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How To Escape From California

How To Escape From California
File type: Text File (.txt) [Download]
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How To Escape From California
    
     I have an I.Q. of one hundred and fifty five. I've been in three different mental hospitals. I can roll my eyes independantly like a chameleon. My best friend since kindergarten is a computer genius who's terrified of pornography. I once helped my mom catch a mouse with a box and some peanut butter. I once hallucinated a white kitten in the middle of the night while I was sleeping on the couch. I once spent a hundred dollars on a stuffed animal. I once wrote a 178 page novel in thirty five days. I once was watching Saturday morning cartoons, had to pee, and then the entire concept of toilets completely vanished from my mind. Not knowing what else to do, I was about to pee in the kitchen trash can before I finally came to my senses.
     I've been mildly in love with four girls. The first, in sixth grade, and the one I loved most, moved away and I never saw her again (though in some movie I watched, the murder victim's name was the same as hers and I yelped right there in the theater). The second one shaved her head bald and tried to convert me to her religion. The third one casually announced to me one day that she'd burned down one of the high school classrooms months before for her own amusement. The fourth one was okay, but both her parents were so morbidly obese they could only get around on little scooters, and her brother, who lived on the second floor, was too lazy to go downstairs to use the bathroom at night so he saved his Numbers One and Two in jars in his room, which I actually saw with my own eyes. I'm 90% sure I'm gay now.
     But that's not the point. The point is my big story. My California trip.
     I'd been friends with two guys on the internet for a long time, and I'd saved up a decent wad of money workin' at the video store, so I finally made plans to meet them. It would be a two part train trip for me: first to meet Vornoff in California, then to visit Ray in Texas. I would leave a week or so before Christmas and get back a week or so after New Years'.
     The train ride took two days to get from Michigan to California. It was wonderfully relaxing and the view was beautiful. One afternoon, just to see if I could make stamp collecting sound exciting, I B.S.ed two nice old ladies in the dining car into believing I was heading to L.A. to purchase a four million dollar stamp before my arch rival could snatch it up. They were quite thrilled.
     Vornoff, a rogueishly handsome and charming recent addition to the U.S. Air Force, was in California to meet with a girl named Natasha he'd been talking with on the 'net for a long time too. They were madly, even Shakespearianally, in love. Unfortunately, she was only fifteen. This did not deter my friend's heart, and so, while I walked roughly eight million miles through uncharted L.A., looking for a motel for us and schlepping four enormous suitcases in a luckily-found shopping cart, Vornoff was off canoodling with the girl of his dreams in a movie theater parking lot.
     However, her father spotted them just as he was getting to second base. Her parents are both religious fundamentalists (and quite crazy too, from what she'd emailed me), so they were rather miffed at my friend. I was told this after I'd found a motel and we'd crashed there for the night.
     The next morning, Vornoff tried to patch things up with his beloved's parents by offering to marry her. I became aware of this while the two of us were hurriedly evacuating our motel room and taking a cab to an Air Force base where we could stay for free for a week. Once we got there and found our room, we'd just unpacked when Natasha's parents called. They were not soothed. They ordered Vornoff to get out of California in 24 hours or they'd sic the cops on him for statutory rape.
     Around this time I realized that the plastic thermos I'd hidden all my money in, along with my train tickets, had been left behind at the motel. By now it had undoubtedly been stolen by one of the maids.
     We were so incredibly screwed, we just stood there in the room and laughed like maniacs for about five minutes. Honest-to-god. There are some moments in life that are so horrendous, your only options are to either laugh, or go insane and die.
     Vornoff jetted back to Washington state, leaving me with $60 bucks out of his wallet; all he could spare. Since he was the Air Force guy, I could only stay on base with him as a guest. Once he was gone, if I left, I couldn't come back in. I proceeded to live on cans of Dinty Moore beef stew and snack foods ending in 'itos' for four days until my family could wire up some replacement dough. Staying on base wasn't too bad actually. The palm trees and the sunsets were gorgeous, and I watched a lot of TV. I particularly remember a special on animal cannibalism where they showed a mother mouse eating her own children, who really didn't seem to mind that much.
     Finally, a money order was mailed to me. I treated myself to a grilled cheese sandwich and fries that night (my most extravagant meal in days). In the morning I trudged off the base and aimlessly headed down a main road to locate a check-cashing place. I found a dinky one and successfully got my money back. There was an arcade game in that place, and as I waited on my cash, every few seconds it would scream 'MOOON-WALKAH!!!'. I will never forget that sound as long as I live.
