Just lately I've been wondering if I even identify with being a furry anymore, or whether it's just a sort of phase you go through. When I actively embraced it during uni I met some nice people but rarely made any meaningful connections with anyone. I drew my own art, which was okay-ish but didn't really go anywhere. I felt like an idiot answering questions about why I wore a dog collar for so long. I think I went to one small meet in Newcastle where 90% of the guys were either playing with their phones/Nintendo DS and not talking to each other except for one guy boasting about his commissions. All the things I liked about being a furry sort of dissolved when it came to applying them into the real world, which was a naieve expectation admittedly. I still identify with canine personality traits, but I don't like the idea of alienating my regular old friends that took a lot of luck and love to stick with over the years. Nothing seemed to make sense about pursuing it as a hobby or a function of my personality. I couldn't help growling at people when I got high, or shaking off after a shower, or yipping when I get an unexpected pinch. Sometimes it felt like going to a car meet. You all have the same car, but you're total strangers. Maybe I just needed to make more of an effort.

Why I thought it may be a phase is because of how vital it felt when I was a teenager into my early 20s. It was an intrinsic part of my life and I wanted people to know who I was, warts and all. Increasingly real life and bills and drama takes over, to the point where you just can't exist in a mindstate where you can only relate to other people who think they are at least part animal. Sometimes I'm not even sure if it's just a fetish. I don't think being a furry is a bad thing, just that maybe it doesn't really work with an introspective personality. Maybe I just thought I had something unique and special to me spiritually, when it turns out a lot of people had that feeling in a better and stronger way.

Welcome to my first journal in five years.

Lots of love

sil

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No .

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages/comments you and asks. And believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming... things are not exactly as they seem.

3. It is harder than it looks, but NO explanations !!! You will want to... but don't!!!


Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? --- Yes
Been arrested? --- yes
Kissed someone you didn't like? ---Yes
Slept in until 5 PM? --- Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? ---No
Ran a red light? --- Yes
Been suspended from school? ---No
Experienced love at first sight? --- No
Totalled your car in an accident? ---No
Been fired from a job? --- Yes
Fired somebody? --- No
Sang karaoke? ---Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? --- Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? ---Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? --- No
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? --- Yes
Kissed in the rain? --- Yes
Had a close brush with death --- No
Seen someone die? ---No
Played spin-the-bottle? ---No
Sang in the shower? --- Yes
Smoked a cigar? ---Yes
Sat on a rooftop? --- Yes
Taken pictures of yourself naked? ---Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? --- Yes
Skipped school? ---Yes
Eaten a bug? -- No
Sleepwalked? --Yes
Walked a moonlit beach? ---Yes
Ridden a motorcycle? ---Yes
Dumped someone? --- Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? --- Yes >.<
Lied to avoid a ticket? ---No
Ridden on a helicopter? ---No
Shaved your head? --- No
Blacked out from drinking? ---Yes
Played a prank on someone? --- Yes
Hit a home run? --- no
Felt like killing someone? ---Yes
Cross-dressed? --- No
Been falling-down drunk? --- Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? ---Yes
Eaten snake? --- No
Marched/Protested? --- No
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? --- Yes XD
Puked on amusement ride? ---No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? ---Yes
Been in a band? --- Yes
Knitted? ---Yes
Been on TV? ---Yes
Shot a gun? ---Yes
Skinny-dipped? --- No :(
Caused someone to need stitches? --- Yes
Ridden a surfboard? ---No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? --- Yes
Had surgery? --- Yes
Streaked? --- Yes
Taken by ambulance to hospital? --- No
Passed out when not drinking? --- Yes
Peed on a bush? --- Yes :P
Donated Blood? ---No
Grabbed electric fence? ---No
Eaten alligator meat? ---No
Eaten cheesecake? ---Yes
Eaten kids' Halloween candy? ---Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? --- No
Peed your pants in public? ---No
Written graffiti? --- Yes
Still love someone you shouldn't? --- Yes
Think about the future? --- No
Been in handcuffs? --- Yes
Believe in love? ---Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? ---Yes

And one just from me -

Thought this meme was way tame and was disappointed by it ---Yes.

Think you have too much time on your hands? --- yes

Ok, so I was wondering after looking at Mr.Wulfgar's rather awesome FA account - there seems to be a lot of people charging for accounts and subscriptions now!

and before I start a huge backlash and flamewar over this, I know the artists work really hard and don't always do this for fun, that sometimes you got the wolf at the door and the only way you can afford those tasty steaks is with cold hard cash. Not only that but you want control over your creations.

