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     Dungeon of Crawling.

     For Toya

     By Psudo Argyraspides

    

    

    

    

     “Show yourself!” Anzu said in his best command voice, drawing his giant claymore from the sheath that hung over his back, and standing at the edge of the circle of light that Farix’s staff provided. Of them all, he had the best chance to kill the fae in open combat. Faeries were notoriously hard to kill, if only partly because of their fragility. You could stab a faerie to death and their body would die like any other, only to return in a new body some days later, and start hunting down whoever it was who spited them. Like many magical creatures, ending them permanently required a bit of forethought and planning, but, as far as they went, all it really took was iron, the antithesis of magic, smeared with ground lavender, which he had already filled his sword sheath with, and you had a weapon that had all the effectiveness of a silver stake against a vampire, but at a tiny fraction of the cost.

     “Oh, very well,” a new voice said, and the cradle and its mimic occupants seemed to melt back into the darkness, “I suppose you’re here to kill me. And, since you’ve all been so nice as to come with such good speed, I’ll release those annoying villagers I kidnapped to lure you here as a gesture of good faith.”

     Like water down a drain, the liquid darkness started to swirl and whir around them, flowing into cracks in the walls, the floor, anywhere it could, and allowing Farix’s light to illuminate the entire room, not that it was needed. Flameless lanterns flared to life on either side of the room, flooding it with dim light, and revealing the target of their quarry. The person, for it was clearly anthropmorphic, stood a tad under six feet tall, and didn’t look all that intimidating. The faerie took the form of a common barn owl, and, like many avians, he wore richly decorated robes that enabled his wings to function, while still providing modesty.

     “Listen, if you surrender and come with us, we won’t hurt you!” Anzu called again, pointing the lavender smeared sword in his direction, but, if the faerie had any fear of him, it didn’t show, “Releasing the villagers is a start, but you still need to pay for the harm you’ve caused, and that means facing justice at Jarl Einbrich’s court. This isn’t a negotiation.”

     “You’re right,” the faerie said, shrugging, and walked over to the now empty dais where the phantom crib and mimics had been, cleanly allowing the four adventurers to spread out and surround him, “It isn’t a negotiation. This is my dungeon, and you’ve just crawled into its belly.”

     “Enough chatter!” Anzu called out again, and the three adventurers who hadn’t already drawn their weapons did so now. Farix stood to the owl’s left, staff charged with electricity and sparking, Toya having circled around behind, a knife in either hand, Matteo ready to play a battle song, and increase his party’s resolve, “Drop your weapons and surrender, or we will destroy you.”

     “Tsk tsk, such horrible manners,” the owl said, shaking his head, “I think that’ll cost you all… oh, let me think… Two years? That sounds about fair. Also, I hope you have fresh pants.” Snapping his fingers and laughing like a madman, the owl blinked out of existence, leaving only empty space where he had been.

     “H-he’s just invisible! Farix, find him!” Anzu called out again, his head dashing side to side, then blinked suddenly in frustration, nearly keeling over as his stomach turned. “W-what…?” The crow said, groaning in discomfort. “What’s g-going…” The next thing that came out of the hooded crow’s beak was a startled, “C-Caw!” As, entirely without meaning to, he felt his bowels turn. One moment his stomach clenched and ached like he had to go to the bathroom, the next, he felt a warm, squishing lump growing in the back of his pants, and with no apparent source. The sadistic chuckling of the faerie owl continued all through the ordeal, even as, to Anzu’s dismay, he came to the dreadful realization of what had just happened.

     “A-Anzu… You… E-eeww!” Toya said, his brow wrinkling as he dashed around behind the crow, thinking he might have been attacked from behind, then noticing the distinct reek of soiled pants in the air, “You crapped yourself!”

     “I- W-what?!” Anzu said, suddenly furious, and tried to turn around to see, but his custom fitted armor suddenly felt loose and clunky around him, not nearly the natural second skin which it normally was. Blushing furiously, he reached around to grab at the back of his trousers under his armored plateskirt, but didn’t have the range of motion. The invisible owl, however, had no such inhibitions. Even as the crow flared his feathers and danced on his feet, a phantom, disembodied hand seemed to grab the seat of his pants, squishing the goopy mess into his feathers, driving point home the shame and humiliation of what he’d just done.

     “Better get yourself some new pants, fledgling,” the voice of the owl said in a mock playful tone, “And some diapers, to boot.”