     I could get replacement train tickets at the station, but they'd have to be for the same dates as my original ones. That meant I had three more days to kill until it was possible for me to leave. So, what did I do? I hopped on a bus and went to Disneyland of course!
     I got a two-day ticket and got my money's worth. I bought lots of frighteningly expensive souvenirs. I went on nearly all the rides. I ate a four dollar hotdog. I got my picture taken with Chip & Dale. I tracked down the one piece of merchandise in the entire park with my favorite cartoon character on it. I rode Space Mountain twice in twenty minutes. I lost my pair of yellow sunglasses. I slept in a $35-a-night motel down the street on a bed that was filthier than the seventh circle of Hell.
     By the second day at the magic kingdom, which was Christmas by the way, I had been walking constantly for almost a week. My feet finally gave out somewhere in Frontierland. The pain was unspeakable. I knew I simply could not walk back to the entrance on my own, so I had to ask for a wheelchair. I was 3000 miles from home, on Christmas, in Disneyland, in a wheelchair.
     Wheee.
     The next day was an absolute masterpiece of timing. I had to get from Anaheim to Union Station in exactly ten hours. I killed four at the Orange County Mall, then came terrifyingly close to missing my connecting Metro-train-thingy when one of the wheels on my suitcase finally broke. I made it to the station with a single hour to spare. I had planned out and filled an entire week down to a single hour.
     I went on to Corpus Christi to visit Ray, a medical lab technician who's old enough to be my grandfather and is also unquestionably the nicest guy in the world. His family were incredibly generous hosts. However, Texas was having its coldest winter in about forty years, and his house's water pressure was screwed up too, so I was only able to take one bone-chilling shower in two weeks and my bedroom was below freezing at night. On the upside though, I got to look through his astoudingly huge collection of strange books found in no public library on earth, he showed me around several nifty local flea markets, and he also made some terrific sweet 'n sour Spam casserole. My birthday is New Year's Eve, so I celebrated with his family. I also tried one of his backyard Jalapenos, which nearly blew my lips off.
     It was hard saying goodbye at the end of the week. Texas had been as easy-going as California had been chaotic. I had also fully realized that Ray was one of the most serenely wise men I've ever met.
     On the train ride back home, I finally used up, to the penny, the very last of the five hundred dollars I'd so carefully measured out over the whole trip. This led me to the discovery that a man can survive for two days on nothing but mayonnaise packets.
     My last day of travelling, we ended up four hours behind schedule and the train pulled in at two in the morning, long after my ride had given up and gone home. I trundled my bags home through the snowy, silent streets a few miles or so. By then it was nothing.
     It was the most exciting time of my life, and some of the most fun I've ever had.
     But there was a reason it all happened.
     You see, my mother is insane.
     She is a woman with severe mood swings, a Jeckyll-and-Hyde personality, and a pathological inability to accept blame. For the fifteen years she raised me, I was in constant flux. One moment she would be my bestest best friend in the world, and the next she would viciously turn on me, finding any way she could to manipulate my emotions and blame me for whatever imaginary sins she could think up.
     To cover up her own mental problems, she claimed that I was crazy. She took me to a thousand doctors, getting me put on countless prescription drugs I didn't need. One of them even caused a dietary reaction that has literally scarred my body for life.
     As a boy, I wore myself to nothing trying to follow all her constantly shifting rules. So I could be a Good Boy. So Mommy would finally love me. Things would get better for a day or so. We'd have lots of fun and we'd laugh until our sides hurt. Then, the second my guard was down, she would betray me and the cycle would begin again.
     I actually wished for physical or sexual abuse. That way, I could have gone to the police and they would have made her stop.
     I once noticed the clinical definition of a sociopath in a college psychology textboox. My mother fit it exactly.
     She did everything she could, for a decade and a half, to make me believe that I was too lazy, worthless, selfish and stupid to ever accomplish anything on my own.
     And yet, when I was stranded across the continent with no money, no idea where I was, and no one familiar for miles, I got myself home. I escaped by my wits and my feet. More than that, I finished my vacation as planned and had fun.
     How? By simply deciding that I was going to do it, and that no other outcome was even possible. And it worked.
     So there, Mommy. I won.
     I want to go back to California again some day.

