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Volsar Will Never Die
4 years ago
General
I really didn't want to say anything on this, because...what is there to really say? No amount of words, or crying, or begging, or delusion, will bring back the dead. This isn't fiction; this is reality. Plus, the pain I feel...I really didn't want to talk it out with anyone. Despite what Brandon, my Lucario friend, might say...I like to keep to myself because I'm tired of being hurt. My life sucks, and is full of nonstop misery and pain, so something like this befalling someone I loved so much...really didn't come as much of a surprise. But, it also doesn't make the eternal pain get any softer.
I'm pretty sure Volsar's real life name was Adam...I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's what it was. He was a Canadian, too. He often told me stories about how he had to look after his mother, who seemed to always be in need of help and assistance. And since Volsar was such a kindhearted person, regardless of how 'dirty' his OC may've seen, he was always there to help out his mother, just as much as he was to help out those he cared about and loved online. This is what made him such a special person.
I first met Volsar back on an old forum called 'Hungry Pokemon Forums'. There's technically still one up today, but...it isn't what it used to be. The old one was more full of life than this one. As soon as we met, I felt a strong connection with him, and while we had our ups and downs going forward, we were pretty much inseparable from that point onward. I'll admit that he pissed me off sometimes, and I even reported him to the FurAffinity staff one time for getting a story made that I didn't approve of and disgracing my OC in a really mean-spirited manner. But, I realized I was wrong, and even if he may have seemed a little vexed, Volsar took it in stride and forgave me immediately. That was just the type of person he was.
He never seemed to take things personally. He was one of the most chill, most rational, most free-spirited and nicest people you could've met. Yes, he loved kinks and fetishes that were very extreme and likely not that loved by the majority of online/furry people, but I really believe it was only because he enjoyed life so much and he enjoyed having fun, and bringing others into that 'fun' mind and 'world' of his, and it was less about 'being a disgusting person' and more about 'being a loving, engaging, fun, spirited, playful sweetheart'.
When I made Skype groups, he was always willing to be there. When I made Discord groups, he was always willing to be there. When I wrote stories, he was quick to always sign up, because he trusted me and he just wanted to have fun. He even commissioned around 20 or so total pictures over the years that included my OC in them, something he didn't have to do, because 95% of the time I never actually KNEW about the pictures beforehand, so he got them done without my knowledge and surprised me with them. He was just that great a guy. He also always roleplayed with me and was there to either dominate and demolish (in a cartoony, kinky way that we both desired) my OC, or to just be romantic, considerate, or nice and give me someone to talk to and spend time with. He could be both naughty, dirty, devious company...or he could be loving, understanding, thoughtful company. He was a full mixed bag of tricks.
I knew him for around 10-15 years total, since the first thing I wrote that starred his OC was 'Total Drama Vore Tour', which I first posted in 2011. But, I think I knew him a little while before that via Hungry Pokemon Forums, so again I'm not entirely sure of the full time. But...it really did feel like it was at least half my life (I'm currently 30-years-old), since we were just always together. This is going to sound arrogant and I'm sure many others will step in to disagree...but I really feel like I was closer to him than anybody else online. I even told him I loved him many times and asked if he would have his OC be a mate/lover to my OC. He never really said a full 'yes', but his actions spoke louder than words and it was very clear he felt the same way about me. We just...got each other. More than anyone else could. I fully believe that.
To list out every single thing that we did together while probably take weeks, maybe even months to remember, so I'm not going to bother. They're stored away in the deep confines of my mind and heart anyway, w here they belong. For those of you who did not know him that well, didn't know him at ALL, or only saw him as a 'dirty, perverted, gross person' who you wanted nothing to do with...let me say this. He was someone that you would love to have as a friend and partner. He was very smart, at the end of the day, and if you didn't desire the kinks or fetishes he adored, he wouldn't harass you with them or force them down your throat. First and foremost, he was the type of person you rarely see nowadays: just a good-hearted, free-willed, spirited, fun individual. They don't make them like him anymore.
There will never be another Volsar. He was one-of-a-kind. We're ALL unique individuals, at the end of the day, but he really was a special one. I've been hurt by so many people over the years, and while many of those people simply couldn't bring themselves to forgive me or give me another chance or possibly realize THEY were in the wrong, Volsar was bigger than that. He didn't care about fighting and getting into arguments and holding grudges and being shitty to people just because they weren't some sort of perfect human being. He knew that he was flawed, and he accepted the flaws of everyone else, too. If they wanted to like him, he would like them back. If they didn't want to like him, he respected that and didn't care. At the end of the day, he never hurt me. I always felt safe and happy around him. To lose this...is like losing a part of my heart. My soul.
I still miss many people who refused to give me another chance. Such as Jeremy (SquashedFlat), Shane (Snow_Cone), and others...again, this isn't about them, but it really goes to show how amazing Volsar was that he meant THAT much to me. Hell, he meant more to me than 95% of the people I know in real life! My family, other than my mother, sucks. Those I went to school with...they're all gone, they all left me behind, and they all mostly sucked. Volsar was someone who was always there for me, and he really was like some sort of family to me. Call it pathetic, but online people have meant more to me than any sort of family or 'friends' in real life EVER have (other than my mother).
Volsar Rewtree...you didn't deserve to go so soon. You deserved to live on forever...and while you will in spirit...I still wish you were still here in person. I know your pain is now gone and you can continue to be the fun, wonderful person you were up in Heaven, but I'm never going to stop thinking about you. You will NEVER die for real. Because you can't kill a spirit like yours. When some of us die, they live on forever. And that's what you will do, my friend. I hate that you were taken from us...it still feels like a horrible nightmare I want to wake up from...but you will always be one of the bests.
