. Originally we were 6 people but from those 6 I am the only one left ;o; This makes him dog number 5 I train without ever seeing a cent for it, risking my health. In the last couple of month I actually tried to train/teach our other volunteers to handle those kind of dogs but-holy cow either my expectations are way too high or they are totally incapable <_<" No feeling for the animal, for the emotions, body-language (come on, if the dog growls I stop whatever I am doing STRAIGHT AWAY?!) Gah so yes, I am a little bit angry, a little-huge-bit distressed and in somehow I think I need a tiny holiday <3 Which of course won't happen, haha, I am a dog-junkie :'D
Kittens and dogs-oh my!
Posted 12 years agoI wish I was more communicative and social ;o; I feel like the crazy animal-lady who spends 24/7 with nothing else than drawing and animals...! But to be quite honest I love the animal part, it is so gratifying ^__^
The precious kittens are doing great, they are growing like mad and yesterday they had their first normal cat food :'D I assume they are around 4-4.5 weeks old now, they were just terribly under weight when they were found. No idea how I am supposed to give them to somebody else after they are old enough... they are MY precious little babies ;o; They love to sleep on my chest, purring away <3 And they rub their little chins on the nose-it is THE CUTEST THING I'VE HAD IN MONTHS!!!!!!! AAAAWWWWWWH.
A less cute thing is Max-Murphy, the bernese mountain dog we have in our shelter. I'm starting to doubt that we'll ever be able to fix him. The other day he attacked me-once again. I can read the body language of a dog like a book, I see even the tiniest signals but he... he is different. If a "normal" dog doesn't want whatever you are doing, he will snarl, show calming signals or pinch. Max-Murphy starts a full, severe attack because of peanuts! Like if he doesn't want his collar put on-he attacks. If you are too close to him due to the leash being too short-he attacks. If you want to take off the leash to put him back in his room-he attacks. Not.One.Single.Warning. My arm is one big bruise even though I wear leather protection and an extra thick jumper (so lovely when it is boiling hot outside already..) Meanwhile the only people who "dare" to get near him are my lovely friend Petra and me. That is it, the staff in our shelter avoids him whenever they can, other volunteers won't even get near him and the last person who wanted to give him a home-well, he attacked her so badly *she didn't have a jumper and protection on because "she knew what she was doing"* that she had to go to hospital instantly. I feel so sorry for that tortured creature, somebody must have done everything wrong that can be done wrong... and now a shelter has to fix the damage somebody else had done-great!
Panchi's OP is due in 2 weeks, I still have totally no idea where to get the rest of the money from but if it has to be, I'll sell my car and everything I can sell. They said, it is less stress for his skin if they waited until his first operation wound has healed a bit but Idk, for me it doesn't really make sense. A cut is a cut, no? And the faster they get that cancer out, the better? It sucks not knowing more on vet medicine, one just has to trust whatever some doctors tell you...
Well now I'll have another glas of wine together with a cigarette and go straight to bed :'D
The precious kittens are doing great, they are growing like mad and yesterday they had their first normal cat food :'D I assume they are around 4-4.5 weeks old now, they were just terribly under weight when they were found. No idea how I am supposed to give them to somebody else after they are old enough... they are MY precious little babies ;o; They love to sleep on my chest, purring away <3 And they rub their little chins on the nose-it is THE CUTEST THING I'VE HAD IN MONTHS!!!!!!! AAAAWWWWWWH.
A less cute thing is Max-Murphy, the bernese mountain dog we have in our shelter. I'm starting to doubt that we'll ever be able to fix him. The other day he attacked me-once again. I can read the body language of a dog like a book, I see even the tiniest signals but he... he is different. If a "normal" dog doesn't want whatever you are doing, he will snarl, show calming signals or pinch. Max-Murphy starts a full, severe attack because of peanuts! Like if he doesn't want his collar put on-he attacks. If you are too close to him due to the leash being too short-he attacks. If you want to take off the leash to put him back in his room-he attacks. Not.One.Single.Warning. My arm is one big bruise even though I wear leather protection and an extra thick jumper (so lovely when it is boiling hot outside already..) Meanwhile the only people who "dare" to get near him are my lovely friend Petra and me. That is it, the staff in our shelter avoids him whenever they can, other volunteers won't even get near him and the last person who wanted to give him a home-well, he attacked her so badly *she didn't have a jumper and protection on because "she knew what she was doing"* that she had to go to hospital instantly. I feel so sorry for that tortured creature, somebody must have done everything wrong that can be done wrong... and now a shelter has to fix the damage somebody else had done-great!