Alex Reynard



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This submission is copyright © 2007 alexreynard

How To Escape From California - by alexreynard
 Submission information:
     Posted: 7 years ago
     Category: Story
     Theme: Portraits
     Favorites: 7
     Comments: 67
     Views: 248

 Keywords:
human  


General rating



Every word of this is true. I was inspired by a really interesting book called "I Thought My Father Was God" wherein people tell real stories from their lives, most of them truly fascinating. I thought a bit about what my life's story was, and this was the obvious answer. (written in 2005)

User comments

  farnorthwolf
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Your life must be one horific trama after another. Glad you had fun in California. You are one smart person for 155 IQ! My family average is 120. Still better than the 100 IQ Average of most people but like they say "Ignorance is bliss" and I say this 'cause I'm often miserable. Hopefully your parent can become less of a sociopath and more of a benevolent person. Peace and prosperity to you.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  "Your life must be one horific trama after another"

Ha! Are you kidding? I was hoping the moral of the story here would be that you don't have to view a disaster as traumatic and cry and go all emo; you can insist instead on making the most of it.

And no, my mother will never get any better. An experience last year taught me that well. But I did learn a valuable lesson; it's okay to cut someone off when they've hurt you repeatedly. I will never, ever trust my mother again, and that way I know I'm safe from her forever. There are very rarely any Hollywoodlike happy endings. You have to make your own.

  farnorthwolf
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Hey don't get rambunxious(I have trouble spelleing sometimes)

If it helps the situation, I'm quite spoiled.(not as much as I used to be though.) I've had only a few experiences were the female couterpart went balistic over spilt milk, and to make it worse she was dumb as dirt. She thought being expelled was where you were removed from school for a few days.

Are you in a bad mood? from your response I feel as if you want to be left alone for a bit. If thats the case I'm okay with that.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Oh, gosh no! I'm sorry if I gave off that tone. I was going for 'steadfastly resigned to my fate, but making the best out of it', not 'crotchety old poop'. I tend to forget I'm not actually *speaking* when I type.

And to clarify to everyone; While I certainly don't hate all women, I'm just reallyreallyreally sure I don't want to live in the same house with them anymore. Yeep!

  farnorthwolf
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  "crotchety old poop"? I didn't quite get that feeling off of that. More like ambitious wippersnapper.

We all make mistakes. Thats what the backspace key is for. For those times where the rubber eraser doesn't quite work.

  rienkarrot
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  This is awesome :3 Finally a story I can relate to X3 I didn't go on a trip or anything but I've lived in poverty with a mother like yours 'cept she was abusive and so was my dad. I got out of there finally, and I would love it if you could come to California again, 'cause you sound really interesting! ^^ Good luck to you~

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Thanks!

And my advice to you? Never go back to them! It's a hard lesson that you can never change another person. Once an abuser, almost always an abuser forever. Live your life free of their poison and be happy on your own terms! Good luck to you as well! ^__^

  rienkarrot
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Yeah, I asked one of my psychology teachers what to do about what I was feeling... I felt like I had to take care of them, y'know? My family is so messed up that if I dun clean up after them and everything they just don't do anything. He told me very seriously "If you stay for that reason, you'll never leave." And I never forgot it. I moved the summer after that semester, after I had slowly snuck all my belongings away bit by bit the whole time, and then I just didn't come home one day and my room was empty and they were really confused as to why I even wanted to leave.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Excellent! Be proud of yourself for having the courage to do that!

"they were really confused as to why I even wanted to leave."

Ha! So totally not surprising. Some crazy people genuinely can't believe they ever do anything wrong. It's like they've got some sort of selective memory-destroying-device in their brains.

  rienkarrot
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Seriously. One time I overheard my dad telling my mom that he felt so horrible for hurting me all these years, and was gonna work hard to control his anger, and my mom said "Well I'm glad I never touched them." This may be true in her mind, especially since she never wanted to hold me, but certain memories involving a belt make me wonder at her humongous denial, enough that I questioned myself! Tho sometimes she's super blunt and says things like "If I didn't have you guys dragging me down I'd go off and have some fun. Someimes I wish I didn't have a family..."

