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Me. And potentially ancient Art.
Posted a year agoOkay so, first: I'm a doofus... long-standing character trait. I have a bad habit of not sharing things I've had commissioned. In some really extreme cases, I'm pretty sure I've failed to SAVE OFF things I've had commissioned. Which is, like, the height of doofusivity. (I assure you, it's a word. I mean, you know EXACTLY what I meant by it, therefore it qualifies as a word. It has MEANING)
ANYWAY. I, having recently bought into a YCH, discovered 3 (at least) works by the same artist, going back as much as SEVEN YEARS, that I hadn't posted.
So, there will be an attempt to rectify that over the next week (more or less).
...I have the sneaking feeling I've done this before, too.
Oh, and... no, I'm not dead, despite not posting journals for several years. Alive... Moderately well... After 25 or more years in this house, it's finally starting to ring up some bigger expenses. New Roof. New AC system (hey, the last one made it 13+ years... in Texas. I'm satisfied). Stuff like that.
And my 18 YO car may or may not be meriting replacement soon. Whee.
Anyway. kess drama (we all have enough of our own. You don't need any of mine), more art posting. I'm on it.
ANYWAY. I, having recently bought into a YCH, discovered 3 (at least) works by the same artist, going back as much as SEVEN YEARS, that I hadn't posted.
So, there will be an attempt to rectify that over the next week (more or less).
...I have the sneaking feeling I've done this before, too.
Oh, and... no, I'm not dead, despite not posting journals for several years. Alive... Moderately well... After 25 or more years in this house, it's finally starting to ring up some bigger expenses. New Roof. New AC system (hey, the last one made it 13+ years... in Texas. I'm satisfied). Stuff like that.
And my 18 YO car may or may not be meriting replacement soon. Whee.
Anyway. kess drama (we all have enough of our own. You don't need any of mine), more art posting. I'm on it.
And here I was...
Posted 3 years ago...going to let 2021 pass by without ANY comment here.
And then it had to take BETTY WHITE away from us.
FUCK YOU, 2021. I have nothing else to say except I AM STAYING UP TO WATCH YOU DIE AT MIDNIGHT.
...Seriously, what a fucking train wreck of a year. I look forward to 2022, where I refuse to just cruise through the year, thinking it will get better. I intended to MAKE 2022 a better year, at least for me. I suggest we all try and do the same.
Here's to 2022!
And then it had to take BETTY WHITE away from us.
FUCK YOU, 2021. I have nothing else to say except I AM STAYING UP TO WATCH YOU DIE AT MIDNIGHT.
...Seriously, what a fucking train wreck of a year. I look forward to 2022, where I refuse to just cruise through the year, thinking it will get better. I intended to MAKE 2022 a better year, at least for me. I suggest we all try and do the same.
Here's to 2022!
MERRY(ish) CHRISTMAS!
Posted 4 years agoI know it's 2020. Lots of people can't, for personal or imposed reasons, just CAN'T be with family this year. Some couldn't manage it in a NORMAL year, much less this train wreck.
But it's still Christmas. Find a moment to reflect on what is good in your life and the world. It may not feel like a lot... but it's something. And it might be something others don't have, even as they have something YOU don't. CELEBRATE the good things, even if it's just inside your head.
And cheer for the thought that this year is about to end. Yeeeeesh. :-P
But it's still Christmas. Find a moment to reflect on what is good in your life and the world. It may not feel like a lot... but it's something. And it might be something others don't have, even as they have something YOU don't. CELEBRATE the good things, even if it's just inside your head.
And cheer for the thought that this year is about to end. Yeeeeesh. :-P
Site Format
Posted 5 years ago...Okay, I give. Had to go back to classic.
DESPITE the setting that is supposed to give next/last links on the "new" page format... It doesn't seem to work that way. I can ONLY get the Minigallery - which I hate. To get the directional links back, I had to revert... so I did. *shrug*
...Other than that, I don't think the new format is BAD, just different.
So, that's all the excitement around here. What's up, anyone who bothers to read this?
DESPITE the setting that is supposed to give next/last links on the "new" page format... It doesn't seem to work that way. I can ONLY get the Minigallery - which I hate. To get the directional links back, I had to revert... so I did. *shrug*
...Other than that, I don't think the new format is BAD, just different.