Volsar will never die.
I love you, Volsar. I always will.
LONG LIVE VOLSAR REWTREE!
I'm pretty sure Volsar's real life name was Adam...I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's what it was. He was a Canadian, too. He often told me stories about how he had to look after his mother, who seemed to always be in need of help and assistance. And since Volsar was such a kindhearted person, regardless of how 'dirty' his OC may've seen, he was always there to help out his mother, just as much as he was to help out those he cared about and loved online. This is what made him such a special person.
I first met Volsar back on an old forum called 'Hungry Pokemon Forums'. There's technically still one up today, but...it isn't what it used to be. The old one was more full of life than this one. As soon as we met, I felt a strong connection with him, and while we had our ups and downs going forward, we were pretty much inseparable from that point onward. I'll admit that he pissed me off sometimes, and I even reported him to the FurAffinity staff one time for getting a story made that I didn't approve of and disgracing my OC in a really mean-spirited manner. But, I realized I was wrong, and even if he may have seemed a little vexed, Volsar took it in stride and forgave me immediately. That was just the type of person he was.
He never seemed to take things personally. He was one of the most chill, most rational, most free-spirited and nicest people you could've met. Yes, he loved kinks and fetishes that were very extreme and likely not that loved by the majority of online/furry people, but I really believe it was only because he enjoyed life so much and he enjoyed having fun, and bringing others into that 'fun' mind and 'world' of his, and it was less about 'being a disgusting person' and more about 'being a loving, engaging, fun, spirited, playful sweetheart'.
When I made Skype groups, he was always willing to be there. When I made Discord groups, he was always willing to be there. When I wrote stories, he was quick to always sign up, because he trusted me and he just wanted to have fun. He even commissioned around 20 or so total pictures over the years that included my OC in them, something he didn't have to do, because 95% of the time I never actually KNEW about the pictures beforehand, so he got them done without my knowledge and surprised me with them. He was just that great a guy. He also always roleplayed with me and was there to either dominate and demolish (in a cartoony, kinky way that we both desired) my OC, or to just be romantic, considerate, or nice and give me someone to talk to and spend time with. He could be both naughty, dirty, devious company...or he could be loving, understanding, thoughtful company. He was a full mixed bag of tricks.
I knew him for around 10-15 years total, since the first thing I wrote that starred his OC was 'Total Drama Vore Tour', which I first posted in 2011. But, I think I knew him a little while before that via Hungry Pokemon Forums, so again I'm not entirely sure of the full time. But...it really did feel like it was at least half my life (I'm currently 30-years-old), since we were just always together. This is going to sound arrogant and I'm sure many others will step in to disagree...but I really feel like I was closer to him than anybody else online. I even told him I loved him many times and asked if he would have his OC be a mate/lover to my OC. He never really said a full 'yes', but his actions spoke louder than words and it was very clear he felt the same way about me. We just...got each other. More than anyone else could. I fully believe that.
To list out every single thing that we did together while probably take weeks, maybe even months to remember, so I'm not going to bother. They're stored away in the deep confines of my mind and heart anyway, w here they belong. For those of you who did not know him that well, didn't know him at ALL, or only saw him as a 'dirty, perverted, gross person' who you wanted nothing to do with...let me say this. He was someone that you would love to have as a friend and partner. He was very smart, at the end of the day, and if you didn't desire the kinks or fetishes he adored, he wouldn't harass you with them or force them down your throat. First and foremost, he was the type of person you rarely see nowadays: just a good-hearted, free-willed, spirited, fun individual. They don't make them like him anymore.
There will never be another Volsar. He was one-of-a-kind. We're ALL unique individuals, at the end of the day, but he really was a special one. I've been hurt by so many people over the years, and while many of those people simply couldn't bring themselves to forgive me or give me another chance or possibly realize THEY were in the wrong, Volsar was bigger than that. He didn't care about fighting and getting into arguments and holding grudges and being shitty to people just because they weren't some sort of perfect human being. He knew that he was flawed, and he accepted the flaws of everyone else, too. If they wanted to like him, he would like them back. If they didn't want to like him, he respected that and didn't care. At the end of the day, he never hurt me. I always felt safe and happy around him. To lose this...is like losing a part of my heart. My soul.
I still miss many people who refused to give me another chance. Such as Jeremy (SquashedFlat), Shane (Snow_Cone), and others...again, this isn't about them, but it really goes to show how amazing Volsar was that he meant THAT much to me. Hell, he meant more to me than 95% of the people I know in real life! My family, other than my mother, sucks. Those I went to school with...they're all gone, they all left me behind, and they all mostly sucked. Volsar was someone who was always there for me, and he really was like some sort of family to me. Call it pathetic, but online people have meant more to me than any sort of family or 'friends' in real life EVER have (other than my mother).
Volsar Rewtree...you didn't deserve to go so soon. You deserved to live on forever...and while you will in spirit...I still wish you were still here in person. I know your pain is now gone and you can continue to be the fun, wonderful person you were up in Heaven, but I'm never going to stop thinking about you. You will NEVER die for real. Because you can't kill a spirit like yours. When some of us die, they live on forever. And that's what you will do, my friend. I hate that you were taken from us...it still feels like a horrible nightmare I want to wake up from...but you will always be one of the bests.
Volsar will never die.
I love you, Volsar. I always will.
LONG LIVE VOLSAR REWTREE!
I won't ever forget him.