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4 years ago
it's just something that happened today and i needed to get it out so i'll erase it
Well, every week I have therapy with my psychologist, but today the session was very difficult and so far I'm in shock.
As if having to deal with my mother who has a toxic behavior wasn't enough, I also need to deal with that...
Briefly I have issues with my father and his wife, he didn't accept the end of marriage with my mother and he even had the nerve to use me as a child to hurt her... he was left with a slut and since then they have made my life one hell (the bitch can't have kids, she's sterile... to be honest, I've never known any treatment where taking the stepdaughter's frustration at not being a mother could solve the problem anyway)
She blinded my father and he idiot does everything for her (the real one does everything to stick his cock in her pussy)
She never paid me enough attention and she was never the father I deserved
About 3 years ago my paternal grandmother died, she was sick and he hadn't told me anything about her condition... I couldn't say goodbye, and that was enough for me to walk away from him for a while, ironically in the same year he had a stroke (he survived) and i still didn't want to visit him in the hospital, however i didn't want to be like him so i went to visit him.. it was very difficult to go over my reasons for forgiving him, but i tried to rebuild our relationship.
But because of your disgraced wife, all my efforts were in vain.
She insisted on taking him away from me and he just accepted and was not reluctant... he didn't even have the initiative to defend me from that bitch...
I just felt betrayed again and left permanently
I'm going to be 22 soon, and I'm used to his absence most of the time, I expected him to change and get better, but honestly you can't expect anything good from a selfish, immature, cowardly individual.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a mistake, because dealing with narcissistic parents is one of the worst things there is and it needs to have a sanity that I don't really have to deal with.
Today's therapy session hurt a lot, knowing that I will never have the affection of people who theoretically should care about my well being is devastating..
Having the strength to forgive someone who has only harmed you throughout your life
.. i can't believe i'll get to this one day
I just want this wound to stop hurting
and I want a moment of peace and emotional stability to get on with my life.
Well, every week I have therapy with my psychologist, but today the session was very difficult and so far I'm in shock.
As if having to deal with my mother who has a toxic behavior wasn't enough, I also need to deal with that...
Briefly I have issues with my father and his wife, he didn't accept the end of marriage with my mother and he even had the nerve to use me as a child to hurt her... he was left with a slut and since then they have made my life one hell (the bitch can't have kids, she's sterile... to be honest, I've never known any treatment where taking the stepdaughter's frustration at not being a mother could solve the problem anyway)
She blinded my father and he idiot does everything for her (the real one does everything to stick his cock in her pussy)
She never paid me enough attention and she was never the father I deserved
About 3 years ago my paternal grandmother died, she was sick and he hadn't told me anything about her condition... I couldn't say goodbye, and that was enough for me to walk away from him for a while, ironically in the same year he had a stroke (he survived) and i still didn't want to visit him in the hospital, however i didn't want to be like him so i went to visit him.. it was very difficult to go over my reasons for forgiving him, but i tried to rebuild our relationship.
But because of your disgraced wife, all my efforts were in vain.
She insisted on taking him away from me and he just accepted and was not reluctant... he didn't even have the initiative to defend me from that bitch...
I just felt betrayed again and left permanently
I'm going to be 22 soon, and I'm used to his absence most of the time, I expected him to change and get better, but honestly you can't expect anything good from a selfish, immature, cowardly individual.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a mistake, because dealing with narcissistic parents is one of the worst things there is and it needs to have a sanity that I don't really have to deal with.
Today's therapy session hurt a lot, knowing that I will never have the affection of people who theoretically should care about my well being is devastating..
Having the strength to forgive someone who has only harmed you throughout your life
.. i can't believe i'll get to this one day
I just want this wound to stop hurting
and I want a moment of peace and emotional stability to get on with my life.
I learned a hard lesson when I was younger; no one, even our parents who raise us from birth, are infallible. They make mistakes. They choose wrong. They won’t talk about it on equal terms because they’re still the parents and can’t lose that spot in the dynamic of the family. But they are still human.
You are doing your best to work through things, your personal demons, and are making strides far beyond those who can’t and won’t. If they want to stay buried in their negativity, then there they will remain. Don’t let their muddied view of life cloud your waters.
You are cared for. You are valued. You matter. Even in those dark moments where you can’t see, it is there and as true as the air you breathe. You matter.
It might not be easy, but it might be necessary.
.. i can't believe i'll get to this one day"
Funny thing is, my therapist said the same thing about a lot of things I have about myself that I used to do and think and about the way my parents raised/treated me throughout my life. I will have to learn to forgive them and myself if I really want to get out of this pained state. It hurts, but it's true, and that's why it's so important to take of your mental health. It's hard, challenging even. But if we keep going, things in our life do improve. Stay strong and perseverant.