So, that's all the excitement around here. What's up, anyone who bothers to read this?
Ancient Net Poetry
Posted 6 years agoOkay, after... a bit over a year and a half... let's try for some slightly less inappropriate humor.
First: There are several poems on the 'net with this theme/title. This particular one dates (in my files) to at least 1996. I found a copy on the web, credited to "Annoyances.org", but that site (according to the wayback machine) doesn't seem to have existed prior to 1998. *shrug* If anyone can provide a better original source for this than "Ummm. Usenet, somewhere?", I'm always interested in such info.
=================================
This timely piece should put an end to any notion that
there's not much culture manifesting itself on the 'Net...
(It is to the meter of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe...do
read it aloud near the water cooler...)
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted. Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go. What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
First: There are several poems on the 'net with this theme/title. This particular one dates (in my files) to at least 1996. I found a copy on the web, credited to "Annoyances.org", but that site (according to the wayback machine) doesn't seem to have existed prior to 1998. *shrug* If anyone can provide a better original source for this than "Ummm. Usenet, somewhere?", I'm always interested in such info.
=================================
This timely piece should put an end to any notion that
there's not much culture manifesting itself on the 'Net...
(It is to the meter of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe...do
read it aloud near the water cooler...)
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted. Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go. What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Inappropriate Humor Contained Within
Posted 7 years ago---ancient, frequently politically incorrect humor. These have been edited down to remove some things I'd be ...crazy, frankly... to post publicly.--
Top Ten Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex
10. Anyone can get chocolate if they want it.
9. "If you love me, then you'll swallow" has real meaning with chocolate.
8. Chocolate satisfies you even when it's soft.
7. You can get chocolate even from your mother.
6. If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won't complain.
5. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
4. You can ask any hot babe for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
3. You don't get hair in you teeth from eating chocolate.
2. Your bigot parents won't get upset if you tell them that you perfer dark
chocolate.
1. The worst thing you can get from too much chocolate is a little acne.
What happened when Snow White drank too much and passed out? She woke up feeling dopey.
How does the humorous gynecologist greet his patients? "At your cervix."
... I'm not lazy. I'm doing research on inertia.
In 1975 who hit the most balls out of Cominski Park? Hank Aaron.
In 1975 who was hit in the face by the most balls? Liberace.
This guy goes to the local whore house He tells the lady behind the desk that he would like some company. She immediately turns around and yells "Al, lube up Trixie!" She then turn to the man "That will be 25 dollars." He says he doesn't have that much. She yell to the back "Cancel that Al, lube up Candy!" She turns to the guy "That will be 10 dollars." The guy tells her he only has 5 bucks. She yells again "Al cancel that, lube up!"
(Hold up index and middle fingers of your right hand.) "Do you know why all women should masturbate with these two fingers?" "No..." "Because they're mine!"
A man breaks down in the middle of Pennsylvania. dutch country on a cold day. After a few minutes an amish man in a horse and buggy pulls up and asks if he could help.The man accepts and gets in the buggy. The amish man, after driving for a while reaches up, lifts the horses tail, rubs its ass, then rubs all around his own mouth. He does this twice when the man perks up and asks why.
"I have chapped lips,"the amish man replied.
"Is that an old amish remedy?"
"no,but it keeps you from licking your lips!!"
TOP TEN ELF PICKUP LINES:
10) I'm down here
9) Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesnt mean I'm a sissy
8) I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi
7) I can get you off that naughty list
6) I have certain needs that cant be satisfied by working on toys
5) I'm a magical being. Take off your bra.
4) No, no, I dont bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler
3) I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man
2) You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig
1) I can eat my weight in cocktail weiners
Life is like a dick. When it's soft you can't beat it, and when it's hard somebody's gonna get f*cked
Pickup lines
1. That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.
2. Do you want to see something swell?
3. Hey babe...do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
4. Drop 'em!
5. What do you like for breakfast?
6. Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
7. Wanna fuck like bunnies?
8. Say, did we go to different schools together?
9. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
10. I had a friend who use to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laugh.
11. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
12. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
13. Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?
14. Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
15. At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
16. Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
17. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
18. Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
19. Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
20. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."
21. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
22. A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
23. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
24. Say mother, want another? (if she has kids)
25. Bond. James Bond.
26. Hello love, do you spit or swallow?
27. You look like the type of girl that has heard ever line in the book. So what's one more?
28. Your place or mine?
29. Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
30. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
31. Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
32. Your face or MINE!?
33. "Are you ready to go home yet?"
34. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
35. When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
36. Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
37. I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
38. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
39. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much your weight.
40. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
41. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
42. I'd look good on you.
43. Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
44. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else.
45. I would kill or die to make love to you.
46. Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
47. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
48. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
49. HI! Can I buy you a car?
50. NOW, BITCH!
51. Fancy a fuck?
52. My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.
53. Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
54. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
55. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
56. I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
67. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
68. Look at the tag in her shirt and say: "I want to see if you were really made in heaven."
69. Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
70. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
71. I am conducting a feel test of how many woman have pierced nipples?
72. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.
73. Do you like jewels? Well suck my cock, it's a GEM.
74. Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?
75. Do you want to go halves on a bastard?
I have an 11 inch tongue and mastered the art of breathing out of my ears.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.
Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
I love every bone in your body..especially mine.
How many times does 59 go into 16 ? I don't know, ask woody Allen.
Q: What does a gynocologist do when he gets sentimental?
A: He looks up old girlfriends.
Q: What was Jocelyn Elders' last official communication?
A: A memo to Pee Wee herman, asking him to come up to Washington and give her a hand.
Why do farts smell?
Ans: So that deaf people can share the experience.
The elevator door opens a man walks in and it smells awful. He sees this little guy standing in the corner. "Did you fart?" he asks the guy. The guy replies "What do you think, I smell like this all the time?"
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Tonto disguised himself as a televsion set and Grandma, unknowingly, polished his knobs.
Meanwhile, back at the Fort, General Custer was beating off the Indians
Meanwhile, down at the Gas Station, Johnny was pumping Ethyl.
Top Ten Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex
10. Anyone can get chocolate if they want it.
9. "If you love me, then you'll swallow" has real meaning with chocolate.
8. Chocolate satisfies you even when it's soft.
7. You can get chocolate even from your mother.
6. If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won't complain.
5. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
4. You can ask any hot babe for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
3. You don't get hair in you teeth from eating chocolate.
2. Your bigot parents won't get upset if you tell them that you perfer dark
chocolate.
1. The worst thing you can get from too much chocolate is a little acne.
What happened when Snow White drank too much and passed out? She woke up feeling dopey.
How does the humorous gynecologist greet his patients? "At your cervix."
... I'm not lazy. I'm doing research on inertia.
In 1975 who hit the most balls out of Cominski Park? Hank Aaron.
In 1975 who was hit in the face by the most balls? Liberace.
This guy goes to the local whore house He tells the lady behind the desk that he would like some company. She immediately turns around and yells "Al, lube up Trixie!" She then turn to the man "That will be 25 dollars." He says he doesn't have that much. She yell to the back "Cancel that Al, lube up Candy!" She turns to the guy "That will be 10 dollars." The guy tells her he only has 5 bucks. She yells again "Al cancel that, lube up!"
(Hold up index and middle fingers of your right hand.) "Do you know why all women should masturbate with these two fingers?" "No..." "Because they're mine!"
A man breaks down in the middle of Pennsylvania. dutch country on a cold day. After a few minutes an amish man in a horse and buggy pulls up and asks if he could help.The man accepts and gets in the buggy. The amish man, after driving for a while reaches up, lifts the horses tail, rubs its ass, then rubs all around his own mouth. He does this twice when the man perks up and asks why.
"I have chapped lips,"the amish man replied.
"Is that an old amish remedy?"
"no,but it keeps you from licking your lips!!"
TOP TEN ELF PICKUP LINES:
10) I'm down here
9) Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesnt mean I'm a sissy
8) I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi
7) I can get you off that naughty list
6) I have certain needs that cant be satisfied by working on toys
5) I'm a magical being. Take off your bra.
