FA+
Shop
Commissions / other problems /might need break/unsure
4 years ago
I posted a journal a few days ago, I thought I'd post another.
My cat of 10 years unfortunately had to be put down the other day. I've already talked about it to multiple people and only multiple places so I don't feel like copy pasting the entire situation again. TLDR: she had a aggressive cancer that ate her face and eventually her brain, resulting in multiple strokes.
It's been a few days and I still can't believe she's gone and I'm still in horrible emotional pain.
However the point of this journal isn't that in particular its about commissions and what to do with myself.
I didn't eat or drink almost anything(I actually went two days solid without food) so as a result I'm fucking ill. Me going to the bathroom obviously isn't the same or normal going two days without food(I think I was pissing blood for instance) and almost as long without water. I've started eating and drinking again but I'm still incredibly weak, dizzy and sick. The hallucinations aren't helping either I'm constantly tripping balls from being sick.
In between this and the obvious emotional and mental turmoil, I haven't gotten any sleep. So I'm constantly sick, sleeping or not doing anything.
This brings into fact my commissions. I want to work on them because I'm not feeling interested or motivated in my own artwork at the moment but I am physically fuckng Ill right now. I finished one last night, and I can already see a dip in quality. Nobody else will see it but me, of course but I see it. I didn't draw for a entire week and drawing suddenly feels strange and foreign to me.
I want to draw the commissions because I literally have nothing else to do but sit around sick and crying and vomitting so I should work on them because I have all the time in the world, but I think I'm physically unable to. I want to saunter through but I don't know if I should hold off on certain commissions or not. I don't think anyone is going to complain about a dip in quality besides me.
But yes between my cat passing and the obvious toll that is on me, I am not sick because I went almost three days with no food and almost as long without water. I don't know how long recovery from starvation takes.
My cat of 10 years unfortunately had to be put down the other day. I've already talked about it to multiple people and only multiple places so I don't feel like copy pasting the entire situation again. TLDR: she had a aggressive cancer that ate her face and eventually her brain, resulting in multiple strokes.
It's been a few days and I still can't believe she's gone and I'm still in horrible emotional pain.
However the point of this journal isn't that in particular its about commissions and what to do with myself.
I didn't eat or drink almost anything(I actually went two days solid without food) so as a result I'm fucking ill. Me going to the bathroom obviously isn't the same or normal going two days without food(I think I was pissing blood for instance) and almost as long without water. I've started eating and drinking again but I'm still incredibly weak, dizzy and sick. The hallucinations aren't helping either I'm constantly tripping balls from being sick.
In between this and the obvious emotional and mental turmoil, I haven't gotten any sleep. So I'm constantly sick, sleeping or not doing anything.
This brings into fact my commissions. I want to work on them because I'm not feeling interested or motivated in my own artwork at the moment but I am physically fuckng Ill right now. I finished one last night, and I can already see a dip in quality. Nobody else will see it but me, of course but I see it. I didn't draw for a entire week and drawing suddenly feels strange and foreign to me.
I want to draw the commissions because I literally have nothing else to do but sit around sick and crying and vomitting so I should work on them because I have all the time in the world, but I think I'm physically unable to. I want to saunter through but I don't know if I should hold off on certain commissions or not. I don't think anyone is going to complain about a dip in quality besides me.
But yes between my cat passing and the obvious toll that is on me, I am not sick because I went almost three days with no food and almost as long without water. I don't know how long recovery from starvation takes.
Then my cat fucking dies.
I wasn't trying to ignore you. I'm sorry. I went through some kinda hermit phase before my cat died and got sick where I was barely messaging anyone, I just ran out of things to say and the will to type them.