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Reflections On Depression & Moving Beyond It
4 years ago
Hamha:
Have you ever wondered why you may feel like not doing anything? Perhaps you have felt like you have fallen so far behind on spending time with friends that you do not even bother to try and catch up with anyone? If so, these are the terrible symptoms of ‘Depression’.
Depression works in a way that, without you being aware, pulls you away from all that makes you happy until it is too late. You will feel tired, unmotivated, and like a ‘bad friend’ for having been so negligent for so long to those you value most.
How do you get past depression? You start doing everything that you were not doing and do not feel compelled to do.
So the solution to the problem is to force yourself back into what brings you joy in life until the depression becomes ‘visible’ and, upon it being revealed, you continue to interact with friends, be there for family, engage in fulfilling activities, etc. until peace of mind is restored.
***
I’ve fought depression ever since 2007 when I developed the corneal ulcer that hyper-accelerated my descent into complete blindness. I’ve also been well aware of anxiety issues since 2003, which was when I was forced into my Graduate Degree / MBA despite the fears and warnings I had at pursuing additional education without real world experience.
***
Through therapy, I learned various techniques to help quell the nasty impact that anxiety and depression bring about when they fully consume your mind and body. The physical manifestation / psychosomatic pain combine their venomous powers to drive suicidal and homicidal ideations to feel like genuinely hurting yourself and/or others.
Unfortunately medication and awareness are not enough to ensure your safety from being overtaken by depression and/or anxiety. So you must be able to continually find ways to ‘synthesize happiness’ to push back all the negatives so you can work out what put you in such dire straits.
***
I was able to find a way to get my therapy sessions paid for until February, which starts in January. I’ve spoken with my therapist and will be focusing on a plan that allows me to build even stronger defenses against falling so deeply into depression. Thankfully, the last time I felt close to suicide was back in 2018 shortly after my wife decided our marriage was not worth fighting for. I’ve gone through more difficult times since she left, but my medication and methods have allowed me to dive so deeply into the abyss.
***
There may, in some cases, be no real end to having to recognize, push back, and update your mental health defenses to a newer version, but I wanted to share the above as I list what I’m going to do to help not fall into another oppressive depression that lasts over half the year.
1: Performing ‘Master Purge’ of Submissions Folder on FA. (I started my holiday visit a week ago with 1,130+ submissions and have waddled down to just under 800. I realize I will not be able to keep in good mental health knowing that, upon returning to my regular everyday ‘adulting’, I am in a situation where I just cannot positively get to all those posts I would have wanted to. So, to anyone wondering why I may have overlooked your submission for months, please know it is not personal as much as my effort to start 2022 with one less worry on my mind.)
2: Time has made me understand that all in which TB has done is nothing more than ‘Smoke & Mirrors’. Put more simply, if I was so terrible for liking diapers, diapered cartoons, etc., CYS / CPS would have already come. (A fun fact is that, should a minor be considered in danger, is how it must be reported in 48 hours. It has been nearly 2 weeks and, unless the therapist who TB got to get Peep to believe his mother’s POV wishes to have his credentials questioned for not following child safety protocols, he and she are doing nothing.).
3: By pure coincidence, Facebook recommended an article about AB / DLs to my mom! I got nervous when she started reading this aloud and realizing what it was she was reading. The result of this was her talking to her local therapist in my hometown and learning how she need not, nor anyone for that matter, worry about how ‘juvenile’ I am in order to help cope with life’s trials and tribulations.
4: Just before I came to these revelations, I happened upon the written work of
SillyLittleSnivy through a So Furry search. His stories reminded me of ‘why’ I write and ‘what’ I want to provide in my work that goes beyond its contributions to the Baby Fur / Furry community. Fortunately, I was able to find his account on DA that linked to his account on FA. Some stories, as I’ve been healing, I have read over multiple times to get myself motivated to do stories, such as those from over a year ago, once again. I also made sure that, given how SillyLittleSnivy got me to remember ‘why’ I write, to leave as much feedback as I could on those stories he wrote that really got me to see my old self, how I could get it back, and how we authors of stories do make profound differences with our works. (Should you like to try some of his work, I would have to recommend ‘Due For A New Diaper’ and ‘Due For More Diapers’,, which focus on VULLABY, her MUZZARD mother, and a sweet and caring neighbor, SWANNA. There is also the tale of ‘Demoted To diapers’ that shows how it is okay for a kid to not be as ready as their friends to master the powers of training pants for the better interest of her mental health taking hit-after-hit for how her ‘Potty Chart’ looms as an ongoing reminder of failure to meet an expectation that, at present, she is not genuinely ready to meet. There is also a story about respecting others who may not have had such an easy time as you did in ditching your diapers in ‘Sylveon’s Cousin Conundrum’..
