I am incredibly sorry for the delay with updates. I had been hopeful this summer that my financial situation was going to improve so I could start rolling out refunds, however that ended up not being the case. As I am unsure when I will be working on art again, it is my intention to provide at least 100% refunds on all commissions regardless of progress due to the inexcusable wait endured by commissioners, however I am unfortunately on a fixed income due to disability which has made refunds difficult. I am unsure whether to go the route of attempting to get a loan or to arrange long-term payment plans where I can pitch more when it's available, so this is something I will be discussing and figuring out, and then contacting everyone I owe. Suggestions on this are appreciated.

My life took a dive a few years back. I kept telling myself things would get better and that if I just tried harder to get stuff done, it'd be fine. I understood my situation intellectually, but wasn't capable of coping emotionally and physically. Meanwhile, I took on too much and took advantage of the kindness, patience, and generosity extended to me by this community. While it's understandable that life happens, that doesn't make it less shitty to deal with as a customer, and I can't apologize enough that my being stubborn about my limitations has caused so many people unpleasant commissioning experiences. I made a lot of stupid decisions in regard to how I conducted business and for that I cannot apologize enough.

To state, I am indefinitely closed for commissions and will not be attending FurtherConfusion 2012. When my debts to commissioners are cleared, should I decide to take commissions again I will not take on more than 2 or 3 slots at once (including sketches), I will only require half of the payment up front, and I will not be withdrawing the money from PayPal until the art is completed. It is also highly unlikely I will take at-con commissions in the foreseeable future due to how infrequently I've made it through to the last day. Any other suggestions on this are welcome.

[edit] And for those of you responding that it can be kept as a donation or a gift, I want to do the right thing and not have any lingering unpleasant feelings! We all go through hard times and I have absolutely failed on my end of a business transaction, so please, no guilt or awkwardness on wanting your money back! So if you truly mean that, let me know if I can have you at the end of the refund list so those needing theirs more immediately can be addressed first. :)


As for where I'm at personally, things are still rough, but I am at least slowly but surely learning to cope better. Since my last update I've been doing a lot of therapy, however medication has been tricky. Reading a lot of self-help books, as well, and found that learning about codependency earlier this month has provided the most help out of everything so far oddly enough. My parents finally separated after 28 years which even as an adult has been difficult, especially at holidays, and my mother is currently hospitalized again for the fifth time since her psychotic episode last summer alone. My husband and I are grieving the loss of our first child after concluding an abortion was for the best after discovering I was almost three months pregnant, much to our shock after almost 11 pregnancy-free years together. Prior to discovering I was pregnant (which explained why I was so far off my rocker, hormones and all), I was suicidal and explosively angry to the point my marriage was a mess. In short, it was another stressful year with very few breaks.

Thankfully though, I'm learning how to actually handle stress in more productive ways than just shutting down. It feels silly to say, but I am also having to learn how to enjoy life again because I just don't do anything even if it's fun and something I used to like -- I rarely watch movies, play games, hang out with friends, anything. And though it's a long time off before I stop hating myself and figure out how to sustain self-confidence, I look forward to it because I think at that point I'll finally find myself and blossom as a person. I've been afraid to live life because the pain that can accompany the joy was not something I knew how to deal with and feeling overwhelmed, I chose emptiness. I have lost out on a lot of meaningful relationships and fulfilling years to my life because of it, but most days I can at least hold onto hope and determination. I already look back on so much time with regret that I don't want to someday be reflecting upon my entire life wondering how I could have let it pass me by.


So this has been an update and I promise it won't be 8 months again until the next one.

[edit] also, if you have sent me a note this year, i will be responding soon! am working through them mostly in order.

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COMMISSION STATUS LIST: http://tinyurl.com/pom-commission-doc