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OH...MY...GOD! D8
I can't even beGIN to explain how this poem came into fruition! (...was that a joke?) (o.O)
I only have ONE thing to say: there is NO internal punctuation in this poem for a reason; you MUST read through it rather quickly, but try not to bite your tongue! xD
I THOROUGHLY enjoyed writing this poem, so I truly hope that you all THOROUGHLY enjoy reading it! :3
Until NEXT poem! \(^o^)/
P.S. (I LOVES you all!) 8>
I can't even beGIN to explain how this poem came into fruition! (...was that a joke?) (o.O)
I only have ONE thing to say: there is NO internal punctuation in this poem for a reason; you MUST read through it rather quickly, but try not to bite your tongue! xD
I THOROUGHLY enjoyed writing this poem, so I truly hope that you all THOROUGHLY enjoy reading it! :3
Until NEXT poem! \(^o^)/
P.S. (I LOVES you all!) 8>
Category Poetry / Miscellaneous
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 117px
File Size 1.1 kB
Cool =3 I have to say that this is pretty good stuff; it's delightfully light and descript. I wonder, have you considered slicing up the lines to shorten the line length? For example, if the first line read instead:
Merrily cherries were chatting
with berries on bunches of bushes below;
This would create more emphasis on the alliteration of the second line, and the line "Merrily cherries were chatting" strikes me as a more interesting line because the reader thinks "hmm, what? Who were they chatting with?" It builds anticipation. Also, the imagery would be clarified if the line length was reduced. Compare:
Beautiful cherries are succulent very so we became fruit of the sky,
Or:
Beautiful cherries are succulent very
So we became fruit of the sky,
What do you think about this?
Merrily cherries were chatting
with berries on bunches of bushes below;
This would create more emphasis on the alliteration of the second line, and the line "Merrily cherries were chatting" strikes me as a more interesting line because the reader thinks "hmm, what? Who were they chatting with?" It builds anticipation. Also, the imagery would be clarified if the line length was reduced. Compare:
Beautiful cherries are succulent very so we became fruit of the sky,
Or:
Beautiful cherries are succulent very
So we became fruit of the sky,
What do you think about this?
Hmm, I see what you're getting at! =P
In truth, you make some pretty good points; though, even if the lines were cut down into two, you'd still read across them JUST as fast. =3
That aside, if I were to separate ONE of the lines...they ALL would have to be separated. In my opinion, that will do TWO things:
1.) It'll lose the long line length which I think makes it distinct in comparison to most poem formats (as simple as this is), especially since this poem exudes a childlike essence; abnormally long lines seem pretty intriguing to me. ^^
2.) Noticing the simplistic ending rhyme scheme will become more difficult AND it will actually alter how they are perceived by the eye: (aa, bb, bb, cc, dd, dd, ee) ~this is how it's cleverly crafted as of now~. =D
The visual effect that you suggest is noteworthy, but I'm afraid I'll lose FAR too much that I like if I were to use it. =/
But THANK you for your constructive criticism; it's VERY much appreciated! \(^o^)/
In truth, you make some pretty good points; though, even if the lines were cut down into two, you'd still read across them JUST as fast. =3
That aside, if I were to separate ONE of the lines...they ALL would have to be separated. In my opinion, that will do TWO things:
1.) It'll lose the long line length which I think makes it distinct in comparison to most poem formats (as simple as this is), especially since this poem exudes a childlike essence; abnormally long lines seem pretty intriguing to me. ^^
2.) Noticing the simplistic ending rhyme scheme will become more difficult AND it will actually alter how they are perceived by the eye: (aa, bb, bb, cc, dd, dd, ee) ~this is how it's cleverly crafted as of now~. =D
The visual effect that you suggest is noteworthy, but I'm afraid I'll lose FAR too much that I like if I were to use it. =/
But THANK you for your constructive criticism; it's VERY much appreciated! \(^o^)/
LOL
D'aww, I really appreciate your comments; they give me the literary strength to go on! \(^o^)/
And yes, nowadays it's rather rare to find good prosody, even in the professional field (I'm SO gonna change that...). I find a good thorough rhyme scheme to be QUITE refreshing, and in truth, I can ONLY write in rhyme and meter. ^^;
Ashamed I am not, for it is the AWEsome! D8
I'm so glad that you liked it, and thanks MUCH for the fave! :3
D'aww, I really appreciate your comments; they give me the literary strength to go on! \(^o^)/
And yes, nowadays it's rather rare to find good prosody, even in the professional field (I'm SO gonna change that...). I find a good thorough rhyme scheme to be QUITE refreshing, and in truth, I can ONLY write in rhyme and meter. ^^;
Ashamed I am not, for it is the AWEsome! D8
I'm so glad that you liked it, and thanks MUCH for the fave! :3
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1781920/
Just thought of this reading this again.
Check it. You'll like it. <3
Just thought of this reading this again.
Check it. You'll like it. <3
Wow... that was the most fun and playful poem I've ever read! x3 Those silly cherries got their comeuppance eh? Don't pick on the other more impressionable berries!
