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Okay! Another Thursday Writing Prompt! After months! Yay!
I rather like the direction on this one. The girlfriend was almost dead in it, with a morbid tongue-in-cheek picture, but I felt that might be rather too dark. I prefer it this way. She feels like she might even come out of it. This is a universe I intend on revisiting.
As always, tell me what you think!
*********************************************************************************
“To Wed”
By: Lu-Man
John got off the bus in front of the hospital like he did every night after work or a gig. His leather jacket and faded T-shirt reeked of beer and cigarette smoke from the bar he played in. His mirrored shades reflected the lights from the hospital. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and thumped them three times before pulling out a smoke. He pulled a cigarette up to his short muzzle and lit it gently. His ears where held painfully erect as he tried to hide his emotion. However his leopard tail twitched behind him in quickly betraying his true feelings. It kept in time as he walked towards the door.
He didn't quite finish the cigarette, he flicked it out before he entered. A nurse or two would nod to him as he entered, but they all knew him by now. It was well past midnight, way past visiting hours. The leopard was one of the select few, however, that visiting hours held no meaning for. None of them bothered him at all as he entered the elevator and pushed the button for the 5th floor.
He entered the familiar hospital room and was greeted by beeping machines in the darkness. This was the room where long term coma patients came to wait. This was long term storage. This was where sentient life went to wait until another day when they would awaken. Or when they would simply die.
John walked in the dark towards a female tigress in the bed. She lay by a windowless wall in the corner near the door. He ignored the beeps from two or three other machines. In the dim light he could see the outline of her form. Her engagement ring was still missing. That was a painful memory of a dark day. She had already lost everything, yet someone would come in and take that from her too. The leopard memory he held back as he gently kissed her paw where it should be.
He gently sat in the chair next to the tigress. “Hi.” He said. “It was another great show. I think Jimmy is actually practicing the solos now too. He can play a couple from the songs we cover.”
“Hi Rose.” He said without turning around. The Calico cat walked up next to him and smiled. “How can you always tell?”
“My adoptive father was a dog. He taught me a couple tricks.”
“Huh.” was all she would say. It's true dogs and cats don't always get along. No one would these days go out and admit they where prejudiced against canines. However John saw the truth in most people when he says he was raised by one.
“How long has it been now?” She asked.
“Thirteen months two days.” John said this without looking up at her. He continued to hold his dear fiance's hand-paw in his.
“You're so dedicated. Even the most loving of relatives usually stop coming after a couple months. Why do you come here every day?”
“Cause she might still be able to hear me. I think of her. The loneliness of this room. Listening to the beeps from the other machines. If I was in her place I would go mad without some company.”
“That's so sweet.” Rose replied. She picked up the clip board and looked at the charts.
“There's not much hope there.”
Rose just nodded at him. “Increase in REM. Could mean she's coming out of it.”
John nodded. He knew better than to hold that hope. “Or could just be a reaction of medication or something.”
“If she's going to be here her whole life why would you stay here?”
“Do you know the story of when it happened? Her aneurysm?”
“No.”
“It was our wedding day. I actually did get to see her walk down the isle. The smile she had was so beautiful. The light illuminated her in radiant beauty. She must have been fighting the headache the entire time. She never said anything. When it came time for the vows I got to say mine. Then she collapsed.”
Rose gasped.
John continued. “To Wed.” he said. “Its seen as a simple action. Simply say yes and agree to live together. If it doesn't work out, divorce. Make it easy. If you're unhappy don't work it out. Don't worry about it. Do what makes you happy.
“That's not what I believe. Sometimes marriage requires sacrifice. That was the advice my mother gave me. So if I say in richness and poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, why would that suddenly not apply when she's here? Death has not done us part. And I still love her.” As he spoke a single tear dripped down his fiance's cheek. It was a tear that went unnoticed by both Rose and John in the darkness.
Rose patted John on the shoulder. The two stayed like that for a few minutes until she had to finally continue making her rounds. John sat down in the chair and started to tell his bride to be about his bar band gig that night. He continued to talk about his business, how the garage was doing, every little thing in his life at that time. He spoke until he fell asleep in the chair like every night. Not once did he notice or even suspect the single tear that ran down her cheek. The only way his bride could currently say 'I love you too.'
I rather like the direction on this one. The girlfriend was almost dead in it, with a morbid tongue-in-cheek picture, but I felt that might be rather too dark. I prefer it this way. She feels like she might even come out of it. This is a universe I intend on revisiting.
As always, tell me what you think!
