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A partial re-write of the original story I posed almost a month ago. All-in-all I was unhappy with the first part, mostly having problems with the dialogue and consistency with emotions and attitudes. Also, apparently, I had a hard time choosing between calling the story "A Thin Line" or "A Fine Line." The story's cover page said A Fine Line while the header and file name said A Thin Line. After thinking about it, I decided to stick with A Thin Line.
Also, some name changes took place of almost all characters in the story. I wanted the names to be more than just "yeah.. that sounds fitting." I wanted them to describe their personalities by the meanings of the names.
For example, "Eldred" means Wise Advisor, fitting the character perfectly.
Also, the time period the story takes place in totally changed. This first chapter was written with a futuristic time period in mind, but was changed to the past, not the future. But that is revealed in a later chapter and does not effect this part at all.
~~FUN FACT: Dr. Eldred's character was inspired by Robbin Williams' character in Good Will Hunting.
A partial re-write of the original story I posed almost a month ago. All-in-all I was unhappy with the first part, mostly having problems with the dialogue and consistency with emotions and attitudes. Also, apparently, I had a hard time choosing between calling the story "A Thin Line" or "A Fine Line." The story's cover page said A Fine Line while the header and file name said A Thin Line. After thinking about it, I decided to stick with A Thin Line.
Also, some name changes took place of almost all characters in the story. I wanted the names to be more than just "yeah.. that sounds fitting." I wanted them to describe their personalities by the meanings of the names.
For example, "Eldred" means Wise Advisor, fitting the character perfectly.
Also, the time period the story takes place in totally changed. This first chapter was written with a futuristic time period in mind, but was changed to the past, not the future. But that is revealed in a later chapter and does not effect this part at all.
~~FUN FACT: Dr. Eldred's character was inspired by Robbin Williams' character in Good Will Hunting.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 356.1 kB
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