Sooo...a lot has happened. Most of it being Not The Greatest TM. Other than celebrating my birthday shortly on a workday tmo there's not much nice to talk about. Oh, and I got a rooster shaped glass wine bottle a day b4 my bday aka today. I love it and I can't wait to show off my cock (bottle).

Jokes aside...

- Had to change projects since the previous team ganged up on me and started gaslighting me on my graduation research and claiming I never showed it to them when I constantly did and asked for feedback on it. Was not allowed to even apply it onto the visual design of the game in the first place when earlier on we decided who is going to have what responsibility. Essentially they were all already friends and I came in like a 3rd (well, 4th) wheel, guess they did not like me as a person and decided to screw me over halfway through. I worked on a LOT until then, most of the assets and concept art until then was mine and then they just decided to...say fuck it, ig, and replace all of my responsibilities with shit they did in their own previous games.
We were supposed to do a rehabilitation game for kids with cognitive and motor issues, and most of my research was on visual disability. They downright refused to use the color blind friendly colors I researched and designed, putting reds on greens and so on for highlights for example... like, the whole point was to make the game as accessible as possible, including visually.

Well, didn't turn out right for them since my coach's kid happens to be color blind and had a similar situation happen to him in his younger working times, so he took it a bit personally. With his help I was allowed to jump ship to my fiancee's project and continue my work there, which is frankly way cooler. I'm working on a spooky PEGI-7 VR arcade game so it's way more down my alley, and the programmer we work with is pretty dope himself. In the end, things turned out for the better but I am still quite shaken by what happened...I genuinely worked well and tried to make friends. There's things out of control sometimes ig.

- Dropped my laptop and it's making what I assume to be really nasty electrical coil noises from the charging port. It's a weird frequency older people can't hear right and the guy who I sent it to for fixing and repasting only pasted it and nothing else since he wouldn't believe me at first, he couldn't hear it. Had to send a recording of the noise since it sounds absolutely horrendous aside from the coil noise it sounds like hard electrical "Scratching" even when i'm not close to the laptop. With my ear close to it it's so loud it /hurts/. Since it's definitely the power socket I am NOT fucking /w it until it is checked on properly and fixed since it could downright burn my shit. Right now I've sent it back and it will probably take a while to see what's wrong with it. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's not the socket and i'm mishearing. Either way as ex tech support - too loud and weird of a noise for comfort. From what i've researched - not gud. No touchy.

I will be finishing everything from Patreon and that one Toyhou.se code comm the moment I get my laptop back, and then pull my patreon sketches and finally close the damned thing. I am not happy with my current skill level at all and want to get back to studies and experimentation until moving to Romania at the end of the year.
We also have to plan and handle our wedding, which was supposed to take place this year's July. Seeing how thing's going with COVID that will probably have to be postponed by...a lot, probably. I don't know, neither of us does. We were looking forward to this but I'm afraid it just won't be a thing for years to come anymore...which makes me incredibly depressed ngl.

- I've been busy with school and my mental health in general, which unfortunately keeps declining. Found out the uni's psychologist is overrun by students now during 'rona lockdown and I have no chance with the waiting list. I desperately need treatment but the Netherlands has easily the worst availability of medical personnel, especially mental, in the entire european west and according to wifey, it's getting worse. Can't believe I'm saying this but this is actually better in my 2nd world country manz...I have a better chance at getting treatment in Romania of all places and that's....something.

Until then, I just have to struggle, scrape and claw for a little while more. I should be graduating late in February, so 70% of my life's stress should be going out the window that very moment. It will make my brain rot way easier to handle and give me some time for peace, and I will be able to focus on bettering my skills until I'm happy enough with my art to take on freelance work again. Oh, and the bach's diploma after all these years won't hurt either. Maybe I can get a gig or two in actual gaming projects once my brains get put back together P:

Despite my yammering and moaning, it's not /so/ bad. My soon to be wife is also the strongest support and grounding system I've ever had, and is loving and patient enough to put up with me and kick me in the nuts when necessary to be pushed forward. So, there's that~

I wish the best to y'all, stay safe, wash well and mask up!