In the mythical world of Everdale, a lithe, archer lizardman named Sladesh decides to team up with a bulky, flatulent black minotaur named Morltar and the two partners go on adventures together, using both of their talents to fight evil, get in or out of trouble, or to just stink up the joint.


Part 4: Morltar and Sladesh venture into the city of Marport.

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After much traveling, Morltar and Sladesh have finally arrived to the town of Marport, a bustling small town that offers something for everyone, particularly professional adventurers. The bonding between the two continues, even if they make a very unusual pair. "Finally, my feet are killing me," The lizard says with a deep sigh. "Okay Mor, first we find a room at the nearest inn, then maybe take in the sights. I think we deserve a break after fighting off bandits, and that pack of dire wolves, don't you think?"
"You're right Scale-butt, I think we should take a break. And this seems like the right town to do it in too."
Sladesh scratches said butt. "Speaking of which, I'm REALLY dry right now, ugh. I need a hot tub." As they get closer to the main gates, made of wood tied together, a big sign hangs from the right part of the gate. "Blah blah blah....rules rules rules!" The lizardman says. Same old stuff: don't cause trouble, use the public commodes, etc. But one line catches his eye. "Eh? Hey Mor, it says you have to wear actual pants, or you won't be let in."
"Wait, like actual....pants?"
Sladesh nods. He looks at the minotaur's bulbous buttocks, his tail swaying lazily to swat flies. "Yeah. Well big guy, looks like you'll need something. I don't have anything on hand, but maybe they give free pairs."
"What the hell kinda rule is that?! Wearing pants," he snorted. "That's a load of gryphon dung!"
"Oh, don't whine, I'll be right back," The lizardman promises. The lizardman disappears through the gate. The minotaur may have to wait a bit.
Morltar sighed heavily and planted his chubby rear on the ground, sitting in front of the gate waiting for his reptilian friend. He started twirling his axe around until he felt his stomach bubbling. Naturally, he leaned sideways and broke wind after raising his tail, taking in the stench of the foul intestinal gas.
Eventually Sladesh returns with some sort of cloth thing. It's blue. He smiles as he walks over to the minotaur and hands it to him. "Here you go, Morltar! One pair of minotaur-sized briefs. Not really pants, but they said it'd be enough."
Morltar snatches the trousers from the lizard and starts putting them on after untying his loin cloth. However, as he began to pull them over his waist to cover his ass cheeks, he noticed that the pants were stuck. He grunted twice with effort, desperately trying to cover himself, but he was having severe difficulty.
Sladesh helps Morltar put on the underpants, heaving them upwards over his big bull ass. He even helps him get his tail through the hole in the back. "There you go!" The lizard says. "What do you think?"
Morltar grunted. "I'm having...trouble...breathing..."
Sladesh notices some of the fabric is riding up his crack. But he shrugs, and leads the minotaur through the gates. They find themselves at the crossroads, wooden buildings filling the streets, vendors hawking food, and creatures of all types bustling across the pavement. Sladesh starts to look around for the inn. "Alright, let’s find our room, buddy."
Sladesh and Morltar walk over to a newly installed pub that had an inn on the top floors, a perfect place for the duo to stay in. Not only could they rest and relax, but they could also go down the stairs if they wanted a drink. The animals walked inside the building and examined the surroundings. It wasn't a filthy or wild as the one Sladesh found Morltar in, but it was a bar after all, meaning there were the drunken creatures who spent their time playing cards or getting wasted.
Sladesh ignores the surroundings. "One room, please!" Sladesh says to the innkeeper, a half-orc. "Here’s the key," he grunts. "Upstairs, down the hall." The lizardman nods, walking up to the second floor. He eventually reaches the doorway to their room, and images of opulent furnishings. "You first, Mor," the lizard offers. But the door is small, the minotaur will have to get on all fours to just get through, at his height. Even then, while he be able to fit his bulk self through?
