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More from D-Tail
BEHOLD, the fruit of MANY days of poetic work! This is why I haven't posted anything in a while. ^^;
It's quite long, but it MUST be read all at once! :O
I only have these things to say:
1.) It's an epic struggle of a man and a mirror.
2.) The Black and White movements are a --> soliloquy.
3.) In the Grey Finale, the quotations indicate a key interrupting the opposite key (quarreling basically).
4.) ENJOY! \(^o^)/
Until NEXT poem! 8>
NOTE: Clarified version can be found in my scraps --> "Reflection"
It's quite long, but it MUST be read all at once! :O
I only have these things to say:
1.) It's an epic struggle of a man and a mirror.
2.) The Black and White movements are a --> soliloquy.
3.) In the Grey Finale, the quotations indicate a key interrupting the opposite key (quarreling basically).
4.) ENJOY! \(^o^)/
Until NEXT poem! 8>
NOTE: Clarified version can be found in my scraps --> "Reflection"
Category Poetry / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 91 x 120px
File Size 6.4 kB
Wow. This was pretty brilliant.
Perhaps the only qualm (and indeed, a slight one at that), that I have is that there are certain places where the speaker and the 'hues' are indistinguishable in who is speaking. Some places, this is easily remedied by reading through, yet in others, either interpretation makes sense, and has meaning.
An Example would be:
Are you saying confusion will grant him defense?
He is human if you haven't seen-
"My eyes are like yours: could it be you forgot?"
Tis a shame you know not what I mean.
The previous stanza ended with action, and it seemed as though hue-black was looking at hue-white with disdain, and then interrupting. But then the quotes... who's interrupting?
Again, perhaps past the slight (possibly intentional) unease of understanding (even with repeated readings), this poem (That I daresay, is rather epic) is brilliant, and altogether everything I've come to expect from reading your work, times ten.
Brilliant Work, D.
Perhaps the only qualm (and indeed, a slight one at that), that I have is that there are certain places where the speaker and the 'hues' are indistinguishable in who is speaking. Some places, this is easily remedied by reading through, yet in others, either interpretation makes sense, and has meaning.
An Example would be:
Are you saying confusion will grant him defense?
He is human if you haven't seen-
"My eyes are like yours: could it be you forgot?"
Tis a shame you know not what I mean.
The previous stanza ended with action, and it seemed as though hue-black was looking at hue-white with disdain, and then interrupting. But then the quotes... who's interrupting?
Again, perhaps past the slight (possibly intentional) unease of understanding (even with repeated readings), this poem (That I daresay, is rather epic) is brilliant, and altogether everything I've come to expect from reading your work, times ten.
Brilliant Work, D.
Hehe, ah, you indeed make an EXCELLENT point, that is, about the speakers. ^^
In truth, my (.doc) version has different font styles in the "Grey Finale" to indicate who's speaking.
However, the speakers are actually clearly denoted (if not subtly):
1.) In the Lock Movement, the speaker is the human who is looking into the glass (the meter is IAMBIC)
2.) In the Black Key Movement, the speaker is the darker side of the reflection (the meter is DACTYLIC, aka the falling meter)
3.) In the White Key Movement, the speaker is the lighter side of the reflection (the meter is ANAPESTIC, aka the rising meter)
4.) With the three characters now denoted with their respective meters, via their respective movements, the Grey Finale combines them all. True, the lack of different font makes it less obvious, BUT...each of three speakers speak ONLY in their respective meter (for example):
Are you SAying conFUsion will GRANT him deFENSE? (the anapestic white key)
He is HUman if YOU haven't SEEN- (the anapestic white key)
"My EYES are like YOURS: could it BE you forGOT?" (the dactylic black key)
Tis a SHAME you know NOT what I MEAN. (the anapestic white key)
Still, I'm a meter head, so it's easier for me to spot this; though, I will put the (.doc) format up as well for reference (in my scrap folder). The (.doc) format is the TRUE format of the poem. :3
Nonetheless, your comment is MOST appreciated! Thank you! ^^
In truth, my (.doc) version has different font styles in the "Grey Finale" to indicate who's speaking.