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Oh, good god! Gag me with a spoon. *hugs you out of sympathy*

And beware people like this apologizing for things they did in the past! I learned this the hard way from my mother. She sent me these long, long emails apologizing for everything she ever did to me and _swearing_ that everything was going to be fine now. As it turned out, her actions quite clearly showed that she hadn't changed an once. She then proceeded to treat me like utter shit and blame _me_ for it. It's like this; she's convinced she is perfect and never wrong. So when she said she was wrong in the past, 'was' is the operative word. She can blame her mistakes on her *old self*, and thusly convince herself that her current self is perfect and flawless.

BOOOOOLSHEET!!! ;)

  jet-plasma
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  I have to say, it's very inspiring. Life stories are all around us, and all of them are different. People need to write it down, so others can know and learn. I say this is very well written.

And you're in the same state as I am, extra points for that. Good luck with your mother, and God bless.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Thanks! And don't worry about her: I have quite soundly triumphed over her. ;)

  jet-plasma
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Just out of my pure and utter curiosity, you in the LP or UP?

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  I'm in the mitten. Near DEEE-troyt!

  alfador
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  155 exactly? Seriously?! Many, many years ago, in the 1980's...I tested out at the EXACT SAME READING. I shit you not.

Also, you my friend have had An Adventure. One for which my life has no comparison.

But given your reason, perhaps I've just never needed such for the very same reason you DID: my parents have always told me I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. And so, paradoxically, I've accomplished very little in the way of wacky hijinx.

But there is still hope. My mildly entertaining 8-to-4:30 office job offers 4 weeks of paid vacation time a year (3 this first year) and so, given the small amount of such time I have actual PLANS to use... the circumstances would seem ripe for adventure One Of These Days. The very near future.

Hell, it wouldn't be all that far-fetched for me to show up at your door for a weekend sometime soonish.

Also I want to go to Disneyland. Last time I was there, was the same trip when there was an earthquake that smashed a highway.

Looking it up, it might've been the Northridge earthquake--it's about the right time of night, and MAYBE the right year. (All I know is that it was sometime in the early-mid 90's or late 80's.) I woke up to the last of the aftershocks, having slept through nearly all of it. Mom woke up to see one of Grandpa Don's taxidermied ducks flapping its wings, as if alive and trying to fly away.

So yeah.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  >155 exactly? Seriously?! Many, many years ago, in the 1980's...I tested out at the EXACT SAME READING. I shit you not.

Whoa! And yes, I took a standard (non-internet) IQ test and got that result. I think we're in the top 0.05% of the country. Sweet.

>But given your reason, perhaps I've just never needed such for the very same reason you DID: my parents have always told me I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. And so, paradoxically, I've accomplished very little in the way of wacky hijinx.

I honestly envy you. I'd trade a dumptruckfull of California adventures for parents who aren't evil assholes.

>Hell, it wouldn't be all that far-fetched for me to show up at your door for a weekend sometime soonish.

Ooooooh! Of course, we'd want to go somewhere else; I do live with a relative who frowns on scandalous behavior. Tee hee.

>Also I want to go to Disneyland. Last time I was there, was the same trip when there was an earthquake that smashed a highway.

Ride Gadget's Go-Coaster. It's the best! :)

>...Mom woke up to see one of Grandpa Don's taxidermied ducks flapping its wings, as if alive and trying to fly away.

Wow. Now that is a truly surreal mental image. (Maybe I can steal it and use it in a story! ^__^)

  alfador
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  >Whoa! And yes, I took a standard (non-internet) IQ test and got that result. I think we're in the top 0.05% of the country. Sweet.

As sweet as cane sugar! And to hell with high fructose corn syrup. :P

> I honestly envy you. I'd trade a dumptruckfull of California adventures for parents who aren't evil assholes.

*hugs* Yeah, we've talked about this before. Might've already mentioned, but: My parents are conservative Christians...but they are such GOOD people in spite of that, that when I came out as bisexual, even though they were flat-out opposed to it, they still love ME, and support ME, even if they don't agree with me. Pushing me out of the house was not even an option... though that did eventually happen for totally unrelated reasons: when they moved to another house while I was off at college. Had to pack my stuff up in bins and everything.

