I GOT OLDER! :D
whoops, almost forgot the obligatory journal

Oh yea, I've actually tried 3D work in Blender for a few weeks now.
Started off doing some tutorials to get into Blender - by now I can handle most of the tools needed, though I still sorely notice lacking some techniques for creating furry characters (them feet...). Meshing by hand is really tough.

My goal is to get an avatar done and ready to be used in VRChat; while the main body looks okayish by now, it's very far from done. Occasional updates will be thrown on my newly revived Twitter: https://twitter.com/tareckaresch

(woohoo, I'm actually learning a creative hobby now!)

WHOOOOOOOOO I'M SO CREATIVE AT TITLES

AND WHY AM I SHOUTING?

Anyway, yea, here I am, next year I'll even earn a new number in the front. D: aaaaaahhhh

Thigns are nice today! And leading up. Got some lovely gifts from friends, so, quite lovely day today! :> And so many thanks to you all!

Time for the usual, silly, annual journal.

Yay, I got 28 this year \o/ (ugh)
Not much to tell, one more year, that's it~ No big plans or anything for the day, aside from preparing a whole ton of awesome food.

Yep, another year has passed and I'm again oooolder. D:
Last year hasn't been terribly good for the most part. Let' see whta this year brings - it can mostly just go upwards.

In the meantime, everybody have fun!

Derp :E Older yet again.

Not at home though, so can't reply too quick~ Have fun guys and girls!

Move along quietly.
There is absolutely nothing to see here.


:| I don't like this day.

Just finished (True Pacifist), and...

This game.
Holy crap, this game.

It is... simply wonderful. Seriously one of the best-made games ever made. You should play it. It's worth way more than what's asked for.

Also, play the True Pacifist for your first run. Do it. You'll be rewarded so richly for this.

Go. Play Undertale. I didn't understand a bit of it's hype until I did so myself.



P.S. It is best to play it without knowing just about anything about it. Other than it is great.

For the first time in my life I feel really, genuinely afraid that something like that might happen here in Germany aswell.

That is all I wanted to say.

Okay, this is an interesting one. It's the first time this happened - or at least that I'm aware of that it happened - of someone stealing my art/char for their own purpose.
A friend of mine gave me a link that someone was using both her's and my art for some RP character thingy. So yea, someone took an image, used the site's character system and created a character with that art... the best part of it? Not even bothering to change goddamn name. But he's not even doing it to the two of us, he has a HUGE load of stolen art/characters that way. So ya, fun times ahead kickin' his ass later on.
And no, I'm not disclosing any information as to where or who that was. You never know what kind of shitstorm that could bring up.


So yea, just to make it clear to everyone:

No, my art/character/name/whatever are NOT to be used for any purposes, especially RP, without my consent. Exceptions are, of course, things like gifts, but those kinda inherently carry a consent in some way.

So, what's going on?
Quite a number of things, mostly very personal stuff though. Being some rough times for me, lots of stress, lots to do. I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but it's not always easy.

On other news, I'm slowly starting to get into drawing. Right now the lines look more jagged than that of a 80-year-old Parkinson patient trying to draw, but oh well. I'm going to try and assemble a picture, probably drawing the stuff (head, body, hand/feet) seperately and with the help of someone else digitalizing it to assemble it that way - will see how well that works out!

YEP, IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN

All hail to me today! ^.=.^

Soooo, yea.
My move is now all complete, I have internet, lectures started again this week. Nothing really fancy or special, just every day life. I must say, it's kinda nice living here. Sure, I miss my home town, but actually... not *quite* as much as I expected. This place is pretty fine all in all so far, so I can't complain really.
In other news, the whole trans-thing I mentioned in another journal... well, it's all coming to move now. Trying out stuff. Looking for clothes. Oh my, that's expensive... And ya. Last friday was the first day I actually went out in woman clothing with a friend. Wasn't that good in my opinion, though. Just didn't look good at all. Trying out some new stuff at the moment, see if anything fits well to me. And generally just... overhauling, pretty much, you could say. Lots and lots to do. But I'm starting to repeat myself :P Anyways, it's currently a pretty hard time, to be honest. It's loaded with emotional problems, fear and anxiety... and so on. I'm having a hard time keeping my spirits up, it's mostly okay, but particularly late in the day it usually drops pretty steep, such as right now.
Oh well. I should go to bed so I get enough sleep for lectures tomorrow. See ya~

So! I'm all done, everything's here. Won't have own internet until next week though.