Morltar grumbles to himself at the height of the door. It was nearly two feet shorter than he was, and he couldn't even duck to get through. So, with no other option, he got on his knees and began to crawl through, the walls creaking as his shoulders and waist brushed against the door frame. "Could this door be any shorter? And this isn't helping the tight feeling on my ass!" Morltar shouted. As he got further, he noticed he couldn't move at all. His waist was stuck in-between the frame, his ass sticking out in the corridor.
"Oh, it's just a minor inconvenience," Sladesh ensures. He notices the minotaur stopped. "Hey, keep going, what's the slowdown?”
Morltar grunted. "I'm...I'm stuck!"
Sladesh slaps his hand to his face. "I figured," he sighs. "Here, I'll help you, you fatty," he says, shoving his shoulder into the minotaur's butt cheeks. Luckily they're covered, but at least it's like hitting a pillow.
Morltar couldn't help but pass a large accumulation of flatulence in the lizardman's face. He laughed evilly and plugged his nose. "Don't call me fatty Scale-butt."
The blast ripples the minotaur's tail and causes Sladesh some discomfort, to say the least. "Eugh! You're going to stink up the hole! Besides, don't torment the one guy helping you out, huh? Or I might get some pins to poke you with." He starts to push harder to get Morltar through. He might be getting too personal back there, but such is the price to pay.
"All right, all right, just leave my ass alone. The last thing I need is holes up my butt. Well, another hole."
Sladesh keeps pushing, Morltar's buttocks quivering as they are forced through the doorway. Eventually he'll be freed, and the lizardman follows through. The room itself is...not impressive. For one thing it's very small, has a bucket for a toilet, a small bed, and a table. Sladesh stares at all this, noticing Morltar fills up most of the room. "Uh...not what I expected," he admits.
"Oh yeah, even I think we should find a different hotel. You don't even wanna imagine what would happen if I have a sudden gut attack and had to use that as a toilet."
"Yeah, you're right," Sladesh thinks. "Maybe there's one further downtown we can use, huh?" Suddenly, the underwear on Morltar starts to constrict due to the heat, likely making him even more uncomfortable for his buttocks.
Morltar inhales sharply. "Yeah, let's...do that. And please, can I have different...trousers?! I can't breathe here!"
Sladesh gives him a sympathetic look, for once. "Hey, look, I'm sorry I put you through all this. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, you know? You're like, the only other creature I've hung out with, even if you smell. So, yeah, let’s figure out how to get that thing off you! This rule is dumb, anyway!"
"I don't..." Morltar sniffed his armpits briefly before recoiling his head with his nose plugged. "Okay so I do smell. And don't worry about it. It's not like you made the rule or anything. And besides...I could always strike back at the creatures who enforce the rule...if you know what I'm talking about." Morltar winked.
Sladesh nods. "Right! Forget the pants, then. We'll try and get through town without them, how about?" He looks at Morltar's hindquarters. "Not sure how we'll get those things off, though, they look pretty tight!"
"I could always 'force' them off..."
Sladesh nods with a wide grin. "Show me what you got, buddy!" he says. He shoves two cotton wads in his nasal passages. First, though, he takes off the pair of underwear he had to get for himself, once again wearing just a loincloth like Morltar.
The minotaur sighed heavily and began to ponder all the things that would give him gas: eating beans and prunes, having to take a dump, devouring too much cheese, drinking too much beer, and so on and so forth. His stomach soon grumbled and the bull grunted with fists made before bending over and raising his tail. There were no words to describe the giant bomb that Morltar let out. To keep it plain and simple, if anyone was behind Morltar when he farted, their bodies would be thrown through the wall. The pants were blown off like someone blew on powder. The smell was so strong some of the creatures in the lobby smelled it. Morltar waved a hand behind his now bare butt and coughed.
Sladesh cheers. "Way to go!" He pats Morltar's snout while he's bent over. "Now let’s get out of here, how about?" The lizardman then leaves through the door, expecting the minotaur to follow him down to the city streets. "We can't afford to stay in one spot for very long, else the city watch might see us," he calls back.
"I'm right behind ya buddy!"