4) No, no, I dont bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler
3) I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man
2) You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig
1) I can eat my weight in cocktail weiners
Life is like a dick. When it's soft you can't beat it, and when it's hard somebody's gonna get f*cked
Pickup lines
1. That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.
2. Do you want to see something swell?
3. Hey babe...do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
4. Drop 'em!
5. What do you like for breakfast?
6. Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
7. Wanna fuck like bunnies?
8. Say, did we go to different schools together?
9. Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
10. I had a friend who use to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laugh.
11. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
12. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
13. Would you like to dance or should I go fuck myself again?
14. Hey baby, let's go make some babies.
15. At the office copy machine. "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
16. Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
17. I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
18. Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?
19. Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
20. Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough you would cum."
21. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
22. A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"
23. Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?
24. Say mother, want another? (if she has kids)
25. Bond. James Bond.
26. Hello love, do you spit or swallow?
27. You look like the type of girl that has heard ever line in the book. So what's one more?
28. Your place or mine?
29. Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
30. You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.
31. Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
32. Your face or MINE!?
33. "Are you ready to go home yet?"
34. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
35. When she asks, for a match. How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
36. Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
37. I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
38. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
39. Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much your weight.
40. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
41. I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
42. I'd look good on you.
43. Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
44. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else.
45. I would kill or die to make love to you.
46. Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
47. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
48. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
49. HI! Can I buy you a car?
50. NOW, BITCH!
51. Fancy a fuck?
52. My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.
53. Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
54. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
55. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
56. I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some?
67. Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
68. Look at the tag in her shirt and say: "I want to see if you were really made in heaven."
69. Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
70. You got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?
71. I am conducting a feel test of how many woman have pierced nipples?
72. Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.
73. Do you like jewels? Well suck my cock, it's a GEM.
74. Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind if I do?
75. Do you want to go halves on a bastard?
I have an 11 inch tongue and mastered the art of breathing out of my ears.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.
Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
I love every bone in your body..especially mine.
How many times does 59 go into 16 ? I don't know, ask woody Allen.
Q: What does a gynocologist do when he gets sentimental?
A: He looks up old girlfriends.
Q: What was Jocelyn Elders' last official communication?
A: A memo to Pee Wee herman, asking him to come up to Washington and give her a hand.
Why do farts smell?
Ans: So that deaf people can share the experience.
The elevator door opens a man walks in and it smells awful. He sees this little guy standing in the corner. "Did you fart?" he asks the guy. The guy replies "What do you think, I smell like this all the time?"
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Tonto disguised himself as a televsion set and Grandma, unknowingly, polished his knobs.
Meanwhile, back at the Fort, General Custer was beating off the Indians
Meanwhile, down at the Gas Station, Johnny was pumping Ethyl.
HEALTH CARE HUMOR
Posted 8 years ago...to show how little things change under ANYONE'S Health Care plan... This was copied to my current machine(s) in 1997... I have no idea when it was actually written. 80s or 90s, though... It pokes a lot of fun at HMOs.
Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was
gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!
Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.
Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?
A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.
Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was
gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!
Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.
Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?
A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.
Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
More Ancient 'net Humor
Posted 8 years ago... this one can be found a few places... in slightly different versions. The copy I have is unattributed. Most of the ones I've found on poetry sites are also by "Anonymous".
One is attributed to "Lucy Blades"... but it's not the same as this version. So... apologies to Lucy for posting this version, if yours was in fact first - or apologies to whoever the heck wrote this... back when.
(to the meter of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe...do read it aloud near the water cooler...)
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
One is attributed to "Lucy Blades"... but it's not the same as this version. So... apologies to Lucy for posting this version, if yours was in fact first - or apologies to whoever the heck wrote this... back when.
(to the meter of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe...do read it aloud near the water cooler...)
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Well, I really Jumped on that, didn't I?
Posted 8 years agoYes, yes. I promptly whipped out my pile of ancient jokes and started posting them... about 7 weeks later.
Oops.
Well, here we go anyway.
This tale is set in Gold Rush days, when the place to be was the Yukon.
Because wool and meat were so vital, sheep became very valuable.
One of the wealthiest women in town was a tough old lady named Beatrice, who had moved there from Boston but had become so acclimated that everyone called her Yukoned Bea.