I'll be a little on in Skype when I'm at my friend's place, but that won't be until the evening today.

Sooooo I'll be starting my move today (Wednesday). Will still be half home till Thursday, but doing stuuuuffs. My availability might be lower then usual because of that.
After that, on Friday, I'll be visiting someone for almost a week. So I'll be much less available then, maybe a little bit on Skype at times.

Well, I just wanted to froward you to two artists here on FA!

 nyemi
First one being Nyemi. She's starving to get some customers in and she's a pretty cool person in general. Go give her a look, she's got a good hand at drawing super-cute stuffs!


 aimee-lesley-sim
Aaaand next is Aimee! She's a really nice person going through a lot of trouble. But overall, really nice, with an art style I personally really love. So go and give her some well-deserved love.

Be warned: this may be a bit rant-y.

So, there's been one thing that's been bugging me as of late. I've been someone who usually gives tips onto commissions and I'm sure I'm not the only one. These tips can vary a lot, depending on the initial price and how much I have actually left over; but one can say they go into a range towards 10$ (which is between 25-50% extra, again dependant on the initial price).
Now, what I've been noticing lately and which also bugged (read: annoyed) me is that absolutely noone seems to care for these tips anymore. And "lately" here means "at least a year" (I don't have an exact time right now). You see, it's not like I expect people to do something extra for me or anything; but at least a tiny bit of appreciation, be it just a little Thank You would be enough. But no, people don't give a fuck about someone who just paid them extra before they even started their work (in most cases, paid before sketch). But when people don't even make any mention of it whatsoever... I just feel like they didn't give a single fuck of any kind of appreciation. The worst offender? When someone else tells me that he always gets said appreciation back (and sometimes even somethign extra).
The worst offender, by the way? When a friend of mine commissions the same artist and gets a big "thank you" in return for their tip. Seriously. Just feels like a big "Fuck You" to me.



I really don't know. But seriously, I think I'm going to stop giving any kind of tips forever - except maybe people I know personally (as in, actually befriended or the like). Because this really is pissing me off by now.

I actually don't have an awful lot to say, except lookies here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5911901/ aimee-lesley-sim is trying to get some money together to pay a vet bill. You should have a look at her artwork anyways - she's a nice person and I personally like her style, too. Gogo!

...this nice artist here, called  schattenk. Why am I doing this? He's an aspiring artist, being troubled by the little attention he gets for his hard work done. I know it's nothing overly exciting (yet), but still... leave some love for him. <3 It's greatly appreciated.

GOGOGO! Look at his stuff! He deserves it well enough.

So, I come home
Turn on my computer, log on to Skype
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s.....day%20mode.png


Well! Is mah birthday/hatchday today. Turned 24. And had it right on a day of lectures! And a day full of learning, too. And I'm horribly tired.
And I feel old (to my co-students anyways).


I actually really have nothing more to add to it... there's not going to be much today, soooo... yea.

Lately, I've found myself more and more enjoying to stream to some people. It's never been a lot, though - maybe 2 or 3 at once in any given stream.
Now, I've been wondering if I should go ahead and actually try to get some more "audience" to it. It's kinda a lot of fun in some way and I do enjoy it... someone even said I'd probably be a good streamer. :P No idea if it's true, but that's about to find out. Of course, it would be with live voice aswell, as that is what usually makes it good in first place (I say).
Question is: would anybody over here be interested in it? As for WHAT I'm gonna stream - I've mostly done War Thunder. Little bit of Kerbal Space Program. Might go to stream some World of Tanks and/or PlanetSide 2, depending on performance, of course. Or whatever else I feel like (though it happened to mostly be War Thunder).

