And no one will know anything is wrong...

Been going through a tough time right now and I've noticed I smile and try to make light of things when I cry.
It doesn't really work and I'm sure with my blue eyes all bloodshot it's not a very pretty sight either...
Otherwise! I really think this turned out well!
>^./\.^;<

Update: I've had a little time to think, and I think I'm ready to share what's been going on.
For the last year, (as far as I know) my mother-in-law and mother to  bezilklover has been battling lung cancer. My mate, Ogre, has been living with her a few hours away from where we live for the last 8 months to help her to and from the hospital as well as take care of Bezil and his younger brother. Some time mid-April, she suddenly couldn't breathe and stayed in the hospital a few nights. When she was finally released to go home, the doctor told her and my mate that she maybe had two months to live. This news was very sudden for me, as I only get to visit on an occasional weekend and she always seemed okay. In my shock and despair, I drew this up. I was determined to finish my fursuit partial for her to see before she was gone, as well as tell her some things I had been carrying around to tell her for the last couple of years.

However, after her last hospital visit, her health deteriorated rapidly. Her appetite was already poor, but her meds given to keep her comfortable made her even more nauseous. I finally got a chance to break away from work and go visit her this past weekend, and my heart sank when I got there. She was so much worse than I had thought. She was a little yellow skeleton of a woman. She couldn't sit up, much less move around without help. She couldn't talk much, and when she did it was a few words whispered, so often she would resort to mouthing words or gesturing. I watched her sleep for so long, afraid that if I were to hold her hand or kiss her I would wake her. She's always been a light sleeper. I was not ready to let her go. I still had so much I wanted to say...

I wanted to say I was sorry for how rotten I was in the beginning. I know now that moving in with her and her three boys was difficult. We fought a lot over little things like chores and how I never spent time with Ogre's little brothers. I did not have a job to help with things and I resented watching his brothers like a live-in babysitter. Now that I'm older, I understand how foolish and hurtful I was...

I wanted to say thank you for folding me into her family as if I was one of her own. It took a long time, but we finally worked the kinks out. She taught me a lot, much as my own mother has. Most of all, she taught me to be more open minded to things and to be less critical about myself. Somehow she knocked some sense into this military brat that joined her home...

But despite all these other things I wanted to say to her, all I could manage during my visit was, "I love you, Mom." I held her frail form to me and told her I loved her over and over as I fought to hide my tears from her. I wanted her to think I was strong, but my will was too weak to tell her everything I wanted to say. I love you. I lover you. It was the only thing I could say without choking.

I love you is all she needed to hear, and I could hear her whisper back every time, "I love you, too." I was so tempted to call in to work for the next day and stay longer, but I knew we were short handed to pack and move the clinic, so I said my goodbyes and left Sunday evening.

I went to work, focusing on the packing and moving to keep my head level all day. I talked to my boss and a co-worker about rearranging days so I could visit her for the whole weekend as often as I could. I got home this evening and took the dog out for a walk and that's when Ogre called. I knew it wasn't something good when he asked first to make sure I wasn't driving. He told me that Mom had passed away this afternoon and I crumpled to a sobbing heap in the grass next to the dog. She is gone. I know she is no longer suffering, but still my heart aches. I was not ready when I visited her this past weekend. I thought I had more time, but I'm glad that I did get to tell her at least that I love her and see her one last time.
Fraiva and art are mine.
Completely done in SketchbookExpress