I'm not trying to mommy-brag or anthing, it's just... Geez. I wish you could've been my brother. Not that I'd trade Scott away for the world--it'd be cool to have you as _another_ brother. *hugs*

> Ooooooh! Of course, we'd want to go somewhere else; I do live with a relative who frowns on scandalous behavior. Tee hee.

Would this relative suspect any hanky-panky if you were having another boy over? :3 Or would we be better off getting a motel room? Hee hee.

> Ride Gadget's Go-Coaster. It's the best! :)

GASPZ
I must.

> Wow. Now that is a truly surreal mental image. (Maybe I can steal it and use it in a story! ^__^) Feel free to! You can even put in there: Based on a true story! XD

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  >I'm not trying to mommy-brag or anthing, it's just... Geez. I wish you could've been my brother. Not that I'd trade Scott away for the world--it'd be cool to have you as _another_ brother. *hugs*

You're a total sweetie. ^__^ I know you're not bragging, and I do enjoy knowing that what I went through isn't what *everyone* did (heaven forbid!). I've always been comfortable being an only child. Maybe we could've been best-friendly-neighbors with a tree inbetween the houses so I could climb over to your side whenever Mom was being a bitchtornado.

>Would this relative suspect any hanky-panky if you were having another boy over? :3 Or would we be better off getting a motel room? Hee hee.

MOTEL ROOM. I'm sure he thinks I'm a little odd, but I don't know if he quite comprehends I like teh penis.

  alfador
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  *snugs* Thankee!

Mmm, penis... :3

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  I could go for some penis right now, actually.

  alfador
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Well I just happen to have one right here! What an astounding coincidence!

What's the difference between a penis and a Ball Park frankfurter?

One plumps when you cook it. The other is a hot dog.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Arr Oh Tee Eff Ell!!!

I must tell Kuma that one.

  lekko
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Adventures rock. You should swing by on your next one if it is on your way to anywhere else. I'll make room somehow. :D

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Whereabouts are you? (if I've asked already, it's completley erased from my brainmeats)

  lekko
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Coloradododo

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Aren't they extinct?

  lekko
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  so that's why it seems so lonely here >.>

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  (Now I'm thinking of Gogo Dodo skiing in Aspen)

  kupok
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Yes, Coloradodo... Come join usss~

  lekko
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  I forgot about you being here.... I have bad memory :(

  kupok
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Wow...

wow.
Thank you for sharing this peice of your life.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  You're welcome!

  cheetahlover
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Hmm, well that sure was interesting to read :) Heh, I don't even know what my IQ is, never actually tested it x.x

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Go try it; it's fun! Just beware of internet ones. They lie to get you to spend moneys.

  landoncaragasfox
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Late post! Well, I only recently found your stuff here. I had first seen it over at Yiffstar.

You have some very good coping skills, and they don't look like the "suck it up and press on" type either but the "think of a clever way out" kind. Nicely done!

Heh. Your description of your mother makes my parents look tame. Mine are only paranoid. At least if you conform to expected behavior, they leave you alone. It sucks to have to hide what I am, but it's only for one more semester of college.

I do know what you mean about having to decide when you're just not going to make any headway. When my dad commented that, "everything after and including the fall of the Berlin Wall was all a carefully-orchestrated, staged event by communism to fake it's demise so that it could resurrect itself in thirty years to threaten the free world again, complete with a faked border war between Russia and China to fool everyone about their secret alliance", I realized that there just wasn't any point anymore. When politics comes up, I just smile and nod.

Although you think I would have figured that out long ago. That's the only story to tell...

Hmm... I checked my humongous list is Arcade ROMS and found a game by the name of Moonwalker. It's by SEGA. I can't tell if it's the right one though.

"There are known problems with this game

THIS GAME DOESN'T WORK. You won't be able to make it work correctly. Don't bother.

Type OK or move the joystick left then right to continue"

That error message is the best error message in the world! (closely followed by "Keyboard not connected. Press F1 to continue")

However, I do remember a game of similar name called "Michael Jackson's Moonwalker". Amazingly enough, I do not have this game despite it's cult potential. MUST GET! Anyway, having played it before, I remember a sound similar to the one you stated. Does this website ring any bells?

http://www.sydlexia.com/moonwalker.htm

If you didn't play, you're not missing much. But the cult following means that a working arcade machine would be worth a mint on eBay...