Bea owned 26 sheep, which she named for the letters of the alphabet. Ewe A, Ewe B, and so on.
Bea ran the only hotel in town, but she was opposed to drinking, and wouldn’t rent rooms to any man who had a hint of alcohol on his breath.
This didn’t sit well with the local saloon-keepers, Hiram Lovedaw and Hubert Loff, so they bet Bea that one of them could invent a drink that even her sharp nose couldn’t detect.
The winner would get her best sheep, Ewe F.
She agreed, and they went to work.
Lovedaw’s drink was called Blue Lightning, and Loff called his Mountain Dew (this was long before the carbonated beverage of the same name).
The day of the competition arrived, and Lovedaw went first.
He took a long swig of Blue Lightning.
Bea smelled his breath, and announced that she couldn’t detect a thing.
Then it was Loff’s turn, and Lovedaw was hoping that his friend would fail. Do you know why?
If Yukoned Bea whiffed Dew on Hugh Loff, Lovedaw won Ewe F.
Oops.
Well, here we go anyway.
This tale is set in Gold Rush days, when the place to be was the Yukon.
Because wool and meat were so vital, sheep became very valuable.
One of the wealthiest women in town was a tough old lady named Beatrice, who had moved there from Boston but had become so acclimated that everyone called her Yukoned Bea.
Bea owned 26 sheep, which she named for the letters of the alphabet. Ewe A, Ewe B, and so on.
Bea ran the only hotel in town, but she was opposed to drinking, and wouldn’t rent rooms to any man who had a hint of alcohol on his breath.
This didn’t sit well with the local saloon-keepers, Hiram Lovedaw and Hubert Loff, so they bet Bea that one of them could invent a drink that even her sharp nose couldn’t detect.
The winner would get her best sheep, Ewe F.
She agreed, and they went to work.
Lovedaw’s drink was called Blue Lightning, and Loff called his Mountain Dew (this was long before the carbonated beverage of the same name).
The day of the competition arrived, and Lovedaw went first.
He took a long swig of Blue Lightning.
Bea smelled his breath, and announced that she couldn’t detect a thing.
Then it was Loff’s turn, and Lovedaw was hoping that his friend would fail. Do you know why?
If Yukoned Bea whiffed Dew on Hugh Loff, Lovedaw won Ewe F.
Journals... riiiight. (write?)
Posted 8 years agoI never, and I mean NEVER, know what to put in these things. Which is why I post a couple a year.
Nope. Not good enough. So - I'm no artist, I'm no photographer. I not really a writer.
But I know a LOT of jokes. Funny Stores... some of them even TRUE! Gasp! (I know, right?)
...So... If I were to start posting a journal with a few jokes or stories, say, weekly ( or twice) - would this be a good or bad thing? More to the point, would this ANNOY anyone? If enough people don't like the idea, I shan't do it.
Lemme know below.
Nope. Not good enough. So - I'm no artist, I'm no photographer. I not really a writer.
But I know a LOT of jokes. Funny Stores... some of them even TRUE! Gasp! (I know, right?)
...So... If I were to start posting a journal with a few jokes or stories, say, weekly ( or twice) - would this be a good or bad thing? More to the point, would this ANNOY anyone? If enough people don't like the idea, I shan't do it.
Lemme know below.
Ancient Humor
Posted 9 years ago...little history, first.
In 1995, then-President Bill Clinton created a special commission: The National Bioethics Advisory Commission. Its purpose was to advise the government on Biotech research. Of particular note at that time, cloning. Their first/main report came out in '97... and in 2001, the Commission was dissolved.
The Washington Post had a little contest for its readers, to come up with "Questions the Commission should address." ...ah, NOW you see where I'm going with this.
***please note: I wrote none of these. Yes, you'd get in trouble or stir up a kerfluffle suggesting a lot of these today. Others of them are also... 'dated'. Please deal with it.***
Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagree about something?
Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue?
If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show, wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all look forward to?
If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?
If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby O.J. Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict?
If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us find out?
If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait, Henry IV part II?
If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to play with himself as a child?
Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and "irregulars"?
Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted?
Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two together to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two heads, but that would still be way more normal.