Panchi's OP is due in 2 weeks, I still have totally no idea where to get the rest of the money from but if it has to be, I'll sell my car and everything I can sell. They said, it is less stress for his skin if they waited until his first operation wound has healed a bit but Idk, for me it doesn't really make sense. A cut is a cut, no? And the faster they get that cancer out, the better? It sucks not knowing more on vet medicine, one just has to trust whatever some doctors tell you...
Well now I'll have another glas of wine together with a cigarette and go straight to bed :'D
Omg Game of Thrones, you are KILLING ME!!!
Posted 12 years agoI just watched episode 9 and-how on earth is anybody supposed to survive this season without getting traumatized?! Why? How?? But!!! OMG!? The best thing I've ever watched but Martin really has no scrupels at all-which I love and hate both at the same time :'D It is just-whyyyyy...?!?!
Sorry but I am SO upset right now, no idea how on earth I'm supposed to sleep ;o;
Sorry but I am SO upset right now, no idea how on earth I'm supposed to sleep ;o;
Soft Line Commissions, 32USD dog's OP coming up ;o;
Posted 12 years agoOkay so Pancho needs another OP due to his cancer. They removed his thumb but just the top, more has to go :( If I won't have that done, the risk of it spreading towards the lung and lymph is given which of course I don't want. At all! Right now I am totally broke, his last OP cost me 1200 Euros ;o; So all my money got eaten plus now I have debts with the bank :< The next OP will cost the same amount I guess, the sheer thought of it gives me panic-attacks...
So here is the deal, 32USD for something like Jimmy: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10673272/ or the Yote: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10689911/
I made a nice sheet to fill in: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1sN.....IXMwY/viewform much easier to keep track this way :D
Those will be started tomorrow, during breaks at college/ after college. I might throw in a fullbody full realism slot, but I'm not sure :U
Thank you so much in advance <3
So here is the deal, 32USD for something like Jimmy: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10673272/ or the Yote: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10689911/
I made a nice sheet to fill in: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1sN.....IXMwY/viewform much easier to keep track this way :D
Those will be started tomorrow, during breaks at college/ after college. I might throw in a fullbody full realism slot, but I'm not sure :U
Thank you so much in advance <3
I'd love to pause this madness for a second?
Posted 12 years agoThey indeed had to open the wound again and I need to wear this cast-thing for another week -__-" My fingers are getting stiff so I have to exercise them with a squishy ball which is a pretty awkward feeling as it hurts in somehow. The area between my wrist and the injury is completely numb, I don't feel anything there and it will likely stay that way ;o; http://www.bilder-hochladen.net/fil.....38-jpg-nb.html this is how it looks like, there is s lump of arm missing omg leaving this rather silly looking dent <_<" I do hope my body is clever enough to regrow the tissue... And that this time it will stay infection free, it is starting to get pretty annoying!
Pancho didn't have an infection, he has cancer. I just got the news on saturday. That means they'll need to cut away more of his bone and check if the cancer has spread. I really don't want this again, why is there cancer everywhere around me?! It just never seems to end ;o;
Pancho didn't have an infection, he has cancer. I just got the news on saturday. That means they'll need to cut away more of his bone and check if the cancer has spread. I really don't want this again, why is there cancer everywhere around me?! It just never seems to end ;o;
Most likely back to hospital-hooray -_-"
Posted 12 years agoI had my arm checked again this morning and when they took the bandage off: disgust everywhere. It obviously has re-infected so the doctor opened the wound again and put some kind of beads on a string in. I almost fainted, it was so horrible to look at ;o; Have to be back to the hospital tomorrow morning and if it hasn't improved they'll need to do another operation. Pretty depressing as the other day things looked pretty fine and now this.
