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Unachievable catharsis?
Posted 16 years agoPurged a lot of stuff from the gallery and favorites.
I really need to move on from those times, but I find that strangely yet, I can't do so entirely.
Thus, moved some of the things to scraps - they are not viewed much anyhow, and I get to keep them for a little more.
Most of what I do in the last few years feels... lukewarm. I got to really hate the taste.
P.S. If you wonder, I actually am feeling quite well and upbeat as of now. These are mostly realizations and look-backs and not current emotions (although quite a bit of lingering regret, yes) ^^
I really need to move on from those times, but I find that strangely yet, I can't do so entirely.
Thus, moved some of the things to scraps - they are not viewed much anyhow, and I get to keep them for a little more.
Most of what I do in the last few years feels... lukewarm. I got to really hate the taste.
P.S. If you wonder, I actually am feeling quite well and upbeat as of now. These are mostly realizations and look-backs and not current emotions (although quite a bit of lingering regret, yes) ^^
On a lighter note! :)
Posted 17 years agoI've got myself a virtual pet, for the first time in many a time :P
http://www.valenth.com/feed/221644
If you'd love to help the little landdrake cutie hatch, go feed her some on the link above. Doesn't require more than 2 clicks, each person can rinse and repeat once in 24 hours to help her grow *^^*
!--> Got this from
suanelightfurr , so please feed her pets as well if you do it for me!
http://valenth.com/feed/215361
http://www.valenth.com/feed/220410
http://www.valenth.com/feed/221593
----
On a side note, I am getting back into the drawing gear slowly, and I DO remember all the things I must do for many of you. I am well behind, I know, but I am willing to take TRADES and REQUESTS, because I am willing to push myself in the artistic side of things :P
http://www.valenth.com/feed/221644
If you'd love to help the little landdrake cutie hatch, go feed her some on the link above. Doesn't require more than 2 clicks, each person can rinse and repeat once in 24 hours to help her grow *^^*
!--> Got this from
suanelightfurr , so please feed her pets as well if you do it for me!http://valenth.com/feed/215361
http://www.valenth.com/feed/220410
http://www.valenth.com/feed/221593
----
On a side note, I am getting back into the drawing gear slowly, and I DO remember all the things I must do for many of you. I am well behind, I know, but I am willing to take TRADES and REQUESTS, because I am willing to push myself in the artistic side of things :P
(comfort > love) = me
Posted 17 years agoI've realized just this thing about myself today: I value comfort over love. You may reckon that I am not speaking about physical comfort here, but rather interpersonal comfort.
Thus, I can readily love a person - but keep distanced from him or her if I don't feel comfortable around this person. I've learned to trust this feeling of mine only recently, sadly, because it could have saved me and others quite a lot of emotional strife.
Also, interpersonal comfort is a measure of how giving I am with a given person. If I feel comfy with someone, I don't really demand anything of him/her, rather, I am driven to give what I can to that person. But the lower the comfort is, the more I feel free to be demanding, to the extent of outright posing a person before the choice of doing/being so and so or suffer the distancing between us. That can easily apply to someone I love - that's why I postulate that comfort > love to me. I don't say I won't regret this distancing - still, I will undertake it if my demands are not met somehow.
Well, you can say it's egoistic - I'd rather call it a defensive mechanism of steering out or abusive or painful relationships. I've learned that no amount of love can really make up for living in discomfort with a closely related person. Eventually, it just ends in pain for all sides involved. So, whatever the love is, I will keep distance if I don't feel comfortable, and the other's attempts to close it would be inevitably met by demands.
Now, that interpersonal comfort is hard to determine, as is with all the feelings. But one - and probably the key for me - trait of it is the ability to not care about emotions, while still feeling them. If emotions are still there but don't really dominate the "everyday" relationship between me and a certain person, then I feel drastically more comfortable with him or her.
Interestingly, I feel comfortable with most random people - so with that default feeling in my relationship with the outside world I'm quite a giving person. But I won't give indefinitely - as the randomness fades away with each other gift on my side, I will either set up some kind of interpersonal comfort with that not-more-random him or her, or demand more in return. That's why in most cases, I can't be a "loyal fan" of anyone and anything :)
And to sum it all, I guess the only "normal" notion of relation that comes somewhat close to that feeling of comfort, is friendship. Thus, I can conclude that my inner chemistry with people works like (comfort ~ friendship > love) = me.