Would it work if I binged and my clone purged?
Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers, create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park called Clonial Williamsburg?
In 1995, then-President Bill Clinton created a special commission: The National Bioethics Advisory Commission. Its purpose was to advise the government on Biotech research. Of particular note at that time, cloning. Their first/main report came out in '97... and in 2001, the Commission was dissolved.
The Washington Post had a little contest for its readers, to come up with "Questions the Commission should address." ...ah, NOW you see where I'm going with this.
***please note: I wrote none of these. Yes, you'd get in trouble or stir up a kerfluffle suggesting a lot of these today. Others of them are also... 'dated'. Please deal with it.***
Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagree about something?
Can you clone Alan Greenspan, or does it have to be LIVING tissue?
If Larry King clones himself and interviews himself on his show, wouldn't that pretty much make nuclear war something we could all look forward to?
If I have sex with my clone, will I go blind?
If the DNA from the bloody glove were cloned and produced a baby O.J. Simpson, then could we maybe get an actual guilty verdict?
If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us find out?
If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr. or wait, Henry IV part II?
If Michael Jackson is cloned, is it against the law for him to play with himself as a child?
Would there be a market for genetic "factory seconds" and "irregulars"?
Could they clone Al Gore, or would he have to be grafted?
Is it possible to make a clone of Kate Moss and then attach the two together to make a regular-sized person? Sure, she'd have two heads, but that would still be way more normal.
Would it work if I binged and my clone purged?
Would it be ethical to dig up the remains of our founding fathers, create clones from the bone cells, and place them in a theme park called Clonial Williamsburg?
Winter Otters!
Posted 9 years agoMerry Christmas!
Posted 9 years agoBeen a busy day - but Merry Christmas to all!
Rid FA of Negativity!
Posted 10 years ago"I intend to fill Furaffinity with cute baby animals to fight the saturation of all the negative journals and hate.
This is how it works!
Comment below and I'll assign you your animal!
Find a cute gif/picture/video or drawing of your assigned animal and post a journal
Tag who assigned you, your baby animal (not necessary though)
Continue the game by explaining the rules and assigning a baby animal to everyone who comments on your journal!
Simple!
I got Horses from
felisrandomis (easy one for me)
Foals playing
Balls. Horses and Foals both Love 'em
OMG! There's something on my Baaaaack! getitoffgetitoffgetotoff!
This is how it works!
Comment below and I'll assign you your animal!
Find a cute gif/picture/video or drawing of your assigned animal and post a journal
Tag who assigned you, your baby animal (not necessary though)
Continue the game by explaining the rules and assigning a baby animal to everyone who comments on your journal!
Simple!
I got Horses from
felisrandomis (easy one for me)Foals playing
Balls. Horses and Foals both Love 'em
OMG! There's something on my Baaaaack! getitoffgetitoffgetotoff!
More D'awww to share inside
Posted 10 years agoD'awwwww...
Posted 11 years agoWell, it's finally time to clear last year's holiday journal, before it becomes THIS year's holiday journal... :/
But here's a moment of very fuzzy cuteness. (okay, about 4 minutes of it:
http://blog.theanimalrescuesite.com/orphanotter/
But here's a moment of very fuzzy cuteness. (okay, about 4 minutes of it:
http://blog.theanimalrescuesite.com/orphanotter/
Holidays...
Posted 11 years agoMerry Christmas!
...now, 'scuse me, I gotta get ready for work. *sigh* Heh...
...now, 'scuse me, I gotta get ready for work. *sigh* Heh...
No Subject
Posted 12 years agoFrom 
ProjectBlue02's journal...
http://www.icongenerators.net/square.html
Your own square icon in just a few minutes...
ProjectBlue02's journal...http://www.icongenerators.net/square.html
Your own square icon in just a few minutes...
...yet another thing that boggles the mind...
Posted 13 years agoEither I boggle easier than I thought, or the world is getting weirder.
... or both.
Look. I can enjoy MLP:FIM... it's not bad. I'm way behind, and not likely to catch up on it any time soon.
...and in my more unproductive moments, I enjoy playing Minecraft.