     A few seconds later, Matteo stalled suddenly in the lyrics of the song he was playing, caught entirely off guard as his bladder began to ache intensely, “A-ah! Guys… What the heck is g-going on here?!” The raccoon said, all the fur on his tail standing on end as he shamelessly danced from paw to paw, crossing his legs like a kit trying to keep from piddling his mattress, but, like the crow before him, it was fruitless. First, he felt a warmth spreading out from between his legs. Next, a dark splotch on his brown, earthy costume developed, spreading ever downward. “N-no… S-stop… Ack!” Whimpering with shame as his nose and cheeks began to burn red, the raccoon forcibly recalled growing up as a small child in his village, one with a gift for music but a deficiency in… other areas. Potty training, for example…

     “What the hell is wrong with you two?! Anzu? Matteo?” Toya said, frantically dashing around, typical all-around evasion, climbing and leaping as much as he dared. “Get your hands off your butts and… A-aaack!” The wolf squealed, feeling something grab him by the nape of his neck in mid leap, and, with a strength that was greater than any normal being of the faerie’s size should have been able to manage, yanked him right off the ground as though he weighed no more than a pup. As the instinctual urge to go limp set in, Toya fought and struggled against it, stabbing with one of his knives at the invisible faerie who’s grip he’d fallen into.

     “For you, my bratty little overgrown pup,” the owl said, adopting a calm, almost playful voice that came from a place right behind Toya’s ears, “I’ll save something special set aside,” the chuckled again, a lithe, condescending sound that made Toya want to stab something warm and fleshy, regardless of what it was, and, screaming out curses, his belly started to turn and churn, making odd noises and feeling distinctly like he had to go to the bathroom. Seconds later, the wolf’s bladder started to ache, and, stopping to examine the now shambled and kneecapped group, Toya knew what was coming.

     “N-NO!” The black wolf said, writhing out in frustration as the pressure in his belly and bladder continued to grow. Summoning all the will and strength he had left, Toya Reached around behind his own neck and grabbed at air, trying to find where the owl’s hand was, and, when he brushed against something hard and scaly, the wolf thrust blindly with the lone iron dagger he still had left, unfotunately not one of the ones he’d poisoned before hand, but the steel bit through a thin, scaly surface, and into the flesh below.

     “AH, you son of a…!” The disembodied voice said, and immediately let go of the wolf, a smoking steel dagger dripping blood from an invisible cut in an invisible foe. But the faerie had been holding Toya almost four feet off the ground, and the sudden impact of his lightly armored form striking the bare cobblestones beneath sent a shock through his entire body, one that briefly hammered his concentration, which faltered, then failed.

     The wolf suddenly went terribly still as the sound of hissing came from down between his legs, followed by a light Ffrrrtt, Blotch! Noise, and the immediate scent of fresh canine urine, and his suddenly full, squelching pants, his bowels having failed in the moment of confusion and emptied into the seat of his trousers. All this added to the aroma of used diapers and fresh urine, which everyone was fighting to ignore except for Anzu, who had very little sense of smell to begin with.

     “T-there he is! Get him!” Toya squealed as loud as he could, squirming to his feet and struggling to close his nose against the scent of his own full pants, and pointed towards the seemingly levitating knife, and the small pool of red, metalic blood that kept moving towards the dais and throne across from the entrance.

     Suddenly brought back to their senses, the much humiliated party formed up in their typical battle formation, falling back into line with the realization that, annoying as what had just happened was, none of them were no longer combat capable, while their target was wounded.

     “Check,” the faerie said, terminating its invisibility, which meant almost nothing now that there was a constant stream of blood dripping down his right arm, and, no longer offering quarter, the hunters advanced, crossing the intervening yards as fast as they could without breaking ranks, then felt the floor shift beneath them, and went still. “Mate.”

     The last thing Toya, Anzu, Farix or Matteo saw before the floor split inward, dropping them all deeper into the depths of this accursed dungeon, was the owl, almost casually tearing the rogue’s hooked knife from his forearm, and tossing it in after them. In the waning darkness of the tunnel below, the party’s screams of terror echoed like the shrieks of banshees caught in the sun, and gave the owl a look of intense satisfaction.

     “They’ll do.”

     ***

     Toya yawned enormously as he slowly drifted awake, a goofy grin splayed across his face. Normally it wasn’t his place, as the little runty trickster of the litter, to be so happy, but there wasn’t a thing in the world that could ruin his good mood right now. Not even the older pups in the village, constantly treating him like a puppy, never letting him go off on any of their hunts with them, calling him milk drinker, because, for much of his childhood, it had been easier to feed the slowly developing wolf breast milk than meat, which had to be chewed, even if the stigma would stay with him until he finally got fed up and left the tribe, but that didn’t matter to Toya, just then. He was warm, snug, and cozy. One of the other pups, he wasn’t sure which and frankly didn’t care, was curled up with him, arms and legs entwined between them as they cuddled up to conserve warmth. No, even the familiar dampness between his legs, signifying as is so often did, that Toya still hadn’t gotten house training down yet, could ruin the white eared wolf’s mood.

