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Hi Guys
4 years ago
♥|| My Dears ||♥
Obviously my last update was about my top surgery gofundme, which did get a couple of donations, but that all tapered off in the end. Which is fine! I'll get it eventually, if I've waited (nearly) 3 years already, I can wait a bit longer. I mean, sure, it sucks, but at the end of the day it's not something I'm going to allow to devastate my entire life. All of that aside, I have another life update that I've waited... Four months to even say anything about.
Not for any particular reason, mind you. It's not something so life-altering that I had to wait until a specific point to talk about it. No. It's more because I haven't bothered to really settle down and talk at all in a while. I've let life keep me fairly busy. For a while, in the worst of ways, so let me fully get into it instead of delaying any longer.
In my previous journal, I hinted that I'd be starting a new job soon, seeing as how the job I'd currently had was less than conducive in regards to getting a paycheck that was consistent. One week I might work 5 days, the next week I might only work three, yadda yadda. It was at a recycling plant and the major issue was that it was the middle of the winter and the equipment continually broke down. Add on top of that, some days we'd only come in and work half a day. Whether that was because of a breakdown or because they didn't really have anything for us to do. It wasn't that hard of a job, but it was smelly and some of the staff there were less than fantastic. (One particular older man was a huge asshole to a majority of the new people and I'm pretty sure he was racist too. I found out a month after I left they finally fired him, he'd been with the company for 13 years so lmao I'm glad someone finally spoke out against him)
Following that, I started working at a warehouse for TrueValue. Great company technically but... Holy shit. I started right before their busiest time of year. This meant, eventually, working five days a week, eleven to twelve hours a day, even though we were technically scheduled for ten. I woke up every morning at 4:30 or 5am to get there by 6am. I'd go home, normally, around 4:30pm but some days I literally didn't get out until 5 or 6:30pm. Then I'd go home, sometimes pass out an hour after getting home, do it all over again. The pay was AMAZING, I won't lie about that. But the constant pain was not worth it. By the end of the week my body hurt just to move, aching legs, aching back, aching arms. My feet ached to the point of wanting to cry. I tried so many things trying to relieve the pain, compression socks, thicker socks, different shoes, hell eventually frozen rollers. There were days where, on my breaks, I'd pull my feet out of my shoes just to allow them some kind of rest.
Technically... I probably could have continued on there. But, there was a problem. I started in early March and by the time I left it was the beginning of July. In March, it'd been cool and the following weeks it got warmer, but not unbearable. It being a warehouse, I understand that most aren't air conditioned. I'd worked in warehouses before, I knew what it was like to deal with heat. But holy shit. The day I left was one of the worst. My girlfriend had very briefly started working there (and had to be sent home because she blacked out, she quit shortly after that) and that same day I nearly blacked out multiple times as well. It wasn't a dehydration thing, I was sucking down water left, right, and center. I was simply experiencing heat exhaustion. There were fans on each level of the section I was working in (these structures called 'the mods') but myself and the woman I was working with had to keep stopping in front of them just to make it through. Otherwise our clothing was sticking to us, drenched with sweat and it was clear neither of us were feeling all that well.
I decided that day... Well... Originally I was going to put in my two weeks. That day? I said fuck it. I left that evening and never went back. Rash, perhaps... But I literally couldn't take it.
I spent the next three weeks unemployed, though not because I was dilly-dallying around. Each day I put in resumes/applications to practically everywhere (except for fast food lmao no thank you). I didn't care if it was full-time, part-time, I just needed something. Only one place reached out to me promptly enough for me to actually consider an offer (literally, a month later I got a response from hot topic???? lmao) and it happens to be mostly part-time. I was hired to work 26 hours a week, but in recent weeks I've been working between 29 and 32 hours. However, in the case of this job, I'm absolutely not complaining at all. It's practically a dream job. By that, I mean, it's insanely easy and better yet I can draw on the job. What is it?
WELL, essentially I'm a cashier, but not in the sense of ringing up purchases or groceries. Instead, I work at two different locations, depending on where I'm assigned for the day and I man the register for either the pay-to-park lot or pay-to-park garage. Some days, it's super busy, some days it's akin to watching paint dry. But, on those latter days, I can't even begin to complain. Why? Because I'm allowed to do whatever the hell I want to pass the time. If I wanna watch youtube, I can. If I want to play mobile games on my phone, I can. If I want to draw something, I can. And, better yet, I'm encouraged to do so. When I was in the interview it was one of the things that the hiring manager pointed out. He said some people watch movies, some people read books, some people knit, etc.