BUT man, when I started out *dream waves* it was for the sake of doing it, and people still doing that today really make me happy ^_^ it's not a case of the quality, but the reason behind doing it. It was art swaps that led to chat that led to friendship and hanging out, and it still is for the most part! More and more of the best artists are charging a reasonable sum for work now and if anything it feels like furry art is finally reaching the popularity levels where it can almost be called an amateur industry for its fans.

Case in point - Taurinfox - made some of the hottest and labour intensive 3D animations I've ever seen (altho Hor3e is close) for nothing. Zero dollars. Awesomeness.

I don't think people should work for free... just observing a trend.

SO i guess I'm saying I acknowledge that people need money, but dissapointed that lots of the great artists seem to be going this way. Musically some bands are more than happy having music shared because they know that record sales aren't the way to win, but getting heard and popular.

Just thinking about it...

I'm starting out drawing and writing again, it seems like everyone else around here has been bitten with the creative bug!

Just a little note to keep things fresh here, it's bi-annual as usual but stay tuned some uploading :)

The Rules: This is fun to do. Just read the 'offense' and if you've done it, you owe that fine.
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.
NOTE: fines to be added once, not for how ever many times you have done it. And be honest.

Smoked weed -- $10
Did acid or pills -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace/Facebook/Bebo/FA? etc -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Cross dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive and drank -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10 (Why the fuck is this a crime?)
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a vehicle while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video or took pictures -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in public -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex --$25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under the age accepted by rule of thumb (half your age plus 7) -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Pissed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

It's getting towards late in the evening as I write this, I should be in bed but I always get a lease of life around this time of night. I dug out my sketchbook and now I have 2 pencil sketches to upload when I get back from work.

Feeling a little down and out lately, I'm loathe to turn this into a whine-fest but I just might have to get it off my chest. Disheartened by chats with Dracky, hearing less and less from friends back home and doing the same old work routine, my bro's living it up in Vegas... Just had a little chinwag with Loganhusky and he has some sweet concert photos; for any of you who actually know how hard it is to get a decent exposure *nudge wink* and composition at gigs, his stuff is awesome.

bummed out by the LDR, but I'm spurred on to get some more work done and finally scan all these doodles of mine. There's a whole heap of people I haven't thanked for cool comments and watches including AD but know that I appreciate 'em all ^_^ I'm in awe to a lot of people on here who can make it beyond pencil and paper, but it's where I feel at home.

Maybe upload some writing too...you'd like that wouldn't you? o.O

28 Weeks Later rolls on in the background, a meme lies unreplied, and I'm thinking of coffee...
'night peepz

omg and other three-letter abbreviations!

I am so full of it, I said I was gonna do more artwork even after all the nice encouragement from Dracky and it still hasn't materialised...

I've been trying to get some practice in, got some nice tips from Deatzh on Fchan so that was sweet. Currently addicted to Peggle, one of the lamest and simultaneously most addictive games on xbox live o.O

been off weed for over a month now and dammit I am BORED. This all points to one thing - do more of everything, art and writing and music; then I would have a rockin' profile that 6 people visit a year, woo!

lots of love to Dracky, big shouts to Sisco, Brazz and Muddy - say hello sometime ^_^

I'm currently in the process of drawing some new stuff since I have so much free time :) some clean and not-so-clean stuff, mostly wuffs and bears so check it out if you like that sorta thing.

ebay is gonna bring me a new scanner if I'm smart and click my mouse just right, it's like £4 so yeeeeeahhh for ebay. At the moment it's just pencil sketches and without the scanning and virtual inking it's gonna look like amateur night; these include a special present pic for a certain wuffcoon.

LOVE to hear from anybody who's good at colouring, I could use some tips. Loving Bob Drake's new stuff and pretty much everyone in my Watch list, peace!

Feel the heat! *pants*

Hope I spelt that right too :P

Well, like a true sheep in wolves clothing, I'm willing to take commisions for the first five lovely furs to reply...Get my paw back in practice...Just let me know and I'll do my best. Peace! x

1. Grynne Wulf
2. El Sisco
3. Neon_Grizzly
4. 1man !!
5.


Thanks for the interest guys *noses*
There's two spots left: roll up, roll up...

I got my first few watches and comments tonight, it was really nice; just starting to get back into the swing of the furry fandom again and making good artwork... So lazy, tho ^_^

I'll have to reply to the responses. Thankyou all!