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This story has been sitting in my files for awhile. I do not think it is one of my better ones. it is the sequel to the spidox story. Apparently, by now my narrators do not like me, and are horrible people. This narrator is some old hick from who knows where. Well, enjoy.
Wox belongs to
siege
he can post this on his user name if he would like, (make sure to give me credit.)
Also, this story is not one of my best, being a short two-pager. I will have to add more description of one particular part. i hope you enjoy!
Wox belongs to
siegehe can post this on his user name if he would like, (make sure to give me credit.)
Also, this story is not one of my best, being a short two-pager. I will have to add more description of one particular part. i hope you enjoy!
Category Story / Bondage
Species Wolf
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 41.4 kB
Couple of grammar mistakes here and there. I see you've given yourself/the narrator an accent. That's always a plus, however, there are grammar-ish things when it comes down to narrator's accents. If you say "This seem purdy good ta me." Try "This seem' purdy good ta' me" to make it more professional. Otherwise, you'll have grammar-Nazis drivin' hotsauce down your throat D:
Along with the grammar, I kinda see a few commas that should be semi-colons (which is okay since I have that problem as well at times XD). I'd also like to point out that at first the narrator speaks in past tense, then the next paragraph is all in the present. This one is a bit debatable. If the narrator is referring to a memory or something in the past and is now experiencing something in front of his/her own eyes, then I kinda see how that would fit. But, if it's all a story or a memory, then it should all be past tense.
Other than the grammar, it sounds like an awesome story :3
Along with the grammar, I kinda see a few commas that should be semi-colons (which is okay since I have that problem as well at times XD). I'd also like to point out that at first the narrator speaks in past tense, then the next paragraph is all in the present. This one is a bit debatable. If the narrator is referring to a memory or something in the past and is now experiencing something in front of his/her own eyes, then I kinda see how that would fit. But, if it's all a story or a memory, then it should all be past tense.
Other than the grammar, it sounds like an awesome story :3
It's all good. I need one too. Guess we're in the same boat on that one.
I really did. :3 It was unique! Ah. I had a friend of mine look over my stuff and he gave me some tips on what I should edit. I've found it very helpful to ask writers who've already had things published and edited works, or have majors in English, to help out with the plot/rhythm/mood/detailed paragraphs/and whatnot ;3
I really did. :3 It was unique! Ah. I had a friend of mine look over my stuff and he gave me some tips on what I should edit. I've found it very helpful to ask writers who've already had things published and edited works, or have majors in English, to help out with the plot/rhythm/mood/detailed paragraphs/and whatnot ;3
Very good. It's funny - which is a harder feat to pull than most people realize. In lesser hands it would be cornbally. Also, pulling out the flyswatter saves it from being self indulgent.
The only suggestion I have is maybe make it a little less informal - just a little.
It reminds me of those "Fractured Fairy Tales" from Rocky and Bullwinkle, where there's a self awareness in the characters.
*wants to write a story sort of like this*
The only suggestion I have is maybe make it a little less informal - just a little.
It reminds me of those "Fractured Fairy Tales" from Rocky and Bullwinkle, where there's a self awareness in the characters.
*wants to write a story sort of like this*
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