The bloody arm -___-"
Posted 12 years agoi've spent some days in hospital due to my lovely little arm...the tissue was starting to get necrotic and I was in danger of getting a sepsis thing. They tried to open the wound in the ambulance but due to the bad infection the anesthesia didn't work ;o; The PAIN was-I could have transformed into a werewolf and bite their heads off I felt the cutting and everything *sob* So they had to operate the whole thing very much to my disgust. I can't move my arm as it is all wrapped up and fixed to keep it still. It is numb around the wrist and if I am unlucky it will stay like that D': But I am not the only one who had an operation, Pancho needed one too, poor baby. So his leg is also all bandaged up from elbow to pay and we really are a pretty ridiculous couple when we go out for a walk xD And now the fucking thing is driving me crazy because it itches and I CAN'T SCRATCH ;___;
ow, my aaaaarm ;o;
Posted 12 years agoSo my Rottweiler bit me on thursday ;o; poor baby, he was in pain as his dew claw is infected. My vet told me to wash and scrub the paw in curd soap-which I did, or well tried to. He let me put his leg in the bowl with warm water and the soap but when I tried to massage it, he winced and then bit me twice. I had no jumper on, his teeth hit my skin directly, leaving 2 deep holes and a couple of scratch marks. Had so no idea that it is actually possible for fat to come out-oh god, gros! It looks bad but I know what damage a Rottweiler can do with just one bite and compared to that-this is nothing. He didn't shake or tried to tear off pieces, he just-well snapped actually. I was so in disgust that I just put a bandage on to get this lump of disgust out of sight but before I threw on loads of betaisadona to disinfect it. The next day the arm was red from thumb to elbow and sore as hell soooo-I went to the doctor. He gave me antibiotics and said he wouldn't sow it as it needs to heal from the ground. It is getting better, just still pretty painful and numb in a weird way. Have to change this bandage every couple of hours, facing the wound of doom o_O
I'm more concerned about my boy, ever since he is devastated ;_; He follows me wherever I go, starts to cry when I leave my flat and-well he is like he is glued to me. I have no idea how to help him, I'm not mad or afraid of him at all, I love him to pieces, no matter what he does. So yeah, I managed to stay damage-free for at least 2 month, haha ;D
I'm more concerned about my boy, ever since he is devastated ;_; He follows me wherever I go, starts to cry when I leave my flat and-well he is like he is glued to me. I have no idea how to help him, I'm not mad or afraid of him at all, I love him to pieces, no matter what he does. So yeah, I managed to stay damage-free for at least 2 month, haha ;D
Badass animal woman? Oh, that's me
Posted 12 years agoLmao I managed to unlawfully enter the united states :'D
But...how should I've known that you need a bloody ID to enter a barrack?! And of course I never have my ID with me..In fact I don't even know where it is. All I wanted to do is bring a dog to his new owners-who happen to be in the US army, positioned here in south Germany. So yeah, I felt like a terrorist, 2 armed guards wouldn't let me do one move. I was granted to ring *from the inside of the office- companied by my guards- on a creepy old telephone* the guy who I wanted to deliver the dog to. He again had to come to a) make a call to his line manager to get a special permission-that came by fax b) pick me up at the gate c) sign a paper to ensure that he'll be responsable for everything I do and d) monitor me closely. Thankfully he was a real sweetheart so he didn't mind all of this. What a hassle, I mean everybody SAW I had a dog with me and I did have my animal-ID-thingy o_O Apart from the fact-I REALLY DON'T LOOK LIKE YOUR TYPICAL TERRORIST!!!!!!! My staff in the shelter killed themselves laughing when I told them and nobody seemed surprised :/ Oh well, at least it never gets boring ;D
But...how should I've known that you need a bloody ID to enter a barrack?! And of course I never have my ID with me..In fact I don't even know where it is. All I wanted to do is bring a dog to his new owners-who happen to be in the US army, positioned here in south Germany. So yeah, I felt like a terrorist, 2 armed guards wouldn't let me do one move. I was granted to ring *from the inside of the office- companied by my guards- on a creepy old telephone* the guy who I wanted to deliver the dog to. He again had to come to a) make a call to his line manager to get a special permission-that came by fax b) pick me up at the gate c) sign a paper to ensure that he'll be responsable for everything I do and d) monitor me closely. Thankfully he was a real sweetheart so he didn't mind all of this. What a hassle, I mean everybody SAW I had a dog with me and I did have my animal-ID-thingy o_O Apart from the fact-I REALLY DON'T LOOK LIKE YOUR TYPICAL TERRORIST!!!!!!! My staff in the shelter killed themselves laughing when I told them and nobody seemed surprised :/ Oh well, at least it never gets boring ;D
Little Update
