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Where I have been and a New Years Update
4 years ago
General
It's been a LONG while since I made a genuine update. Hasn't it?...
If I am going to speak as brutally honest to myself as I ever could be, to say that this has been one of my most exhausting years of my life would be massively underplaying everything I had to go through. To go through most of Summer 2014 post graduation all the way up to now with very little to give you guys in terms of story writing, art and other passion projects of mine, I genuinely feel like I was leaving everyone hung up to dry. Regardless of what has happened in my life since then, I have no excuses, and will only move on from it with just an apology and a hope I can provide you guys with the entertainment I've wanted to provide ever since joining this fandom. I'm very tired.
I try to be patient with everything trying to get myself into brighter days again. I have 316 watchers on FurAffinity, and 148 watchers on SoFurry as of writing this, so I'm seen as someone who needs to be at least somewhat responsibile with my platform. And regardless of how well some would feel I do, I try. With all of this said, this year pushed me.
I don't think I have felt as mentally sound as I used to in seven years, with these past two taking an even bigger toll on me every week. One again, I am, very, tired. In any case, as an aside, looking at the bigger picture of my life outside this little corner I've cultivated, that while this year was incredibly exhausting for me personally, from what I understand with others, 2021 was just another year. And if that's how you felt about this year, I'm glad you guys had a more relaxed year compared to the pseudo-apocalypse we endured in 2020. The later 2010s and 2020 were really hard on me, as I'm sure was almost everybody. So having this year feel like a break by comparison was certainly welcome. I just wish I could relate.
Anyway onto the topic at hand with where I have been, and why it's taken so long for me to dust off My Hero and Me and continue it again. Simply put life was getting in the way. Whether it was that post-graduation job hunt that mom kept breathing down my neck over, overstressing me and killing most motivation for any creative projects, to a loss of a friendship or two that, looking back on, were very toxic to the point that having the bridge between me and them burnt was definitely for the best. We've had family either moving out of the house and moving back in. Whether it's mom moving out to North side of the state back in 2018 to coming back by Summer this year. My brother Ryan and his partner moving out to their now current appartment at around the same time. This has given me a lot to think about and a lot to reflect on. But anyway, this is just an update on my own goings on, not a therapy session.
After a job that only lasted me a week and almost put me in the hole, which costed one of said friendships, I did manage to work two other jobs throughout the years. One of which lasted me an entire three. Unfortunately those two places became some of the worst places to work at. Anyone who's known me personally can attest to it that yes, those places were very toxic. By the time I have changed to my current, better, job I at first thought I'd be sound enough that I could get back into my creative and entertainment passtimes. I did to a small extent, but still never scanned and posted anything this year. No, my instead was like "FINALLY!!!" *Plop* Dead. LMAO. But yeah the second half of the year was really just spent just recuperating and getting myself to a better place than I was in the past. That's really all it boils down to.
Hanging out with my local Smash group and friends I made there certainly helped keep me from isolation, as well as keeping me in touch with my hobbies. The anime groove I promised myself to get back into for a long time has started with me in such a capacity. Whether it's rewatching Buddyfight so I can be with Drum and the others again. Or even exploring the vastness of space in both Outlaw Star and Angel Links, the latter of which brought me to Duuz. And even adding a couple more scalies to my Husbando harem with Lizard Priest and Gabiru. Speaking of anime games, I started getting myself into a certain mobile weeb RPG that also featured potential husbandos to share my heart with. Speaking of video games.
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: Ever since its release it has become one of my all time biggest games to treasure for the biggest reasons. When I started my fanfictions back in the Brawl days, that was the only time I could canonize the likes of Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest into the Super Smash Bros. Universe all within my own personal RPG Maker mythos. At least until Cloud's addition to the Smash 4 Roster made the Final Fantasy crossover official. Effectively canonizing my union with Kimahri in this greater RPG Nintendo Game Anime universe. Since then with Ultimate I hoped the other key franchises would come into mix to truly make it official. E3 2019 granted my first wish with the MOST IMPORTANT RPG characters to join the Smash Team: The Heroes from the Dragon Quest series. The two franchises that spawned the genre of games I'm most inspired by next to the Nintendo all-stars, made it official for me. 2020, for all that year's craziness, brought the surprise inclusion of Sephiroth into the Heroes of Smash, albeit trying to bring us despair first. All that was left to 100% canonize my fanfic in Smash was needed; the Last Key to forge that Square Enix holy Triforce to join the Nintendo All-Stars in the Heroes of Smash. One last character I truly wanted to join the roster, bringing all mythologies truly together. The entire time I was doubtful it could ever happen, but I never let go of that dream right into the very end. Little did I know, that I would get my wish. From the light calling for Mario from the depths of Darkness itself. Grasping that final spark, throwing the flames into the air. When it stopped spinning, an image planted my mind that I will never forget: The Hidden Mickey, and the Kingdom Key Keyblade, opening the door to light, bringing my friends back from the brink. The Keyblade now canon to Smash, and my eyes full of tears, the one who inspired me the most appears flying and greeting us with a smile on his face. HE has finally joined us: "Sora is Finally Here!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82Q2XTJ8jWk
Watching this again as I'm writing this journal, I still find myself smiling and teary-eyed. I feel like my eyes have opened again and my inner child/eternal optimist waking up for the first time in years, to show me what my life is really all about. The heart may be weak, and sometimes, may even give in. But I've learned that deep down there is a light that never goes out. I hope you guys had a happy holidays, and a very happy new year to you. I'll see you guys to hopefully a much brighter 2022. Never give up on your dreams. I know now I won't anymore.