Sucks about the wheelchair thing. I have to admit that this is one problem I don't have. Interesting story behind it actually. I used to work as a phone representative for GEICO, and later as tech support for Intuit, a software company. There is a surprising amount of pressure to start smoking in call centers. (dealing with stress) And I'm the fidgity, energetic type, so I need to blow off steam on breaks. So I came up with an alternative: The exercise break. I would walk up and down a flight of stairs at GEICO. Later at Intuit, I would invent a sockball (by stuffing five socks inside a sixth and tying it off with a rubber band) and walk around the building while tossing it up in the air. Heh, I've got stories to tell there too, but that's for another day. In any event, I quickly realized walking was a great way to burn off excess energy and the hobby has grown.

Okay, I think I've rambled about just about everything that came to mind. Enjoyed the story.

Conclusion-type Stuff.

  feltail
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Self determination is a wonderous thing is it not? It's not about just putting on a good stoic face when the preverbial shit hits the fan, it's about believing that, no matter what, there is a way to make things work.

Personal experiance? Ive been lost a handfull of times, in different countries, and on different continents. And never once did I panic, cry, weep, scream, or lose my head. Silly as it is to draw life lessons from fantasy novels, I learned a great one. "Think of the solution, not the problem."

I bet you could walk across a state now with all that practice huh?

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 7 years ago

  Elegantly described! And very true, too. Recently, the part of my my hard drive where all my data was stored went wacko and refused to acknowledge that it was even a disk. None of my programs could do anything to fix it. My friend who'd built the system was all worried it was a washout and we'd have to erase and start all over, but I told him I simply was not going to accept that and that we would find a solution. Period. And we did (despite a lot of fretting on his part!)

And walking across a state? Ehhhh, my feet would not like that. I think I'll stick with doing it in theory only. ;)

  wolf-tomorrow
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  *sings* give up on my dreams of ever seeing California because i know what's in between is something sensual in a non-conventional way * - Fall Out Boy


I was born in Santa Monica.



  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  I was born in a vagina, myself.

  wolf-tomorrow
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  ROFL.

  relee
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Geez first that one about a school shooting and now this... This reminds me of my ex boyfriend in all the worst ways. I should really stop reading your stuff today before I have an emotional breakdown. XD

I mean, awesome story! But geez, poor you.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Meh! Silly Relee; the point of this is not that bad stuff happened to me, but that i looked it in the eye and told it I wasn't going to allow it to fuck up my fun-having abilities. Heck, I sprained my shoulder a li'l bit at the con, but otherwise it was easily the best vacation I've EVER taken! (Plus I'm doing a lot better already, shoulder-wise)

  kowkushion
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  You peed in a trash can? Holy crap, I actually did that once too- I went up to go to the bathroom, but I went into the kitchen, flipped open the lid and wizzed away. About halfway through I thought "Waaaaaait a minute..."

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Seriously!? Wow. I feel better now. At least I'm not along in my brain spasming in that particular way.

  kowkushion
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  I used to do it all the time- I'd be doing something I meant to do, but with the wrong thing. Once I ended up drinking a jar of mustard instead of my glass of water at dinner, and another time I tried to cut paper with a gluestick. And of course the time I shot that insane drug dealer with my Magnum, when I really was trying to fire my Glock. My face was red THAT day, let me tell you!

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Har dee har har.

Though given the number of times I've filled my juice glass with milk and/or poured OJ on my cereal, I can certainly relate.

  koolkit
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Wow! I would love to have an adventure like that. I'm actaully thinking once I move out next summer, spend some time at college and get some cash-o-lah together, I'm gonna take a bit of road trip myself. Possibly to AnthroCon or somewhere.

Also, I hate the fact that you had a mother like that. I've got big sympathies for you, but you seem to have won the war. You don't appear to let that kind of expierence hold you down. I really respect that.

*hugs*

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  >Wow! I would love to have an adventure like that.

NO, YOU DON'T!! Trust me, it's far better to plan your adventures out more and leave signifigantly less up to chance like I did. F'rinstance, my trip to Anthrocon this summer was the best vacation I've ever had and went (mostly) smooth as silk. Terrible shit happening to you makes for a great story, but it's considerably preferable to avoid if possible! ;)

>Also, I hate the fact that you had a mother like that. I've got big sympathies for you, but you seem to have won the war. You don't appear to let that kind of expierence hold you down. I really respect that.