So, thank you all who made, makes or will make me comfy - by that, you'r giving me the most treasured thing in my life! ^^ And that I will always try and do my best to return in full measure.
Thus, I can readily love a person - but keep distanced from him or her if I don't feel comfortable around this person. I've learned to trust this feeling of mine only recently, sadly, because it could have saved me and others quite a lot of emotional strife.
Also, interpersonal comfort is a measure of how giving I am with a given person. If I feel comfy with someone, I don't really demand anything of him/her, rather, I am driven to give what I can to that person. But the lower the comfort is, the more I feel free to be demanding, to the extent of outright posing a person before the choice of doing/being so and so or suffer the distancing between us. That can easily apply to someone I love - that's why I postulate that comfort > love to me. I don't say I won't regret this distancing - still, I will undertake it if my demands are not met somehow.
Well, you can say it's egoistic - I'd rather call it a defensive mechanism of steering out or abusive or painful relationships. I've learned that no amount of love can really make up for living in discomfort with a closely related person. Eventually, it just ends in pain for all sides involved. So, whatever the love is, I will keep distance if I don't feel comfortable, and the other's attempts to close it would be inevitably met by demands.
Now, that interpersonal comfort is hard to determine, as is with all the feelings. But one - and probably the key for me - trait of it is the ability to not care about emotions, while still feeling them. If emotions are still there but don't really dominate the "everyday" relationship between me and a certain person, then I feel drastically more comfortable with him or her.
Interestingly, I feel comfortable with most random people - so with that default feeling in my relationship with the outside world I'm quite a giving person. But I won't give indefinitely - as the randomness fades away with each other gift on my side, I will either set up some kind of interpersonal comfort with that not-more-random him or her, or demand more in return. That's why in most cases, I can't be a "loyal fan" of anyone and anything :)
And to sum it all, I guess the only "normal" notion of relation that comes somewhat close to that feeling of comfort, is friendship. Thus, I can conclude that my inner chemistry with people works like (comfort ~ friendship > love) = me.
So, thank you all who made, makes or will make me comfy - by that, you'r giving me the most treasured thing in my life! ^^ And that I will always try and do my best to return in full measure.
Tagged with a meme... watchers roll-call also ^^
Posted 17 years agoOn a side note, I seem to have lost my viewers audience over the time I was away, suits me well I guess :P Anyone still there?
----
Aaaand tagged by
dreamwood with the following:
1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Yep. *^^*
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Evening/night.
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Mostly right - I like to face off to the side of the bed in sleep and sometimes hang my hands off it, but I also have a heart condition which makes sleeping on my left side uncomfortable.
4. Pork, beef, or chicken?
Anything goes, really, I'm not so much of a connoisseur.
5. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
I don't drive, but generally I control urges like that pretty well o_O
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Never did, but see nothing wrong with it. But yet no one offered :P
7. Showers or bath?
Shower, because of said heart condition.
8. Do you pee in the shower?
Hee, fun ^^
9. Mexican or Chinese?
Chinese. It's cheaper here in St.Petersburg, and the seasoning they use is more sophisticated than just HOTHOTHOTHOTWHAAAA!!!, lol :P
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Aggressive.
11. Do you love someone on your friend list?
Yes.
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
Nope, but I'm happy that some of them are RL friends ^^
13. Love or money?
So far, considering my current life situation, it's clear that I do chose the first option whenever I am posed that question... guess there's no medicine against that ^^
14. Credit cards or cash?
Cash. I don't trust people in the stores that much to use credit cards. Though I guess I'll have to get one so I can use PayPal -_-
15. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
More like, there were people who I wish were present... -_-
16. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
Camping. Hotels of this caliber are too stiff for me. Actually, any hotels are too stiff for me, even the lame ones we have accessible for an average person like me here in Russia :|
17. What is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Um... I guess public shower that lacked any hot water, only cold :P Phhhhrrrt... *shivers* o.O
18. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
Yep, but the sum must be considerable.
