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December '21 update: The Final Update (EXTRA LONG!!!!!!!!...
4 years ago
General
So... It's THE final update journal! Was an interesting road, for certain, I'll reflect on it further into the journal, but yeah... All good things come to an end eventually, unfortunately. Unless suddenly, overnight, there's a HUGE demand for me to continue these for '22, then fuck yeah, I can go on like this! But yeah, a quick thank you for reading these journals! If you've read all of them when they came out - congratulations! You now own a voucher to redeem exactly 2 bread crumbs!
CRIMBO
that time of the year again, yeah. Prolly won't be too eventful for me, but who the fuck cares! Enjoy your halloween or whatever you wanna celebrate, aye! May it be spoopy, y'all!
NEXT YEAR PLANS
Yehp... I do have plenty planned for next year. Not all of it I can talk about, but... I can give you a brief idea of what I want to do. Finish off all remaining commissions this year, obviously, but... After that? After that... The BIG goal: moving the fuck out and living on my own. That's literally it. And, to achieve that... There are multiple smaller goals along the way. FINALLY getting Patreon going, that's one. Another... Is to possibly get a comic (series) kicked off, finally. Won't say what it's gonna be, but all I can say is that it will likely not be the usual format for a comic that you're gonna see. And yeah, I'll probably sort out commissions too, take some in and all. Gotta get money for moving out somehow. Ideally I'll be able to sustain myself financially to a decent extent from art alone, let's hope it's gonna be that way and I'd just have to get a part-time job to fill the gaps :)
QUICK RECAP
So here is the summary of this year... Let's get right in then, without any extra fluff to it, shall we?
January... Was a bit of a weird month that set the tone for the first half of the year, from what I can gather. I've fucked something up socially, and that then dragged along with me. Something that I had to overcome at some point and reflect on. That single chain of events is kind of why I went with "Fresh start" kinda vibe to the year. Things may still not be the same in regards to that, the things I've fucked up cannot be fixed completely, but hey, whatever. In the end, I feel it's kind of better for everyone that things are not the same anymore. And yes, I still have no idea how I never got covid. Glad I didn't, but... Still odd to realize that now.
February was... Oddly rushed. I wanted to open that discord server and have it thrive. WELL, THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG, AS PER USUAL...
March is the perfect month to describe the first half of the year for me. Not very productive, kind of a mess, trying to hold together and not have the cracks show to the outside world, despite there being many, MANY of them. The free art thingy didn't stay around for long either. BUT... It did morph into something that I still do on Telegram sometimes, so if you want some - keep an eye out for that there! And Twitter... Well, it morphed back to being NSFW while I also started a SFW account there, so there's that.
April is when the cracks actually began to show, but... Not an eventful month otherwise.
May was mentally a disaster. That fuck up from January? Well... It just kinda made me die inside there and then, so... Yehp. It's why that odd journal happened.
June and July were also mentally tough on me, but... Out of that emerged a bit of a need for money. Right about that time real life stuff started to be tough too, especially financially. I've tried, and I've failed again with Patreon. And business-wise I wasn't doing all that well either outside of that. It's... A bit of a thing with me. I'm a really fucking poor businessman, some things never change lmao
August was just a continuation of that again, except I also explained it to everyone else. And... Of course, went back to pretending things are all fine and all that. Yehp.
But that didn't last long, cuz in September I just straight up said how it is. Still understating a lot of things and hiding detail away from the public, BUT... Hey, finally accepted that I'm a bit of a wreck! No longer for the same reason that I was in January, but depression did catch up to me!
October... I just straight up ranted about my life situation, didn't I? If you have a moment - do read that rant bit of that journal again. Like, right now. Trust me, it will probably set the stage a bit better for next section of this journal. But, a long story short, finally came out with some of the issues and fears that I've had. November was an extension of that, with a slight hint of financial despair, despair that I still sometimes feel, but we'll get to that later.
HOW ARE THINGS NOW?
