had a knee surgery and during recovery, to basically sum it all up, my wife is leaving me, so as much as I hate these journals I've been drinking heavily and waiting to get back to work and trying not to stress buy useless shit while trying to do something usfull around the house while I recover. really not looking forward to dating again, especial since there is very few other furries where I live and really don't want to go through explaining my interest to another person. not looking forward to the splitting of 7 years of household shit, I just don't give a shit at this point. at the point I'm deciding on cabinets and such for the house and keep thinking well the wife wouldn't like... then realize it doesn't fucking matter anymore it may be a small thing but after years of not really having an opinion or at least pushing it aside to give my wife what she preferred. admittedly I have been fighting bipolar shit for years and have been fighting it hard this last year and I realize it has been difficult on her and when we finally talked about it I have been trying to fight it to be better for her and she said she couldn't get over it. so now I'm here drinking like a damn fish watching damn dvds over and over as I lay her waiting for my knee to be better so I can go back to work and get my damn mind off it and try and move on from loving someone for years to them being gone. I'm ready to try and get my damn life back together and move on, i just feel like shit and am god damn done.