It is time to move forward, as hard as that is going to be.

I want to share my grieving with you all, as you've all been here giving support when I have needed it most.

Saturday morning, about 2am, my grief/reality hit its peak...I had just finished my alcoholic drink - Kinky: Aloha - and felt a rollercoaster of emotions all at once. Anger, sadness/despair/sorrow, confusion and lost with thoughts of wanting to go driving...nowhere in particular, just wanted to go driving.

Fortunately, I made a wiser decision and went to mom...I told her what I wanted to do, to which she flat-out said, "No...no, no you are not driving." She held me for I don't know how long and I just sobbed against her, bellowing in anguish of how life was not fair and how I wanted my sissy back. It was in this moment that I re-learned the power of soothing that comes to a child in just listening to their mom's heartbeat.

"I wondered when you would break, you've been so strong for everyone else, holding on.", she said while rubbing my back and kissing my head. I couldn't help but just nuzzle against her and just let myself cry...to finally completely and utterly let go.

It was like being a child again, she made sure I put my pajamas on and she covered me up after I had lain down, rubbing my back and petting my head until I had relaxed enough that I would sleep.

Mom wisely took my key fob with her to protect me from myself.