19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope, I don't like to look at random people's naked bodies. The ones I know and like, that's the whole different thing... :P
20. Ever been to a bar?
Sushi bar ^^
21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
Nope, but I was kicked out of a public bus once :P
22. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
Nope. Too much self-control. Had one time when I didn't remember shit about the last 20 minutes or so, but was walking before that and was still walking when I came to my senses, and, what's interesting, in the right direction even o.O
23. Kissed someone of the same sex?
Yes, and loved it each time I did. Also, does a bite in the ass count ? *^^*
24. Favorite drink?
I'd say tea, but nowadays I try to drink less of the stuff. Then pure water, I guess. Also, Pepsi - I do love to hurt myself, don't I? -_-
25. Had sex in a movie theater?
No, but it's one of the things I CRAVE to do at least once in my life ^^
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes, but I find it quite awkward o.O
27. Have you ever had sex at work?
Nope, if pawing off doesn't count :P
28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yep, but they are mostly pretty boring. No imaginative stuff there.
29. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes, the rare few pieces that were somewhat different from an OMGHUGEBLACKRUBBERDICK concept :P
30. Have you been caught having sex?
Somewhat. If sharing a bed tightly snuggled with a guy AFTER it counts. Though the "catching" party was nice enough to not show that it actually did ^^
31. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
Yes, some of my friends do.
32. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Don't know really... would anyone? ^^
----
Aaaand tagged by
dreamwood with the following:1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Yep. *^^*
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Evening/night.
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Mostly right - I like to face off to the side of the bed in sleep and sometimes hang my hands off it, but I also have a heart condition which makes sleeping on my left side uncomfortable.
4. Pork, beef, or chicken?
Anything goes, really, I'm not so much of a connoisseur.
5. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
I don't drive, but generally I control urges like that pretty well o_O
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Never did, but see nothing wrong with it. But yet no one offered :P
7. Showers or bath?
Shower, because of said heart condition.
8. Do you pee in the shower?
Hee, fun ^^
9. Mexican or Chinese?
Chinese. It's cheaper here in St.Petersburg, and the seasoning they use is more sophisticated than just HOTHOTHOTHOTWHAAAA!!!, lol :P
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Aggressive.
11. Do you love someone on your friend list?
Yes.
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
Nope, but I'm happy that some of them are RL friends ^^
13. Love or money?
So far, considering my current life situation, it's clear that I do chose the first option whenever I am posed that question... guess there's no medicine against that ^^
14. Credit cards or cash?
Cash. I don't trust people in the stores that much to use credit cards. Though I guess I'll have to get one so I can use PayPal -_-
15. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't?
More like, there were people who I wish were present... -_-
16. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
Camping. Hotels of this caliber are too stiff for me. Actually, any hotels are too stiff for me, even the lame ones we have accessible for an average person like me here in Russia :|
17. What is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Um... I guess public shower that lacked any hot water, only cold :P Phhhhrrrt... *shivers* o.O
18. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
Yep, but the sum must be considerable.
19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Nope, I don't like to look at random people's naked bodies. The ones I know and like, that's the whole different thing... :P
20. Ever been to a bar?
Sushi bar ^^
21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
Nope, but I was kicked out of a public bus once :P
22. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
Nope. Too much self-control. Had one time when I didn't remember shit about the last 20 minutes or so, but was walking before that and was still walking when I came to my senses, and, what's interesting, in the right direction even o.O
23. Kissed someone of the same sex?
Yes, and loved it each time I did. Also, does a bite in the ass count ? *^^*
24. Favorite drink?
I'd say tea, but nowadays I try to drink less of the stuff. Then pure water, I guess. Also, Pepsi - I do love to hurt myself, don't I? -_-
25. Had sex in a movie theater?
No, but it's one of the things I CRAVE to do at least once in my life ^^
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yes, but I find it quite awkward o.O
27. Have you ever had sex at work?
Nope, if pawing off doesn't count :P
28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yep, but they are mostly pretty boring. No imaginative stuff there.
29. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes, the rare few pieces that were somewhat different from an OMGHUGEBLACKRUBBERDICK concept :P
30. Have you been caught having sex?
Somewhat. If sharing a bed tightly snuggled with a guy AFTER it counts. Though the "catching" party was nice enough to not show that it actually did ^^
31. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
Yes, some of my friends do.
32. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Don't know really... would anyone? ^^
Aaaaand back! :P
Posted 18 years agoAfter half a year of absence and one final gentle wipe all over my gallery, which resulted in many drawings ending in the scraps folder, I guess my gallery and I are ready for the new uploads. Yay!
I am seriously sorry for going off like that again, but I seriously needed another piece of time alone and off all this, to fortify myself in the ideas and considerations I have gathered together while being off before that. Also, I have gone through the Master thesis creation and presentation, which was quite emotionally draining and stressfull. But now I am MA in Biology, General Physiology now, which I haven't even begun to realize as it happened only on November, 1st ^^
Also, as a part of quite a huge emotional recoil from this, I got into a certain MMORPG, which pretty much swallowed me this month. Buuut I've mastered this mind beast and now am starting to devote myself to the other, more productive activities.
The coming month I will be probably deep in the work on my third professional novel translation of an English science fiction novel, but I don't plan to abandon this place nor drawing again either.
So, here's the to-do list:
1.
kaoshin belated birthday present - planning
2. Reference sheet for my draconic self, Rainesh - collecting references, etc.
3. dreamwood gift art - shuffling the ideas ^^ - it's a great deal thanks to you that I am drawing and uploading again, so I do want for it to be great! :)
4. suanelightfurr gift art - shuffling old sketches of it... I also so want to thank you for sending me that SMS message, sorry I never answered, just wasn't ready to reappear! Sorry I and Chao made you worried about us! :)
5.
falindelstan request - beginning sketching ^^
Also, many old projects, sketches and LOTS of long-due commenting and watches will probably intermingle with these :))
I am seriously sorry for going off like that again, but I seriously needed another piece of time alone and off all this, to fortify myself in the ideas and considerations I have gathered together while being off before that. Also, I have gone through the Master thesis creation and presentation, which was quite emotionally draining and stressfull. But now I am MA in Biology, General Physiology now, which I haven't even begun to realize as it happened only on November, 1st ^^
Also, as a part of quite a huge emotional recoil from this, I got into a certain MMORPG, which pretty much swallowed me this month. Buuut I've mastered this mind beast and now am starting to devote myself to the other, more productive activities.
The coming month I will be probably deep in the work on my third professional novel translation of an English science fiction novel, but I don't plan to abandon this place nor drawing again either.
So, here's the to-do list:
1.
kaoshin belated birthday present - planning2. Reference sheet for my draconic self, Rainesh - collecting references, etc.
3.
dreamwood gift art - shuffling the ideas ^^ - it's a great deal thanks to you that I am drawing and uploading again, so I do want for it to be great! :)4.
suanelightfurr gift art - shuffling old sketches of it... I also so want to thank you for sending me that SMS message, sorry I never answered, just wasn't ready to reappear! Sorry I and Chao made you worried about us! :)5.
falindelstan request - beginning sketching ^^Also, many old projects, sketches and LOTS of long-due commenting and watches will probably intermingle with these :))
Arranging the gallery
Posted 18 years agoMoved a whole bunch of pics to the scraps section in the prospect of uploading some new ones somewhat soon ^^
productive... art block?
Posted 18 years agoWell, you could have noticed that I haven't uploaded anything worthy in a while... actually, that's because of a major art block, the main origin of which is the fact that I have reached some kind of a new level of artistic perception, but - alas! - not of the skill. It means that I am beginning to see better the techniques used by the other authors - or lack thereof - and thus become more demanding when it comes to art appreciation. Inevitably, I begin to realize the flaws of my own art and the ways it should be done, but lacking the actual skills yet render me unable to produce anything I would really like as of now.