*********************************************************************************
“To Wed”
By: Lu-Man
John got off the bus in front of the hospital like he did every night after work or a gig. His leather jacket and faded T-shirt reeked of beer and cigarette smoke from the bar he played in. His mirrored shades reflected the lights from the hospital. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and thumped them three times before pulling out a smoke. He pulled a cigarette up to his short muzzle and lit it gently. His ears where held painfully erect as he tried to hide his emotion. However his leopard tail twitched behind him in quickly betraying his true feelings. It kept in time as he walked towards the door.
He didn't quite finish the cigarette, he flicked it out before he entered. A nurse or two would nod to him as he entered, but they all knew him by now. It was well past midnight, way past visiting hours. The leopard was one of the select few, however, that visiting hours held no meaning for. None of them bothered him at all as he entered the elevator and pushed the button for the 5th floor.
He entered the familiar hospital room and was greeted by beeping machines in the darkness. This was the room where long term coma patients came to wait. This was long term storage. This was where sentient life went to wait until another day when they would awaken. Or when they would simply die.
John walked in the dark towards a female tigress in the bed. She lay by a windowless wall in the corner near the door. He ignored the beeps from two or three other machines. In the dim light he could see the outline of her form. Her engagement ring was still missing. That was a painful memory of a dark day. She had already lost everything, yet someone would come in and take that from her too. The leopard memory he held back as he gently kissed her paw where it should be.
He gently sat in the chair next to the tigress. “Hi.” He said. “It was another great show. I think Jimmy is actually practicing the solos now too. He can play a couple from the songs we cover.”
“Hi Rose.” He said without turning around. The Calico cat walked up next to him and smiled. “How can you always tell?”
“My adoptive father was a dog. He taught me a couple tricks.”
“Huh.” was all she would say. It's true dogs and cats don't always get along. No one would these days go out and admit they where prejudiced against canines. However John saw the truth in most people when he says he was raised by one.
“How long has it been now?” She asked.
“Thirteen months two days.” John said this without looking up at her. He continued to hold his dear fiance's hand-paw in his.
“You're so dedicated. Even the most loving of relatives usually stop coming after a couple months. Why do you come here every day?”
“Cause she might still be able to hear me. I think of her. The loneliness of this room. Listening to the beeps from the other machines. If I was in her place I would go mad without some company.”
“That's so sweet.” Rose replied. She picked up the clip board and looked at the charts.
“There's not much hope there.”
Rose just nodded at him. “Increase in REM. Could mean she's coming out of it.”
John nodded. He knew better than to hold that hope. “Or could just be a reaction of medication or something.”
“If she's going to be here her whole life why would you stay here?”
“Do you know the story of when it happened? Her aneurysm?”
“No.”
“It was our wedding day. I actually did get to see her walk down the isle. The smile she had was so beautiful. The light illuminated her in radiant beauty. She must have been fighting the headache the entire time. She never said anything. When it came time for the vows I got to say mine. Then she collapsed.”
Rose gasped.
John continued. “To Wed.” he said. “Its seen as a simple action. Simply say yes and agree to live together. If it doesn't work out, divorce. Make it easy. If you're unhappy don't work it out. Don't worry about it. Do what makes you happy.
“That's not what I believe. Sometimes marriage requires sacrifice. That was the advice my mother gave me. So if I say in richness and poor, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, why would that suddenly not apply when she's here? Death has not done us part. And I still love her.” As he spoke a single tear dripped down his fiance's cheek. It was a tear that went unnoticed by both Rose and John in the darkness.
Rose patted John on the shoulder. The two stayed like that for a few minutes until she had to finally continue making her rounds. John sat down in the chair and started to tell his bride to be about his bar band gig that night. He continued to talk about his business, how the garage was doing, every little thing in his life at that time. He spoke until he fell asleep in the chair like every night. Not once did he notice or even suspect the single tear that ran down her cheek. The only way his bride could currently say 'I love you too.'
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 78px
File Size 16 kB
I am scum sometimes. I guess this is supposed to be romantic and sad and perhaps bittersweet... which it is... but all I could think of was how expensive it is to keep coma patients alive. It's a good story, well written, for the most part, having ability to touch a reader who's unfamiliar with these characters... but I am just the wrong reader.
Good work. Enjoyable story. Well written.
Good work. Enjoyable story. Well written.
There is an undeniable darkness about this piece but I like the fact you gave it a thread of hope at the end. Most folks like a happy ending, sure. Hinting at one is just as good, in my book. Well written, nice pacing and good dialogue; nothing to complain about here. I was also intrigued by the 'cat raised by a dog' angle as well. Lots of potential stories for the future from that single notion.
Good work!
Good work!
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