     Until, of course, he remembered that he was not, in fact, a four year old pup anymore, and that the warm, furry body he was cuddled up against was not, in fact, one of his cousins, or even a wolf for that matter, but Matteo, who, with his usual sleepy grin on his face, was unconsciously grooming the fur on his forehead, and, most strikingly at all, that the fragrant stench of urine and other, more pointed scents that Toya’s nose didn’t want to identify for fear of who’s pants it was they were coming from.

     “U-uugh… What the hell…?” The wolf groaned, waking the others, who, all of them having been just as pleasantly occupied in their dreams as he was, began to drowse awake in unison, start suddenly at the realization of the state of their clothes, and have a good scream. Nobody but Farix had gotten out unscathed. Toya was by far the worst off, his pants slick and ruined along the crotch, and bulging under the tail where he’d filled them after falling on his back. Anzu, likewise to his evident distaste, had filled the seat of his arming pants with the remains of every meal he’d eaten in the past two days, by the looks of it. The bard, however, had managed to escape with most of his dignity intact, but his tunic would need to be replaced.

     “Oh my gods…” Anzu said, shaking his head in dismay as torches started to flare up around the room they were confined in, “Where did that thing put us?!” As light suddenly filled the room, Toya very nearly screamed in outrage. The four of them had been stuffed in a cage. And not even a proper cage, this one had padded bars all around, painted sky blue, and a mattress with childishly embroidered sheets and plush pillows. As the four of them tried to stand, and ready themselves for what they expected would be combat, each realized that this crib, for it was, indeed, a crib, had a lid on it, giving it only the appearance of a cage, as they bashed their head against the firm plastic overhead.

     Beyond the bars of their crib, the four adventurers, three of whom were in desperate need of a change of clothes, groaned in dismay at the room in which the creature they hunted had seen fit to confine them. It was a nursery, no two ways about it, complete with a changing table on one side, a nursing chair, supply cabinets, and a childishly adorned dressed and closet. Each of them heard a sort of ring in their right ear, and, startled, looked around for the source, which soon made itself plain.

     “Welcome to the arena,” the owl’s voice said, seemingly whispered directly into the right side of their heads. Everyone flared, messy and soggy pants forgotten momentarily as they watched and listened for growing apprehension, “You have all just entered a maze, a maze from which there is only one exit.” The voice continued, in a tone that implied just how seriously this was being taken, “Soon, I will release you from your crib, and from there you may do as you will, but first I will explain the rules of our little game.”

     When none of the four commented, a pause of a few moments elapsed before the owl continued as though he had never stopped.

     “First,” the faerie said firmly, “You have one currency that I care about, and that is the years of your life. How old or young the four of you are, if or when you escape my maze, will depend on the choices you make inside. If you trigger a trap or puzzle, failure will result in a status effect, such as being forced to wet or mess yourself. Being the generous game master that I am, I’ve provided you with ample, age appropriate garments to help you combat this. But be warned, putting on one of the diapers in this dungeon will cost you a year. The group of you will retain your full mental capacity until and unless you reach the age of one, at which point the game is over for you, and your memories and personality will only return to you as you age back normally. If all of you lose, I’ll allow your mage to retain a few extra years, that he might look after the rest of you until you grow back up normally. Additional rules may take effect at any time. Have fun, my little overgrown cubs, and play nice with each other.”

     As soon as the owl stopped talking, there was a click from over the group’s heads. Awestruck at the magnitude of what had just been told to them, the group just sat and stared at one another in their soiled outfits for a few minutes, occasionally shaking their head or whimpering softly.

     “W-we need to get moving,” Anzu said, trying to reassert control over his team, but it clearly took an effort of will to do something which he normally had no problem with, and that was not lost on the rest of them. Silently, Toya stood, pushing open the lid to their crib before looking around hesitantly, not wanting to trigger a trap and find himself even more messy than before.

     “Where’s our stuff?” Matteo said, looking around the room with the sudden fear that he might have lost his precious lute for good, but Toya soon put his fears to rest.

     “Everything that’s not replaceable is in here,” the wolf said, wincing in disgust as the clammy mess in his pants shifted with every movement, and pulling open the closet door. Indeed, Anzu’s sword, Toya’s knives and unbreakable lock pick, Farix’s staff, and Matteo’s lute were neatly stacked inside the otherwise empty space, and everyone inwardly cursed the lack of their changes of clothing.

     “How are we supposed to tackle a maze like this?” The bard said, even his famously tough to break positivity having a hard time coping with being forced to soil himself in front of everyone, being locked up in a nursery like a cub, and, most humiliating of all, having licked Toya.

     “You’re in a much better position than Toya or I,” Anzu said in a cold tone, glaring at the raccoon until he blushed and turned away. “Farix? I guess you can’t… summon us some new clothes, or clean the ones we’re wearing?”