I simply love how this poem flows and feels, it's just such a blast to read; it makes you want to do so over and over, each time bringing with it a bigger smile. I don't bother with much poetry on FA sadly, usually all of it is way over emotional. This was a nice breath of fresh air. :3
I simply love how this poem flows and feels, it's just such a blast to read; it makes you want to do so over and over, each time bringing with it a bigger smile. I don't bother with much poetry on FA sadly, usually all of it is way over emotional. This was a nice breath of fresh air. :3
Eeeeeeeeee, your comment made my day! \(^o^)/
*pounce huggles* :3
YES--all of the above, Bloo! My poetry is often rather silly or just playful in nature. I'm a formalist, so I use meter and rhyme ALL the time--why?--because, as you said, it makes people SMILE! But most importantly I too enjoy writing in that manner! Thus, EVERYONE wins! ;D
Also, I know what you mean about most of the poetry on FA. =/
As for me, I don't write with my feelings in mind (this is not to say that I don't write with passion). I write with the feelings of the speaker--the persona. It's NEVER me speaking! I feel more comfortable writing that way. ^^
Hehe, methinks you'll find the majority of my poetry rather interesting! ;3
I appreciate the comment, Bloo; poetry--it's what I do! :O
*pounce huggles* :3
YES--all of the above, Bloo! My poetry is often rather silly or just playful in nature. I'm a formalist, so I use meter and rhyme ALL the time--why?--because, as you said, it makes people SMILE! But most importantly I too enjoy writing in that manner! Thus, EVERYONE wins! ;D
Also, I know what you mean about most of the poetry on FA. =/
As for me, I don't write with my feelings in mind (this is not to say that I don't write with passion). I write with the feelings of the speaker--the persona. It's NEVER me speaking! I feel more comfortable writing that way. ^^
Hehe, methinks you'll find the majority of my poetry rather interesting! ;3
I appreciate the comment, Bloo; poetry--it's what I do! :O
*chuckles* I see what you mean about fruition. I enjoyed your play on words.
I think you had too much fun with this.
They played a funny story and song. I can see why you didn't want the internal punctuation. Overall, extremely puuurrrrr-fecto!
P.S. I was wondering if you could take a look at my riddle and let me know your views?
I think you had too much fun with this.
They played a funny story and song. I can see why you didn't want the internal punctuation. Overall, extremely puuurrrrr-fecto!
P.S. I was wondering if you could take a look at my riddle and let me know your views?
I'm both entertained, astounded, and disturbed! Great combination of emotions! Honestly this one was written masterfully, I swear it sounds like an old-time nursery rhyme. That's a form of writing you just don't find nowadays, and although it is a bit corny, it's also incredibly charming and full of character! A lot of poetry in the modern age is depressing and dreary, but I can't help but smile when I think of berries conversing over their own flavors, or just how ludicrous the idea of considering pies sinister is! (that is unless you're trying to lose weight. . . wow, desserts ARE evil!) This little number made my day, I also noticed the "bounce" after each stanza when it's read at a quick, steady pace! It really made the piece come to life in a childish yet witty way! Once again, keep on writing, you're gonna make it big someday at this rate!
*blush* x3
Your comment is so graciously detailed...I'm honestly speechless before it. 8<
*proceeds to speak*
It's as if you took a merry jaunt into my head, and returned with these findings! Lemme tell ya, I have NO idea what caused me to write this little number, but I somehow managed to do everything I wanted to with the subject. Personification is a highly admired technique, for me. I use it whenever I get the chance! That's where I get most of my surrealistic flavor from (mmm...flavor). \(-_-)/
The rhyme scheme, here, turned out rather AWEsome, something I'm quite proud of. Though, we'll have to see about making it "big someday." You know how contemporaries like it these days. All of my poems were very ill received in my previous poetry class; the professor was...interesting, to say the least. BUT, what matters is this:
"but I can't help but smile..."
That, Jericho, is often the main purpose of my works. Poetry should, above all, be enjoyable! ^^
Much obliged! :3
Your comment is so graciously detailed...I'm honestly speechless before it. 8<
*proceeds to speak*
It's as if you took a merry jaunt into my head, and returned with these findings! Lemme tell ya, I have NO idea what caused me to write this little number, but I somehow managed to do everything I wanted to with the subject. Personification is a highly admired technique, for me. I use it whenever I get the chance! That's where I get most of my surrealistic flavor from (mmm...flavor). \(-_-)/
The rhyme scheme, here, turned out rather AWEsome, something I'm quite proud of. Though, we'll have to see about making it "big someday." You know how contemporaries like it these days. All of my poems were very ill received in my previous poetry class; the professor was...interesting, to say the least. BUT, what matters is this:
"but I can't help but smile..."
That, Jericho, is often the main purpose of my works. Poetry should, above all, be enjoyable! ^^
Much obliged! :3
It did, did it? Well that's FANTASTIC, cuz that's exactly the kind of emotion I like to evoke in my readers! \(^o^)/
I'm afraid I don't know what you would call this though. I was just shooting for some cheerfully rhyming children's poetry, and this is what I came up with. If anything, the poem is written in rhymed couples. ^^;
That said, I'm glad you enjoyed, Poetic. =)
I'm afraid I don't know what you would call this though. I was just shooting for some cheerfully rhyming children's poetry, and this is what I came up with. If anything, the poem is written in rhymed couples. ^^;
That said, I'm glad you enjoyed, Poetic. =)
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