...wait for it... yes, you're probably realizing, with dawning horror, where this is going. So I'll just let you read this thread yourself.
http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic.....le-pony-v1312/
... or both.
Look. I can enjoy MLP:FIM... it's not bad. I'm way behind, and not likely to catch up on it any time soon.
...and in my more unproductive moments, I enjoy playing Minecraft.
...wait for it... yes, you're probably realizing, with dawning horror, where this is going. So I'll just let you read this thread yourself.
http://www.minecraftforum.net/topic.....le-pony-v1312/
Art? Here?? But, Tegani's no artist?!?!?
Posted 13 years agoNope, I'm not. But... I've finally decided to start posting the art I've commissioned or otherwise acquired, over the years, from others. There's not a very great deal of it... but I want links to all of it, or postings of all of it, just in case something happens to either the artist it came from, or my hard drive/source files.
And since I'm backing it all up, I might as well do so in a manner that allows others to enjoy it. :)
I expect that any art here will be ONLY of Me, or of other OCs that i might create, or at a minimum, include such characters. I also, right now, only intend to include digital works, not the one or two hardcopy-only pieces I have.
Right now, I do NOT intend to post art which was not specifically created FOR me, even if it includes me. This could change.
And no, I don't expect this to include much, if any, adult art. Since there is little or none of it out there (of me. heck, there's tons of adult art out there...) ;)
*****
I expect the pics will get a lot more looks than the journal... but I have to ask folks this: if you're going to fave a pic, I ask that you fave the ORIGINAL, on the artist's page, where such exists. Faves don't mean much to me, *I* didn't make the art. but they can mean a great deal to the artist(s) who did put in the effort to create the image(s).
And since I'm backing it all up, I might as well do so in a manner that allows others to enjoy it. :)
I expect that any art here will be ONLY of Me, or of other OCs that i might create, or at a minimum, include such characters. I also, right now, only intend to include digital works, not the one or two hardcopy-only pieces I have.
Right now, I do NOT intend to post art which was not specifically created FOR me, even if it includes me. This could change.
And no, I don't expect this to include much, if any, adult art. Since there is little or none of it out there (of me. heck, there's tons of adult art out there...) ;)
*****
I expect the pics will get a lot more looks than the journal... but I have to ask folks this: if you're going to fave a pic, I ask that you fave the ORIGINAL, on the artist's page, where such exists. Faves don't mean much to me, *I* didn't make the art. but they can mean a great deal to the artist(s) who did put in the effort to create the image(s).
I... I... don't know what to make of this...
Posted 14 years ago...RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
WERE-DONKEY HOOKERS ARE ON THE LOOSE!
http://www.newzimbabwe.com/news-634.....ears/news.aspx
WERE-DONKEY HOOKERS ARE ON THE LOOSE!
http://www.newzimbabwe.com/news-634.....ears/news.aspx
I'm quite sure most of you Bronies out there...
Posted 14 years agohave heard of this - but is was new to ME.
http://pterocorn.blogspot.com/2011/10/ponify.html
Demo Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=xsMgwPSxPgM
http://pterocorn.blogspot.com/2011/10/ponify.html
Demo Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=xsMgwPSxPgM
THIS...
Posted 14 years agoYet Another Horribly named product -
Posted 14 years agoEnztye Erupt (yes, the smilin' Bob commercials) - the great tasting new "energy shot" from Enzyte.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JLPS2sHKew
http://www.amazon.com/Enzyte-Erupt-...../dp/B003OUZWIS
...who comes up with this shit? Great, it's memorable... but who the HELL is going to drink this with a straight face?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JLPS2sHKew
http://www.amazon.com/Enzyte-Erupt-...../dp/B003OUZWIS
...who comes up with this shit? Great, it's memorable... but who the HELL is going to drink this with a straight face?
More wrongness in the media-
Posted 14 years agoOr is it just me? Judge these headlines for yourself:
Lack of sperm coating plays role in infertility
The Most Promising Dividends in Meat
And this one just HAD to be on purpose... (last year's news - literally)
Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters
Lack of sperm coating plays role in infertility
The Most Promising Dividends in Meat
And this one just HAD to be on purpose... (last year's news - literally)
Tired Gay succumbs to Dix in 200 meters