Eventually they find themselves on the main street again. "Now, let’s find a better inn, I think WE should be treated like kings, for all our hard adventuring," The lizardman says, ribbing the bull in the gut. "Should be a piece of cake if we stick to the alleys!" But soon another matter will come up, particularly in Morltar's guts. He'll quickly find the need to make some cow pies, and this will doubtlessly add urgency to their maneuver through the town.
The bull was running alongside Sladesh when his stomach churned again, giving him so much abdominal pain he had to slow down and huff.
Sladesh looks back. "Morltar? What's up, you don't look so good?"
Morltar begins to sweat and his knees shake a little. "Erm...I uh, I think I gotta go to the bathroom."
Sladesh notices the bull holding his tail at an odd angle. "Oh man, we need to take care of that! But you can't just poop on the street. We need...somewhere..." he thinks, wracking his brain to find a good spot for Morltar, without them being seen.
Morltar lets out a foul SBD that smelled bad enough even to make him vomit. "Uh, do you think you could hurry?"
Sladesh nods, and starts leading Morltar by the hand, ducking into an alley just before some city guardsmen spot them. Sladesh looks around, before finally spotting a length of pipe leading to a sack. Normally it's used to deposit large amounts of produce into sacks for merchants, but this one appears to be abandoned. "Okay Mor, sit on the end of that pipe. We'll make a big bag of fertilizer on the other end!"
Morltar squeals with joy and extreme relief and rushes over to the pipe, his hands latched onto his butt cheeks. Once he got to the pipe, he turned around and sat on the pipe. Before he even had time to get relaxed, his bowels were lit and all the manure began to flow. Morltar exhaled with relief as he let out several wet farts and squishes into the pipe.
"It's the little things in life, eh big guy?" Sladesh chuckles, flicking the bull's nose ring while he bends over. "You know, if I ever start a farm, I might need you!"
Morltar lets out another giant fart and more lumps of bull dung before nodding his head. "Thanks for the offer." he says, waving a hand in front of his nose.
The pipe might ride up between the cheeks a little, but at least it prevents any overspill. Sladesh also plugs his nostrils, waiting for the bull to get empty again. "Let's hear a victory trumpet before we leave, huh?"
"No problem." Morltar relaxes his bowels and lets off another wet fart, sputtering several times over as the gas slapped against his ass cheeks. The gas obviously stank, as it came out of a bull whose butt just let out quite a large amount of manure. But despite the noise, no one seemed to hear except for Sladesh.
"Alright, let’s get going. We'll leave the bag with someone who looks like they need a big load of bullcrap," he jokes. He peeks around a corner to make sure the guards are busy. "Let's go!"
And with that, the minotaur rose from the pipe and began to run along with the lizardman down the street.
Sladesh leads Morltar through the streets. In the distance he spots another, much better looking inn. "Hey, it's just ahead!" he remarks. Suddenly, some city guards spot them. "You two, stop!" one yells, and they start to head their way!
Morltar smiles widely and holds up his axe, shortly before turning around and raising his tail. "Do you REALLY wanna try and stop us?"
Sladesh gives him a look. "Don't hassle the law too much, man!" But the guards get the drift and hesitate. Sladesh runs down the street, until they get to a side door due to the inn entrance being blocked by a cart. "Here, squeeze through," he says. "Hurry!"
Morltar runs along with the reptile and heads to the door, inhaling sharply so he can suck in his gut. Using all of his might, he charges forward and heads through, although still gets his buttocks caught in the door frame.
Sladesh watches Morltar's buttocks quiver and shake as they strain to squeeze in, before pushing up against the minotaur to get him all the way through. "hurrgh!"
The bull inhaled sharply again and shouted once his entire body was thrown through the door frame, and he landed on the floor with a loud thud.
To their amazement, the guards seemed to whiz right past the lizardman and minotaur, hardly noticing either one of them. They turned around and looked back at the barren alleyway, before rising from the floor and standing inside the inn. As they were venturing through the inn, Sladesh happened to notice a sign advertising an eating contest.
"Whatcha lookin’ at scale-butt?"
"I just had a crazy idea…"