My own parents have decided to cut me off their health insurance plan and are claiming it's the expense. My brother isn't getting kicked off. My brother is financially stable by miles compared to me. Why isn't he getting kicked? Why is it me? And I know why! My stepdad wants a maid but also can't make my mom angry but kicking my brother who has a lot health problems so has decided that hey the kick who literally can't afford anything or pay their bills without parental handouts got a job they hate making sandwiches at a deli in Randall's. That place has health insurance! He'll be fine.

Just.... am i a fucking joke to this world? DOES THE WORLD WANT ME TO BE FUCKING ALIVE? JUST..... I'm not able to leave an abusive household because I can't afford it. I'm not able to treat my carpal tunnel and get medications and therapy because I can't afford it. I can't get therapy for my depression because I can't afford it. I literally can't afford to live a better live than this hellhole and it's all because I went to college instead of just settling for a mediocre and shitty life working dead end jobs till death like I'm stuck in now but worse.

I want to die. I want to die and the only reason I can't is the cosign because then it falls on my parents and I can't do that to them. But if I died I'd finally be free and I wouldn't have to put up with this trying to understand love and joy hellscape that is the world. I woudn't ever have to think about a dollar or just.... it wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't hurt.

I don't remember what the world was like when it didn't hurt because I didn't get to have any of that. I've been broken since I was fucking eight and I don't know what the fucking hell is supposed to be worth it on this godforsaken rock.