Oh God... I have scrapped portions of this chapter and rewrote it so many times... I just KNOW I have botched something in here. Tell me what it was please so I can edit this...
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The Concept of a Heart-
Chapter Ten-
I Love You

Spring came. It was a glorious time for the Guardians. The dactylons started to lessen their onslaughts. The snow began to dwindle. Mountain plants started sprouting. It was a time for celebration. But not everyone was celebrating.
Xen sighed as he watched Aerobolt and Fielra demonstrate a new Water technique to him. It was a month after he had finally come to terms with being revaera, but Xen could not get Cloud out of his head. It hurt his heart knowing they could never be together. If what Aerobolt said was true, that there was only one in a hundred that are revaera, there had to be only about ten revaera reynards in Castla nu Craara. If he and Aerobolt were two of them, what were the odds Cloud was one of the remaining eight? It hurt Xen when he realized just how few there were. During the journey he had questioned their existence. He had been skeptical that revaera were even possible. But now that he has realized he was one, and since Touda’s death, he had been more alone than ever.
“Xen, are you even paying attention?” Fielra demanded, in such a sharp voice that snapped Xen out of his sad thoughts.
“What? Oh yeah… yeah I am…” he said distantly.
Fielra’s gaze softened. “Xen, is there something bothering you? You’ve been growing more and more distracted since you came back from that mission.”
Xen didn’t want to show weakness. He didn’t want Fielra to know yet. He forced himself to lie and shake his head. “I’m fine.”
Fielra looked at him still. Xen willed her to stop, but she didn’t. “Listen Xen, whatever is bothering you, you could always talk to me or Aerobolt about it. The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy. We all wish for everyone to be happy in the Guardians. I’m sure anyone would be willing to help! Just tell us what is wrong…”
Xen scoffed under his breath bitterly. ‘If revaera are as hated as Aerobolt implied, I don’t think I want to talk to anybody...’ he thought miserably. ‘But maybe Aerobolt would at least listen…’ He nodded with a tight lip.
“Would you like to talk, Xen?” Fielra proposed.
Xen shook his head. “Not right now.”
“Suit yourself. We are always here for you, you know,” Fielra said. “Now. As I was trying to demonstrate with Aerobolt was a technique called the Twin Waterspout. As the name implies, you need another Guardian to do this with. The two of you need to create a vortex of water. If timed correctly the two of them will coalesce their power and velocity together to make each more powerful as they attack an enemy. Try it with Aerobolt.”
Xen nodded again and faced the hero. Aerobolt nodded back at him. He held up his handpaws in a number sign. Three. Two. One. And Xen tried his best to concentrate Water into a spinning cycle. It took him too long to do so because his mind was still too much on Cloud and when he launched the mediocre spout, Aerobolt’s spout overcame it and destroyed it. Aerobolt barely stopped his in time to keep it from soaking him.
Fielra looked at Xen. “You know what went wrong right?”
Xen sighed. “I took too long and my spout wasn’t organized and powerful enough.”
“Good. Recognizing what went wrong is the first step to improvement.”
That sounds like Touda…
“Now try again. And Aerobolt? Try to weaken yours so Xen can keep up a little better. Then when he becomes better, you can strengthen it back up.”
Xen faced Aerobolt again. The Shadow Vulpine looked at Xen back with an unreadable expression. Three. Two. O— Xen started to form his spout early so he could get a head start on Aerobolt. But Aerobolt’s timing threw his off and his spout became too uncontrollable and he released it too early. It swerved too far to the left, completely missing Aerobolt’s, and it swirled into a pool of water where some Guardians were practicing swimming. They all yelped in surprise as some of them got stuck in it. It was weak enough to where it broke only a couple of seconds after, but the swimming Guardians looked over to Xen with looks of anger and annoyance. Xen’s pelt burned.
Fielra dipped her head. “What went wrong here?”
Xen sighed again. “I went too soon, and Aerobolt’s timing threw mine off because I went too soon.”
“And how do you think you should fix that?”
“By focusing on my spout and not his until we are ready to launch?”
“Good Xen. You are a fast learner. If only your practice was as fast. It’s like you know what to do, but… something is keeping you from doing so… Seriously Xen, is there something on your mind?” Fielra was concerned again.
Xen sighed. “Alright fine. There is something on my mind,” he conceded.
“You sure you don’t want to talk about it now?” Fielra asked kindly.
Xen nodded, slightly annoyed. “Yes, I am sure…” Xen for once felt his current failures weren’t because of his personal lack of confidence. He knew they were because of his qualms regarding being revaera. And the possibility that he really might be in love with Cloud. The thought legitimately frightened him. He was frightened of his feelings. More frightened than he was when the Shadow Vulpines laid that trap. Xen hoped he would catch Aerobolt after the training.