     “I could… try?” Farix said, looking anxious, “But you’d need to find me a water source… I can control the element, but I can’t create it out of nothing…” Everyone groaned, the group taking their precious, personal items and spreading out through the nursery room, searching for anything that might be of help.

     “Hey, look everyone, this one’s for Toya!” Matteo said, having searched and plundered the nearby dresser, only to find it full of oversized baby clothes, soft onesies in the shapes of adorable, cartoony dragons, amongst other things, but nothing anyone in their right mind would consider wearing. The onesie in question had I’m a Stinky Puppy! Written across the blue fabric chest, and, since Toya was the only canine in the group, it was pretty clearly intended for him.

     “Matteo, that’s not funny,” Anuz said, chastising the raccoon again, and winced at the sight of the four cases of diapers stacked against the wall some distance away, one for each member of the group, clearly. Toya already looked shorter than normal, and a bit lither around the shoulders and chest than the crow was used to seeing him.

     “The choice is obvious,” Farix said flatly, and looked around at the group of them, “Either we try to move on like… this,” he waved a hand at Toya’s sagging butt, and soaked trousers, “And don’t give me that look. You all know he’s not going to let me get away unscathed a second time… I’m probably going to be just as… Fragrant as the rest of you before we’ve cleared the first room, alright? Second, we all strip, clean up with the supplies he left us, then swallow our pride and wear… those,” the skunk pointed to the pile of adorable onesies that the raccoon had taken from the dresser, “And the… Protective underwear… And really, really, really hope he wasn’t serious when he said we’d be loosing… you know… years.”

     “No. Chance. You hear me, skunky?” Toya said, his fur flaring on end, “There is no chance, not a grain of sand in a desert that you are getting me into a diaper again, EVER again. I’d rather go nude and pee all over myself then wear those things again.” Despite the fact that he was carrying a load of mess around the mass of a small melon, nobody bothered to comment that the choice wasn’t likely to be theirs for much longer, but nobody burst the wolf’s defiant bubble.

     “Well, what if we did go naked?” Matteo said, picking up the line of thought that the wolf had brought up, “It wouldn’t exactly be dignified, but we’ve all seen each other naked before… And I don’t relish the thought of having my… age eaten away by some magical creature.”

     “And what?” Farix shot back, rolling his eyes, “Everywhere we go we’ll leave a trail of… Look, I don’t even want to think about the trail we’ll be leaving, okay?! Eww.”

     The group sat in silence for a few minutes, each looking between one another, the nursery they’d been deposited into, and the case of diapers and baby clothes that they had set down between them. “Since the lot of you seem about as decisive as children in a candy store,” The owl said, seemingly directly into each of their ears, and breaking the silence so abruptly that all of them squeaked and jumped, “Let me sweeten the deal. I’ll give you one free diaper change, that’s to say that you won’t lose any of your age for the first time you need a change, but I’ll want something in return.”

     Everyone looked at Anzu, waiting for the crow to make a decision on the group’s behalf. He thought for a moment, then spoke, expecting the other avian to hear him, wherever he was, “What do you want in return…?”

     “I want your little fussbutt of a wolf in a diaper and onesie before you leave this room,” The faerie said, playfully laughing to himself, or maybe at the plight of the adventurers, it wasn’t clear, “Bonus amusement points if he resists violently.”

     A quiet minute passed as everyone looked at Anzu, then at Toya, who was so startled by the suggestion that he looked ready to bolt out the door on his own. “No. Fucking. Chance. Guys, do you hear me?” Toya said, slowly standing and backing away.

     “I think we’re going to need that… offer before long…” Farix said, looking away, “Regardless of what we do, I have a feeling we’re going to end up dressed like cubs for most of this crawl as it is… Oh, come on, Toya… Don’t be like that. Take one for the team. Would you really make the rest of us suffer over your overblown pride?”

     Everyone was standing now, and all eyes were on the clearly unnerved wolf. “W-wait, come on guys. You can’t do this to me!” Toya’s face was beat red as, unintentionally, he backed himself up against a bare corner of the room, tail flicking nervously, “You might not even be real for all I know! This could be some trick of that… faerie thing to turn us all against one another!”

     “We do still kind of owe you one for all those times you buggered off and left us all to get captured,” Matteo said, smiling and shrugging, “Blackreach, Tarnak… that one dungeon with the goo pits…”

     “Oh come on!” Toya pleaded, looking for some way out of the situation, but there was none. He’d picked the worst possible place in the room to retreat to, and now found himself absent a way out, “I always came back for you! Seriously! Name one time I’ve run out on you guys and not found some way to come back and save you.”

     “And you think that the three intervening days were particularly pleasant?” Farix said, wincing at the memory of being stuck in a bouncing green goo cube for however long it had taken Toya to track the thing down and cut him out.

“They’re right,” Anzu said, shrugging, “Looks like it’s your turn to take one for the team, Toya.”