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Soren Fujikata has been invited to attend "Hatsumoto Hachibi's School for Gifted Kids", even though he has no special merit or skills. However, he soon learns that the school has a secret, forcing him to keep one of his own. And if his gets out, he fears he may not escape with his life.
This is a short story I've had for quite a few years now, but I never got around to actually writing it. I hope you all enjoy it!
This is a short story I've had for quite a few years now, but I never got around to actually writing it. I hope you all enjoy it!
Category Story / Transformation
Species Mammal (Other)
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 51.4 kB
i love the story so much, i'd love to read more, it's that good, you mix suspense, mystery, action,adventure, tragedy, love, i can't put into words how many things you hit that make this so great. and the way you introduce the characters is unique, it helped me connect with the characters more. i don't say this often about stories but this has the epicness factor because it so easy to connect with the characters it kept me hooked to the end with me wanting more. this might only be the start, but i hope you continue the story for a long time, don't ever lose hope.
extremely enjoyable
ideas(just idea from a reader's{me] point of view):
maybe tell how each person got there{the dormmates}(an entire summer in an unnatural form, sounds rough)
maybe a backstory on the different clans(some people love information)
i normally only offer ideas if a story is extremely enjoyable like this was, ideas are a window into a readers mind, and also a gateway to paths unseen. if you turn out the lights nothing can be seen and you stumble and fall. so ideas are like the light that shines in each reader.
ideas(just idea from a reader's{me] point of view):
maybe tell how each person got there{the dormmates}(an entire summer in an unnatural form, sounds rough)
maybe a backstory on the different clans(some people love information)
i normally only offer ideas if a story is extremely enjoyable like this was, ideas are a window into a readers mind, and also a gateway to paths unseen. if you turn out the lights nothing can be seen and you stumble and fall. so ideas are like the light that shines in each reader.
I've only skimmed bits and pieces of this, but so far ... I like what I see.
Sure, the whole "invited to a secret academy" trope is a bit Harry Potter-ish, but the justification for the main character's TF moment is a classic: He thinks he's a fish-out-of-water, but it turns out he's actually not -- he just doesn't know his roots.
It also makes a decent premise for a larger story. I had the latter half of the story looping through my head literally all day long today (not unlike a bad song, or a Rickroll music video) and came up with a lot of inspiring ideas about the setting. If I tried to describe them all, we'd be here all night, but if you'd permit it I can try my hand at writing my own telling of the same story, incorporating those ideas to see how it turns out. Can I do that?
(A quick one of said ideas: In the confusion over Soren insisting he's not a kitsune but really human, maybe someone suggests he got "pranked"; e.g. slapped with a transformation seal to lock him in human form as a practical joke, and that's why they call someone to sniff out and dispel the seal from him.)
Sure, the whole "invited to a secret academy" trope is a bit Harry Potter-ish, but the justification for the main character's TF moment is a classic: He thinks he's a fish-out-of-water, but it turns out he's actually not -- he just doesn't know his roots.
It also makes a decent premise for a larger story. I had the latter half of the story looping through my head literally all day long today (not unlike a bad song, or a Rickroll music video) and came up with a lot of inspiring ideas about the setting. If I tried to describe them all, we'd be here all night, but if you'd permit it I can try my hand at writing my own telling of the same story, incorporating those ideas to see how it turns out. Can I do that?
(A quick one of said ideas: In the confusion over Soren insisting he's not a kitsune but really human, maybe someone suggests he got "pranked"; e.g. slapped with a transformation seal to lock him in human form as a practical joke, and that's why they call someone to sniff out and dispel the seal from him.)
I did contemplate a prank idea, but I felt it would've taken away a serious impact of the story in that Soren has been under the impression he was a human for 14 years of his life.
Not sure how I'd feel about somebody rewriting the story in their own words. Non-canon (unless I like the idea) continuations or side-stories are stuff I probably wouldn't mind, but flat out retelling the story is something I'm not really sure about. Not to say I'm completely against the idea, but this was the way I as the writer saw things and want people to see things. Having somebody rewrite it from their POV wouldn't make it my story anymore, but theirs.
I appreciate that you're enjoying the story. If you have various ideas, you're welcome to throw them at me, but I'd rather the core of the story stay as is. :3
Not sure how I'd feel about somebody rewriting the story in their own words. Non-canon (unless I like the idea) continuations or side-stories are stuff I probably wouldn't mind, but flat out retelling the story is something I'm not really sure about. Not to say I'm completely against the idea, but this was the way I as the writer saw things and want people to see things. Having somebody rewrite it from their POV wouldn't make it my story anymore, but theirs.
I appreciate that you're enjoying the story. If you have various ideas, you're welcome to throw them at me, but I'd rather the core of the story stay as is. :3
I can't tell if that's meant as a 'yes' or a 'no' answer, but that aside...
I also wanted to add that in some ways this kinda reminds me of Kory Bing's webcomic called "Skin Deep", the opening arc of which (this) involved a college girl named Michelle who acquires a medallion from a stranger one day, which suddenly turns her into a mythical beast; she slowly learns it's because her father secretly was one all along. I still prefer the early arc to everything else that comes after it because it's built on that whole angle of being suddenly thrown into a history that you're rightfully part of but never knew about.
I also wanted to add that in some ways this kinda reminds me of Kory Bing's webcomic called "Skin Deep", the opening arc of which (this) involved a college girl named Michelle who acquires a medallion from a stranger one day, which suddenly turns her into a mythical beast; she slowly learns it's because her father secretly was one all along. I still prefer the early arc to everything else that comes after it because it's built on that whole angle of being suddenly thrown into a history that you're rightfully part of but never knew about.
No, I'd rather you didn't.
As I said, it wouldn't be "my" story anymore, as the reader wouldn't be able to see things happen the way I envisioned. If you wanted to do your own side-story featuring my characters, you can propose your idea to me. But I want people see the story through my mind, not the mind of another.
As I said, it wouldn't be "my" story anymore, as the reader wouldn't be able to see things happen the way I envisioned. If you wanted to do your own side-story featuring my characters, you can propose your idea to me. But I want people see the story through my mind, not the mind of another.
It's 2:03 in the morning and I haven't even done my meds yet, but hey! This is one of the best transformation stories I've ever read, and has given me some ideas on how to do one of my characters' Beweilding! (Hence the fav!) The paranoia Soren felt was especially gripping, and I admit I may have shed a tear or two when his roots were finally revealed. :') The fact that you held off on the transformation for so long and just let the paranoia build to a breaking point gets points in my book. And like everyone else, I must ask: Is there more?
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I did have another chapter a bit over halfway done, but I got sidetracked with real life matters and I just never got around to finishing it. It certainly has been a while. I've thought about going back to it a few times, so hopefully I'll get around to it at some point.
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