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1-29-2022 12:46 PM - Broken Birthday
3 years ago
Begin Journal Entry...
This evening, I broke.
Things have been spiraling out of control up to this moment. My Total and Permanent Disability Discharge was denied, I'm still trying to find a new job since I quit AutoZone in November of last year, the student loans are going to resume soon, I still don't have my section 8 voucher, and now I found out I have been backstabbed by my own father IRL. I can't trust strangers. I can't trust the government. I can't trust the police. I can't trust friends. I can't even trust my own family.
I can't trust anyone.
This evening, it reached a critical point.
I got an Uber ride request a few minutes ago. It turns out, I was transporting someone from the Psych Ward of my local hospital to a nearby Crisis Center post-treatment. I don't know if I can believe her or not, but she said that she's a member of the Hell's Angels biker gang. Her name was Jennifer. She tried to start up conversation with me about my day (Which was horrible in every sense) and I started to break down. Thankfully, she was calm, and was even able to calm me down to an extent so I could drive.
After dropping Jennifer off at the Crisis Center, I drove down a few blocks, stopped the car, and started screaming uncontrollably, tears running from my eyes all the while. I tried to get control of it, but I could not stop. I just sat there and screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs, over and over again. I could not stop it; I could not control it. I just screamed and screamed.
I hope I get my section 8 voucher this coming month. I really need it right now. My desktop computer is still broken, it needs a new processor. I need to figure out how to pay my next car payment, and I also need money for food. I'm considering opening up sketch commissions, even though I don't think I am that good.
I have to be strong. I have no choice but to be strong.
Today is my Birthday. Going into my early mid-thirties as of Midnight in Mountain Standard Time. (UTC -07:00) What a shitstorm. Happy fucking birthday.
Make a Wish, and blow out your candles...
Things have been spiraling out of control up to this moment. My Total and Permanent Disability Discharge was denied, I'm still trying to find a new job since I quit AutoZone in November of last year, the student loans are going to resume soon, I still don't have my section 8 voucher, and now I found out I have been backstabbed by my own father IRL. I can't trust strangers. I can't trust the government. I can't trust the police. I can't trust friends. I can't even trust my own family.
I can't trust anyone.
This evening, it reached a critical point.
I got an Uber ride request a few minutes ago. It turns out, I was transporting someone from the Psych Ward of my local hospital to a nearby Crisis Center post-treatment. I don't know if I can believe her or not, but she said that she's a member of the Hell's Angels biker gang. Her name was Jennifer. She tried to start up conversation with me about my day (Which was horrible in every sense) and I started to break down. Thankfully, she was calm, and was even able to calm me down to an extent so I could drive.
After dropping Jennifer off at the Crisis Center, I drove down a few blocks, stopped the car, and started screaming uncontrollably, tears running from my eyes all the while. I tried to get control of it, but I could not stop. I just sat there and screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs, over and over again. I could not stop it; I could not control it. I just screamed and screamed.
I hope I get my section 8 voucher this coming month. I really need it right now. My desktop computer is still broken, it needs a new processor. I need to figure out how to pay my next car payment, and I also need money for food. I'm considering opening up sketch commissions, even though I don't think I am that good.
I have to be strong. I have no choice but to be strong.
Today is my Birthday. Going into my early mid-thirties as of Midnight in Mountain Standard Time. (UTC -07:00) What a shitstorm. Happy fucking birthday.
Make a Wish, and blow out your candles...