The common thread is that, despite fetish content being present, it takes a back seat to following thye proven method of solid storytelling of [Introduction To Problem] -> [Conflict] -> [Conflict Resolution] -> [Lesson / Character Development].).
5: I did not delete my Twitter account and I most certainly did not delete my posts. However, I will remain off of it until I feel I can safely manage it on top of FA and performing strategies to regain my Peep’s trust, detour my ex-wife from going on the offensive even if there was nothing I meant to say, or do, to make her feel the need to be so defensive.
***
WeThat’s the long-to-short as I ready to make 2022 120% cooler through either gaining new employment, or starting to collect unemployment benefits by the end of January. Next is to use new techniques to provide Peep with peace of mind from his fear of me being ‘mad’ and ‘not loving him’ for what he said to his therapist. (I’ve never been mad as much as hurt for how his mother interrogated him while solidifying her views in his head to where, more recently, he was repeating, almost verbatim, what she used and said against me during our marriage.)
So more follow-up with friends, distance from Facebook, Twitter, and other social media platforms I exist on, getting to work on stories that are more in my wheelhouse of abilities, and continuing to find ways in which I can create an even healthier relationship between myself, wearing diapers, and being in control of them over them being in control of me due to stress-based tensions.
Your Pal,
---Yosh E. O’Ducky ;)
Have you ever wondered why you may feel like not doing anything? Perhaps you have felt like you have fallen so far behind on spending time with friends that you do not even bother to try and catch up with anyone? If so, these are the terrible symptoms of ‘Depression’.
Depression works in a way that, without you being aware, pulls you away from all that makes you happy until it is too late. You will feel tired, unmotivated, and like a ‘bad friend’ for having been so negligent for so long to those you value most.
How do you get past depression? You start doing everything that you were not doing and do not feel compelled to do.
So the solution to the problem is to force yourself back into what brings you joy in life until the depression becomes ‘visible’ and, upon it being revealed, you continue to interact with friends, be there for family, engage in fulfilling activities, etc. until peace of mind is restored.
***
I’ve fought depression ever since 2007 when I developed the corneal ulcer that hyper-accelerated my descent into complete blindness. I’ve also been well aware of anxiety issues since 2003, which was when I was forced into my Graduate Degree / MBA despite the fears and warnings I had at pursuing additional education without real world experience.
***
Through therapy, I learned various techniques to help quell the nasty impact that anxiety and depression bring about when they fully consume your mind and body. The physical manifestation / psychosomatic pain combine their venomous powers to drive suicidal and homicidal ideations to feel like genuinely hurting yourself and/or others.
Unfortunately medication and awareness are not enough to ensure your safety from being overtaken by depression and/or anxiety. So you must be able to continually find ways to ‘synthesize happiness’ to push back all the negatives so you can work out what put you in such dire straits.
***
I was able to find a way to get my therapy sessions paid for until February, which starts in January. I’ve spoken with my therapist and will be focusing on a plan that allows me to build even stronger defenses against falling so deeply into depression. Thankfully, the last time I felt close to suicide was back in 2018 shortly after my wife decided our marriage was not worth fighting for. I’ve gone through more difficult times since she left, but my medication and methods have allowed me to dive so deeply into the abyss.
***
There may, in some cases, be no real end to having to recognize, push back, and update your mental health defenses to a newer version, but I wanted to share the above as I list what I’m going to do to help not fall into another oppressive depression that lasts over half the year.
1: Performing ‘Master Purge’ of Submissions Folder on FA. (I started my holiday visit a week ago with 1,130+ submissions and have waddled down to just under 800. I realize I will not be able to keep in good mental health knowing that, upon returning to my regular everyday ‘adulting’, I am in a situation where I just cannot positively get to all those posts I would have wanted to. So, to anyone wondering why I may have overlooked your submission for months, please know it is not personal as much as my effort to start 2022 with one less worry on my mind.)
2: Time has made me understand that all in which TB has done is nothing more than ‘Smoke & Mirrors’. Put more simply, if I was so terrible for liking diapers, diapered cartoons, etc., CYS / CPS would have already come. (A fun fact is that, should a minor be considered in danger, is how it must be reported in 48 hours. It has been nearly 2 weeks and, unless the therapist who TB got to get Peep to believe his mother’s POV wishes to have his credentials questioned for not following child safety protocols, he and she are doing nothing.).
