RIP Mikayla Raines (Saveafox Rescue)

To whomever is reading - wether it’s a family member, a friend, a coworker, or someone in the community I’ve crossed paths with - I regret to inform you that I am not who you think I am.

For over a year now, I have grappled with severe depression, isolation, lack of creative motivation, and an inability to enjoy the things I once loved doing. I live in a constant state of fear and sadness, having to put on a façade that everything couldn’t be better just to keep people from trying to intervene. At this point in time I am unable to be helped; resistant to therapy, resistant to prescription medication, and any type of coping mechanism I try only lasts so long.

The factors that exaggerate my feelings include but are not limited to:
* My girlfriend committing suicide in May 2024.
* My maternal grandmother passing in May 2024 as well, alongside others in my family who I’ve lost already.
* The state of the US government under the current administration.
* Being learning/neurologically disabled and unable to adult properly. Sensory issues come with it as well, limiting what I’m able to wear, eat, or take part in.
* Having much of my 20s being lost due to a pandemic, my anxiety, and my aforementioned disability.
* My inability to find a higher paying job due to my anxiety and past negative experiences attempting to do so. This also means I wasted 5 years of my life at community college at that.
* Not being able to get even an associates degree due to my learning disability once again.
* Having no friends I feel I can relate to on more deeper matters, and any local friends I do have I am growing more distant from.
* Having controlling and ignorant parents who I am growing more distant from. They only serve as tools to me for shelter, food, and occasionally helping with appointments.
* Unable to travel or take vacations by myself due to said controlling parents.
* Being stuck in a rural area with no chance of moving to some place better due to many of the above factors.
* Businesses I once enjoyed in my community are closing down or have changed drastically.
* Poor dental health that I can’t fix due to my sensory issues with orthodontic devices.
* Occasional body/gender dysphoria.

That being said, I believe the best thing for me right now is to hit the “Reset” button on life. I don’t know where I’ll go, what I’ll do for a living, or even if I’ll transition to a new gender. I’ll need someone willing to be a “Caretaker” for me per se, possibly doubling as a romantic partner. Before anyone asks, THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE LETTER. Rather, this is me reaching out to the community with the truth and how it will be moving forward.

Thank you for your time. Have a good one.