Fielra dipped her head. “I hope everything is alright Xen. Please don’t be afraid to tell us anything,” she said.
‘If you knew…’ Xen started to think, but Fielra interjected through them.
“Okay. Let’s keep trying the Twin Waterspout then…” Xen only nodded.
They kept at the training for most of the day. Xen kept failing especially in the beginning. No matter how much he tried to empty his head, the fact he was revaera kept drifting past. Then came the images of Cloud’s radiant appearance. Xen failed to keep such thoughts away. They persisted until Aerobolt himself asked if he was still having confidence trouble. Closer to the end of the training, however, Xen nearly perfected it. When that happened the two spouts started to combine into one, but when they did, they collapsed on each other. And Fielra even said that it was not his fault alone. The two of them created spouts of differing strengths. Enough so they collapsed. But close enough to where they at least started. Xen felt a little prouder at that. But he had not gotten that close since.
By the time they were called for an end to the training session, Xen was exhausted. His head raged with exhaustion of focusing and the ever-persistent thoughts. As Fielra padded away, Xen said with a pant. “Aerobolt. Wait.”
The hero perked his ears and stopped. He turned around, expressionless. “What is it, Xen?”
Xen was both out of breath and hesitant. It took longer than he wished for the words to quietly escape his muzzle. “Aerobolt. I-I think… I think I am revaera.”
Aerobolt’s eyes widened in shock. “S-say that again?” as if he thought he did not hear that right.
Xen looked firmly into Aerobolt’s ruby, blood, scarlet, fiery eyes. “I am revaera, Aerobolt. Reversed love,” he confessed sadly. “I-I don’t want to be. I tried to deny it. But the Goddess. A month ago, during our mission, she insisted it was a part of my destiny, a part of who I am. A part of why I’m here. And I can’t… stop thinking about another reynard here in Caslta nu Craara either. No matter what, no matter when, he always is in my mind! And it hurts knowing that we could never ever be together! Aerobolt! Wh-what should I do!?” Xen was surprised that his voice got increasingly more hysterical and upset as he explained. He felt his eyes starting to well up with tears.
Aerobolt looked sympathetically at the young apprentice. “You… are fairly young to start thinking about mates, Xen. Are you certain it is not because you’ve been around reynards a lot more than vixens?”
Xen shook his head. “I know it is not a desire to be friends or anything! I feel it… a desire to be so much more than just friends…” he whispered.
“Funny. At your age, Storm would vomit at the mention of any mates… He couldn’t take the whole lovey dovey mushy concept at all your age. Hehe… He changed right fast though…” Aerobolt drifted into another memory like he seems to do a lot of the times now. Xen only looked at him. “Well, if you are certain you are revaera…”
“I am!” Xen said certainly.
Aerobolt nodded. “Okay Xen, I believe you. Might I ask if you are comfortable enough, which reynard do you have feelings for right now?”
Xen hesitated. “C-Cloud,” he answered.
“Cloud? I guess I have noticed you giving him interesting looks, but I never thought it would be along the lines of that,” Aerobolt replied.
“What should I do, Aerobolt? I feel like I love him, but I know I can’t ever ask him to be my mate! He’d freak out that I am revaera!” Xen said miserably.
“Xen, you are quite young to think about having mates,” Aerobolt repeated, “but if you truly feel that way, then… I’ll talk to Cloud about revaera, not you, but revaera. It’ll be easier if he knows about us from a positive perspective. If he does not know already…” Aerobolt said distantly. Cloud’s best friend actually is Storm and he is Ulmaaera. All-Love. Which means Storm does not care about the gender of a fox to love them. Chances are, Cloud already knows about these different orientations,” Aerobolt continued.
“I-I see. Aerobolt. Will I always be alone? I feel alone,” Xen confessed. Ever since the end of the mission it had been true, especially without Cloud around him.
“Don’t ever think that Xen. There is someone out there for everybody who needs somebody. It just adds to the challenge and reward for revaera like you and me,” Aerobolt said.
“C-can we talk to Cloud right now?” Xen stammered.
“If he is not too busy, certainly,” Aerobolt replied.
“Thank you Aerobolt. Thank you so much,” Xen said without meaning to sound so upset. But he couldn’t help it. He was so grateful for this fox’s help, he wasn’t sure where he’d be without him!
Aerobolt took him out of the Spire and led him to Sylph Spire where Cloud would live. His quarters had been moved further up because he was a full Guardian now and not an apprentice. Xen hoped Aerobolt knew where Cloud was now. He looked at the determined reynard, but his expression gave no uncertainty away. As they reached the hallway where the Guardian’s lived, Aerobolt glanced over to Xen.
“Are you sure about this, Xen?” he asked.
