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More from kangaroo-jack
A short story I wrote to present my two OC's, Oshelia and Sasaran duke it out on one another hoping to get accepted in the newly established fighting organitation called "NSFW".
I hope you enjoy it.
Any kind of critic is encouraged.
*Based on this picture: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9554624/
I hope you enjoy it.
Any kind of critic is encouraged.
*Based on this picture: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/9554624/
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 74 x 120px
File Size 68.5 kB
OK sorry to have taken long I've been incredibly busy lately!
I liked it. The only points I would make is that unlike your description of the ostrich or other descriptions like the red ropes on the ring I think the lion needs more of a description of his looks.
I think it had a really good buildup to the actual fight. I see a lot of stories that jump right to it because naturally that's the main focus but you built up good anticipation and really described the scene and what they were thinking and feeling.
The match itself was intense, and you kept it as the main focus of the story, so good work there.
I liked it. The only points I would make is that unlike your description of the ostrich or other descriptions like the red ropes on the ring I think the lion needs more of a description of his looks.
I think it had a really good buildup to the actual fight. I see a lot of stories that jump right to it because naturally that's the main focus but you built up good anticipation and really described the scene and what they were thinking and feeling.
The match itself was intense, and you kept it as the main focus of the story, so good work there.
Wow, I did not believed someone would go out of his way and read it. Thank you for your time.
And you are right, the descrition on the lion is a bit lacking doesnt it? Well I blame me, I wanted Sasaran to look like an ordinary lion so that had an impact in his "desctriptive time".
That and felt awkward writing about male genitalia.
And you are right, the descrition on the lion is a bit lacking doesnt it? Well I blame me, I wanted Sasaran to look like an ordinary lion so that had an impact in his "desctriptive time".
That and felt awkward writing about male genitalia.
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