The resulting idea is that I will be spending some time doing a lot of training drawings and _not_ uploading much of them. The bigger projects that I have started or promised to start will be reviewed on the daily basis, deciding individually if it's time to put the technical skills and snippets gained to use and see how they work in the finished drawing. Also, I will probably be practicing shading on occasional older pieces, mutilating them unbelievably :P
On a lighter note, I will still be around and watching you all, and will probably have more time for comments now that I don't have to spend so much time sulking and raging over the incomplete drawings that I lacked the ability to complete for starters :P
With love and respect, Rainesh ^^
P.S. Also, I will set up the projects status/counter soon, mostly to keep myself motivated and, surely, to pretend being somewhat alike all the great artists around with dozens of trades and commissions waiting in line :P
The resulting idea is that I will be spending some time doing a lot of training drawings and _not_ uploading much of them. The bigger projects that I have started or promised to start will be reviewed on the daily basis, deciding individually if it's time to put the technical skills and snippets gained to use and see how they work in the finished drawing. Also, I will probably be practicing shading on occasional older pieces, mutilating them unbelievably :P
On a lighter note, I will still be around and watching you all, and will probably have more time for comments now that I don't have to spend so much time sulking and raging over the incomplete drawings that I lacked the ability to complete for starters :P
With love and respect, Rainesh ^^
P.S. Also, I will set up the projects status/counter soon, mostly to keep myself motivated and, surely, to pretend being somewhat alike all the great artists around with dozens of trades and commissions waiting in line :P
Murrlowl... chirp-chirp :P
Posted 18 years agoSo, I am slowly getting this gallery of mine up to date with my recent art. Also, I really need to lurk less and go comment, +fav and watch those people whose art I love. Now that I have grown a bit comfortable with my art, I would love some interaction with fellow artists here...
On a side note, go see http://www.furaffinity.net/user/dreamwood/ - he is good and getting even better with all the determination he has.
On a side note, go see http://www.furaffinity.net/user/dreamwood/ - he is good and getting even better with all the determination he has.
Uhh..
Posted 19 years agoSorry everyone, I know I owe some comments and comment replies, but I am like... crumbling atop of my keyboard now.
So, this dragon gets some sleep first, ok?
So, this dragon gets some sleep first, ok?
Am I dumB? :P
Posted 19 years agoWell, so far I tend to fare pretty well on this site... if not for one weird thing - I tend to miss "reply to this post" button and post comments that do not register themselves to the respective poster's message centre.
I should really watch my paws :P
I should really watch my paws :P
Onward with uploads.
Posted 19 years agoWell, I have reached the fifth upload. The last two ones were a kind of soft transition from unskillful, but old and trusty drawings to the old ones that I never posted anywhere, with a prospect to get to upload current material.
Not much response generated so far, but I expected as much ^^ Anyways, I'm up to draw something as a thanks for my first watcher, Rannor - http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rannor/ , if he'd want me to!
Not much response generated so far, but I expected as much ^^ Anyways, I'm up to draw something as a thanks for my first watcher, Rannor - http://www.furaffinity.net/user/rannor/ , if he'd want me to!
Ohhh, well!
Posted 19 years agoI've gathered up enough courage to start uploading again, after a year or so that passed since the last upload on DA. I am starting a gallery here, with uploading some of the older anthro drawings and then continuing on to current stuff.
I still ponder where to situate my photography gallery, as I respect the idea of FA community as, generally, anthro- and animalistic-oriented. So I bet it will be on DA, though I am kinda disappointed of it because of recent (started this year, I think) changes, both in its appearance and philosophy.
I still ponder where to situate my photography gallery, as I respect the idea of FA community as, generally, anthro- and animalistic-oriented. So I bet it will be on DA, though I am kinda disappointed of it because of recent (started this year, I think) changes, both in its appearance and philosophy.
Planning my gallery
Posted 19 years agoWell, I really need to sort out my drawings soon to find the ones I want to publish here. I don't want this gallery to become just a pile of my works. Instead, I want it to reflect my current level of skill (whatever low it may be) and contain those pieces that I consider to have some message or meaning, rather than being just art practice items.
Thus, filling this gallery may take some time. But nowadays I tend to take everything step by step, not rushing things just to make them look "good" or "convenient".
Thus, filling this gallery may take some time. But nowadays I tend to take everything step by step, not rushing things just to make them look "good" or "convenient".