Xen nodded nervously. “Yes Aerobolt. This time I feel certain,” he said.
Aerobolt knocked on a door right inside the hallway. There was a clattering sound inside. Seconds later the door opened just a crack and Cloud’s handsome muzzle poked out. Xen’s heart skipped a beat when he saw him.
“Aerobolt? What is it? You had startled me!” he said. Xen barely suppressed a giggle. Oh Cloud… Xen found this reynard pretty funny even when he tries not to be.
“I need to talk to you. It’s pretty important. Can we come in?” Aerobolt asked.
Cloud looked slightly hesitant. “Well, um… I just moved up here; everything is still a hopeless mess! I know I’ve been a full Guardians for a month now, but… I can be such a lazy fox it isn’t funny,” he scratched his head. Xen found that a tad cute.
“Don’t worry about that, Cloud, I think Shade’s quarters can’t ever be topped since she left it neglected for ten years and all,” Aerobolt winked at him.
“Well okay then… I wouldn’t let anyone in yet if I didn’t know them like I know you guys,” Cloud said.
Xen was impressed on just how much this fox had grown in just one month. Graduating from apprenticeship apparently changes you a lot. Cloud looks so grown up and handsome that Xen could not hide a blush when he stared at him, right in those golden yellow eyes. They radiated warmth and happiness.
“Why is Xen staring at me like that?” Cloud retreated behind the door.
“I-it is a long story,” Aerobolt said. Xen wondered if Cloud would question why Aerobolt answered for him, but he was too busy berating himself for staring again. Xen quickly realized he was starting to lose control of that habit. Xen knew he could barely keep his feeling contained much longer. Nevertheless, Cloud opened the door wider for the two foxes to enter. Inside the room was mostly empty. The things to be found were boxes and crated stacked along the walls full of Cloud’s various belongings. For a month he’s lived here and he hadn’t even bothered to unpack? Cloud must be underestimating how lazy he is.
“Okay so what is this all about?” Cloud asked, grabbing three chairs for them to sit on. Xen sat. The wood was hard on his tail. He didn’t care since Cloud was here with him.
Aerobolt looked between the two. “Revaera,” he stated bluntly. Xen flinched when he saw Cloud wince.
“And what do you want to say about these… odd… creatures…?” he asked hesitantly.
“Not much. Just if you knew about them and your feelings on them,” Aerobolt said steadily.
“Storm told me. And I understand that he is… Ulmaaera? I wonder why we can’t all be Straaera like Iridescence intended us to be,” Cloud said.
“It is something we don’t know much about, especially origin-wise, but what do you think of them? I understand that many hate them unequivocally and unjustifiably,” Aerobolt said.
“I really am uncomfortable with the thought of anyone loving one of their equal gender, but I say love is love. If you find it in another of your gender than I think you’re weird, but… I am fine with their existence,” Cloud said hesitantly.
‘Okay so he does not hate us. That makes things easier. But he made it clear enough that he is not revaera himself. What does that mean for my feelings for him though!?’ Xen thought frantically.
“Why do you ask this?” Cloud asked suddenly.
Aerobolt looked at Xen. Xen looked at Aerobolt. What would Cloud say if he learned the truth? Would Aerobolt reveal it to him? Xen wasn’t sure he was ready for him to know yet despite his aching longing. He looked at Aerobolt in confusion. Aerobolt looked back to Cloud.