And this puts me in... Well, a mixed bag of a situation, admittedly. On one hand, I've actually had time, energy, and freedom to draw again! That's where all my newer work has come from!! On the other hand, I took a major pay cut in multiple ways by taking this job. For one, the warehouse job was $15.75 an hour (before overtime, overtime was time + ½ or, $23+ an hour at that point). This job is $10 an hour. Previously I was getting at least 40 hours a week, some weeks 50 to 55. Here, as I've said... Some weeks are more minimal to the point of 26 hours where others are 32 hours. Which means that I'm in far more dire straights with my bills and such than I had been before. Not so bad that I need to worry about not being able to pay anything, but money is considerably tighter.
But... at the end of it all, I'm willing to take it just for the peace of mind and the ability to be creative again. For months I had wanted to create, to draw, to do honestly anything rather than, sleep, work, sleep, work, recover, sleep, work, sleep. For the freedom to do what I want when it's slow and for the far lesser stress. Yes, money being tighter and me being the only one working means that there's that stress, but on the flipside, it's not the absolute deep depression that I was finding myself in before. It's been nice. And, besides, with any luck, I'll be able to stick with this job long enough that perhaps someone will leave or more hours will be freed up and I'll be able to work full time there. That would be awesome!
All of this aside, however, I will say that I haven't been completely squandering my free time! Instead, I've been drawing and working up to the idea of eventually starting my own small business! I wanna open a shop and sell stuff with my art on it. I'm thinking about things like stickers, pins, bookmarks, journals, prints, and all that sort of fun stuff. It's probably at least another six to eight months out still. I have to design all of my branding, for one, and then figure out what to design initially to get the whole thing started. Then I'll have to figure out how much money I'll need just to get things manufactured, depending on what they are. It's a bit of a mess and isn't conducive to not having a lot of free income to shift around. But, I'm trying to look forward with it all the same. If I can't manage to get it going next year, I can always try the year after that.
I've just gotta be patient!
Not for any particular reason, mind you. It's not something so life-altering that I had to wait until a specific point to talk about it. No. It's more because I haven't bothered to really settle down and talk at all in a while. I've let life keep me fairly busy. For a while, in the worst of ways, so let me fully get into it instead of delaying any longer.
In my previous journal, I hinted that I'd be starting a new job soon, seeing as how the job I'd currently had was less than conducive in regards to getting a paycheck that was consistent. One week I might work 5 days, the next week I might only work three, yadda yadda. It was at a recycling plant and the major issue was that it was the middle of the winter and the equipment continually broke down. Add on top of that, some days we'd only come in and work half a day. Whether that was because of a breakdown or because they didn't really have anything for us to do. It wasn't that hard of a job, but it was smelly and some of the staff there were less than fantastic. (One particular older man was a huge asshole to a majority of the new people and I'm pretty sure he was racist too. I found out a month after I left they finally fired him, he'd been with the company for 13 years so lmao I'm glad someone finally spoke out against him)
Following that, I started working at a warehouse for TrueValue. Great company technically but... Holy shit. I started right before their busiest time of year. This meant, eventually, working five days a week, eleven to twelve hours a day, even though we were technically scheduled for ten. I woke up every morning at 4:30 or 5am to get there by 6am. I'd go home, normally, around 4:30pm but some days I literally didn't get out until 5 or 6:30pm. Then I'd go home, sometimes pass out an hour after getting home, do it all over again. The pay was AMAZING, I won't lie about that. But the constant pain was not worth it. By the end of the week my body hurt just to move, aching legs, aching back, aching arms. My feet ached to the point of wanting to cry. I tried so many things trying to relieve the pain, compression socks, thicker socks, different shoes, hell eventually frozen rollers. There were days where, on my breaks, I'd pull my feet out of my shoes just to allow them some kind of rest.
Technically... I probably could have continued on there. But, there was a problem. I started in early March and by the time I left it was the beginning of July. In March, it'd been cool and the following weeks it got warmer, but not unbearable. It being a warehouse, I understand that most aren't air conditioned. I'd worked in warehouses before, I knew what it was like to deal with heat. But holy shit. The day I left was one of the worst. My girlfriend had very briefly started working there (and had to be sent home because she blacked out, she quit shortly after that) and that same day I nearly blacked out multiple times as well. It wasn't a dehydration thing, I was sucking down water left, right, and center. I was simply experiencing heat exhaustion. There were fans on each level of the section I was working in (these structures called 'the mods') but myself and the woman I was working with had to keep stopping in front of them just to make it through. Otherwise our clothing was sticking to us, drenched with sweat and it was clear neither of us were feeling all that well.
