This story has a very, very interesting catch to it! I've always liked the X-Men (Jubilee, I'm sorry, deserved way more time - Shooting fireworks was freaking awesome and it seemed like she was only part of the show, and a good asset to the team for only the blink of an eye!!!), and someone suddenly rising from the dead is just something that catches attention in and of itself! Though, one thing I'd like to ask without making you feel bad, or annoying you or pissing you off or anything at all..

>< May I ask next time you please spread out things with spaces (like, hitting enter after ending a good paragraph or a large sentence, or a statement you want emphasis put upon) so that it's easier to read and doesn't quite seem like a large jumble of words? You can even put a couple dashes between scenes to show a transition, say, it goes from one room to another room with different people and such, so that with the dashes it helps not only the reader but -You- to see in your work that there's a transition maybe you should describe some more scenery or who the new people are and such. Usually poets or authors offer up small spaces or something between statements, or certain sentences you wish to emphasize, or even paragraphs they put a space or two between - Now I'm not saying you have to put spaces, but it makes it a little bit easier on the reader to follow the story if they can read a sentence and not accidently start reading the same line over again, you know? hehehe, I'm real sorry if this bothers you - but you did ask for criticism! This is the first bit of advice I have to give, atleast.. but the story itself is really nice so far.

Also, I know it's a bother, but perhaps starting somewhere with a bit of the scene described, like say when the story starts yeah it is interesting and immediately catches the readers attention, but after you've caught their attention, you intermingle bits of scenery (A sentence or two describing the way the chandelier's (there isn't one, but for example) lights all seem dimmed with age and the white walls also seem aged) and then get back to the subject at hand to keep them very interested, then a few sentences later after re-catching their interest, you would perhaps describe another one to two sentences of detail of surrounding, or someones particular looks, say someone is specifically talking to peter, well, describe peters hair, messy or well kept, what color, and perhaps his complexion and any oddities about him, glasses, nose ring, you know, stuff like that. Say he wears a formal suit all the time, etc.. just giving examples.

You did give good example of Scott, and his glasses, instantly classifying him in my mind as the one with the glasses, you know? Nicely done there, though you described them leaving a room, and described a table - however I have no idea what the room looks like...

There is a good thing about this - you can leave much to the readers imagination and keep it simple like just stating the glasses, and the table, and that people were leaving through a door, obviously they're in a house, and most likely in the dining room. This kind of explanation on detail could work well and easy! Don't get me wrong, lack of describing surroundings or people straightforwardly works in dozens of books - however I just find it a little easier to say give them a little help in describing the house early on (for example: The house is on the top of a summit away from other houses, in a gated community, or side by side in a very neighborly area) so that I get the impression right off that they are say, secretive? or rather open and friendly and average people? and say the room they are in is completely barren except for the dining table, and a hard wood floor, then obviously it's a hide away, you know?

Again, sorry if I seem like I'm flaming, I'm really not trying to! Just trying to critisize constructively and say, perhaps space the paragraphs a bit more (which makes it easier on you to find specific statements if you wish to change them, and the reader doesn't see it so jumbled which may confuse both you and the reader when trying to find or read something specific) and perhaps the addition of a BIT more detail, overall very intruiging beginning! Just perhaps a bit more on their surroundings and them so that I can tell if Peter looks ravaged as though he just awoke and clawed his own way out of a grave, or if they cleaned him up immediately, and surroundings like if the room is very homely, or if the room is very sophisticated and organized, then I can tell what type of people live there, or if it is say, a base of operations or the home of a friend, etcetera.. I know details like that don't seem to matter, and asking to describe them seems silly, but little details like explaining wall color, if the room is well lit, and whether it's homely in a somewhat nice looking neighborhood tells the reader VERY much about the owner of the house and what type of person he is, without you ever having to specifically say, for example: "Scott is a very well organized and well kempt man who tends to be picky about his area of residence as he lives in a gated community" that just seems like I'm bored, sitting through a lecture about human anatomy or like, why Abraham Lincoln lived in the area he lived or something, you know? Just droning on about info, when instead you can leave it up to the reader, yet give them enough information by say, including that he owned the house and that it always smelt like cinnamon, and Scott was currently frowning with worry over the events of what had just occurred, the room well let, you could easily see him sweating. You know?

Again, Sorry if I seem rude or obnoxious about this, and I'm very sorry for my spam! X.x gosh I feel like I'm verbally abusing you or giving you information that you probably already know and so on.. I'm sorry if this is true, this is just my .. uhm.. let's say 25 cents seeing as how I like flooded the reply box! Anyways, I hope this helps you a little bit.. If you know all of this, or most of this, then I hope there's atleast ONE thing that offered help x.x

..Oh gosh, I'm very sorry - Look at that spam T.T;; So very sorry..

Thanks for the comments, you don't have to worry about offending me, I don't think it can be done :)

Putting extralins after each paragraph, and making scene cuts more visible, yeah, I can do that. I hadn't thought it needed because the paragraph are indented, but since you brought it to my attention I'll make sure my following story posts have that.

Descriptions . . . . I completly suck at those. I know I need to put move, but every time I try to add someline, lets say like what to floor might look like, it feel completely artificial to me. That's why I'm very much a minimalist when it comes to descriptions, it's not that I don't want to put them in, it's that I don't know how, so I tend to leave them aside and let the reader fill in the blank.

I agree that putting more description can help give a feel for who the people are, I just have to figure out a way to do it that doesn't leave me cringing when I try to write them down.

I will certainly keep this in mind when I do the rewrite of this story

again, thanck for the comment, and do not be afraid to tear down any of my other stories :)

Don't get me wrong! Indentations would be good on say, Microsoft word, or in like.. an actual book or something, but when we post it on Furaffinity, it all seems to be in small, scrunched writing, and very elongated sentences (It's wider because of the small, scrunched writing) so it gives the allusion it's all scrambled and crunched together, which can be confusing or difficult to read - Or maybe I'm just dyslexic.. X.x;;