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What's this? A Bru journal? Is that allowed?!
4 years ago
Well it's been about...*looks at calender*...nearly two years since I've made a journal? Let's fix that shall we? Gonna touch on past, present, and future topics a 'lil in here.
Past
So it's certainly not like I've been absent from FA or furry circles since the beginning of 2020, but I feel I've become less chatty or forthcoming (personable?) in that time. To say that 2020 threw a wrench into everyone's plans would be one hell of an understatement. We all know what happened then--what's still happening--and as much as I'd like to just skip past that topic, it's at least worth mentioning how it's affected me since.
So how has the pandemic affected Bru? Well, very much and very little. Little in the sense that my work and job situation remained virtually untouched during its onset, then slowly grew busier and busier as supply chain issues became more prevalent. I'm quite fortunate that I still had my job--that I wasn't let go or furloughed--but with the state of the world and just things in general, the job became my life. It was the same cycle of work, home, work, home. Vacations became staycations, became unused vacations, because why spend even more time in the place I retreat to every night? A month or so of this, and I came to the startling and rather depressing realization that my current routine wasn't all that different from my pre-pandemic one, just with some of the fat trimmed. And this is where the lockdown started to affect me very much. Things that I used to enjoy grew stale, dull to me. My writing suffered; it felt more like a chore than an escape. I'd waste my free time on low-effort distractions instead of socializing or world building or creating, then head to work and repeat my stupid little routine--ad infinitum, wash rinse and repeat.
I stuck it out to 2021, and things were looking up! The advent of vaccines! Maybe the world opening up after a year! I clung to that prospect as though it were floating wreckage and, wonder of wonders, it was enough to push me out of my mental funk, if only incrementally! And then a good friend of mine died. Though not from covid. I started talking to her at the end of '19, right after MFF actually. She'd talk to me so often (pester me at times, really) that she wound up dragging me out of my shell, which after last year was something I sorely needed! Her abrupt passing was a fucking punch to the gut and it sling-shotted me into an even worse place than before. I've since done all the grieving and reconciling I can, but it still hurts. That one unfortunate even has made 2021 a shite year for me; worse than all of 2020 combined. The latter half of 2021 is a different story, but yeah.
Present & Future
Things did start opening up more this year thankfully, and cons made their welcome return. I was nervous going into BLFC back in October: nervous about driving somewhere so far and solo for the first time, nervous I'd forget how to socialize well in person, along with a host of other minor worries. Wasn't worried about covid though. We're all used to the preventative measures by this point, and mandatory vaccine req certainly helped (but don't be complacent, get yourself tested after any large event! I've two negative PCR tests after two cons :>). All those worries evaporated once I arrived though, as I got to finally see my friends in person and socialize in the same space! It's amazing how therapeutic hugging a fuzzy animal person is, let alone your friends, heh. It was a weekend I desperately needed. Imagine cutting your teeth at your first con in December '19, letting it whet your appetite for more in the next year, then the goddamn plague comes and tears all those plans to shreds like so much paper. That was me the past couple years. And just last weekend I returned to MFF; the con that started it all for me hahah.
At this point I'm kinda con'd out--an unfamiliar yet good feeling to have! Since BLFC I've put more effort into socializing and getting some good writing in. It's been hit or miss, but these days it's landing more on 'hit' and I'd like to keep riding my positive and productive efforts as far as I can. I'd like to get back to normal--to be the guy I was way back when--but I think that'll only wind up being self-sabotage. I'll settle on a new normal, such that it is.
BUT! I want to wrap this up since I think I'm rambling at this point! I've recently hit 2k watchers (during MFF iirc), and I've noticed an influx of even more the past few days (hello all you lovely new people!), so I think it's high time for another watcher appreciation art raffle! I'm not sure that I'll be doing a raffle for every 1k moving forward, but I figure that with all my talk of "two years since," now would be a fitting time to do another. I haven't really organized it yet so it mayyyyy be a bit before it happens, but please do keep an eye out if such a thing interests you.
To any who made it this far thank you for reading <3 I really wanted this to be short, but then the words started flying!