However, the speakers are actually clearly denoted (if not subtly):
1.) In the Lock Movement, the speaker is the human who is looking into the glass (the meter is IAMBIC)
2.) In the Black Key Movement, the speaker is the darker side of the reflection (the meter is DACTYLIC, aka the falling meter)
3.) In the White Key Movement, the speaker is the lighter side of the reflection (the meter is ANAPESTIC, aka the rising meter)
4.) With the three characters now denoted with their respective meters, via their respective movements, the Grey Finale combines them all. True, the lack of different font makes it less obvious, BUT...each of three speakers speak ONLY in their respective meter (for example):
Are you SAying conFUsion will GRANT him deFENSE? (the anapestic white key)
He is HUman if YOU haven't SEEN- (the anapestic white key)
"My EYES are like YOURS: could it BE you forGOT?" (the dactylic black key)
Tis a SHAME you know NOT what I MEAN. (the anapestic white key)
Still, I'm a meter head, so it's easier for me to spot this; though, I will put the (.doc) format up as well for reference (in my scrap folder). The (.doc) format is the TRUE format of the poem. :3
Nonetheless, your comment is MOST appreciated! Thank you! ^^
Here you are kind sir --> NOTE: Clarified version can be found in my scraps --> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2894997/
The different fonts should clear the Grey Finale up! \(^o^)/
The different fonts should clear the Grey Finale up! \(^o^)/
"damnation is life and a life should be damned,
for life is what Death does demand!"
I have to say I LOVE Black Key Movement the MOST out of the entire poem. =P But it still would have been nothing without the rest. The whole poem is grand and proper and beautiful! ^__^ The shifting meter was unexpected at first but oddly enough it helped DETERMINE the speaker especially near the end!! Your rhymescheme is impeccable, =P Specially in the anapestic stanzas, I ADORED them. This is a miracle work!!! =O You MUST have it published ASAP. The whole concept is just brimming with AWEsome !!!! =D Congratulations!! This is a doubtless success x3!
for life is what Death does demand!"
I have to say I LOVE Black Key Movement the MOST out of the entire poem. =P But it still would have been nothing without the rest. The whole poem is grand and proper and beautiful! ^__^ The shifting meter was unexpected at first but oddly enough it helped DETERMINE the speaker especially near the end!! Your rhymescheme is impeccable, =P Specially in the anapestic stanzas, I ADORED them. This is a miracle work!!! =O You MUST have it published ASAP. The whole concept is just brimming with AWEsome !!!! =D Congratulations!! This is a doubtless success x3!
Why YESH! :3
One of the most important purposes of the first 3 movements is to CLARIFY the speakers in the FINALE! I'm glad to see that worked out! \(^o^)/
In truth, Black Key was like TOTALLY my favorite...until White Key came along; I really think I nailed some deep concepts in that movement. (o.o)
Hehe, thank you SO much for you comment my friend! =D
PUBLISH I shall! ^^
One of the most important purposes of the first 3 movements is to CLARIFY the speakers in the FINALE! I'm glad to see that worked out! \(^o^)/
In truth, Black Key was like TOTALLY my favorite...until White Key came along; I really think I nailed some deep concepts in that movement. (o.o)
Hehe, thank you SO much for you comment my friend! =D
PUBLISH I shall! ^^
OMG, thank you! 8>
I do hope that the Grey Finale didn't come off as confusing, that is...between the Black and White keys. The quotation marks indicated the opposite key interrupting, and the meter denotes WHICH key is speaking. ^^;
If it didn't, that's GREAT, but if it did, I have a (.doc) format link with different speaker fonts in my comment box. :3
Thanks again! =)
I do hope that the Grey Finale didn't come off as confusing, that is...between the Black and White keys. The quotation marks indicated the opposite key interrupting, and the meter denotes WHICH key is speaking. ^^;
If it didn't, that's GREAT, but if it did, I have a (.doc) format link with different speaker fonts in my comment box. :3
Thanks again! =)
haha, I need to change my message
