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Ms. Fenris Watches "Disney's Jungle Cruise"
3 years ago
On a trip out and about, I and my wife bought the board game "The Lost Ruins of Arnak", a jungle adventure themed game where you explore the island of Arnak, research its mysteries, uncover hidden ruins and contend with the mystical guardians that protect them!
It was a pretty fun game. Only played it once so far, but I give it a thumbs up.
...To help get in the mood to play an 'explorer/adventurer in the jungle game', we thought we'd watch that movie with the Rock we'd seen the fairly colourful looking poster for on disney+.
After watching it we were a LITTLE less in the mood for jungle adventures, but fortunately we played Arnak anyway and had a good time in spite of "Disney's Jungle Cruise".
Basing a movie on a ride has NOT worked once, except for the complete anomaly that was Pirates of the Caribbean. Unfortunately, every time hollywood captures lightning in a bottle, they devote the next ten years of their lives to standing at the top of that same hill in droves, holding pickle jars with outstretched hands. Haunted Mansion was shite, Tomorrowland was dull, and Jungle Cruise proposed "What if we deliberately tried to ape on the success and formula of Pirates of the Caribbean, but instead of getting a good director who had to fight to get the movie made with some actors who were at the time not ENTIRELY trending, we just assembled a board-room of corporate suits to fill in the blanks on a mad-libs script, and cast that guy Hollywood DESPERATELY wants to make into a star?"
Jungle Cruise was a pathetically transparent ripoff worthy of Asylum studios. I criticize a lot of movies on here, but believe me, I'm not too good to enjoy something with enough of a cheeseball factor to it. But, in spite of the good will and optimism I went in with, Jungle Cruise was just too shit. It was confusing, meandering, unoriginal, unmemorable, and for god's sake will someone let the Rock grow some hair and wear clothes that fit? I think he could be a pretty fun, talented guy if every movie wasn't just putting a camera to him for the spectacle of watching clothes burst off his swole body.
It was a pretty fun game. Only played it once so far, but I give it a thumbs up.
...To help get in the mood to play an 'explorer/adventurer in the jungle game', we thought we'd watch that movie with the Rock we'd seen the fairly colourful looking poster for on disney+.
After watching it we were a LITTLE less in the mood for jungle adventures, but fortunately we played Arnak anyway and had a good time in spite of "Disney's Jungle Cruise".
Basing a movie on a ride has NOT worked once, except for the complete anomaly that was Pirates of the Caribbean. Unfortunately, every time hollywood captures lightning in a bottle, they devote the next ten years of their lives to standing at the top of that same hill in droves, holding pickle jars with outstretched hands. Haunted Mansion was shite, Tomorrowland was dull, and Jungle Cruise proposed "What if we deliberately tried to ape on the success and formula of Pirates of the Caribbean, but instead of getting a good director who had to fight to get the movie made with some actors who were at the time not ENTIRELY trending, we just assembled a board-room of corporate suits to fill in the blanks on a mad-libs script, and cast that guy Hollywood DESPERATELY wants to make into a star?"
Jungle Cruise was a pathetically transparent ripoff worthy of Asylum studios. I criticize a lot of movies on here, but believe me, I'm not too good to enjoy something with enough of a cheeseball factor to it. But, in spite of the good will and optimism I went in with, Jungle Cruise was just too shit. It was confusing, meandering, unoriginal, unmemorable, and for god's sake will someone let the Rock grow some hair and wear clothes that fit? I think he could be a pretty fun, talented guy if every movie wasn't just putting a camera to him for the spectacle of watching clothes burst off his swole body.
Look it's simple if they didn't get the petal then the guys with the body things would finally be able to break their curse of being like, make of mud and then the forest always brings them back to the river but the river was drained so the guys instead turned into stone so it's definitely about the water aspect and not the riverbed and then it's not possible to revive them cept in the beginning when Baron Bomburst squirted them and then they revived but then we need to use the petal on the Rock while he's made of rock I gueeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
:D
lizardprotector
~lizardprotector
I think Ernie Kovacs said it best: "There's a standard formula for success in the entertainment medium, and that is, beat it to death if it succeeds."
Have you watched Red Notice? That's an actually entertaining action flick, and the Rock's pretty decent in it for a change, if only because he's paired up well with Ryan Reynolds, a much more talented actor.
sasta
~sasta
Disappointing but kind of what I figured it would be like.
