interesting!

thanks

yes, this does sound interesting

thanks you

This sounds excellent and you've got some really nice foreshadowing going here. The only problem is that now there's another yet another cool series I'll probably never see finished.

I promise that I'm doing everythigh I can to finish all the series I have started.

I just need my brain to cooperate with me and stop piling on new series one on top of the others

Oh, no worries; I know that you're doing the best you can to finish them. But all the same, I'm not exactly going to hold my breath waiting.

that's probably wise :)

hey i'm turning blue here!

you might want to call an ambulance then :)

Nice story! :) I can't wait to see more.

hopefully there will be a new part every few weeks

Cool. :)

Interesting and unusual, would like to see it continued.

that is the plan

Hm, a superhero series. I'm guessing Jayson has some superpowers that he's unaware of?

He migh tbe more aware of them then the reader is led to believe. the next part will start exploring that

I have the strongest feeling it ties to his running. ;) But I'll have to wait and see :)

yes, you will

they were Juniors too because of all theirgrades they had failed

More than once I'd been tempted to show them how much weight I couldactually lift, just to shut them up - you had slipped your narritive from past to present tense. And soon after, it's back in past tense again. Grammar no-no!

and was doingchin ups when Maggie yelled across the room

Tony Randall & Jack Klugman appeared in a TV series called "The Odd Couple." Just FYI.

Anyhow, fun read. Hard to figure what this reality actually is, and what this thing is about Jayson that he can't call attention to himself is... some paranormal talent, no doubt - but thus far, no real hint other than it must be superhuman - speed, strength, power in general - superman like... (!?)

Thanks for catching those errors. I need ot find myself an editor.

I remember the Odd Couple, didn't remember the names tho.

The first part was purposefully vague. partially because I didn't want to give too much away about Jayson or the world he';s in, but starting with the next part things should start becoming a little clearer.

I hope

Yes, that wasn't particularly a complaint or problem, just a summary of the question I'm left with - and a reality check whether that is what you intended a reader to have regarding confusion with the plot.

The events in the plot that are mysterious lead the reader to question the relevance to the title, as nothing in particular have been especially akin to the Biblical signs of the 2nd coming (well, I'm not a devout Christian, so maybe I've skipped some of them). If indeed there are these Biblical references, and I'm missing them, you may need to put a 3rd party in the story for exposition. "And it said in Relevations, 'yadda yadda.'"

well, the title is for teh whole story so it's relevance might not come into play until later.

I'm not a christian at all so Writing a catholic character is part of the chalenge I gave myself for this story. but you can rest assured that I don;t have any plans at this time to put in biblical references in the story :)

Wpw. this si an awesome start!
Looking forward to seeing where it goes.

thansk

This really is very good, and it lures you into more. I like more...

thank you. I'm hoping to have more shortly

Literacy Genre
Although Unclear to begin with as aplot becomes within suptruction it is clear to me that this is based on the idealism of fragile friendship

General vision and viewpoint.
The world is very clearly ceen from me being your reader threw your eyes, looking up to everyone, as this portray your general vision is very well possed by your writing and clearly indicates the average indication of the mere look of the world as most things in our lives fill the general vision that you have clearly indicated, it incaptivated me with your fragile friendship in literacy genre, although theme of family is also fragile it shows both an clear but yet an obsurce or blurred vision from phsionomy, your generla vision and viwpoint are very precise.

My Comment

Keep writing with these two aspects of the story, i cant wait to see what you come with next i heard this was a good story and i usually don't juge without reading, so now you see your vision threw the eyes of the reader, thats what you wanted right ^^.

Great story

thanks for the comments

Nice story. You've Earned my watch.

thank you very much

The story is off to a good start. There are a few misspelled words here and there, and there are a few places where a sentence revision might work better, but overall it is good. An editor might help you with that, but you already know that. :D
I like how you have the story set up so far.

thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Typoes, I'm sorry to say, are pretty much a mainstay with me. I have a few beta readers, but socme are bound to slip through. if you know an editor that's willing to work for cheap let me know <grins>