I decided that day... Well... Originally I was going to put in my two weeks. That day? I said fuck it. I left that evening and never went back. Rash, perhaps... But I literally couldn't take it.
I spent the next three weeks unemployed, though not because I was dilly-dallying around. Each day I put in resumes/applications to practically everywhere (except for fast food lmao no thank you). I didn't care if it was full-time, part-time, I just needed something. Only one place reached out to me promptly enough for me to actually consider an offer (literally, a month later I got a response from hot topic???? lmao) and it happens to be mostly part-time. I was hired to work 26 hours a week, but in recent weeks I've been working between 29 and 32 hours. However, in the case of this job, I'm absolutely not complaining at all. It's practically a dream job. By that, I mean, it's insanely easy and better yet I can draw on the job. What is it?
WELL, essentially I'm a cashier, but not in the sense of ringing up purchases or groceries. Instead, I work at two different locations, depending on where I'm assigned for the day and I man the register for either the pay-to-park lot or pay-to-park garage. Some days, it's super busy, some days it's akin to watching paint dry. But, on those latter days, I can't even begin to complain. Why? Because I'm allowed to do whatever the hell I want to pass the time. If I wanna watch youtube, I can. If I want to play mobile games on my phone, I can. If I want to draw something, I can. And, better yet, I'm encouraged to do so. When I was in the interview it was one of the things that the hiring manager pointed out. He said some people watch movies, some people read books, some people knit, etc.
And this puts me in... Well, a mixed bag of a situation, admittedly. On one hand, I've actually had time, energy, and freedom to draw again! That's where all my newer work has come from!! On the other hand, I took a major pay cut in multiple ways by taking this job. For one, the warehouse job was $15.75 an hour (before overtime, overtime was time + ½ or, $23+ an hour at that point). This job is $10 an hour. Previously I was getting at least 40 hours a week, some weeks 50 to 55. Here, as I've said... Some weeks are more minimal to the point of 26 hours where others are 32 hours. Which means that I'm in far more dire straights with my bills and such than I had been before. Not so bad that I need to worry about not being able to pay anything, but money is considerably tighter.
But... at the end of it all, I'm willing to take it just for the peace of mind and the ability to be creative again. For months I had wanted to create, to draw, to do honestly anything rather than, sleep, work, sleep, work, recover, sleep, work, sleep. For the freedom to do what I want when it's slow and for the far lesser stress. Yes, money being tighter and me being the only one working means that there's that stress, but on the flipside, it's not the absolute deep depression that I was finding myself in before. It's been nice. And, besides, with any luck, I'll be able to stick with this job long enough that perhaps someone will leave or more hours will be freed up and I'll be able to work full time there. That would be awesome!
All of this aside, however, I will say that I haven't been completely squandering my free time! Instead, I've been drawing and working up to the idea of eventually starting my own small business! I wanna open a shop and sell stuff with my art on it. I'm thinking about things like stickers, pins, bookmarks, journals, prints, and all that sort of fun stuff. It's probably at least another six to eight months out still. I have to design all of my branding, for one, and then figure out what to design initially to get the whole thing started. Then I'll have to figure out how much money I'll need just to get things manufactured, depending on what they are. It's a bit of a mess and isn't conducive to not having a lot of free income to shift around. But, I'm trying to look forward with it all the same. If I can't manage to get it going next year, I can always try the year after that.
I've just gotta be patient!
People I Look Up To:
(my friends should also be on this list, but it's redundant to repeat them lol)
And I do too. Feels like I may have finally found my purpose in life, it feels right? Like, I've always wanted to do stuff with my art, but in the past I was struggling to figure out what exactly that was.🤣
Anyway, it's good to see you again too! And yes, definitely very busy, never have felt quite this busy in my life! lmao I feel more busy now with a part-time job than I did with my full time job in Idaho. But yes! Despite the stress it has added for the time being, I'm glad I took the steps I did to get this new job. It'll definitely be worth it in the long run.
That's fantastic, I'm glad it feels appropriate! I love being able to find things that work for you and that will support your lifestyle. I feel for you on the frustrating progress towards top surgery, tbh, I hope that changes sooner.