3: By pure coincidence, Facebook recommended an article about AB / DLs to my mom! I got nervous when she started reading this aloud and realizing what it was she was reading. The result of this was her talking to her local therapist in my hometown and learning how she need not, nor anyone for that matter, worry about how ‘juvenile’ I am in order to help cope with life’s trials and tribulations.
4: Just before I came to these revelations, I happened upon the written work of
SillyLittleSnivy through a So Furry search. His stories reminded me of ‘why’ I write and ‘what’ I want to provide in my work that goes beyond its contributions to the Baby Fur / Furry community. Fortunately, I was able to find his account on DA that linked to his account on FA. Some stories, as I’ve been healing, I have read over multiple times to get myself motivated to do stories, such as those from over a year ago, once again. I also made sure that, given how SillyLittleSnivy got me to remember ‘why’ I write, to leave as much feedback as I could on those stories he wrote that really got me to see my old self, how I could get it back, and how we authors of stories do make profound differences with our works. (Should you like to try some of his work, I would have to recommend ‘Due For A New Diaper’ and ‘Due For More Diapers’,, which focus on VULLABY, her MUZZARD mother, and a sweet and caring neighbor, SWANNA. There is also the tale of ‘Demoted To diapers’ that shows how it is okay for a kid to not be as ready as their friends to master the powers of training pants for the better interest of her mental health taking hit-after-hit for how her ‘Potty Chart’ looms as an ongoing reminder of failure to meet an expectation that, at present, she is not genuinely ready to meet. There is also a story about respecting others who may not have had such an easy time as you did in ditching your diapers in ‘Sylveon’s Cousin Conundrum’.. The common thread is that, despite fetish content being present, it takes a back seat to following thye proven method of solid storytelling of [Introduction To Problem] -> [Conflict] -> [Conflict Resolution] -> [Lesson / Character Development].).
5: I did not delete my Twitter account and I most certainly did not delete my posts. However, I will remain off of it until I feel I can safely manage it on top of FA and performing strategies to regain my Peep’s trust, detour my ex-wife from going on the offensive even if there was nothing I meant to say, or do, to make her feel the need to be so defensive.
***
WeThat’s the long-to-short as I ready to make 2022 120% cooler through either gaining new employment, or starting to collect unemployment benefits by the end of January. Next is to use new techniques to provide Peep with peace of mind from his fear of me being ‘mad’ and ‘not loving him’ for what he said to his therapist. (I’ve never been mad as much as hurt for how his mother interrogated him while solidifying her views in his head to where, more recently, he was repeating, almost verbatim, what she used and said against me during our marriage.)
So more follow-up with friends, distance from Facebook, Twitter, and other social media platforms I exist on, getting to work on stories that are more in my wheelhouse of abilities, and continuing to find ways in which I can create an even healthier relationship between myself, wearing diapers, and being in control of them over them being in control of me due to stress-based tensions.
Your Pal,
---Yosh E. O’Ducky ;)
It always feels like life is pain, sadness, and torment when stress, anxiety, and depression are at their optimal capacity. It is remembering that the horrifying 'big waves' do eventually stop crashing upon the beach of your psyche with time, friendship, creativity, and not ever giving in to what depression tries to convince us to do.
Next year is going to be a better year for all of us, Leon. We are going to find a lot of happiness by focusing less on the sad, more on the good, and know that, amidst suffering, our friendship and outreach is of greater value than money could ever be. (Money is always a problem and most of us are not able to find it to help everyone. This is why sharing our talents, friendship, and support is the best way to be of help until we can know our lives are able to have such 'Disposable Income' to give out in addition to our friendship.)
This new year 2022 will be amazing you Yosh, you surely deserve it for being such an amazing and cuddly friend :)
PS: I will be waiting for you in my submission's comments. I think that we're going to have some interesting conversations there :3
***
I thank you for reading this journal, Sweetie. I thought that it would be best for me and others if I discussed how depression works in a way that showed how it is a 'Silent Enemy' by causing you to feel a lot of unhappy feelings about everything that you love and enjoy participating in. Depression wants us to not know it is there while it creates greater amounts of psychological self-destruction until we feel as if nothing about who we are matters and that anyone we are close to would not want to be around us. This, of course, is not true. It is just the nature of depression.