Well, it is 19th of December, that's for certain. For about a month now I've... Actually managed to change for the better. Found some confidence, found some stable support somewhere, I'm no longer dependent on antidepressants to be happy (discovered by forgetting to take them sometimes lol), financially still struggling, art-wise still slow and probably a bit inconsistent sometimes, BUT... I've found the most important thing that I needed - that mythical confidence in myself. And hell, considering that I'm (mildly) autistic and was diagnosed with social anxiety, you'd never think that the very thing that gave me confidence was... Socializing, A LOT. And in VRChat, of all places, without a VR headset. Some things just don't seem logical, and yet... They happen to have a very good effect, against all odds. I've never expected myself to even come once to a rave party, be it IRL or in virtual world, but... Here I am today, with 1 HFF event, 3 PHC events (incl. yesterday's one) and several smaller ones on the counter and still going strong, making new friends left and right (some of 'em will read this bit probably - hello there. If you see cauda on weekends - say 'hi, PITCH!' from me!), generally finding out a lot about myself and putting some future plans into motion already. Never expected myself to end up happy in this particular way, and I'm kinda glad I managed to discover it just at the right time. Sure, I still have my lows, but... Honestly? I'm glad I'm no longer having breakdowns every other day about something petty. I still average out about 1 per week, but even then - it's relatively mild and goes away the next day, or goes away with just a bit of talking to other people. I'm more positive than ever and I wanna spread that positivity around me, 'cause that's just who I am. Thanks to all that, I'm also slowly getting into 3D modelling, I've already edited quite a few textures for 3D models and I at least comprehend a slice of Unity engine. So hey, there's that! If I ever end up releasing some public avatars (or making my own 3D models) for VRC - I'll let y'all know here about it too!
So, overall... 2021 might've been a bit of a shit year for me in a lot of aspects, but honestly? I'm glad it was shitty and instead ended on a high. That... Makes me a lot more positive about next year, and hopefully things will align just right for my future to be brighter than I ever anticipated it to be. Couldn't have made it without y'all, people who actually did "invest" into me by simply following me, leaving a comment or just faving or viewing my arts. I may still be hidden in plain sight and not quite visible out there as an artist, but I'm sure as hell not an absolute nobody, and I've got only y'all to thank for that! For just, putting some trust into me, trust that I'll deliver what you're eager to see. I hope I'm making at least someone's day brighter out there, because honestly? If I had to pinpoint what my purpose on this world is... I'd say it is to improve the world around me, leave it better off and happier than it was when I entered it. And I know I can't make everyone happy, but I'll damn try my best to make at least someone happy out there!
Either way... Hopefully your futures are also gonna brighten up sooner rather than later, if you're struggling! Y'all deserve better. And hey, here's a question for you, if you've come down all this way into the journal: What have you done thus far in your life that you're proud of, what one, single thing you want to share with the world about yourself, your life, something that you've done? Please, do share it here, my dudes!
But that's it from me. Merry Christmas and happy new year y'all!
CRIMBO
that time of the year again, yeah. Prolly won't be too eventful for me, but who the fuck cares! Enjoy your halloween or whatever you wanna celebrate, aye! May it be spoopy, y'all!
NEXT YEAR PLANS
Yehp... I do have plenty planned for next year. Not all of it I can talk about, but... I can give you a brief idea of what I want to do. Finish off all remaining commissions this year, obviously, but... After that? After that... The BIG goal: moving the fuck out and living on my own. That's literally it. And, to achieve that... There are multiple smaller goals along the way. FINALLY getting Patreon going, that's one. Another... Is to possibly get a comic (series) kicked off, finally. Won't say what it's gonna be, but all I can say is that it will likely not be the usual format for a comic that you're gonna see. And yeah, I'll probably sort out commissions too, take some in and all. Gotta get money for moving out somehow. Ideally I'll be able to sustain myself financially to a decent extent from art alone, let's hope it's gonna be that way and I'd just have to get a part-time job to fill the gaps :)
QUICK RECAP
So here is the summary of this year... Let's get right in then, without any extra fluff to it, shall we?
January... Was a bit of a weird month that set the tone for the first half of the year, from what I can gather. I've fucked something up socially, and that then dragged along with me. Something that I had to overcome at some point and reflect on. That single chain of events is kind of why I went with "Fresh start" kinda vibe to the year. Things may still not be the same in regards to that, the things I've fucked up cannot be fixed completely, but hey, whatever. In the end, I feel it's kind of better for everyone that things are not the same anymore. And yes, I still have no idea how I never got covid. Glad I didn't, but... Still odd to realize that now.
February was... Oddly rushed. I wanted to open that discord server and have it thrive. WELL, THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG, AS PER USUAL...
March is the perfect month to describe the first half of the year for me. Not very productive, kind of a mess, trying to hold together and not have the cracks show to the outside world, despite there being many, MANY of them. The free art thingy didn't stay around for long either. BUT... It did morph into something that I still do on Telegram sometimes, so if you want some - keep an eye out for that there! And Twitter... Well, it morphed back to being NSFW while I also started a SFW account there, so there's that.
April is when the cracks actually began to show, but... Not an eventful month otherwise.