Cloud opened his maw to ask another question. Time stopped. Xen knew what he had to do. It was practically now or never. He’d find out now if he and Cloud were meant to be. Xen lunged forward of the chair. Cloud paused, muzzle half open, and widened his eyes when he saw the younger apprentice leap at him. Then Xen knocked him and his chair backward. Being on top of Cloud… it was a pleasant feeling… Xen let that feeling take over as without hesitation he started to kiss Cloud full on the lips. Cloud’s eyes widened further as he was completely shocked by what was happening. He struggled slightly under Xen, letting grunts escape while he was being kissed. No. Xen didn’t want to let go of him. Xen felt the weight of his agonizing loneliness melt away in an instant. He felt his heart being lifted skyward bound into happiness. That feeling of kissing Cloud gave Xen enough reason alone to be happy again. Xen’s troubles evaporated the instant their lips touched. Xen blushed deeply as his muzzle continued to move along Cloud’s. Xen didn’t want to stop. He wanted that feeling to last forever. But he knew he had to let up sometime. All firework shows come to an end. Xen reluctantly pulled his muzzle away from Cloud’s and continued to sit on top of him. “That’s why,” Xen said with his breath taken away. Cloud just stared at him in unbelievable shock. He couldn’t talk. Xen noticed Cloud’s fur becoming soaked with sweat, as if Cloud were completely conflicted on how to react. A reynard just kissed him! Xen kissed him! Xen noticed that Aerobolt hadn’t said a word either. The three of them just stayed in their exact positions for several minutes. Xen could’ve sworn the outside world had grown darker. No one spoke through the whole time. Both Cloud and Aerobolt shocked, and Xen too afraid to say a word, worried Cloud may say or do something hurtful. Xen continued to stare into Cloud’s gold eyes. And they continued to shine with uncertainty and beauty. Can’t Cloud see the love in his eyes? Xen silently begged to Iridescence to let Cloud love him. But her words continued to repeat in his head. “No one can choose who they love… No one can choose who they love…” Xen feared that Cloud wouldn’t love him. And if not, how could Xen move on to another reynard if Cloud is all he could think about? Xen did not want to deal with countless time of loneliness. What Cloud does now may seal his fate. Xen realizes that. His heart throbbed in every part of his body it seemed. His heart pounded and yearned for Cloud. His heart was one battered by the loss of Touda and the realization that he’d never be normal. Let this one thing heal him, not hurt him more! It took so much time for Cloud to get a bearing of what had just happened. Cloud blinked. Xen’s heart skipped a beat when he saw him move at last. Cloud closed his maw and looked into Xen’s eyes. Xen could only watch him, and Aerobolt could only watch them, as even he had not recovered from what happened either. Finally, came Cloud’s voice. It sounded so quiet, so distant, yet so sure of itself that made Xen admire him more and more. Three words escaped Cloud’s lips. Three simple words that changed Xen’s life forever.
“K-kiss… me again…”
Xen’s heart exploded into happiness. How? Why? He didn’t care, he dived his muzzle onto Cloud’s for another emotional embrace. It felt better than the first time, because Cloud kissed back willingly and lovingly. So intimately it made Xen start to cry. Xen cried with happiness, tears flowing steadily from his eyes as the two reynards continued to kiss. When they pulled back, Xen had to ask.
“I-I thought you weren’t…” he stammered.
Cloud shook his head. “When I felt just how powerful your love was… how strong your feelings were… I somehow felt that… love… should be much more than just reynard to vixen. I felt it Xen. Your love for me. It’s real. I left out the fact that I was uncomfortable with revaera because I thought their love for each other was not truly real. That only reynard and vixen can only feel it for each other. O-or at the very least, it was a very different and not as strong kind of love. But I was wrong. I was so very wrong. Your love felt so much stronger than any other’s love could be. T-to be honest, Xen, I don’t think my parents ever loved me that much,” Cloud confessed uneasily.
Xen’s eyes shined. “R-really…?”
“Yes really, Xen… really,” Cloud answered.
“Are you just not trying to spare my feelings?” Xen was skeptical someone could change just like that.
“No one has ever kissed me before. I never knew what love actually felt like. I must have judged it wrongly. The concept of a heart is a difficult thing to understand. I cannot believe I thought I understood it before now, but now I know there is way more to it than I thought… When you kissed me, you showed my heart what true love felt like. I must be out of my mind but…” Cloud started.
“B-but…?” Xen said hopefully.
“Maybe we could be mates,” Cloud said quickly and quietly. But Xen understood him perfectly.
Xen’s heart jumped for joy. “Oh yes! Yes Cloud, yes! I’d love that!” he exclaimed.
Cloud’s golden eyes gleamed. “Okay then. We’re mates now. But there is one thing we gotta be worried about,” he said uncertainly.
“What…?” Xen asked, trying not to be crestfallen.
“Revaera are hated by so many. I see where they are coming from even if I think they’re wrong. How our we going to make our relationship work if everyone hates us?” Cloud asked.
“Are we really going to worry about what others thought?” Though Xen wanted to be proud of it. Though he wants others to know he and Cloud were together now, he had to submit to Cloud and admit he was right. Revaera are hated something terrible. Xen noticed there was a lot more acceptance in the Guardians than he thought, but elsewhere? Others in the Guardians? Most definitely not…
“I don’t want to keep this love a secret and I’d like my friends to know I have a mate, but… for our safety I think we should keep it to ourselves for now, okay Xen?” Cloud asked.
“Okay…” Xen conceded. “It… is okay for an apprentice to be with a full Guardian right?” he asked.
“It’s unorthodox. But not disallowed. Besides. If that is what you are worried about besides the revaera aspect, then there is no need,” Cloud responded. “And Aerobolt?” he added.
Aerobolt shook his head. He seemed to be in the trance like Cloud was still. “Y-yeah…?” he stammered.
“Thank you.”
"Y-you're welcome,” Aerobolt stammered.
Cloud looked at Xen. Xen looked at Cloud. They blushed. Then they bumped noses.
"I love you, Cloud," Xen said.
Cloud didn't reply right away. But then he said. "I love you too, Xen."
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