***
You and I have had more than our fair share of troubles that have, when you think on it, have been out of our control. You and I cannot change how our respective countries handle the employment of those who most actively seek to be in the work force. We are also unable to make the people we interview with see us for our talents over how they perceive us based on their mood, understanding of how our education and talents align with their job opening despite not being written in the way they most understand us to be qualified, etc. We are also not able to overcome all the ways in which our online applications, e-mail responses, and other electronic communication may get lost, buried within a pile of hundreds of e-mails and/or applications, or how those involved in hiring feel upon getting to see your response. (The individual in charge of hiring may have gone through 20 applicants prior to coming upon your application. They may be in a bad mood over how things are going at work and at home, too. So your information may barely get reviewed before the hiring manager just decides to clear out their applications and e-mails to get back to their other responsibilities without providing a fair opportunity to all eligible applicants.)
It is also hard to feel trapped in situations that are not good for our mental health. I know that my ex-wife's activities before American Thanksgiving really took a lot out of me and my mother. It was even worse when my own son started shaming me for my liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals just like my ex-wife had done for the past 16 years. However, through a little pony magic and padded protection, we can shield ourselves from those things that are said and done to make us feel terrible that are only terrible as a result of how someone, or society itself, chooses to view a part of ourselves that is a fraction of who we are.
***
Let us rest in comfy onesies and soft and thick diapers as we snuggle our favorite plush friend and suckle upon our binky / pacifier so 2022 begins with plenty of rest, lots of warmth, feelings of love, and knowing all the stress we have been under was worked out from steadily gnawing and bobbing our binies / pacifiers. :)
As it happens, I don't think I've posted anything other than a few journals to FA in the last year or two so you're missing nothing on that front.
On a less cheerful note, my previously blase attitude toward my mortality has similarly turned more, shall we say, 'proactive', but thankfully thus far I don't think it quite meets a clinical definition of 'ideation' yet, but we must all remain vigilant where mental health is concerned.
Depression is the worst as it makes you 'tired' and feel like you are not being good in maintaining positive relationships with those around you. You want to reach out, but are nervous for a variety of reasons that would never be thought of by anyone who genuinely cares about you.
***
Mortality is a tough subject. I feel we all see it in a different way and, in understanding how many variations can be a part of coming to terms with one's mortality, we can find techniques to best cope with, as the band,, 'Cake' in the song 'Sheep Go To heaven', "...As soon as you're born you start dying. So you might as well have a good time...".
For me, mortality is not so much my worry / stresser. It is the legacy I leave upon my Earthly departure that makes knowing we all have only so much time to make use of that gets me nervous.
I used to fear the lack of living. This was removed from how many times I went under 'General Anesthesia' and how it, to perform surgery, basically puts you in front of 'Death's Door' until it is over.
Given the above, I tried to think of how I felt during that time and if I had any dreams while facing the position between life and death. What i realized is that, in all instances, I remembered absolutely nothing and felt absolutely nothing. The thing I do remember is coming to in post-op and feeling like a computer that is being rebooted. The first thing is knowing you exist. This is followed by gradual realization of the world around you, your physical state of being, and then remembering what was before you came to this point.
So, for me, if this type of surgery is as close as one can truly get to death without actually dying, I know that it will just happen and I will not have any notice, worry, fear, etc. If there is an afterlife, I would hope to make it to Heaven and be able to discover what I am to do next. If there is no afterlife, I just would cease to be and that's that. *sighs*
All of ths is why I concern myself most of what I bring to the world during life and what I leave behind when I'm gone. There are so many things that I 'think' I am doing right, but one can never be too sure. The most notable, right now, involves my son, how recent events have him in quite the confused state of mind, and how his mother is being quite laissez faire when it comes to his mental health. (He is not very on top of, nor excited about, taking his Prozac. Unfortunately, as most know with such medications, missing even a single dose can have a profound impact on your emotions the following day. Most recently, as I talked via text with my ex, I found that it was not to be made a 'big deal' of Peep not having taken his medicine for the past 3 days. Given he 'forgets' quite a bit, I worry that his ability to become more psychologically stable is horrifically compromised.).
***
Sorry for all the quacking, Kaffre. Please know that you have made a lot of good differences for me over the years I've known you. You may not feel what you have done around me to be as profound as I do, but I know I would be missing a very important piece of my creativity and self-acceptance without you being there from the start of my FA journeys. *Snugs*