Been a while since I got around to one of these. This isn't a meme, it's not a rant or a gripe. Just some plain old speculation. Seriously, if you've never just sat down and stopped doing everything or lay in bed after waking up, I think you should, it does the mind good. Can help you figure out what you're after, or what's really on your mind.

I did that for about three hours this morning, my body is so programmed to wake up for 730am now it doesn't matter how little sleep I get. I will wake up, and it's a good thing, regular sleeping patterns have been a great thing since I read about how much more important it was to go to sleep and wake up at regular times, then it was to just get eight hours of rest whenever.

What I really want to think aloud about, is art. It's just over four - five years ago, can't remember which honestly. That my dreams at being a novel writer crashed into a solid brick wall. The long story short, is that I had spent the better part of a year and a half writing a full length scifi space opera and meticulously poring over it. And it was good, good enough that the publisher actually wanted to get it out onto the book shelves. Then they found out how old I was, and things went downhill from there.

It's also about the time I -really- found out about the internet and got into the furry fandom. On and off, I tried to keep writing, never got all that far with it though, because left, right and center, I was being bombarded with comics, art, and the reality, that writers have to be really good. (And I know quite a few accomplished writers that I feel rather privileged to know as friends)

Then I met someone, on a MUCK, who took a look at the few doodles I had sat down and invested several days on. I really can't remember the conversation, but I remember the philosophy, 'Never let someone else make up your mind'

Hardly speak to the person anymore, which saddens me a little. Great person, great influence. I will always wonder where I would be, had I not met this person.

I should probably move on so you guys aren't horribly mauled by the wall of text. Ever since I started drawing, the ego thing happened, I'd draw, sit back, not be happy, but when I showed people they were impressed. It was funny how it worked though, whenever I got praise, I always remembered that little nugget of wisdom I'll carry to my grave now. I never let them make up my mind.

Like any good artist I indulge my ego, and I indulge my obsession, I love and hate my art, my progress. When I look at where I am, I rarely let myself look back, which is something I should do. I'm always looking forward though, trying to get better. Because one day I want to honestly be able to say something meaningful, honest, and true to the person that set me down this road.

I guess I'm posting this all, because lately, a lot of people I know, are right where I was a few years back. Just starting out, figuring it's too hard, or they don't have what it takes. Every single time a friend or someone I chat with starts off on it, the obsessive passion I have for art these days wells up, and I find myself ranting like a zealot.

Some people get it stuck in their head that you have to know this, this and this. That you have to use these pencils and those pens, and that you have to do it by some set of instructions.

I honestly started, just banging my head against a wall, and metaphorically, invented my own wheel. By no means did I actually have to learn some of the most basic foundations and elements via trial and error. I could probably be two or three times better at art then I am now. There are plenty of books, I'll always recommend people sit down and draw first.

There's no point spending money, reading someone's published opinion on how to accomplish something. Simply for the fact, if you're not willing ot make up your own mind first, there can be little to no reason or incentive to carry on.

In the past months, I've had easily twenty or so different people, most online, a lot in real life, start asking me for advice. I've even had someone's girlfriend and her sister offer to pose for me.

I've found something that's just a hobby, and it's become a passion of my life. I don't need a muse or a cause. Because I've got friends and my own mind made up of how I do things.

To those people who actually do read this far, you've got a lot more patience then I do. If you're someone who's looking at drawing, painting or writing, make up your own mind first. Don't let people make it for you. You'll probably only ever find yourself disappointed.

Invent your own wheel, it's not as hard as it seems.