Hello, everyone. Sorry to have gone silent and vanished on everyone. I was…I still am in a pretty rough cycle through life. I’ve been wanting to try and make a post sooner about all this and build a game plan, but every time I feel like I’ve got a footing, something is pulled out from under me. And BOY was this year a bad one to try and plan that.
So, I’ve been stuck in a cycle of debt the last few years and finally decided to break through that by finding proper employment again. I wanted to be able to have the standing to finally be able to come in and be able to sort out refunds for those I owe. After so long of this and paired with a lot of drama from a family that expects the world but offers no support, I just wanted to be in a spot wash my plate clean and return to at least finding the process of creating fun again. My goal was to wait until my birthday on March 16th of 2020 and oh so finally make a return to the public, accepting wrath and disappointment because hey, that’s my home life anyway. Annnnd then Covid struck. I found myself out of work, and then BACK to work but now 6 days a week and barely any time to do anything else. And all the while without reliable transportation, and costs to get back and forth eating 40-50% of my income, too. I eventually got myself a moped, and having never actually tried one, took to practicing. Only to take a fall on a turn and break my humerus in two… This was just the tail end of this August. Unsure on how long a road to recovery I have, but my dominant arm is now mostly out of commission for any serious use.
And honestly? I’m just at wit’s end. There’s just only so much you can take before the constant tumbling down wears you out and makes you just want to give up on everything. I’ve sat with endless guilt with the work I owe eating away at my soul, knowing it’s always one step forward and five back. On top of that as well, losing my room and thus rendering most of my primary ways to distract myself means I’ve spent the last nearly two months with little to keep my negative thoughts in check. I’ve talked to several friends lately about how I find myself increasingly drawn to just ending it all and only ever being stopped by my fear of actually dying. I came into my “success” wanting nothing more than to just make some folk happy with my little corner of the internet and I can’t even say I’ve been able to do that anymore. I can’t even say I fully LIKE being here anymore, either. Lord knows I’ve been struggling lately with how frustrating things like vore are for me to even enjoy now. But I don’t want to try and milk a pity party. I don’t want to bog people down with sob stories.
I’m here to officially apologize for being a disappointment to the people who have come to me. I’m sorry I’m not in a position to immediately pay everyone back, but I will make good in due time when possible to start arranging refunds. My medical bills are making that impossible for the time being but I will begin to prioritize sorting that out to those who are tired of me. I should have long since thrown in the towel. I never should have been willing to keep thinking I could make this all work. My love-hate relationship with the kinks I’ve made my name in aside, I never, EVER intended to wind up a disappointment here. I have such a hard time finding my place to enjoy, but I have honestly still loved getting to make people happy even as just a smut peddler and I sincerely want to still hold on to being able to do just that, but the time has honestly come to accept that I cannot. None of this is acceptable. None of you deserved this disappointment.
If I could ask for just a bit more time to at least get financially stable enough to refund all of your who are done with me, I would appreciate it even if I don’t think I deserve even that. I’ll try my best to make this right, even if all it means is that I can sit in my corner and no longer be a disappointment to anyone again. I’m so sorry. Thank you for reading. If you want to have a direct line to me, I’ll be happy to give my Discord or whatever from here on to hear your grievances or whatever you feel like venting at me for how badly I’ve dropped this…