<nods> Thank you. that's exactly the point I wanted to get across. No matter what horrible shit's happened in your past, you don't have to be a slave to it forever. You can take whatever positives you can salvage from the situation and choose to be happy.

  koolkit
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  >NO, YOU DON'T!! Trust me, it's far better to plan your adventures out more and leave signifigantly less up to chance like I did. F'rinstance, my trip to Anthrocon this summer was the best vacation I've ever had and went (mostly) smooth as silk. Terrible shit happening to you makes for a great story, but it's considerably preferable to avoid if possible! ;)

That's good advice. I actually do have planns to plan things out because I could wind up in terribly screwed-up situation if I just rolled the dice on a vacation and left it up to fate.

><nods> Thank you. that's exactly the point I wanted to get across. No matter what horrible shit's happened in your past, you don't have to be a slave to it forever. You can take whatever positives you can salvage from the situation and choose to be happy.

More good advice! It just seems like people chose to shut out that piece of wisdom and use their misfortunes as crutch to get attention.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  >That's good advice. I actually do have planns to plan things out because I could wind up in terribly screwed-up situation if I just rolled the dice on a vacation and left it up to fate.

Javier from Summer Vacation Of The Living Dead said a line that was considerably wiser than I thought I could be: "It is always a good idea to be more prepared than you think you need to be."

>More good advice! It just seems like people chose to shut out that piece of wisdom and use their misfortunes as crutch to get attention.

Some do, and some just don't think they CAN get over what happened, so they don't try. People are so quick to label something as traumatic, to label someone as a victim, and so those people can't be blamed for feeling traumatized and victimized. We'd all be better off if people were told in times of tragedy, "It's going to hurt a lot, and it may take a long time to get over it, but it's up to you to decide how long you're going to feel that way."

  koolkit
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  <Some do, and some just don't think they CAN get over what happened, so they don't try. People are so quick to label something as traumatic, to label someone as a victim, and so those people can't be blamed for feeling traumatized and victimized. We'd all be better off if people were told in times of tragedy, "It's going to hurt a lot, and it may take a long time to get over it, but it's up to you to decide how long you're going to feel that way."

*nods* I agree.

  omny87
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Parents like that make me glad my parents are sane. Oddly enough, I envy your life. Not your childhood, Jesus no. Nobody should have to live through something like that. Rather, I envy how you looked at your life, decided "fuck this shit" and got away from it all, learning so much about life and the world in the process.

On a related note, I've noticed that people with troubled or very unglamorous pasts seem to be the most level-headed. I mean, Jesus himself was born in a cave smelling of donkey poo. Perhaps when there's so much bad in your life, you cherish all the good you can get and thus have a better ability to tell the difference.

Though I am curious: I know your mom was batshit bonkers, but what was your father like? If it's too personal a question you don't have to answer.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  >Rather, I envy how you looked at your life, decided "fuck this shit" and got away from it all, learning so much about life and the world in the process.

Yaaay! I appreciate your envy, but even more, I'm glad the 'moral' of the story I was trying to convey came through. A lot of people have said, "Oh, you had such a tragic life!" and I'm like, "No, the point is, the tragic parts don't define you if you choose not to let them."

>Perhaps when there's so much bad in your life, you cherish all the good you can get and thus have a better ability to tell the difference.

Very, very likely. Similarly, my current frugality nowadays is probably due a lot to being on welfare 'n food stamps as a kid. So, I always make sure I get the absolute most out of my money. And, also, my life.

>Though I am curious: I know your mom was batshit bonkers, but what was your father like?

I got tons of my personality, creativity, even my likes and dislikes from him, but only through genetics. He skipped out before I was two and never looked back. He'd been an avant-garde fashion designer (he looked like Edward Scissorhands YEARS before that movie came out) and my mom says she thought his reason was that having a kid just didn't fit into his cool life. (Of course, he also could have been escaping from *her*, which I would completely understand). I never knew him, so I'm not really angry at him. Plus, about a decade ago I stumbled upon him from seeing some of his art in a show, and we talked on the phone a few times and finally met in person. It was like seeing myself, with my creativity in overdrive, but also virtually every one of my personality traits that I'm ashamed of magnified as well. It was like looking in a time-mirror of what I could have become if I never cared about other people and just let myself become totally head-in-the-clouds narcissistic. After that, I realized he may very well have done me a favor by leaving when he did.

  omny87
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  I got tons of my personality, creativity, even my likes and dislikes from him, but only through genetics. He skipped out before I was two and never looked back.