Posted 12 years agoso my mum hat her OP and it all went well *thank all the gods for that, I feel like Mt.Everest has fallen from my heart* <3<3<3 Now we need to wait until the biopsy is done to see if they'll have to remove more parts of her bowel... A less happy note is that this form of cancer is inheritable so my sister and me are endangered of getting it too. My first reaction was-you GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?! What the hell is next, am I going to lose an arm? Leg? Eyes? Seriously, all the shit I have and now I'm endangered of getting cancer too -_-" Naja, nobody lives forever, right... ;)
Another thing that is heavy on my heart is that my new dog Rocky whom my mum decided to call Alfie after all *so cute<3* is not healthy. He has either a brain tumor or epilepsie *I can't afford to have the tests done to get clarity, they are about 900 euros <_<* and issues with his heart. So he needs tablets for his heart but nevertheless he is absolutely gorgeous, so grateful and lovable <3 I couldn't imagine being a day without him. He has his problems with strangers, dare anybody get near me, he will attack but that is nothing I am too worried about. His whole behavior has already drastically changed and I have the impression he is just so happy to be alive. Dashed away for almost 8 years in a shelter... A boy like him, desperate for love-I could cry due to the sheer thought of it. We live in a really messed up world my lovelies, do you know that?
Another thing that is heavy on my heart is that my new dog Rocky whom my mum decided to call Alfie after all *so cute<3* is not healthy. He has either a brain tumor or epilepsie *I can't afford to have the tests done to get clarity, they are about 900 euros <_<* and issues with his heart. So he needs tablets for his heart but nevertheless he is absolutely gorgeous, so grateful and lovable <3 I couldn't imagine being a day without him. He has his problems with strangers, dare anybody get near me, he will attack but that is nothing I am too worried about. His whole behavior has already drastically changed and I have the impression he is just so happy to be alive. Dashed away for almost 8 years in a shelter... A boy like him, desperate for love-I could cry due to the sheer thought of it. We live in a really messed up world my lovelies, do you know that?
Bad news
Posted 12 years agoI am having a hard time visualizing this and it seems writing it down is not making it at all better. My mum has cancer. I know it since friday but it is only now that I am flooded in tears while I write this. She will be operated on the 28th of february. It is in her guts so I read that the chances are quite okay for everything going well but-it is my mum. I'm terrified as well cancer is nothing new here and it never had a happy end.
And then the artist follows his heart
Posted 12 years agoI had so many sleepless nights, wondering, thinking about the thing I love most and that is dogs. It might sound funny but yes, my soul belongs to them. I am looking after 4 hardcore cases in my shelter at the moment, 2 of them will never find new homes as they are too special. One is Jessy, the other Rocky (pictures of both are in my gallery). I love them both with all my heart and neither my heart nor my soul can bare to see them any longer in their misery. Both are lovely souls waiting. And waiting. And waiting. They can't ever be fixed again to be "THE" family dogs as they are broken. Just as broken as I am. I understand why they can't trust, how hurt they are and I know what they need. So, I am going to adopt them both :'D My home is shelter for many animals, in the past in the present and in the future. My home is a place to die in dignity (I take old boys and girls home to have some last peaceful and loving moments) my home is a place where every creature will find love and care. My home is heaven for the lost ones and hell for me. I cry and grief for every one, I cry out of sheer happiness when little, good things happen like a tiny smile or a wagging tail from one that was said that they can't feel anything. I've quit one hundred times but every time I quit I just go and collected the scatters that are left of me and continue. There is so much work to be done, so much love to be given-how on earth could I ever turn around and walk away? My soul won't allow it and I am so glad it doesn't. Because-I can take much, much more and if I break completely then I know: it was worth it ;)
So now I am trying to find lovely names for my lovely creatures. Jessy I want to rename in Lassy, which is scottish for "girl" and Rocky will be Sullivan, called Sully. It is all about the name. The name carries all the love, the name is the thing that one puts most thought in for it to be lasting. Everlasting.
Yeah, I am a weirdo dog-woman, writing weirdo dog-woman journals, haha ;D But, this is the love of my life, the reason why I exist soooo I'll share my weirdo dog-woman thoughts and happenings <3
So now I am trying to find lovely names for my lovely creatures. Jessy I want to rename in Lassy, which is scottish for "girl" and Rocky will be Sullivan, called Sully. It is all about the name. The name carries all the love, the name is the thing that one puts most thought in for it to be lasting. Everlasting.