Eh, just a random though I've been shoving around while I have a little bit time off from university. Not gonna be much longer, but there's always time after that then.

Some people may be tired of reading about this, but oh, whatever.
It's been ten weeks now. 70 days. And I've been thinking quite a bit in the past one or two weeks... Mostly, I was just getting one thing back in my mind: just where the hell did all that time go to? Ten weeks, it's easy said, but that's actually over two months. And it's even more actually not really a short time either. Yet it felt like the days rushed right past me, one after another, and it almost seems scary to me, seeing how quickly time passes by, how quickly I fall back into ever the same routines day by day. Even moreso when I just look at, in particular how quickly time ran past when looking at the end of my cat. But then again - I've had her around me for 12 years. Probably that's also why, for one, it seems so unnatural every day that she's not here anymore aswell as the days passing by.
I'm also thinking that it's mostly thoguh that I'm just still having trouble to let go of her. I mean, sure, what happened was final and there's absolutely nothing I can do to change it - obviously. I CAN only move on, and I have to aswell, since time won't stop. But then again, yes, I somehow really need to let go. The only reason I'm still at my parents' home (also, two of my brothers aswell) was my cat, when I look at it in retrospective. Ironically, now I don't feel like going away because of her, since the mere location is the only physical thing that still ties me to her.

I don't know, I'm just randomly rambling about. Felt like typing something down.

Bye~

Just something small. Drop a Ref in if you want.
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5238647/

So, it's been about two weeks now that she had passed away. Needless to say, that event threw me back a lot. The first week was, as you can imagine, was by far the worst. Most of the time I just felt completely stripped of any motivation at all. Most of my time a day was spent in bed - a good 10-12 hours per day. The rest of my time in the first few days was quickly occupied by looking at old photos, and very soon had gone into a search for all I ever made (or anyone else here aswell). I pretty much searched through any and all files of my computer, tens of thousands of images, including the stuff on my parent's computer. Then I looked for the pictures I liked the most and ended up with 175. Typed together a nice text, cropped the images, uploaded to my Dropbox, linked everything together... Kept me occupied for a good time. Also helped me getting over the whole thing, though it's still very present in mind and memory.
Things have changed here. As stupid as it sounds, but her toilet disappeared rather quickly (the next day), which felt the most unusual... not seeing her toilet in the small bathroom anymore. At least her list is still hanging around (to note down when she got food, so to not give her too much). It's still very unusual being here without her somewhere all the day...
Though, I kept up with the first thing after getting up pretty much being to look after her. Except that it's now her grave in our garden I'm looking it. And every night, before I go to sleep, I take a look if the candle on it is still burning. Once, at 3 am it went out - and I went out in the rain to light it again. With some tiny matches.

Doctor status report

As I already told about in my previous journal (link), my cat had her appointment for surgery today. More specifically, 8 hours, 4 minutes ago.
So, first off, the facts by the vet. First thing was, that the blood loss, as I understood it, was more major than expected - I mean, it already did look like quite some quantity, but I didn't expect it to be such a major problem. The second, and probably far more important aspect, was the cancerous tissue itself. As it turned out, given the information by the vet, our cat was likely having some notable pain due to the cancer bothering her. This was because those two bumps I noticed weren't actually the cancer spots... They were literally the tip of the iceberg. This time, the cancer came back differently - it was all over the place. The vet said, that this was causing her major pain, and even if removed all, she would still be suffering from the after effects. And that if she didn't die now, she would die very soon. On the vet's advice, she was put to sleep for good.
The worst of all? I spent the weekend from friday evening till sunday late evening someplace else. I didn't even have time to say her goodbye. I wasn't there the last few days. And yesterday, I was rubbing through her fluffy fur on her cheek and the neck, which she loved. Well, life goes on - just not for everyone...
We're busy digging the grave at the moment.
Now you can sleep as much as you want - you loved doing that anyways.

Here she is, in my bed
And for her... Halo 2 - Unforgotten