It's just aggravating, because I lost half of it, then went back and rewrote a good chunk of it along with a bunch of new stuff, and then I was just writing the last line saying that once again it was incredible, best poem I've read, and that you should get it published, when somehow I hit the wrong keys and my brower hit back on me several times, destroying the several paragraphs and hundreds of words I had written. It was really frickin discouraging... but let me say this: it really is your best work so far. I once read a poem that was written over 10 years... and it was blown out of the water by this. It was meticulously crafted verbatim, there were several times where words could have been subbed out or even taken and added in this poem. But you didn't need to take ten years to hit with the power of truth, the desire and the conviction shined clearly through. This was not the perfect or carefully crafted poem: this was the poem that balanced out it's surging feeling and its stable form. In essence, this poem was its own grey fnale. Speaking of which... I am a whore for a good ending. And you just satisfied my verbatic pimp for a couple weeks with that one... yeesh. Your first ending for the key movement was soft, but it was transitive, its very purpose being served to help it progress. The white and black movements, were incredible, each ending serving to really hammer home their stances, good and evil with a hint of each in their hues. But my god... the grey finale. I swear, I'm not gonna get bitch slapped for at least two weeks for that one. That wasn't just an ending, that was THE ending. The final finish of finality(try saying that three times fast) I'm impressed man. It was really truly amazing, for the moral hits, the shades blend, and the truest of the hues comes forth, the neutral shades of gray. Incredible sir... just incredible. This is your best poem by far... Even with my hundreds of words, they had trouble really conveying how I felt. Seperate these poems are incredible... together, the movements are concretely incredible. Great job D-tail... tell me when you get published, maybe you can sign my copy ^^
Yeah... it was about twice as long and three times as descriptive... which you really deserved, this is a definite high point in your poetic career. You should be proud. You deserve to be damn proud for this thing, great job.
It's just aggravating, because I lost half of it, then went back and rewrote a good chunk of it along with a bunch of new stuff, and then I was just writing the last line saying that once again it was incredible, best poem I've read, and that you should get it published, when somehow I hit the wrong keys and my brower hit back on me several times, destroying the several paragraphs and hundreds of words I had written. It was really frickin discouraging... but let me say this: it really is your best work so far. I once read a poem that was written over 10 years... and it was blown out of the water by this. It was meticulously crafted verbatim, there were several times where words could have been subbed out or even taken and added in this poem. But you didn't need to take ten years to hit with the power of truth, the desire and the conviction shined clearly through. This was not the perfect or carefully crafted poem: this was the poem that balanced out it's surging feeling and its stable form. In essence, this poem was its own grey fnale. Speaking of which... I am a whore for a good ending. And you just satisfied my verbatic pimp for a couple weeks with that one... yeesh. Your first ending for the key movement was soft, but it was transitive, its very purpose being served to help it progress. The white and black movements, were incredible, each ending serving to really hammer home their stances, good and evil with a hint of each in their hues. But my god... the grey finale. I swear, I'm not gonna get bitch slapped for at least two weeks for that one. That wasn't just an ending, that was THE ending. The final finish of finality(try saying that three times fast) I'm impressed man. It was really truly amazing, for the moral hits, the shades blend, and the truest of the hues comes forth, the neutral shades of gray. Incredible sir... just incredible. This is your best poem by far... Even with my hundreds of words, they had trouble really conveying how I felt. Seperate these poems are incredible... together, the movements are concretely incredible. Great job D-tail... tell me when you get published, maybe you can sign my copy ^^
Yeah... it was about twice as long and three times as descriptive... which you really deserved, this is a definite high point in your poetic career. You should be proud. You deserve to be damn proud for this thing, great job.
No, just twice the length. Three times the descriptive drivel though. Just little things, like "tranquil repose" for the white key... it was violent some kind of action word for black key... I wish I could remember x_X
Still though... you had a really great piece here, never quit writing hun... you are the best I know of.
Still though... you had a really great piece here, never quit writing hun... you are the best I know of.
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