Are those really genetic? Then again, I've heard studies on similar findings...

It was like seeing myself, with my creativity in overdrive, but also virtually every one of my personality traits that I'm ashamed of magnified as well.

Huh. What did he think about you?

It was like looking in a time-mirror of what I could have become if I never cared about other people and just let myself become totally head-in-the-clouds narcissistic. After that, I realized he may very well have done me a favor by leaving when he did.

Ya know, for a while I actually tried to become a head-in-the-clouds narcissist, but I cared too much about other people to do it (it was a mentally and emotionally confusing time for me).

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  >Are those really genetic? Then again, I've heard studies on similar findings...

How else to explain my love of Monty Python, Frank Zappa and Brian Eno?

>Huh. What did he think about you?

It felt like I was an audience to him, and that he very likely treated everyone like that.

>Ya know, for a while I actually tried to become a head-in-the-clouds narcissist, but I cared too much about other people to do it (it was a mentally and emotionally confusing time for me).

I've seen what selfishness turns people into. I try to stay as far away from it as I reasonably can.

  omny87
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  >How else to explain my love of Monty Python, Frank Zappa and Brian Eno?

One of these days they're going to isolate the gene that causes one to like Monty Python. Then they'll inject it into jellyfish and watch them perform silly walks.

>I've seen what selfishness turns people into. I try to stay as far away from it as I reasonably can.

Yeah, it was back when I was prepared for my confirmation into the Catholic church. I went through at least half a dozen new personalities in the span of two weeks.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Ewwwwww, Catholics! Those guys are creepy; they turn their god into crackers and juice and EAT the mofo!

  omny87
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Why do you think I'm into vore?

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  This should definitely be developed into a pic; someone gobbling down communion wafers and jerking off 'cause they're voring Jesus.

  omny87
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  I think this counts: http://www.angryflower.com/wholly.html

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  That's the funniest blasphemy I've seen in weeks. ^__^

  omny87
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  Here's another one: http://www.angryflower.com/bobdie.gif

I personally recommend pretty much all of Bob the Angry Flower.

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 6 years ago

  That reminds me of Johnny The Homicidal Maniac making it to heaven and utilizing the power of head-explodey.

  startide
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 5 years ago

  Heh, your mom remind's me of my ex's mom. I even had to call the cops on her once. Sad thing is, she verbally and mentally abused my ex so badly growing up that he kinda turned out like her. Hence why he's my *ex*. I still care about him, but had to move away from Atlanta to get free from the subtle abusing he was thrusting at me.

Also, 155? holy crap! Explains the quality of your writing. ^^

  alexreynard
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 5 years ago

  >Heh, your mom remind's me of my ex's mom. I even had to call the cops on her once. Sad thing is, she verbally and mentally abused my ex so badly growing up that he kinda turned out like her. Hence why he's my *ex*. I still care about him, but had to move away from Atlanta to get free from the subtle abusing he was thrusting at me.

<nods> I'd be that way if I hadn't made a firm, personal choice to change. I honestly think that for most people with mental illness, there's at least one point where you have the choice to try to be better or just say 'fuck it' and let the illness take over. People who can do something to fight their mental illness and choose not to, i have zero sympathy for them.

>Also, 155? holy crap! Explains the quality of your writing. ^^

Naw. Intelligence is only a small factor. It comes from inborn talent and practice, mostly.

  startide
 

( No Subject ) Posted: 5 years ago

  He's trying to do something about it, thankfully. I don't know if he's permanently messed up, but he's taking meds now to lessen his mood swings, and going to college fulltime. I still see him every now and then, since he's rooming with two very close friends of mine who I like to visit occasionally. Seems that me leaving him may have done him some good too. Hell, I'd have gone batty if I stayed. He's nowhere near as bad as his mom though. She held my friggin cat hostage when he and I started moving out of her place all secret-like and she found out. ><