Today is not the end, it is only the beginning.
If I am going to speak as brutally honest to myself as I ever could be, to say that this has been one of my most exhausting years of my life would be massively underplaying everything I had to go through. To go through most of Summer 2014 post graduation all the way up to now with very little to give you guys in terms of story writing, art and other passion projects of mine, I genuinely feel like I was leaving everyone hung up to dry. Regardless of what has happened in my life since then, I have no excuses, and will only move on from it with just an apology and a hope I can provide you guys with the entertainment I've wanted to provide ever since joining this fandom. I'm very tired.
I try to be patient with everything trying to get myself into brighter days again. I have 316 watchers on FurAffinity, and 148 watchers on SoFurry as of writing this, so I'm seen as someone who needs to be at least somewhat responsibile with my platform. And regardless of how well some would feel I do, I try. With all of this said, this year pushed me.
I don't think I have felt as mentally sound as I used to in seven years, with these past two taking an even bigger toll on me every week. One again, I am, very, tired. In any case, as an aside, looking at the bigger picture of my life outside this little corner I've cultivated, that while this year was incredibly exhausting for me personally, from what I understand with others, 2021 was just another year. And if that's how you felt about this year, I'm glad you guys had a more relaxed year compared to the pseudo-apocalypse we endured in 2020. The later 2010s and 2020 were really hard on me, as I'm sure was almost everybody. So having this year feel like a break by comparison was certainly welcome. I just wish I could relate.
Anyway onto the topic at hand with where I have been, and why it's taken so long for me to dust off My Hero and Me and continue it again. Simply put life was getting in the way. Whether it was that post-graduation job hunt that mom kept breathing down my neck over, overstressing me and killing most motivation for any creative projects, to a loss of a friendship or two that, looking back on, were very toxic to the point that having the bridge between me and them burnt was definitely for the best. We've had family either moving out of the house and moving back in. Whether it's mom moving out to North side of the state back in 2018 to coming back by Summer this year. My brother Ryan and his partner moving out to their now current appartment at around the same time. This has given me a lot to think about and a lot to reflect on. But anyway, this is just an update on my own goings on, not a therapy session.
After a job that only lasted me a week and almost put me in the hole, which costed one of said friendships, I did manage to work two other jobs throughout the years. One of which lasted me an entire three. Unfortunately those two places became some of the worst places to work at. Anyone who's known me personally can attest to it that yes, those places were very toxic. By the time I have changed to my current, better, job I at first thought I'd be sound enough that I could get back into my creative and entertainment passtimes. I did to a small extent, but still never scanned and posted anything this year. No, my instead was like "FINALLY!!!" *Plop* Dead. LMAO. But yeah the second half of the year was really just spent just recuperating and getting myself to a better place than I was in the past. That's really all it boils down to.
Hanging out with my local Smash group and friends I made there certainly helped keep me from isolation, as well as keeping me in touch with my hobbies. The anime groove I promised myself to get back into for a long time has started with me in such a capacity. Whether it's rewatching Buddyfight so I can be with Drum and the others again. Or even exploring the vastness of space in both Outlaw Star and Angel Links, the latter of which brought me to Duuz. And even adding a couple more scalies to my Husbando harem with Lizard Priest and Gabiru. Speaking of anime games, I started getting myself into a certain mobile weeb RPG that also featured potential husbandos to share my heart with. Speaking of video games.
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: Ever since its release it has become one of my all time biggest games to treasure for the biggest reasons. When I started my fanfictions back in the Brawl days, that was the only time I could canonize the likes of Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest into the Super Smash Bros. Universe all within my own personal RPG Maker mythos. At least until Cloud's addition to the Smash 4 Roster made the Final Fantasy crossover official. Effectively canonizing my union with Kimahri in this greater RPG Nintendo Game Anime universe. Since then with Ultimate I hoped the other key franchises would come into mix to truly make it official. E3 2019 granted my first wish with the MOST IMPORTANT RPG characters to join the Smash Team: The Heroes from the Dragon Quest series. The two franchises that spawned the genre of games I'm most inspired by next to the Nintendo all-stars, made it official for me. 2020, for all that year's craziness, brought the surprise inclusion of Sephiroth into the Heroes of Smash, albeit trying to bring us despair first. All that was left to 100% canonize my fanfic in Smash was needed; the Last Key to forge that Square Enix holy Triforce to join the Nintendo All-Stars in the Heroes of Smash. One last character I truly wanted to join the roster, bringing all mythologies truly together. The entire time I was doubtful it could ever happen, but I never let go of that dream right into the very end. Little did I know, that I would get my wish. From the light calling for Mario from the depths of Darkness itself. Grasping that final spark, throwing the flames into the air. When it stopped spinning, an image planted my mind that I will never forget: The Hidden Mickey, and the Kingdom Key Keyblade, opening the door to light, bringing my friends back from the brink. The Keyblade now canon to Smash, and my eyes full of tears, the one who inspired me the most appears flying and greeting us with a smile on his face. HE has finally joined us: "Sora is Finally Here!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82Q2XTJ8jWk
Watching this again as I'm writing this journal, I still find myself smiling and teary-eyed. I feel like my eyes have opened again and my inner child/eternal optimist waking up for the first time in years, to show me what my life is really all about. The heart may be weak, and sometimes, may even give in. But I've learned that deep down there is a light that never goes out. I hope you guys had a happy holidays, and a very happy new year to you. I'll see you guys to hopefully a much brighter 2022. Never give up on your dreams. I know now I won't anymore.
Today is not the end, it is only the beginning.