Past
So it's certainly not like I've been absent from FA or furry circles since the beginning of 2020, but I feel I've become less chatty or forthcoming (personable?) in that time. To say that 2020 threw a wrench into everyone's plans would be one hell of an understatement. We all know what happened then--what's still happening--and as much as I'd like to just skip past that topic, it's at least worth mentioning how it's affected me since.
So how has the pandemic affected Bru? Well, very much and very little. Little in the sense that my work and job situation remained virtually untouched during its onset, then slowly grew busier and busier as supply chain issues became more prevalent. I'm quite fortunate that I still had my job--that I wasn't let go or furloughed--but with the state of the world and just things in general, the job became my life. It was the same cycle of work, home, work, home. Vacations became staycations, became unused vacations, because why spend even more time in the place I retreat to every night? A month or so of this, and I came to the startling and rather depressing realization that my current routine wasn't all that different from my pre-pandemic one, just with some of the fat trimmed. And this is where the lockdown started to affect me very much. Things that I used to enjoy grew stale, dull to me. My writing suffered; it felt more like a chore than an escape. I'd waste my free time on low-effort distractions instead of socializing or world building or creating, then head to work and repeat my stupid little routine--ad infinitum, wash rinse and repeat.
I stuck it out to 2021, and things were looking up! The advent of vaccines! Maybe the world opening up after a year! I clung to that prospect as though it were floating wreckage and, wonder of wonders, it was enough to push me out of my mental funk, if only incrementally! And then a good friend of mine died. Though not from covid. I started talking to her at the end of '19, right after MFF actually. She'd talk to me so often (pester me at times, really) that she wound up dragging me out of my shell, which after last year was something I sorely needed! Her abrupt passing was a fucking punch to the gut and it sling-shotted me into an even worse place than before. I've since done all the grieving and reconciling I can, but it still hurts. That one unfortunate even has made 2021 a shite year for me; worse than all of 2020 combined. The latter half of 2021 is a different story, but yeah.
Present & Future
Things did start opening up more this year thankfully, and cons made their welcome return. I was nervous going into BLFC back in October: nervous about driving somewhere so far and solo for the first time, nervous I'd forget how to socialize well in person, along with a host of other minor worries. Wasn't worried about covid though. We're all used to the preventative measures by this point, and mandatory vaccine req certainly helped (but don't be complacent, get yourself tested after any large event! I've two negative PCR tests after two cons :>). All those worries evaporated once I arrived though, as I got to finally see my friends in person and socialize in the same space! It's amazing how therapeutic hugging a fuzzy animal person is, let alone your friends, heh. It was a weekend I desperately needed. Imagine cutting your teeth at your first con in December '19, letting it whet your appetite for more in the next year, then the goddamn plague comes and tears all those plans to shreds like so much paper. That was me the past couple years. And just last weekend I returned to MFF; the con that started it all for me hahah.
At this point I'm kinda con'd out--an unfamiliar yet good feeling to have! Since BLFC I've put more effort into socializing and getting some good writing in. It's been hit or miss, but these days it's landing more on 'hit' and I'd like to keep riding my positive and productive efforts as far as I can. I'd like to get back to normal--to be the guy I was way back when--but I think that'll only wind up being self-sabotage. I'll settle on a new normal, such that it is.
BUT! I want to wrap this up since I think I'm rambling at this point! I've recently hit 2k watchers (during MFF iirc), and I've noticed an influx of even more the past few days (hello all you lovely new people!), so I think it's high time for another watcher appreciation art raffle! I'm not sure that I'll be doing a raffle for every 1k moving forward, but I figure that with all my talk of "two years since," now would be a fitting time to do another. I haven't really organized it yet so it mayyyyy be a bit before it happens, but please do keep an eye out if such a thing interests you.
To any who made it this far thank you for reading <3 I really wanted this to be short, but then the words started flying!
That said I'm glad you you have had some good fortune and good times to push you forward and I hope that things keep lookin up for ya
Been too long since we had a good chat about on-goings.
Be well, friend.
I appreciate your weighing in Gylph--thanks so much <333
Glad to hear things are on an upward trend for ya, though, and I hope they continue heading that way!
I am super glad you're getting into a rhythm of gaining a net positive on life though, and I hope it continues on throughout the little dregs left of 2021 and into 2022. I really do hope this also means we get to see you around a bit more often too!