Yeah, I am a weirdo dog-woman, writing weirdo dog-woman journals, haha ;D But, this is the love of my life, the reason why I exist soooo I'll share my weirdo dog-woman thoughts and happenings <3
Yeah, happy...new...year...!
Posted 12 years agomy dog's paw is muchmuch better :'D my finger isn't but naja, as long as Panchi is well everything is cool :) BUT my new year was... well... let me tell you xD
first of all, I have this border collie mix, Ikey, who is just banana. I love him but he is-special o_O This year we (my sister and I) decided to celebrate New Year at our place. Haha...haha...hah... Our first guest arrived and Ikey decided: "no, you shall not enter this flat!" So he bit him o_O it wasn't a terrible bite just-well a tinytiny bite, enough for it to bleed of course and our poor guest was a little bit shocked. So my sister and I rushed him to the bathroom as we are specialists with dog bites ;D While I was all pro cleaning his wound-he just went and fainted! Hello, how can you just go and faint?! So that was him lying on the bathroom floor with his eyes open, looking all creepy and so... He finally woke up again not only with a bleeding hand (I tried to put a plaster on it while he was unconscious but failed due to weird hand position) but also had a huge bump on his head. We put frozen peas on that and decided we'll just get him all drunk.
Then, when all our guests had arrived Pancho found it was time for a pee. So-he just peed right in the middle of our living-room :'D He never ever EVER does this NORMALLY... but this evening was everything but normal. My sister and I cleaned, cursing away while Panchi stood there smiling away, ever so happy with himself. So then we wanted to have supper but again Ikey found it was time for some action :U He attacked Pancho because of a silly little nacho chip that fell on the floor, making all our guests jump from the table in panic-it was hilarious. After that nobody dared to sit back at the table :D We just strictly followed our plan to give them all loads of alcohol to make them relaxed and happy-it worked. Midnight came, everybody was drunk and happy, also our asshole of a neighbor... That fucker decided to shit in our garden <_< I mean-he just shat! In our beautiful garden!!!!! Not knowing, that a Walter always seeks revenge >:) I got some rubber gloves, a big shovel and in the deepest night I dashed his shit on his car, returning what was his <3 Sooo yes, that was my New Year :'D A little bit chaotic, the one or other "catastrophe" but all in all-well, it is 2013 and I'm still alive, that is pretty positive I guess xD
Anyway, I hope you all had as much fun I had, enjoyed it all and lets hope 2013 has a lot more fun, happiness and love for all of us. Love you all xoxoxo
first of all, I have this border collie mix, Ikey, who is just banana. I love him but he is-special o_O This year we (my sister and I) decided to celebrate New Year at our place. Haha...haha...hah... Our first guest arrived and Ikey decided: "no, you shall not enter this flat!" So he bit him o_O it wasn't a terrible bite just-well a tinytiny bite, enough for it to bleed of course and our poor guest was a little bit shocked. So my sister and I rushed him to the bathroom as we are specialists with dog bites ;D While I was all pro cleaning his wound-he just went and fainted! Hello, how can you just go and faint?! So that was him lying on the bathroom floor with his eyes open, looking all creepy and so... He finally woke up again not only with a bleeding hand (I tried to put a plaster on it while he was unconscious but failed due to weird hand position) but also had a huge bump on his head. We put frozen peas on that and decided we'll just get him all drunk.