May was mentally a disaster. That fuck up from January? Well... It just kinda made me die inside there and then, so... Yehp. It's why that odd journal happened.
June and July were also mentally tough on me, but... Out of that emerged a bit of a need for money. Right about that time real life stuff started to be tough too, especially financially. I've tried, and I've failed again with Patreon. And business-wise I wasn't doing all that well either outside of that. It's... A bit of a thing with me. I'm a really fucking poor businessman, some things never change lmao
August was just a continuation of that again, except I also explained it to everyone else. And... Of course, went back to pretending things are all fine and all that. Yehp.
But that didn't last long, cuz in September I just straight up said how it is. Still understating a lot of things and hiding detail away from the public, BUT... Hey, finally accepted that I'm a bit of a wreck! No longer for the same reason that I was in January, but depression did catch up to me!
October... I just straight up ranted about my life situation, didn't I? If you have a moment - do read that rant bit of that journal again. Like, right now. Trust me, it will probably set the stage a bit better for next section of this journal. But, a long story short, finally came out with some of the issues and fears that I've had. November was an extension of that, with a slight hint of financial despair, despair that I still sometimes feel, but we'll get to that later.
HOW ARE THINGS NOW?
Well, it is 19th of December, that's for certain. For about a month now I've... Actually managed to change for the better. Found some confidence, found some stable support somewhere, I'm no longer dependent on antidepressants to be happy (discovered by forgetting to take them sometimes lol), financially still struggling, art-wise still slow and probably a bit inconsistent sometimes, BUT... I've found the most important thing that I needed - that mythical confidence in myself. And hell, considering that I'm (mildly) autistic and was diagnosed with social anxiety, you'd never think that the very thing that gave me confidence was... Socializing, A LOT. And in VRChat, of all places, without a VR headset. Some things just don't seem logical, and yet... They happen to have a very good effect, against all odds. I've never expected myself to even come once to a rave party, be it IRL or in virtual world, but... Here I am today, with 1 HFF event, 3 PHC events (incl. yesterday's one) and several smaller ones on the counter and still going strong, making new friends left and right (some of 'em will read this bit probably - hello there. If you see cauda on weekends - say 'hi, PITCH!' from me!), generally finding out a lot about myself and putting some future plans into motion already. Never expected myself to end up happy in this particular way, and I'm kinda glad I managed to discover it just at the right time. Sure, I still have my lows, but... Honestly? I'm glad I'm no longer having breakdowns every other day about something petty. I still average out about 1 per week, but even then - it's relatively mild and goes away the next day, or goes away with just a bit of talking to other people. I'm more positive than ever and I wanna spread that positivity around me, 'cause that's just who I am. Thanks to all that, I'm also slowly getting into 3D modelling, I've already edited quite a few textures for 3D models and I at least comprehend a slice of Unity engine. So hey, there's that! If I ever end up releasing some public avatars (or making my own 3D models) for VRC - I'll let y'all know here about it too!
So, overall... 2021 might've been a bit of a shit year for me in a lot of aspects, but honestly? I'm glad it was shitty and instead ended on a high. That... Makes me a lot more positive about next year, and hopefully things will align just right for my future to be brighter than I ever anticipated it to be. Couldn't have made it without y'all, people who actually did "invest" into me by simply following me, leaving a comment or just faving or viewing my arts. I may still be hidden in plain sight and not quite visible out there as an artist, but I'm sure as hell not an absolute nobody, and I've got only y'all to thank for that! For just, putting some trust into me, trust that I'll deliver what you're eager to see. I hope I'm making at least someone's day brighter out there, because honestly? If I had to pinpoint what my purpose on this world is... I'd say it is to improve the world around me, leave it better off and happier than it was when I entered it. And I know I can't make everyone happy, but I'll damn try my best to make at least someone happy out there!
Either way... Hopefully your futures are also gonna brighten up sooner rather than later, if you're struggling! Y'all deserve better. And hey, here's a question for you, if you've come down all this way into the journal: What have you done thus far in your life that you're proud of, what one, single thing you want to share with the world about yourself, your life, something that you've done? Please, do share it here, my dudes!
But that's it from me. Merry Christmas and happy new year y'all!
zordraggo
~zordraggon
tbh i don't really think of my past very fondly so i can't really say there is much to be proud of
Devvv
~devvv
OP
C'mon, there's gotta be something, even as simple and petty as "I'd love the world to see how silly my cat is :D"
zordraggo
~zordraggon
well im allergic to cats and dogs but its usually followed by embarrassment or regret anyways
Devvv
~devvv
OP
nawwh, do share something, I do believe there is something that you could share still!