Then, when all our guests had arrived Pancho found it was time for a pee. So-he just peed right in the middle of our living-room :'D He never ever EVER does this NORMALLY... but this evening was everything but normal. My sister and I cleaned, cursing away while Panchi stood there smiling away, ever so happy with himself. So then we wanted to have supper but again Ikey found it was time for some action :U He attacked Pancho because of a silly little nacho chip that fell on the floor, making all our guests jump from the table in panic-it was hilarious. After that nobody dared to sit back at the table :D We just strictly followed our plan to give them all loads of alcohol to make them relaxed and happy-it worked. Midnight came, everybody was drunk and happy, also our asshole of a neighbor... That fucker decided to shit in our garden <_< I mean-he just shat! In our beautiful garden!!!!! Not knowing, that a Walter always seeks revenge >:) I got some rubber gloves, a big shovel and in the deepest night I dashed his shit on his car, returning what was his <3 Sooo yes, that was my New Year :'D A little bit chaotic, the one or other "catastrophe" but all in all-well, it is 2013 and I'm still alive, that is pretty positive I guess xD
Anyway, I hope you all had as much fun I had, enjoyed it all and lets hope 2013 has a lot more fun, happiness and love for all of us. Love you all xoxoxo
My dog, my finger and I
Posted 12 years agoI think I told you before how clumsy I am? And my dog too? Well three weeks ago I went out for a walkies with a huge Hovawart-Rottweiler mutt from the shelter. His name is Balou :) okay now this is so silly... I walked over a meadow with him and wanted to tie up my shoe so I held the leash very loose in my right hand not noticing that it was wrapped around my middle finger... Balou got his mad five minutes-which is adorable-and I went flying after him unwillingly holding the leash with only my middle finger :'D My finger is a mess, bruised, swollen and it doesn't want to be bent. I finally went to the doctor on thursday to have it seen to. So the capsule is cracked -_- He plastered it together to my ringfinger to keep it still which looks ridiculous. I can draw again though :D Just have to hold the pen differently but that doesn't matter. However, to make the whole thing even more ridiculous my Rottweiler Pancho managed in somehow to rip out his thumb-claw *ouch ;_;* also on his right paw. I went to the vet to have that seen to too. Now we are both bandaged up feeling terribly sorry for ourselves xD
I hope you are doing better than we are and you had a wonderful christmas <3
I hope you are doing better than we are and you had a wonderful christmas <3
Commissions open :D
Posted 13 years agoSince my current list is almost gone and I'd love to get something for myself for christmas-that hasn't to do with dogs, shelter or practical stuff (boy the last thing I bought just for myself and my selfish needs was pokemon black when it was released o_O)- I'll open some regular commissions just in time before christmas :'D No limitation to slots and I charge 15USD/hour. Billing can also be +/- 30 mins so it is 7.50USD per 30 mins. They will be started on tuesday, got to finish off some stuff and let my poor finger rest a while-which got damaged today by a leash that was attached to one silly dog *siiiigh, I'll worship the one week when I am not injured or bruised xD It won't happen...*
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6003987/ will serve as info on how long I estimated need for a piece. I'm also VERY happy to draw your pets from photo reference ^o^
If you want one please send me a note, email (delicatstudios at gmail dot com) , comment here with info and idea :) Payment is upon completion :>
Sooo you buy hours does that sound fair? I'm also ever so happy to record it for you in a stream, just let me know^^
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6003987/ will serve as info on how long I estimated need for a piece. I'm also VERY happy to draw your pets from photo reference ^o^
If you want one please send me a note, email (delicatstudios at gmail dot com) , comment here with info and idea :) Payment is upon completion :>
Sooo you buy hours does that sound fair? I'm also ever so happy to record it for you in a stream, just let me know^^
Commissions open :D
Posted 13 years agoSince my current list is almost gone and I'd love to get something for myself for christmas-that hasn't to do with dogs, shelter or practical stuff (boy the last thing I bought just for myself and my selfish needs was pokemon black when it was released o_O)- I'll open some regular commissions just in time before christmas :'D No limitation to slots and I charge 15USD/hour. Billing can also be +/- 30 mins so it is 7.50USD per 30 mins. They will be started on monday, got to finish off some stuff and let my poor finger rest a while-which got damaged today by a leash that was attached to one silly dog *siiiigh, I'll worship the one week when I am not injured or bruised xD It won't happen...*
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6003987/ will serve as info on how long I estimated need for a piece. I'm also VERY happy to draw your pets from photo reference ^o^
If you want one please send me a note, email, comment here with info and idea :) Payment is upon completion :>
Sooo you buy hours does that sound fair? I'm also ever so happy to record it for you in a stream, just let me know^^
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6003987/ will serve as info on how long I estimated need for a piece. I'm also VERY happy to draw your pets from photo reference ^o^
If you want one please send me a note, email, comment here with info and idea :) Payment is upon completion :>
Sooo you buy hours does that sound fair? I'm also ever so happy to record it for you in a stream, just let me know^^
Animal protection-the dark side...
Posted 13 years agoSorry my darlings but-this has been on my mind for so long and I need to get rid of it or it will eat me D:
I have been volunteering in a shelter for 9 years now. They call me dog-whisperer. Every difficult dog ends up with me-meanwhile I'm looking after and training 5 hopeless cases. One of my babies, Rocky an alsatian mix is with us for 7!!! years now. Looking at him-it breaks my heart again and again. When he came he was young and now he is a old boy, his snout all grey. I know he will die in this shelter-just a weird feeling but yeah, I know it. Nobody in 7 years has come for him, NOBODY. In his cage he is a berserker who scares everybody off but under this shell of self protection-the most lovable being you can imagine. Like a sponge he soaks up every bit of love you give him. All I can do is watch him get old and more and more desperate. With his desperation mine grows as I love him a lot and seeing him-gah it is so hard. Then I have Pasa, a Rottweiler. He has been with us for 5 years. When he came he was almost a puppy, full of nonsense. 1 year old-now he is 6 and he too is getting banana. Great will to please but again in his cage a berserker. If only people could see what I see but-you just can't convince them. And many don't understand that this is just for self-protection, those dogs are not evil they just got disappointed and therefore don't trust anybody they don't know. And I have Jessy, a beautiful Bordercollie girl. She is so desperate to get out of this shelter. Her soul is breaking apart, more and more. She refuses to go out of her cage with anybody she doesn't know and our staff is starting to talk about euthanasie. We are not a kill-shelter, if it must be we will keep the being for 10 years *the longest time a dog staid with us....* but in her case-it is so hard to decide what is best for her. And this responsibility lies in our and my hands. When do you let go? When do you decide there is still hope and a will? One of my babies, Zeus a staffie gave up last year. He had a shitty life and died in a shelter. He wasn't on his own when he walked over the rainbowbridge but still-he didn't have a family who cried for him the way somebody will cry for you if they loved you.
I love this shelter, I love those dogs but sometimes I wish I could run away and leave it all behind. Happiness and sorrow walk hand in hand once you've decided to sacrifice your heart and soul to this thing called animal protection.
Ps. http://www.tierheim-goeppingen.de/00000005.asp under "aktuellen Tierbestand anzeigen" and then "Hunde" you can find all my treasures <3
I have been volunteering in a shelter for 9 years now. They call me dog-whisperer. Every difficult dog ends up with me-meanwhile I'm looking after and training 5 hopeless cases. One of my babies, Rocky an alsatian mix is with us for 7!!! years now. Looking at him-it breaks my heart again and again. When he came he was young and now he is a old boy, his snout all grey. I know he will die in this shelter-just a weird feeling but yeah, I know it. Nobody in 7 years has come for him, NOBODY. In his cage he is a berserker who scares everybody off but under this shell of self protection-the most lovable being you can imagine. Like a sponge he soaks up every bit of love you give him. All I can do is watch him get old and more and more desperate. With his desperation mine grows as I love him a lot and seeing him-gah it is so hard. Then I have Pasa, a Rottweiler. He has been with us for 5 years. When he came he was almost a puppy, full of nonsense. 1 year old-now he is 6 and he too is getting banana. Great will to please but again in his cage a berserker. If only people could see what I see but-you just can't convince them. And many don't understand that this is just for self-protection, those dogs are not evil they just got disappointed and therefore don't trust anybody they don't know. And I have Jessy, a beautiful Bordercollie girl. She is so desperate to get out of this shelter. Her soul is breaking apart, more and more. She refuses to go out of her cage with anybody she doesn't know and our staff is starting to talk about euthanasie. We are not a kill-shelter, if it must be we will keep the being for 10 years *the longest time a dog staid with us....* but in her case-it is so hard to decide what is best for her. And this responsibility lies in our and my hands. When do you let go? When do you decide there is still hope and a will? One of my babies, Zeus a staffie gave up last year. He had a shitty life and died in a shelter. He wasn't on his own when he walked over the rainbowbridge but still-he didn't have a family who cried for him the way somebody will cry for you if they loved you.
I love this shelter, I love those dogs but sometimes I wish I could run away and leave it all behind. Happiness and sorrow walk hand in hand once you've decided to sacrifice your heart and soul to this thing called animal protection.
Ps. http://www.tierheim-goeppingen.de/00000005.asp under "aktuellen Tierbestand anzeigen" and then "Hunde" you can find all my treasures <3
